Paul Brian
Self-love isn’t always easy.
But as you progress in life you reach certain milestones that show you’re really getting the hang of it.
Here are some signposts along the way.
If you do these things for yourself, you’ve mastered self-love.
1) You’re happy alone
The first sign of self-love is that you’re truly happy alone.
By this I don’t mean that you necessarily prefer to be alone, but that it’s not painful or difficult for you.
You enjoy your own company.
You also enjoy the company of close friends, family or a partner if you have one.
But you don’t rely on the presence and engagement of others to feel satisfied.
You love yourself, and spending time solo or being single on the road of life is something you feel great about.
It’s not an act, you really are comfortable and thriving in your own skin.
2) You respect your standards in love
The next very crucial sign that you’ve mastered self-love is that you have higher standards in love.
You don’t go back to people who treat you like garbage and you are able to accept breakups that you knew were going to happen.
You don’t lower your standards or blame yourself from problems that come up in love.
And by the same token if somebody you love tells you that you’re not their cup of tea it may hurt a hell of a lot…
But you do not chase them.
Chasing somebody who has rejected you is the worst form of self-injury and is so heartbreaking.
Instead, you walk away from those who disrespect you and break your heart, because you know you deserve better.
You choose to find love and intimacy in a healthy and effective way.
You’re not interested in putting anyone on a pedestal.
But by the same token, you’re not willing to lie to yourself or force yourself into something you don’t want.
“You’ve moved on from toxic relationships and you are not looking back.”
3) You have accepted your shortcomings
The next of the signs that you’ve mastered self-love is that you have accepted your shortcomings.
This doesn’t mean that you’re not trying to improve.
It means you’ve accepted the reality of the areas where you’re less strong and more prone to going awry.
You have a desire to keep growing and getting better, but you’re under no illusions of your Achilles heel, or heels.
You may be forgetful, spiteful or jealous and working to improve these shortcomings.
But you’re not in denial about them.
This ties into the next point…
4) You don’t rely on external validation
In the same way you accept your weaknesses and work on them, you are also realistic about your strengths and the gifts you bring to the world as well.
You don’t rely on external validation to feel “good enough” or be confirmed in your self-assessment.
Just as pointed criticism can’t shake your core because you’ve already become conscious of your faults and weaknesses, praise can’t sway you very much because you already know your strengths.
The approval or disapproval of the crowd is not your barometer.
You don’t rise or fall in your well-being based on the feedback you’re getting.
You’ve mastered self-love and nobody else can take it away from you.
5) You enforce your boundaries
The next of the signs you’ve mastered self-love is that you actually enforce your boundaries.
When you’re unsure of your worth or have been traumatized into a disempowered mindset around your own value it’s easy to let others walk all over you.
The problem is this then feeds into a vicious cycle of disempowerment and low value.
“See how others treat me? I’m clearly low value.”
By contrast, when you recognize that you are worthy of love and you love yourself for real, you are able to put your foot down before you are treated poorly.
When somebody in your personal or business life tries to manipulate, mistreat or harm you, you refuse to comply.
You love yourself for real, and that means you have boundaries you won’t cross no matter how much you care about somebody or how much other people say you need to put up with substandard treatment.
You love yourself and you’re not buying it.
6) You look after your body
Genuine self-love means that you also look after your body.
It’s hard to truly respect yourself if you don’t respect your body.
This means eating healthily, exercising, getting adequate rest and caring for yourself.
Wearing comfortable clothes, buying luxurious pillows and sleeping in a place that brings you peace are all components.
You look after your body and respect your energy level day to day.
There’s a time to push the limits and go to the gym even when you’re tired.
But there’s also a time to take a day out or go for a massage.
You love yourself, why not show it?
7) You look after your mind
Next up and equally if not even more important than the body is the mind.
When you truly love yourself, you look after your mind.
This means that you pay attention to your mental health and take time for things like meditation and relaxation.
You also practice clear communication and become skilled at stating your needs and speaking with others in a way that truly expresses what you want to say.
Looking after your mind is all about realizing the crucial importance of your mental health.
Your mind isn’t just some tool that you use to fill out spreadsheets, it’s part of your very essence.
8) You’re focused on what’s in your control
There are so many things that are out of our control in life.
A huge part of self-love is learning to accept what’s in your control and work with that.
Instead of focusing and worrying about what you can’t influence, you focus on what you can influence.
This is a big power move that makes a big difference in life.
When you truly love yourself, you prioritize the things you can control:
Your own choices, your wellbeing and your beliefs.
All those traumas and factors outside your control no longer run your life.
Self-love done right
The points above are a solid indication that you truly love yourself.
Self-love is an ongoing process and habit.
You practice it each day when you wake up, throughout the day and when you’re about to sleep.
If you’re doing the habits above then you are engaging in empowering and meaningful self-love.
Keep it up.
