Lachlan Brown
We all carry a hidden side. The parts of ourselves we don’t want to admit. The anger, the jealousy, the pride, the shame—the emotions we bury, deny, or try to rise above.
Carl Jung, one of the most influential figures in modern psychology, gave this hidden side a name: the shadow.
And here’s what many people get wrong: they think the shadow is something to defeat or eliminate.
But Jung believed the opposite. The shadow isn’t our enemy. In fact, integrating it is a crucial part of becoming whole.
In this article, we’ll explore what the shadow really is, how it shows up in our lives, and how Buddhist philosophy—particularly the idea of the middle path—can guide us toward a more balanced, conscious way of engaging with it.
I’ll also share a simple parable from the Buddhist tradition that completely reshaped the way I personally related to my own shadow.
Let’s begin.
What Is the Shadow?
Carl Jung described the shadow as the part of the unconscious mind that contains everything we reject about ourselves.
These can be negative traits like cruelty or selfishness—but also positive traits that we’ve disowned, like assertiveness or ambition, because they were discouraged or punished growing up.
The shadow forms during childhood, as we learn what behaviors are acceptable in our family or culture. We instinctively hide away anything that threatens our belonging.
And so the shadow becomes a kind of psychic closet—locked tight but still very much alive.
It doesn’t stay hidden forever. It leaks out in moments of emotional reactivity, judgment, projection, or self-sabotage. It can show up in the people we’re inexplicably drawn to or repulsed by. It can appear in our dreams, in art, in fantasies, in our defensiveness.
Most of us spend our lives trying to avoid or control it. But in doing so, we cut ourselves off from our full power, creativity, and depth.
The Middle Path: Not Repressing, Not Indulging
Buddhism offers a profoundly useful perspective here: the middle path.
Instead of choosing between suppression and indulgence, Buddhism encourages us to meet our inner experiences with non-reactive awareness.
To neither deny nor feed the shadow—but to witness it with honesty and compassion.
This is incredibly difficult work. But it’s also incredibly freeing.
Because the more we try to fight the shadow, the more it controls us. But when we see it clearly, we can begin to choose how we relate to it.
We stop being puppets of our unconscious. We start becoming whole human beings.
A Story About the Angry Guest
There’s a story from the Buddhist tradition that illustrates this perfectly.
A monk was once asked how he dealt with anger. He told this story:
“Imagine you’re sitting in your house and an angry guest arrives. They bang on the door, shouting, demanding to be let in. If you ignore them, they grow louder. If you yell back, the conflict escalates. But if you open the door, invite them in, offer them tea, and sit quietly with them—eventually, they calm down. Sometimes, they even leave on their own.”
The shadow is that angry guest. It’s not there to destroy us. It just wants to be acknowledged.
We don’t need to agree with everything the shadow says or follow every impulse it offers. But we do need to create space for it.
When we do, it stops needing to hijack us from the background.
Real Life Examples: How People Work With Their Shadow
I once worked with a man in his 40s—let’s call him Daniel—who had a pattern of sabotaging romantic relationships. He’d fall in love quickly, become overly accommodating, then eventually explode with resentment.
Through shadow work, he realized that underneath his people-pleasing was a deep fear of being unwanted. He had repressed anger at never being allowed to express his needs growing up. That anger would build until it erupted.
Once he began to acknowledge it, he could set boundaries early on, rather than implode later.
Another example: a woman I met during a retreat shared that she always saw herself as “the nice one.” But she had a habit of subtly tearing others down when they got attention.
She felt enormous guilt about this. It turned out her shadow held a fierce competitiveness she had never allowed herself to own. When she made peace with that part of herself, she didn’t become more competitive—she became more honest, and less ashamed.
Both found a kind of middle path. They didn’t become angry or mean. They didn’t repress their impulses either. They acknowledged the shadow and found space to move differently.
Practicing Shadow Integration in Daily Life
You don’t need to be in therapy to work with the shadow. Here are a few ways you can begin:
- Notice your triggers. What kinds of people, situations, or comments make you disproportionately upset? That’s often a clue the shadow is at play.
- Pay attention to your judgments. We tend to criticize in others what we can’t accept in ourselves. If you’re constantly annoyed by arrogance, for example, ask yourself where you might fear being seen as arrogant.
- Explore recurring patterns. If you keep hitting the same walls in relationships, work, or self-esteem—look underneath. What are you disowning?
- Practice mindful observation. When uncomfortable emotions arise, try sitting with them instead of acting on them or pushing them away. This is the middle path in action.
- Get curious, not critical. The shadow doesn’t respond well to shame. But it can soften under the light of awareness.
This work takes time. But over time, it creates integrity.
A Mindfulness Perspective: Why Wholeness Matters More Than Perfection
In Buddhist psychology, the goal isn’t to become flawless. It’s to become whole.
That means making space for all parts of ourselves—not to indulge them, but to integrate them.
The shadow exists because we learned to split ourselves to survive. But healing happens when we reunite what we’ve divided.
As I often remind myself: I am not just the light. I am also the dark that makes the light visible.
The monk in the story didn’t let the angry guest destroy his house. But he didn’t slam the door in their face either. He welcomed them with calm presence. That’s what integration looks like.
It’s not about agreeing with every shadow thought. It’s about being large enough to hold them without fear.
Final Thoughts
The shadow is not a flaw. It’s a doorway.
It’s the part of us we abandoned in the quest to be accepted. And it’s the part that can lead us back to authenticity if we’re brave enough to meet it.
Jung said, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
And in my experience, that begins with choosing the middle path. Not denial. Not indulgence. Just presence.
That’s where real growth lives.
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