Ava Sinclair
Interactions with others can be quite revealing. The topics that pop up in conversation can often give you insights into a person’s emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as those of others.
It’s about empathy, self-awareness, and social skills.
Conversations are like mini-windows into a person’s EQ. If someone routinely brings up certain topics, they might be showing a lack of emotional intelligence.
Let’s dive into nine conversation topics that might indicate someone lacks emotional intelligence.
1) Gossip
We all know that one person who loves to spread the latest gossip. They always seem to be the first to know about a colleague’s job change or a friend’s relationship trouble.
It might seem harmless, but it reveals a lot about their emotional intelligence.
Someone high in emotional intelligence understands the importance of trust. They know that sharing personal information about others can break that trust and potentially cause harm.
On the other hand, those who lack emotional intelligence often don’t consider these consequences.
They might enjoy the temporary thrill of sharing a juicy piece of news, not realizing the potential damage they could be causing.
2) Negative talk about others
Back when I worked in my first job, there was a colleague named Jim who always had something negative to say about others.
He would often deride their ideas, criticize their work ethic, or simply make fun of them behind their backs.
This kind of constant negativity is another tell-tale sign of a lack of emotional intelligence.
Those with high EQ are able to see the positive in people and situations, and even when they need to criticize, they do so constructively and empathetically.
Jim, it seemed, lacked this ability.
His negative talk created a toxic environment and made others uncomfortable.
3) Their own accomplishments
Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person just can’t stop talking about their own achievements?
It’s like they have a personal highlight reel constantly playing in the background.
While it’s great to be proud of one’s accomplishments, consistently steering conversations towards one’s own achievements can be a sign of low emotional intelligence.
Psychologists suggest that this behavior can stem from an underlying lack of self-confidence or a need for validation.
Emotionally intelligent individuals understand the importance of sharing the conversational space and are comfortable acknowledging others’ achievements.
They realize that a balanced conversation contributes towards building stronger, more meaningful relationships.
4) Constant complaining
We’ve all been there: stuck in a conversation with someone who can’t seem to stop complaining.
Whether it’s about the weather, their job, or their noisy next-door neighbor, it seems they’re never short of grievances.
While venting occasionally is perfectly normal and can even be therapeutic, constant complaining can be a sign of low emotional intelligence.
Individuals with high emotional intelligence are typically problem solvers; they’re able to manage their emotions, look at situations objectively, and find solutions rather than dwelling on the issue.
On the contrary, chronic complainers often lack the emotional tools to effectively deal with challenges and tend to get stuck in negative thought patterns.
5) Controversial topics
Politics, religion, personal beliefs – these can be sensitive subjects to broach.
Yet, some people seem to have a knack for bringing them up in conversation, often without considering the potential discomfort of others involved.
When someone frequently dives into controversial topics without tact or discretion, it could be a sign they lack emotional intelligence.
High EQ individuals are typically adept at reading the room.
They understand the potential for heated debates and generally avoid these topics unless they’re confident it’s a safe space for open and respectful discussion.
The inability to gauge the comfort level of others when discussing sensitive subjects can lead to strained relationships and uncomfortable situations.
Therefore, if someone consistently brings up controversial topics without considering the potential impact on others, it may indicate a shortfall in emotional intelligence.
6) Personal dramas
There’s a friend in my life, let’s call her Lisa, who seems to always be caught up in some sort of personal drama.
Every conversation with her feels like a soap opera, full of twists and turns, conflicts and crises.
Sometimes, people like Lisa who consistently bring up their personal dramas may lack emotional intelligence.
It could be that they’re seeking attention or sympathy, or perhaps they’re unable to manage their emotions effectively and so they spill over into their interactions with others.
Emotionally intelligent people are typically able to handle their issues privately or seek help in a constructive manner.
They understand that constantly burdening others with their problems can be draining and may strain the relationship.
7) Criticizing others’ emotions
I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch, feeling really down.
A friend of mine, instead of offering support, told me I was being too sensitive and needed to toughen up.
When people criticize or invalidate others’ emotions, it can be a sign of lacking emotional intelligence.
Someone with a high EQ recognizes that everyone has a right to their feelings, and they show empathy and understanding instead of judgment.
This friend, although they might not have meant harm, failed to do that.
Their lack of emotional intelligence became evident in their inability to empathize with my situation.
8) Blaming others
Playing the blame game is another common trait of someone lacking emotional intelligence.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions and the outcomes, they tend to shift the blame onto others.
Emotionally intelligent individuals, in contrast, are able to assess a situation objectively, acknowledge their own role in it, and take responsibility for their actions.
They understand that blaming others is not productive and does not contribute to personal growth or problem-solving.
This behavior can create a toxic environment and hinder effective communication.
Recognizing this pattern can help you address it appropriately and protect your own emotional well-being.
9) Lack of empathy
Above all, a lack of empathy is the most telling sign of low emotional intelligence.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
It’s what allows us to connect on a deep, human level.
When someone struggles to show empathy in conversation, it’s a serious red flag.
They might dismiss others’ feelings, fail to offer comfort in times of distress, or seem indifferent to what others are going through.
Without empathy, it’s challenging to form meaningful, healthy relationships.
It’s the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and without it, all the other aspects fall short.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait.
It’s a learnable skill that can be developed and improved over time.
Recognizing the signs of low emotional intelligence in others, and even in ourselves, is the first step towards growth.
We aren’t born with emotional intelligence. It’s something we acquire through experiences, trials, triumphs, and even failures.
It’s about learning to navigate emotions – ours and those of others – in a healthy, constructive way.
So if you find yourself or someone else falling into these conversational patterns, remember: it’s not an indictment.
It’s an opportunity for growth.
An invitation to embark on a journey towards better understanding ourselves and improving how we relate to others.
Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what life’s about? Growing, learning, and striving to be the best versions of ourselves we can be.
