The hidden habits of people who live with quiet purpose

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “They’ve really figured it out”? They’re not necessarily wealthy or famous. They may not have a perfect family or the most glamorous career. But something about the way they move through life feels… grounded. Purposeful. Alive.

I remember meeting a monk during my travels in northern Thailand—barefoot, in simple robes, standing in the rain with a smile that could cut through any gloom. He wasn’t selling anything. He didn’t need to impress anyone. But something about his presence made you pause. That was a meaningful life, I thought—not loud or flashy, but deeply rooted.

The good news? I’ve learned that you don’t have to retreat to a monastery to cultivate that same depth. Over the years—through my studies in psychology, mindfulness, and Buddhist practice—I’ve come to recognize a pattern: people who live with meaning often follow habits that look, at first glance, a bit unconventional.

In this article, I’ll walk you through 7 such habits; habits grounded in psychological principles, Buddhist wisdom, and real-life examples. We’ll also explore a powerful Buddhist idea: Right Effort, or the practice of applying energy wisely and intentionally.

Let’s dive in.

1. They say “no” more often than “yes”

This may surprise you—aren’t meaningful people supposed to be generous, open-hearted, and always available?

Not quite.

People with meaningful lives understand the value of their time and energy. They’ve learned that saying yes to everything means saying no to what truly matters.

I once worked with a coaching client—let’s call her Mel—who was on the brink of burnout. A deeply empathetic person, she felt obligated to help everyone around her. But her own life felt hollow.

The turning point came when she began applying the Buddhist principle of Right Effort. She started asking: “Is this action moving me toward or away from a meaningful life?”

With that filter, she began to set gentle but firm boundaries. The result? She showed up more fully in the areas that mattered most—her art, her kids, her own health. She had less guilt, more clarity.

Counter-intuitive truth: Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is say “no.”

2. They obsess less over happiness—and focus more on contribution

We live in a culture obsessed with feeling good. But meaningful people don’t chase happiness. They chase impact.

In psychological research, this is supported by what’s called Self-Determination Theory, which suggests that “autonomy, competence & relatedness are fundamental psychological needs driving motivation & personal growth.”

People with meaningful lives often orient their days around questions like:

• How can I serve today?

• What legacy am I building, moment by moment?

These are Right Effort questions. They move us beyond short-term gratification and into the realm of intentional, sustained growth.

I’ve found that when I shift my energy from “How can I be happier today?” to “How can I show up with purpose?”—I feel less anxious and more grounded. You might, too. 

3. They reflect… a lot

Most of us are so busy doing that we forget to ask why we’re doing it.

But people living meaningful lives often carve out space to pause and reflect. They journal. They walk in silence. They ask hard questions.

Years ago, I adopted a practice I learned from a Zen teacher: five minutes of reflection before bed, with just one prompt—“Was today aligned with what matters most?”

Sometimes the answer was yes. Often it wasn’t. But the awareness alone created change.

Try this: Set a timer for five minutes tonight. Ask yourself that same question. Don’t overthink it—just observe.

4. They let go of goals (but stay devoted to direction)

This is a tricky one.

Our culture thrives on goals. But I’ve noticed something peculiar: people who live with depth often let go of rigid outcomes.

Instead of saying, “I must achieve X by date Y,” they ask, “What kind of person am I becoming through this effort?”

This aligns with the middle path in Buddhism—staying committed, but not grasping. Working hard, but not attaching.

A friend of mine, a small-scale farmer in Byron Bay, once told me: “Nature doesn’t care about your five-year plan. But she rewards those who show up every season.”

That stuck with me.

The paradox? Letting go of your goals may actually bring you closer to them—because you’re no longer derailed by disappointment, and your effort becomes sustainable.

5. They welcome discomfort

Comfort rarely builds character. Meaning often grows from struggle.

Now, I don’t mean that you have to suffer to grow. But meaningful people tend to lean into discomfort rather than avoid it.

They have difficult conversations. They sit with uncertainty. They show up when it’s inconvenient.

Right Effort doesn’t mean always feeling good. It means aligning our energy with our deeper values—even when it’s uncomfortable.

6. They honor ordinary moments

Here’s something that used to trip me up: I thought “meaning” had to come from something grand—a mission, a breakthrough, a spiritual awakening.

But some of the most meaningful people I’ve met find richness in the tiny, everyday moments.

A nurse I interviewed for my book told me her most sacred time of day wasn’t saving lives in the ER—it was having tea with her aging father every evening. No phones. Just presence.

As Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the whole world revolves.”

Sometimes it is.

7. They don’t strive to “be someone”

Now for the most counter-intuitive truth of all: meaningful people often have less ego, not more.

They’re not trying to prove themselves. They’re not hustling to be “important.” They’re just doing the next right thing—with humility.

In Buddhism, this echoes the teaching of anatta, or non-self. But in daily life, it’s simpler: you matter most when you stop trying so hard to matter.

When I stopped performing mindfulness—and started simply practicing it—my relationships deepened. My writing became more honest. My anxiety lessened.

Right Effort, at its heart, means giving energy without ego. Doing the work, without needing applause.

A gentle invitation

Living a meaningful life isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about quitting your job, moving to Bali, or becoming a monk.

It’s about tiny, consistent habits—applied with intention. It’s about aligning your energy, day by day, with what matters most.

If you take one thing from this article, let it be this:

You don’t have to strive harder—you just have to strive wiser.

And sometimes, the most meaningful life is the one lived quietly, kindly, and fully awake to what’s already here.