13 reasons personality always matters more than looks

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Having good looks can only get you so far in life.

Sure, you might catch other people’s attention and make a better first impression than others, but that tends to fade over time.

A good personality — the kind that draws people in and keeps them interested — is the key to living a more successful life.

How you carry yourself is beneficial not only in romantic relationships but in climbing the professional ladder as well.

These are 13 of the reasons why being conventionally attractive isn’t as important as you might think.

1. Attraction Is More About Feelings

In relationships, what’s going to sustain it for years are the personalities of those involved, not the physical appearance.

It’s why unlikely pairings exist. If the two have matching personalities, they’re bound to get along well together.

Being attractive doesn’t always mean that one has to look like an international supermodel.

While, yes, a person’s physical appearance might be magnetic initially, what would ultimately keep up the relationship are the feelings. And those can come from anyone, regardless of their looks.

A relationship whose foundation is based solely on physical attraction isn’t bound to last as long as ones based on genuine feelings for each other.

2. Personality Makes Someone Interesting

Even though physical attractiveness can make a better first impression, it can’t hold up the conversation for long.

When someone is interesting enough, what they look like holds little importance.

Being interesting can’t be faked.

Anyone can put on a vintage jacket or multi-colored shoes, but if they aren’t interesting, it can be hard to stick around them for too long before wanting to walk away to someone more engaging.

It isn’t being mean, it’s a better use of time.

3. Kindness Has Many Faces

Kindness is a universal virtue.

Acting in the service of others and showing a kind spirit is something anyone should be capable of.

That means that there are no physical requirements to being kind.

When someone is kind, they immediately seem more attractive.

It means that they are caring, considerate, and overall, trustworthy people.

Meaningful relationships rely on the respect and kindness of those involved.

So we’re naturally drawn to people that are kind and welcoming rather than those who are rude and disrespectful.

4. Looks Don’t Guarantee Chemistry

Relationships aren’t all about the physical activities that you do together.

Sometimes, the most meaningful thing that can be done is to have an intimate and meaningful conversation.

There are usually people that you meet that you wouldn’t normally be attracted to, but your conversations together feel natural and not awkward at all.

Though they might have been on your radar before, having a nice conversation with them immediately separates them from the crowd.

5. Confidence Can Overshadow Appearance

Confidence is one of the more important traits to have if you want to be successful.

If you aren’t confident in your abilities, employers will be more than willing to move onto the next applicant.

While getting a new haircut and getting a fashion makeover could make you feel better about yourself, ultimately, confidence can’t be bought; it needs to be learned and strengthened like any other skill.

No amount of hair product can salvage a job interview without having self-confidence.

6. Looks Stop Being Important Over Time

When we visit a country for the first time, the views are arresting to us.

We gaze at how tall the buildings are and the colors of the streets.

We look with curious wonder at what’s inside the stores we’ve never been to and what the food in the local restaurants might be.

As we leave and return, the novelty of the trip begins to fade.

What was so enchanting at first sight feels like a common place now.

It’s the same with people too.

When a new employee joins the team, our eyes are drawn to this new face.

We look in wonder at who this person is.

But as the days go on, we can barely remember what they wore yesterday.

What does stick is our experience and the memories that we make with them.

7. Getting To Know Someone Makes Them More Attractive

It’s like Beauty and the Beast.

The humble villagers were repelled by the beast in the castle.

They couldn’t believe how Belle could ever care for such a vile monster.

But the beast was no vile monster after all.

Behind the sharp claws and the intimidating figure was someone who has a heart as well; someone who feels the exact same range of emotions as we do.

It’s called “the tale as old as time” for a reason.

We see essentially the same story in romantic movies, TV shows, and books, and the moral stays the same: there’s always more to someone that meets the eye.

Once you get the chance to know someone, it can be difficult to see them as anything other than a person like yourself.

8. Healthy Relationships Share Values, Not Physical Features

They say that birds of a feather fly together; that, in the animal kingdom, the spots should be with spots, and the stripes should stick with the stripes.

While physical features may play an important role in forming relationships, it isn’t usually the deciding factor.

Anyone has the chance to be attracted to anyone as long as they share similar core values in life.

If two highly attractive people are in a long term relationship, there’s usually a deeper reason beyond their physical features.

It’s a shared sense of understanding. It’s their personalities that draw them closer to each other.

In such cases, opposites repel.

9. Passionate People Are More Attractive

When we see someone that’s passionate about painting, they seem to emanate a glow that can’t be faked by buying the most expensive brushes and posting pictures about it.

Their passion coats their physical features.

When someone talks to you about something they’re deeply passionate about, whether it’s books, stationary, 18th-century architecture, or hotdogs, there’s always going to be that twinkle in their eyes.

When we’re around passionate people, enthusiastically sharing the intricate details of the thing that their heart follows, it can be contagious.

We feel inspired. How can we not? If they can find what they’re passionate about, so can we.

10. Personality Makeovers Are More Significant Than Fashion Makeovers

Changing one’s personality is more impactful than someone getting a makeover.

If they’re still the same person but with nicer hair, the novelty of the makeover seems to diminish much faster.

If someone you know is consistently known for having a temper, but then they decide to become calmer and more forgiving, their change in behavior will strike you more than them changing their hair color or buying better fitting pants.

Seeing them making the effort to take responsibility for their actions, admit their mistakes, or return to school to get their degree, changes your perception of them far more.

11. Personality Helps In Your Career

While physically attractive people make better first impressions, it isn’t enough to get a promotion if you don’t have the abilities for the job.

Employers and hiring managers look for people that can fit well with the company, and looks aren’t usually the most important factor in deciding that (unless, of course, it’s a modeling job)

Instead, employers look for work ethic and grit in someone.

They want someone that isn’t going to disrupt the team dynamic.

And if you have a good personality, people will naturally be drawn in, which might even open up more career opportunities.

12. Personality Lasts Longer

When someone passes away, people don’t make eulogies entirely about their fashion sense; they talk about who they were.

How they spoke to people; how they treated the waiter; how they impacted the people that they came across.

Eventually, people’s hair turns white and their face gains more wrinkles.

Someone’s personality, if it’s strong and influential enough, could live on even after they’re gone.

That’s why there are foundations built in the name of people who have gone ahead.

They’re trying to channel their personality through the company and keep them alive for just a little while longer.

13. Personality Makes Someone Unique

People can look alike.

They can buy the exact same clothes and have the same style of hair. They can use the same words and walk the same way.

If twins are seemingly mirror images of each other, how can we tell them apart? We look at their personalities.

Everyone has a different personality.

We’re all 1 of 1 in the production line of humankind. There’s no one like us.

Someone’s personality makes them stand out far more than what they’re wearing or what they look like.

While institutions can mandate that every person wears a uniform and acts the same way, there’s always going to be people that are kinder, smarter, more curious, and more inclined to one department than another.

We’ve all got our own stories to tell; our own memories and experiences; our own favorite movies and least favorite song.

While people dress to impress and fit in, they’re also looking for people that stand out from the crowd.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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