10 phrases self-centered people always use (without realizing how selfish they sound)

We all know someone who can’t help but make everything about themselves. They might not shout for attention or behave in obviously arrogant ways, but their words reveal a mindset that’s quietly self-absorbed.

Often, self-centered people aren’t aware of how they come across. In their minds, they’re just being honest or practical. But to others, their constant need to redirect conversations, center their opinions, or justify selfish behavior can be exhausting.

I’ve spent over a decade studying psychology and Buddhist philosophy. One thing I’ve learned is this: our language reveals our inner world. If someone consistently uses certain phrases, it’s a reflection of their priorities—and in the case of self-centered people, their priorities tend to revolve around themselves.

Here are 10 common phrases self-centered people use—without realizing how selfish they sound.

1. “That’s not my problem.”

At first glance, this phrase might seem like healthy boundary-setting. And sometimes, it is. But when someone regularly dismisses others’ struggles with this line, it reveals a lack of empathy.

Self-centered people use this phrase to avoid emotional labor. It’s a shortcut that says, “I don’t want to care.” But in relationships—whether at work, in friendships, or in family—it’s rarely that simple. Compassion requires staying a little longer in someone else’s pain, even if we can’t fix it.

2. “I’m just being honest.”

There’s nothing wrong with honesty. But self-centered people often weaponize it. They’ll say something hurtful, then hide behind this phrase as a shield against accountability.

True honesty is about clarity, not cruelty. As Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “Speak the truth, but not to punish.” Self-centered individuals often forget the second part.

3. “You’re overreacting.”

This is a classic gaslighting phrase. It instantly invalidates someone’s emotional experience. When a self-centered person says this, what they usually mean is, “Your emotions are inconvenient for me.”

This kind of language can be deeply damaging. It trains others to doubt their own feelings and reinforces the idea that only the self-centered person’s perspective is valid.

4. “I did my best, so you can’t be upset.”

This one’s tricky, because doing your best should be encouraged. But self-centered people often use it to avoid responsibility. It’s a way of saying, “I tried, so your disappointment isn’t my fault.”

But in healthy relationships, intention doesn’t always cancel out impact. A self-aware person listens, learns, and grows. A self-centered person doubles down on how hard they tried.

5. “Well, what about me?”

Ever shared a story or struggle, only for the other person to immediately shift the spotlight? That’s the hallmark of someone who can’t tolerate not being the center of attention.

Self-centered people often hijack conversations with this phrase. It’s not always malicious—but it is telling. Rather than sit with someone else’s experience, they instinctively make it about themselves.

6. “I don’t have time for this.”

Of course, we’re all busy. But this phrase, when used dismissively, usually means “Your needs aren’t worth my time.”

Buddhism teaches that attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. Self-centered people struggle with this. Their time is seen as more valuable than others’. They expect patience from others—but rarely offer it in return.

7. “That’s just who I am.”

This might sound like self-acceptance, but often it’s a smokescreen for bad behavior.

Self-centered individuals use this phrase to shut down feedback. It’s their way of saying, “Don’t expect me to grow.” But true self-awareness means recognizing our flaws and being willing to evolve. Clinging to selfish patterns under the guise of authenticity is just a clever form of avoidance.

8. “If I were you, I’d…”

Advice can be helpful—but this phrase often reflects more about the speaker’s ego than actual support.

Self-centered people struggle to see things from someone else’s point of view. So even when giving advice, they frame it through their lens, not yours. It’s less about helping and more about asserting their own superior thinking.

9. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”

This phrase downplays other people’s feelings. It centers the speaker’s emotional perspective as the default—without considering that others might experience the world differently.

It’s a subtle form of narcissism. Instead of trying to understand, the self-centered person judges the other person for not sharing their level of detachment.

10. “You’re too sensitive.”

Like “You’re overreacting,” this phrase is another classic deflection. It shifts the blame onto the other person for being hurt—rather than examining what was said or done.

It’s a way of preserving ego. Instead of taking responsibility, the self-centered person casts the other as fragile or irrational. Over time, this can wear people down and erode trust.

Final Thoughts: How language reflects self-awareness

Here’s the thing—we all say some of these phrases from time to time. That doesn’t automatically make us self-centered. What matters is how often we say them, and whether we’re open to reflecting on how they affect others.

Buddhism teaches us that the root of suffering is attachment—to self, to ego, to being right. Language is one of the subtlest ways our ego expresses itself. By paying attention to the words we use—and how often we center ourselves in conversations—we begin the journey toward greater empathy.

Personally, I’ve caught myself using a few of these phrases more than once. The difference now is that I try to notice. And when I do, I pause. I breathe. I ask: Is this coming from a place of understanding—or from a need to protect my own image?

That simple pause can change everything.

Because self-awareness doesn’t come from never being selfish—it comes from recognizing when we are, and choosing differently next time.