How to love yourself: 7 tips confident people won’t tell you

When it comes to self-love, I’m sure you’ve heard enough about “positive thinking” and “meditation” for one lifetime.

But if you’re looking for some practical strategies that will help you believe in yourself again, then you’ll love this post.

It’s a simple list of no bullsh*t tips that anyone can use to be confident in who they are – and eventually, love themselves again.

Let’s go…

1) Your thoughts are just thoughts – nothing more

The first thing you need to realize is that most of us are inherently negative.

We have about 65,000 thoughts every day, and shockingly, 70 percent of them are negative.

Why?

Because fears and worries are necessary for us to protect ourselves.

But this survival mechanism can work against us, which is why you’re experiencing self-doubt and self-criticism right now.

So, what can you do?

Well, what you need to realize is that while your thoughts can’t necessarily be changed, you can you stop believing them.

Thoughts are just thoughts – nothing more. Here’s an inspiring quote from Allan Lokos:

“Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that – thoughts.”

2) What do you really want to do with your life?

Do you have a purpose?

Understanding what you want and where you want to go is crucial to being happy and finding meaning in life.

However, you probably already know that.

So if you don’t know what to with your life, how in the hell can you figure it out?

There is a way.

According to Ideapod, these thought-provoking, weird questions have the power to unlock your purpose that has been hidden from you until now.

Check them out:

  1. What were you passionate about as a child?
  2. If you didn’t have a job, how would you choose to fill your hours?
  3. What makes you forget about the world around you?
  4. What issues do you hold close to your heart?
  5. Who do you spend time with and what do you talk about?
  6. What is on your bucket list?
  7. If you had a dream, could you make it happen?

3) What are you appreciative for?

Being grateful is a powerful attitude that can shape your mindset for the better.

According to Psychology Today, mentally strong people choose to exchange self-pity for gratitude.

What’s more, studies have shown gratitude to improve physical health, psychological health and open the door to more relationships.

At its core, gratitude will help you develop a more positive mindset.

But I’m sure wondering:

How do you develop gratitude in the first place?

According to Unstuck, one of the easiest ways to practice gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal.

Every morning you could write down a few things that you’re grateful for in your life. Get in the routine and you’ll be more appreciative by the day.

Here’s a great quote from Roy T. Bennett:

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.”

4) It’s time to get out of your comfort zone, step-by-step…

I’m sure you’ve heard that progress can’t be made in your comfort zone.

And as annoying as it is, it’s true.

If you’re struggling to love yourself, then I’m also going to guess that you’re staying in your comfort zone as well.

But you don’t have to do something immensely scary to get out of your comfort zone. You can take little steps to expand it and make progress.

So, how can you break through that comfort zone? First, write down activities that make you feel slightly nervous.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be something big. It can be small, just as long as it’s something relatively new and it makes you nervous.

Then go about knocking those tasks off. Once you get through them, you’ll start to believe in yourself and everything that you can achieve.

5) As you make progress, people will try to pull you down

If you do all of the previous 4 points, you’ll start to see changes in yourself, no question….

But you know what happens when you start to improve?

Your friends, colleagues and maybe even family members will start to put you down.

Why?

Because it’s the natural order of things. They’ve put you in a box and it messes with their mind when you start to change.

So you’re going to have summon up some courage and ignore criticism from others.

If you’re becoming more confident and happy, then that’s all that should really matter…

6) Get out there and exercise

You might not like to hear this one, but it’s probably one of the most powerful things you can do.

Not only will you start to be healthier, but you’ll feel better about yourself as well.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), there’s usually an instant mood-enhancing effect about five minutes after you start a workout.

And when done consistently, exercise helps reduce long-term feelings of depression and anxiety, and in turn, can help you maintain a healthy sense of self-confidence.

So whether it’s aerobic exercise or weight lifting, get out there and get it done! You’ll start to feel better about yourself in no time.

7) Who are you surrounding yourself with?

This is an important cog that often goes unnoticed.

We’re all influenced by who we spend most of our time with. Consider this quote from Tim Ferriss:

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

True, isn’t it?

So if you think that some of your friends are toxic and have a habit of putting you down, you might want to find some new ones. You know, people you actually like and admire.

If your friends are positive and uplifting, you’ll begin to feel better about yourself as well.

Check out Hack Spirit's eBook on How to Use Buddhist Teachings for a Mindful, Peaceful and Happy Life.

Here's what you'll learn:

• How and why to be mindful: There are many simple exercises you can do to bring a mindful attitude to quotidian activities such as eating breakfast, walking the dog, or sitting on the floor to stretch.

• How to meditate: Many beginning meditators have a lot of questions: How should I sit? How long should I meditate? What if it feels awkward or uncomfortable or my foot falls asleep? Am I doing it wrong? In this book, you’ll find simple steps and explanations to answer these questions and demystify meditation. (And no, you’re not doing it wrong).

• How to approach relationships: This section offers tips for interacting with friends and enemies alike and walks you through a loving kindness meditation.

• How to minimize harm: There is a lot of suffering in the world; it’s best for everyone if we try not to add to it. Here you’ll read about the idea of ahimsa (non-harming) and how you might apply it to your actions.

• How to let things go: As Buddhism teaches, excessive attachment (whether we’re clinging to something or actively resisting it) all too often leads to suffering. Practitioners of mindfulness meditation find peace in letting go and accepting things as they are in the moment.

Check it out here.

Lachlan Brown