You’re not stuck—you’re just holding on to what no longer serves you

I remember the day it finally clicked for me: all those “attachments” I’d been clinging to were actually holding me back from living the life I really wanted. It wasn’t a single dramatic revelation—more like a slow buildup of restlessness, confusion, and a nagging sense that I was stuck.

Eventually, though, I realized that the tight grip I had on certain things was the very reason I wasn’t moving forward.

We all form attachments over time. Some of them are healthy, like meaningful relationships and personal values. But other attachments—often the ones rooted in fear or scarcity—can turn toxic.

It’s those unhealthy attachments that end up running the show, leaving us feeling trapped and uncertain about our next steps.

The hidden weight of attachment

At first, I didn’t see how much my attachments were weighing me down. It felt safer to hold on, even when it hurt. I’d tell myself little lies like, “Better the devil you know,” or “I’ve invested too much time here to let go now.”

Maybe you can relate. Sometimes it’s an unfulfilling job you’re scared to quit because of financial worries. Sometimes it’s a relationship you’ve outgrown but cling to because you fear being alone.

When we’re attached, we often tell ourselves we can’t live without the people, things, or situations in question. But here’s the thing: we often base that feeling on illusions. We imagine catastrophic outcomes if we let go. In reality, we have far more resilience than we think.

There’s a classic Buddhist teaching that I keep coming back to: the root of suffering is attachment. My interest in Buddhism has shaped how I view detachment—of course, I’m not perfect at it, but I’ve seen firsthand how liberating it can be to loosen your grip.

The big lesson is that letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring; it means you stop trying to control the uncontrollable.

Why we hold ourselves back

So why do we hold on so tightly? In my case, it was because of fear. Fear that I’d lose what I had, fear that I wouldn’t find anything better, fear of rocking the boat. And let’s be real: change is scary. Even if we’re unhappy with our current situation, we know it. It’s comfortable in its own twisted way.

Another reason is pride. We hate to admit that we invested time and energy into something that ultimately isn’t serving us. We think letting go means we failed, when in fact it often shows tremendous courage.

I’ve talked about this before in another post on HackSpirit, but it’s a lesson that keeps popping up in my life.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people have a strong bias toward retaining what they’ve already committed to, even if the original choice stops being beneficial.

This “sunk cost fallacy” is exactly what stops many of us from walking away from bad jobs, stale relationships, or unproductive habits.

When realization hits

A personal turning point for me was when I felt a persistent sense of being stuck and drained. I had a project I’d poured months into, but deep down I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. Still, I was clinging on, hoping that if I just tweaked one more thing, it would magically succeed.

One afternoon, I looked at my desk (which was piled high with notes, reminders, and half-finished tasks) and asked myself: “Am I genuinely excited about this, or am I just terrified of letting it go?” My honest answer was that I was afraid of failing, of admitting I’d wasted my time.

It was a hard pill to swallow. But acknowledging that fear was like shining a flashlight into a dark corner. I could see the source of the problem and confront it.

Letting that project go wasn’t just about removing a single burden; it was about freeing up mental and emotional space to explore better opportunities. And once I did it, I felt a burst of energy I hadn’t experienced in ages.

How fear tricks us into holding on

Fear can manifest in different ways: fear of loneliness, fear of the unknown, fear of embarrassment. Sometimes it even shows up as arrogance—convincing ourselves that letting go is beneath us or that we “shouldn’t have to” let go if only other people (or the world) would just align with our plans.

But fear is just a feeling, not a prophecy. As Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “It’s never crowded along the extra mile.” That line resonates with me because it highlights how few people are willing to push past their fears and do what it really takes to move forward—like letting go.

If you trust that you’re capable of facing whatever happens next, fear loses much of its power.

Letting go doesn’t mean you won’t feel anxious or uncertain. You probably will. It’s natural. But growth often happens in that zone of discomfort.

The difference is that once you move past the resistance, you open yourself to experiences and possibilities you might never have considered otherwise.

Embracing the beauty of uncertainty

One of the biggest reasons we hold onto our attachments is the illusion of certainty. We think, “Well, at least I know how things are now. If I change it, who knows what will happen?” But uncertainty is where true creativity and freedom lie.

I’ve learned that uncertainty can be scary, yes, but it can also be invigorating. Once, I left a secure job to start my own venture (which would later grow into HackSpirit). For months, I was terrified I’d made a colossal mistake.

But that leap forced me to develop new skills, adapt faster than ever, and learn things about myself that I would never have discovered in the comfort zone of a stable 9-to-5. That’s the beauty of uncertainty: it challenges you to become more resourceful, resilient, and open-minded.

I recommend reading “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer if you want a deeper dive into how attachments form in our minds.

It’s one of those books that changed the way I relate to my own thoughts and fears. It dives into the concept of release—how to notice the grip of attachment and how to loosen it.

Practical steps to let go

Knowing you’re attached is one thing—acting on it is another. These are a few steps that have made a tangible difference in my own life:

1. Name your attachment. Sometimes, naming the thing we’re clinging to strips it of power. Write it down in a journal: “I’m attached to getting my boss’s approval” or “I’m attached to being right in every argument.” Recognizing it is your first step to undoing it.

2. Visualize letting go. This might sound a bit airy-fairy, but stay with me. Picture yourself releasing whatever you’re attached to. See yourself free from that burden. This simple mental exercise can make the act of letting go feel more real and doable.

3. Set boundaries. If your attachment is tied to a relationship or a social setting, put boundaries in place. Let the people around you know what you will and will not tolerate. This isn’t about being cold or distant—it’s about protecting your mental and emotional wellbeing.

4. Seek support if needed. We often think we have to do everything alone. But sometimes, getting a coach, counselor, or even a trusted friend involved can be the bridge between you and the next stage of your life. There’s no shame in asking for help.

5. Reflect and renew. After letting go, make time to reflect on what you learned. What did this attachment teach you about yourself, your values, and your fears? Use that knowledge to navigate future challenges with more wisdom and grace.

Mindfulness can help

Mindfulness isn’t just about sitting on a cushion and meditating for hours (although if that’s your thing, go for it). It’s about being fully present with whatever arises—whether it’s joy, sadness, frustration, or excitement—without judgment.

By training yourself to observe your experiences instead of reacting immediately, you gain the clarity you need to see which attachments are genuine and which ones are fueled by fear.

I often use mindfulness to check in with myself: Where am I feeling tension in my body? What’s the dominant emotion in my mind at the moment? This practice reveals the subtle ways I might be clinging to an idea or a situation out of habit rather than true necessity.

One of the big eye-openers for me was how many of my attachments were based on my ego. I delve into this in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.

Ego-driven attachments—like chasing external validation or obsessing over status—are some of the hardest to let go of. But the peace on the other side is well worth it.

An expert reminder

“As Lao Tzu has said, ‘When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.’” This quote has stuck with me for years. It doesn’t mean you lose yourself by letting go; you actually become more authentic, more expansive, and more in tune with what you really want from life.

Sometimes, who we think we are (or should be) is just a collection of outdated beliefs, societal expectations, and unhelpful habits.

This is backed by experts like psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, who has noted that self-compassion plays a huge role in our ability to let go.

If we beat ourselves up every time we notice we’re attached to something, we’re only reinforcing the cycle of fear and guilt. But with self-compassion, we create space to acknowledge our attachments without judging ourselves—and that makes it easier to move forward.

Final words

Letting go of attachments isn’t about giving up on people, goals, or dreams. It’s about releasing the tight grip on outcomes and identities that no longer serve us. It’s a scary step—no question. But it’s also the key to growth.

I’ve learned that every time I loosen my hold on something that’s dragging me down, I take one more step toward the life I actually want. It opens up possibilities. It reduces stress. It boosts my sense of self-worth because I’m no longer shackled by fear or ego.

So if you’re feeling stuck or restless, take a moment to consider what you might be holding on to. Recognize that letting go isn’t a sign of failure; it’s an act of courage.

Every time I let go of an attachment, I become a little more of who I’m meant to be—and if you’re willing to take the leap, I believe you will, too.