Progress, not perfection: Buddhist stories that free you from the comparison trap

A decade ago I was stacking boxes in a freezing Melbourne warehouse, scrolling social media during smoko and silently tallying everything I wasn’t: not as fit as that runner, not as cultured as that backpacker, nowhere near as successful as my university mates in shiny CBD offices. The Buddha calls this restless measuring “papañca”—the proliferating mind that churns out stories of lack. Back then I didn’t have that vocabulary, but I did have suffering. Mindfulness practice—and later a career writing about it—showed me that the way out isn’t self‑improvement on steroids. It’s a gentler commitment to steady, imperfect progress.

I didn’t “arrive” anywhere overnight. I just kept showing up—writing one post, sitting one meditation, taking one more mindful breath instead of spiraling. And slowly, the weight of comparison started to lift.

The five Buddhist stories below have travelled with me from the warehouse floor to my home office in bustling Saigon. They remind me (and I hope they remind you) that freedom starts the moment we trade comparison for curiosity and perfectionism for practice.

1. Kisa Gotami’s mustard seed: discovering common humanity

Kisa Gotami’s only child died suddenly. In frantic grief she begged the Buddha to revive him. He agreed—on one condition: she had to bring a handful of mustard seeds from a household untouched by death. She searched every home in Śrāvastī and found none. Realising every family shared the same wound, she laid her child to rest and entered the path of awakening.

Liberating insight: When we compare, we isolate. Kisa’s quest revealed a universal denominator: everyone suffers loss. Seeing that truth didn’t erase her pain, but it dissolved her sense of being singled out for tragedy.

Try it: The next time Instagram says you’re “behind,” name three hardships the person you envy is statistically certain to face (illness, ageing parents, anxiety, etc.). This isn’t schadenfreude—it’s an antidote to the illusion that anyone’s life is spotless.

I remember doing this when I used to envy a guy I knew from uni who bought a Tesla at 30. What I didn’t know was that his dad had just passed away and he was struggling with depression. That perspective shift grounded me.

2. Aṅgulimāla: from serial killer to saint

Aṅgulimāla was a feared bandit who wore a garland of his victims’ fingers. Meeting the Buddha mid‑rampage, he was disarmed by compassion, renounced violence on the spot, and became a monk famed for gentleness. In MN 86 he later chants: “Doer of no harm is my name, today I live true to my name.”

Liberating insight: Progress is possible from any starting line. If a murderer can pivot toward harmlessness, you and I can pivot from self‑loathing toward self‑respect. The Dharma grades on effort, not origin.

Try it: Notice where you disqualify yourself with “I’m too late,” “I’m too broken,” or “I’ll always be a procrastinator.” Replace the verdict with a verb: practising punctuality, learning consistency. Verbs are invitations to move.

For me, that pivot was writing again after I’d burned out. I thought I’d lost my creative edge for good. But the moment I stopped trying to be brilliant and just focused on being honest, the spark came back.

3. The raft simile: tools, not trophies

In the Alagaddūpama Sutta the Buddha likens his teaching to a raft used to cross a dangerous flood. Once on the far shore, a wise traveller doesn’t hoist the raft onto his back; he leaves it, grateful but unburdened.

Liberating insight: Whatever helps us grow—meditation apps, productivity hacks, gym programs—are means, not medals. Clinging to them or comparing whose “raft” is sleekest turns medicine into poison.

Try it: Make a “tool audit.” List the practices or metrics you’ve started to worship (daily word count, perfect Duolingo streak, follower numbers). Circle one you can loosen this week—maybe write without the word‑counter or run without Strava—and feel the space that opens.

I once had a 100-day Duolingo streak learning Vietnamese. When I missed one day, I felt like a failure. Now I know: a language isn’t built in streaks—it’s built in moments of connection, like ordering phở without fear or joking with my in-laws.

4. The two arrows: pain versus self‑inflicted suffering

In the Sallatha Sutta the Buddha says an ordinary person struck by a painful arrow immediately shoots a second arrow—mental anguish, rumination, comparison—into the same wound, doubling the hurt. An awakened person feels the first arrow but not the second.

Liberating insight: “He’s already senior editor at 28 and I’m not”—that’s the second arrow. The first arrow (your genuine wish for meaningful work) is wholesome pain; the second arrow is optional.

Try it: When envy flares, label it: second arrow detected. Breathe. Ask: what’s the first arrow here—what healthy need is beneath the comparison? Channel energy into meeting that need rather than worsening the wound.

Even today, when I see another author hit the bestseller list or land a TED Talk, my chest tightens. But if I pause and name the arrow, I realise it’s not jealousy—it’s a longing to grow. That longing deserves my care, not my criticism.

5. Muddy water: letting clarity settle

One day the Buddha asked a thirsty disciple to fetch lake water. A cart had just rolled through, stirring mud. The monk returned empty‑handed, assuming the water was unusable. The Buddha sent him back twice more; by the third trip the sediment had settled, and the water ran clear. 

Liberating insight: Agitation obscures reality. The harder we swirl the mind with “am I enough?” the cloudier things appear. Stillness—time, patience, a walk without earbuds—lets insight settle on its own.

Try it: Schedule an unstructured 15‑minute window each day. No phone, no objective. Observe thoughts like mud swirling, then slowing. Over weeks you’ll notice clearer decisions emerging without white‑knuckled analysis.

For me, it’s biking slowly through the Saigon backstreets before sunrise. No music, just the hum of traffic and the occasional rooster. That’s when clarity often taps me on the shoulder.

Weaving the lessons into modern life

1. Normalize the universal (Kisa Gotami). Trade isolated scrolling for shared stories. Host a “failure Friday” chat at work where teammates share mistakes and what they learned.

2. Honour the pivot (Aṅgulimāla). Keep a progress journal tracking small behavioural shifts, not perfection milestones. I still scribble “wrote 200 Vietnamese flashcards” rather than “spoke flawlessly with my in‑laws.”

3. Grip lightly (the raft). Periodically prune goals. When our media company’s KPIs balloon, I pick one core metric (reader engagement) and let the peripheral ones rest.

4. Spot the second arrow. I paste a sticky note above my monitor: pain is inevitable; the second arrow is optional. It’s saved me from more self‑pity spirals than coffee has saved me from yawns.

5. Let the mud settle. My morning ritual is 10 slow breaths before opening Slack. On high‑traffic days it feels indulgent; paradoxically, the calm earns back hours of clarity.

A personal post‑script from saigon

Right now I’m drafting this at 5 a.m. while the city is still half‑asleep. My Vietnamese neighbours are performing quét sân (sweeping the courtyard), and I’m tempted to compare my patchy tones to their effortless chatter. But the stories above remind me that fluency—like enlightenment—isn’t a one‑day event. It’s accumulated gestures: one mustard seed, one step away from harm, one raft‑ride, one arrow redirected, one glass of settled water.

If you’re caught in the comparison trap today, remember: the Buddha never asked for flawlessness. He asked for presence, honesty, and the courage to take the next wise step. Progress, not perfection, is enough. In fact, it’s the only thing that’s real.

So ease your grip, breathe, and move—imperfectly but intentionally—toward the life that’s calling you from the other side of the river.