Lachlan Brown
I used to think positivity meant pretending everything was fine all the time.
Smile through the pain. Be grateful no matter what. Push the bad stuff aside.
But that kind of forced cheerfulness isn’t real positivity.
It’s just emotional avoidance dressed up as optimism.
Real positive people? They’re some of the most grounded, self-aware people I know.
And they don’t fake it. They build their lives on principles that help them stay steady, not just happy.
Here are some of the rules I’ve seen the most genuinely positive people live by—and the ones I’ve been learning to follow myself.
They choose their mindset before their mood chooses them
Most people wait to feel motivated or happy before they take action.
But positive people know that if you wait around for your mood to shift, you’ll be waiting a long time.
So they flip the script. They decide who they want to be that day before their emotions get a chance to derail them.
It’s not about toxic positivity—it’s about taking responsibility for your mental state, even if it’s messy.
I’ve found that simply asking myself “What would the best version of me do right now?” is enough to shift my behavior, even when my head’s in a fog.
They don’t confuse kindness with people-pleasing
One of the biggest myths I had to unlearn was that being positive meant always being nice.
Always saying yes. Always avoiding conflict.
But as I’ve grown, I’ve realized that positivity isn’t passivity.
Truly positive people have strong boundaries.
They don’t pretend to be okay with things that aren’t.
They can be kind and still say no.
They can be supportive without sacrificing themselves.
That shift has been huge for me. I used to overextend myself trying to be “liked.”
Now I’m more interested in being real—even if that means not everyone gets me.
They accept reality—and still believe in change
There’s a Buddhist idea I keep coming back to: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
You can’t avoid setbacks, failure, or loss. But you can choose how you respond to them.
Positive people don’t sugarcoat the hard stuff.
They face it. They let themselves feel it.
But they don’t stay stuck in it.
Instead of resisting reality, they meet it head-on, and then figure out where they go from there.
This mindset is something I dive deeper into in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism, but the short version is this: positivity isn’t about blind optimism—it’s about radical acceptance with forward motion.
They don’t take things personally
This one’s deceptively simple. But when you get it, it changes everything.
Someone cuts you off in traffic? It’s not about you.
Your coworker snaps in a meeting? Not about you.
A friend ghosts you out of nowhere? Still—not about you.
Positive people understand that most people are just projecting their own stress, fears, or insecurity.
That doesn’t mean you let bad behavior slide—but you don’t internalize it.
This mindset keeps you lighter. Freer. Less reactive.
I’ve talked about this before, but every time I catch myself spiraling over something someone said, I pause and ask: “What if this has nothing to do with me?”
More often than not, it doesn’t.
They invest in their input
There’s a quote I love by Jim Rohn: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
But I’d take it even further—your mood, mindset, and mental health are also shaped by what you read, watch, listen to, and scroll through.
Positive people are intentional about what they consume.
They don’t binge gossip or fear-mongering content.
They read books that make them think.
They hang out with people who challenge and inspire them.
They limit doom-scrolling and choose presence instead.
Emotional states—both positive and negative—can spread between people like social contagions.
In other words, your vibe is literally infectious. Choose wisely.
They know when to zoom out
When something goes wrong, our brains go into tunnel vision.
We obsess. We replay. We panic.
But positive people have this inner ability to zoom out.
To see the bigger picture. To remind themselves: “This sucks—but it’s a moment, not my whole life.”
I’ve had to train myself to do this.
Sometimes I’ll even ask, “Will this still matter in a week? A year? Five years?”
And most of the time, the answer humbles me.
It’s like that saying: “You can’t see the forest for the trees.”
Positive people remember there is a forest.
They practice gratitude, but not in a cheesy way
I’m not talking about forced journaling or writing “I’m grateful for my socks” when you’re just not feeling it.
What I’ve noticed is that positive people have trained their brains to look for what’s working, not just what’s missing.
And that changes how you experience the world.
Gratitude shifts your attention.
And over time, what you focus on becomes your emotional baseline.
This is backed by experts like Dr. Robert Emmons, who has found through multiple studies that people who practice gratitude consistently report higher levels of happiness, stronger immune systems, and lower levels of depression.
It’s not magic. It’s perspective.
They let things be imperfect
Perfectionism is a positivity killer.
If you’re always waiting for the perfect plan, the perfect time, the perfect result—you’ll never actually do anything.
And when you do, you’ll be too busy nitpicking to enjoy it.
Positive people embrace the mess.
They try, tweak, fail, and adjust.
And they know that “done” beats “perfect” every time.
I’ve seen this in my own creative work.
Some of my most successful posts weren’t the most polished, they were the most honest.
They take breaks seriously
This one took me a while to learn.
I used to think rest was something you earned.
That I had to push myself to the edge before I could take a break.
But that mindset just led to burnout and resentment.
Now, I treat rest as part of the process, not the reward.
I take walks without my phone. I unplug on weekends. I spend time doing things that have no outcome other than joy.
Positive people protect their energy.
They understand that recovery isn’t laziness—it’s strategy.
Final words
Here’s the thing about positive people: they’re not happy all the time.
They’re not immune to stress, sadness, or setbacks.
What sets them apart is how they respond.
They don’t chase happiness. They create conditions for it—bit by bit, day by day.
They live by quiet rules that shape how they think, feel, and act.
And those rules aren’t rigid, they’re intentional. Flexible. Compassionate.
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight.
Just start with one mindset shift.
One boundary.
One honest moment of gratitude.
That’s how positive lives are built—brick by brick.
Because when you follow rules that support your inner peace, your outer world starts to reflect it.
And honestly? That changes everything.
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