A sustainable path to meaningful success

We live in a world obsessed with goals.

From career milestones to fitness challenges to five-year life plans, everywhere you turn there’s a message telling you to want more, do more, and hustle harder. And yet, if you’re anything like I was a few years ago—white-knuckling my way through a list of ambitious intentions—you’ve probably discovered that the traditional approach to goal-setting often leads to burnout, self-judgment, and a vague sense of emptiness even when you do succeed.

So what gives?

Why do we keep setting goals that don’t truly fulfill us? And why is it so hard to follow through on the ones that matter most?

Today, I want to offer you a radically different way of thinking about goals. Drawing from both psychology and Buddhist philosophy—particularly the principle of Right Effort—we’ll explore a more intentional, sustainable path to meaningful achievement.

I’ll also share tools that have worked for me personally, a few counter-intuitive truths that might surprise you, and a mindful framework that can shift how you relate to your ambitions altogether.

Let’s dive in.

Why most goal-setting fails (and what we miss)

Let’s start with the truth most self-help gurus won’t tell you: setting goals doesn’t guarantee growth. In fact, sometimes it does the opposite.

The typical goal-setting formula looks like this:

1. Define what you want

2. Break it into steps

3. Stay motivated until you get there

Sounds reasonable, right?

But here’s the thing: as widely acknowledged by experts in psychology, motivation is fickle, and willpower is exhaustible. When goals are based solely on external outcomes—like money, recognition, or even abstract ideas of “success”—we tend to lose steam the moment things get hard.

Here’s a quick example from my own life: early in my writing career, I set a goal to publish a bestselling book. Sounds admirable. But my attachment to the outcome led to a constant undercurrent of anxiety: Is this good enough? Will people care? What if I fail?

Ironically, it was only when I dropped the attachment and focused instead on writing with presence and honesty that things actually started flowing—and the book eventually took off.

That’s the paradox I want to explore with you: the less tightly we grip our goals, the more powerfully we move toward them.

The Buddhist principle of Right Effort: not too tight, not too loose

In Buddhist psychology, Right Effort is one part of the Noble Eightfold Path. But it doesn’t mean what you might think.

It’s not about working harder or grinding until you succeed.

Instead, it’s about exerting energy in a skillful, balanced way—energy that’s neither lazy nor overbearing, neither passive nor obsessive.

I often picture it like tuning a guitar string. If the string is too loose, it produces no sound. If it’s too tight, it snaps. Right Effort means applying just the right amount of tension—intentional, but not forceful.

When applied to goal-setting, I like to think this means:

• Setting intentions rooted in values, not just external results

• Letting go of attachment to outcomes, while staying committed to the process

• Acting with awareness, not compulsion

In my experience, this mindset transforms goal-setting from a stressful, ego-driven pursuit into a grounded, life-giving practice.

Focus less on the goal, more on the system

Here’s the paradox most people miss: your goal isn’t what gets you there—your system is.

This insight comes from behavioral science as much as it does from mindfulness. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says it well: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

Think of it this way:

• A goal might be “run a marathon”

• The system is “wake up at 6 am, train 4 days a week, eat well, sleep consistently”

The goal gives direction, sure—but it’s the daily rhythm that shapes your reality.

In Buddhist terms, this is karma at play. Not in the pop-culture sense of cosmic justice, but in the deeper sense: our habits and actions lay down the track upon which our life moves.

If you want meaningful change, stop obsessing over what you want to achieve and start tending to how you live day by day.

Try this:

1. Choose one value-based goal (e.g., “I want to be a more present parent”)

2. Identify the smallest repeatable behavior (e.g., “Put my phone away for 30 minutes every evening to play with my kids”)

3. Track consistency, not outcomes

This shift can feel subtle, but I’ve found it to be one of the most powerful changes I’ve made in how I pursue anything.

Tools & techniques to support sustainable success

Let’s get practical. Here are a few techniques I’ve personally used and taught to clients that align beautifully with the principle of Right Effort:

1. The “effort meter” check-in

Each week, ask yourself:

“Am I pushing too hard, coasting too much, or working with wise effort?”

Use a scale from 1 to 10.

• 1 = drifting, procrastinating

• 10 = rigid, overwhelmed

• Ideal range = 5–7: steady, focused, calm

This simple awareness exercise has helped me reset my energy before burnout kicks in.

2. Process-first planning

Instead of setting “results goals” (e.g., “write 30 blog posts”), set “process goals” (e.g., “write 30 minutes a day”).

Process goals increase persistence and emotional satisfaction, because they emphasize what you can control.

In my own writing life, this one switch saved me from quitting more times than I can count.

3. Let your ‘why’ be internal

Research by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan on Self-Determination Theory suggests that “autonomy, competence & relatedness are fundamental psychological needs driving motivation & personal growth.”

How can we apply this? 

Well I like to ask:

• “Why does this matter to me personally?”

• “What value is this goal an expression of?”

When my goals arise from my core values—like service, presence, or creativity—I find that Right Effort arises naturally. I don’t have to force myself; I just need to return to what matters.

A mindful shift: not striving, but planting

One of my favorite teachings from the Buddha compares spiritual practice to planting seeds.

You can’t make a seed grow by shouting at it or tugging it from the ground. But if you plant it well, water it regularly, and give it sunlight, growth happens naturally.

The same is true for your goals.

What you choose today becomes the soil for your tomorrow. The more attention and kindness you bring to the process, the more fertile that soil becomes.

Here’s a brief practice I’ve used when I feel lost in ambition:

Mindful goal reflection (3 minutes)

1. Sit comfortably. Close your eyes.

2. Bring to mind one goal you’re working toward.

3. Ask: “Is my effort right now rooted in fear or in care?”

4. Ask: “What’s one small step I can take today that honors my values, not just my expectations?”

It’s a humbling shift. But one that invites clarity, calm, and real change.

Rethinking success from the inside out

If there’s one message I want you to take away from all this, it’s this:

Goals are not about proving your worth. They’re about expressing it.

When you align your intentions with your values, focus on daily actions over distant outcomes, and cultivate Right Effort—that steady, balanced energy—you stop chasing success and start embodying it.

It’s not always flashy. It’s not always quick.

But it is deeply satisfying.

In my own journey, I’ve found that the most meaningful progress happens quietly—in the day-to-day decisions, the small shifts in attitude, the gentle course corrections. And that’s good news. Because it means you don’t have to become a different person to achieve what matters. You just have to show up, pay attention, and keep choosing the path of wise, intentional effort.

You’ve already started by reading this. Keep going.