Paul Brian
When you succeed in life, itโs nice to be appreciated for your win.
Those you care about and have stood beside will be happy for you, or at least you would think so.
Sadly this is not always the case.
Hereโs why.
11 reasons why not everyone is happy for your success
1) They are experiencing failure in their life
Here are the straight facts:
A person who is doing well in their life sees anotherโs success as a bonus. Whether youโre a friend or not, they give you a high five or a hug.
After all, why not?
Theyโre finding success and fulfillment in their lives and thereโs no real downside to wishing you all the best for your wins.
Itโs the other way around for some people who are losing and are bitter about it.
They hate seeing another person win. It burns them up inside.
Greece, Turkey and Armenia, as well as other regions, often use blue eyes which are intended to ward off the evil eye.
Many Middle Eastern countries also consider an item or experience tainted if someone envies or seeks to covet it. Itโs now covered in bad energy.
When somebody feels they are losing in life and is upset about it, they may react to seeing another succeed with anger, fear and sadness.
This can result in some very neutral or even directly unhappy reactions.
2) They believe you donโt deserve it
Watching someone win in life when you feel they are a bad, lazy or unworthy person is like torture.
It can make even the best of us lash out in anger or rudeness.
Another of the top reasons why not everyone is happy for your success is that some may believe you simply donโt deserve it.
Why?
Maybe theyโre suspicious that you slept your way to the top of a promotionโฆ
Believing that a wealthy family background put you through the Ivy League and got you a top job in a firmโฆ
Maybe they think that youโre simply an asshole and shouldnโt be succeeding at life.
People have all sorts of opinions, and theyโre not always happy and cheery ones.
If there are folks close to you who believe your successes are unfair or unearned it can be hard to deal with, which is why I want to go directly on to point three here.
3) Theyโre jealous
Right after those who believe you didnโt earn your success are those who know you probably did earn it but they simply are jealous of you.
Jealousy is a rough emotion. Itโs very disempowering. Think of romantic jealousy, for example, or resenting the marriage or relationship of someone you used to have feelings for.
This corrosive emotion eats you up inside, ruining your days and nights and hooking you on the โhopiumโ of โwhat could have been.โ
The solution is actually dead simple, but itโs not easy.
The solution to facing down jealous haters and skating right by them onto bigger and better successes is to find your own goals and double down on them.
Doing this requires answering a very simple and very crucial question:
4) What do you want out of life?
So, what is it?
Maybe you want many things. I do.
But drill down to what consumes you night and day. Something in your control, a passion that lights up your mind and heart with inspiration.
What is your main goal in life in your career or personal life?
What would you say if I asked you what your purpose is?
Itโs a hard question!
And there are far too many people trying to tell you it will just โcome to youโ and to focus on โraising your vibrationsโ or finding some vague kind of inner peace.
Self-help gurus are out there preying on peopleโs insecurities to make money and selling them on techniques which really donโt work for achieving your dreams.
Visualization.
Meditation.
Sage burning ceremonies with some vaguely indigenous chanting music in the background.
Hit pause.
The truth is that visualization and positive vibes wonโt bring you closer to your dreams, and they can actually drag you backwards into wasting your life on a fantasy.
You can end up trying so hard and not finding the answers you need that your life and dreams begin to feel hopeless.
You want solutions, but all youโre being told is to create a perfect utopia inside your own mind. It doesnโt work.
So letโs go back to basics:
Before you can experience a real change, you need to really know your purpose.
I learned about the power of finding your purpose from watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brownโs video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.
Justin used to be addicted to the self-help industry and New Age gurus just like me. They sold him on ineffective visualization and positive thinking techniques to overcome jealousy and a feeling of others being judgmental about his wins in life.
Four years ago, he traveled to Brazil to meet the renowned shaman Rudรก Iandรช, for a different perspective.
Rudรก taught him a life-changing new way to find your purpose and use it to transform your life, instead of feeling brought down by the judgments of others.
After watching the video, I also discovered and understood my purpose in life and itโs no exaggeration to say it was a turning point in my life.
I can honestly say that this new way of finding success by finding your purpose actually helped me to get over the others who were trying to rain on my parade.
5) Theyโre financially insecure
Money can turn ordinary people into monsters.
Itโs sad to see, but itโs true.
Sometimes friends and people you thought you knew well turn against you in your times of triumph for the very simple reason that they resent your financial wellbeing.
Theyโre feeling tight or stressed about finances and seeing someone else hit a payday and achieve success drives them crazy with resentment.
To put it simply:
They want that money.
And knowing that youโre getting it and not them is all that consumes their mind.
They are wracked by fear and doubt of not having enough money and not happy to see that youโre succeeding in your life in some way which brings you financial stability.
Itโs sad to see, as I said, although it is somewhat understandable.
6) They crave your stability
Success can bring further breakthroughs and excitement but it can also bring a measure of stability.
When others feel that stability lacking in their lives, they may look at you with envious eyes.
Things like your success in:
- Love
- Work
- Creative pursuits
- Family formation
- Promotions and financial gain
Can drive them nuts for the simple reason that they see these things bringing you stability which they feel is lacking in their lives.
They see, or perceive, you as gaining a lot of stability and calmness, and they resent it.
Sad, but true.
7) They crave your adventures
On the flip side, some jealous folks may be turning wistful eyes in your direction because they have a stable and staid life and crave your adventures.
โOh youโre a digital nomad, how cool! I always wanted to do that,โ they may say, looking off with a hint of resentment in their eyes for the perfect, carefree life they imagine you to lead.
They want your adventures.
Even if this person is happily married, rich and has basically everything they want, they may see the glint of spontaneity and youth or vitality in your roaming which they themselves crave.
8) They want the relationships you have
If youโre in a loving relationship or successful with romance, people may resent your success because they themselves havenโt found that kind of fulfillment. They may be struggling with rejection and feelings of deep isolation and being left behind.
On the flip side, they may be in committed relationships and desperately crave the kind of freedom and power you have as a single person.
If youโre struggling with love, youโre certainly not alone, and thereโs a lot you can do to try to make progress on this.
In my case I actually found a lot of success by getting some professional help.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but it works.
The best resource Iโve personally found is a website of online professional love coaches called Relationship Hero.
These guys seriously know what theyโre talking about, and they are a big part of the reason I moved past my fixation on the judgments of others and began doing what was best for me in my own love life.
This also ended up branching out into more improvements in my family relationships and life as a whole as I broke through a lot of the barriers and lies Iโd been telling myself about love and connecting with other people.
It was a huge step.
I owe a lot to these guys, and I highly recommend them to anyone else looking for answers about narcissism and love as well.
9) They believe they could do a better job than you
If youโve ever had employees who did a bad job then you know the feeling of watching people do something you could do better.
Itโs hard.
You want to step in and do it for them, but then what are you going to pay them for?
This is one of the top reasons why not everyone is happy for your success.
They may honestly believe they can do a better job than you.
At your job. At your relationships. Atโฆwell, everything. Their jealousy arises like a kind of competition.
โWow, so you just shot a successful film? Well, I knew Stanley Kubrick. But yeah, sureโฆCool.โ
10) They are trapped in the victim mentality
The victim mentality is a dangerous drug that can get people hooked off their first inhalation.
It tells you that your lifeโs challenges and sadnesses are someone elseโs fault:
- Society
- Your parents
- Your culture
- Your economic class
- Your asshole friends
- Your bitch girlfriend
- Your jerk boyfriend
- Your short height
- Your physical illness
Thatโs why your life is hard, and the world owes you indefinitely for you being alive in a difficult situation.
Youโre going to go around collecting on that debt the rest of your life.
And needless to say, seeing someone else doing well at life is not going to sit well with you if youโre stuck in the victim mentality.
After all, their success is just more proof that lifeโs a bitch and itโs not giving you enough of what you want.
11) They see life as a zero-sum game
The idea that life is a zero-sum game can lead to some very competitive and stressful mindsets.
The basic idea is that life has a limited amount of wins and losses to hand out.
If somebody else takes the wins (the girlfriends, the houses, the jobs, the inner peace, the weight loss, the fame) it basically means thereโs a bit less of it left for you.
This mindset makes people miserable and angry.
It also leads to them really resenting the success of those around them.
If thereโs only so much good fortune and blessings to go around in life, not to mention material resources, people and money, then why would you be happy that someone else just crammed a piece of your pie in their mouth?
Youโd be pissed. (If you thought of life as a zero-sum game).
Itโs hard to cheer on someone for having a cup full of water in the desert if youโre dying of thirst.
Celebrating with those who matter
Those who mind donโt matter, and those who matter donโt mind.
It can be very hard to watch haters try to tear you down or rain on your parade, but just remember itโs out of your control.
Especially if it is people very close to you or even family, you may be tempted to lash out or become bitter towards them.
My advice is to resist the temptation. Let the jealousy and judgment roll off you like water off a duckโs back.
You got this.
