If you want your adult children to respect you, stop doing these 7 things in their presence

Being a parent to an adult child?

Yeah, that’s a whole new ballgame. It’s tough finding that balance between being supportive and giving them the space they need.

I’ve learned the hard way—there are some things parents do, often without realizing it, that can seriously chip away at the respect their grown kids have for them.

If you want to keep that respect intact, there are 7 habits you need to quit—like, yesterday.

This isn’t about controlling their choices or fixing their problems. It’s about stepping back, trusting them, and letting them figure out life on their terms. 

1) Overstepping boundaries

As adults, your children will begin to establish their own lives.

They’ll make choices, take on responsibilities, and start to forge their own paths.

This is a natural and healthy part of growing up. However, it can be challenging for some parents to adapt to this change.

In the pursuit of helping or guiding, we sometimes overstep boundaries, intruding into their personal spaces and decisions.

Think about it. How would you feel if someone constantly interfered with your choices?

Respecting your adult children’s boundaries is pivotal in maintaining their respect. It’s about understanding that they are no longer children but adults who can make their own decisions.

2) Being dismissive

I remember a time when my adult son came to me with an idea he was passionate about.

He wanted to start his own business.

I, having been in the corporate world for decades, instantly dismissed it as too risky. I told him to stick with his stable job.

Looking back now, I realize that was a mistake.

Instead of listening to his ideas and understanding his perspective, I was quick to shut him down based on my own experiences and fears.

Being dismissive of your adult children’s thoughts, ideas or feelings can be detrimental to the respect they have for you. It sends the message that their opinions are not valued.

Instead, engage in open conversations and really listen to what they have to say.

You might not always agree, and that’s okay. But it’s important to create a space where they feel heard and respected.

3) Neglecting self-care

Researchers found a strong link between parents’ self-care behaviors and their adult children’s perceptions of them.

Parents who neglect their own physical health, mental well-being, or personal growth often lose the respect of their adult children.

This is because it sends a message that they don’t value themselves, which can be hard for your adult children to watch.

Taking care of yourself isn’t just about physical health. It’s about emotional and mental well-being too.

This might involve taking time for hobbies, maintaining a healthy social life, or seeking help when you need it.

By taking care of yourself, you’re not only setting a good example but also showing your adult children that you value your own life and well-being.

4) Refusing to apologize

Nobody is perfect, and parents are no exception.

We all make mistakes, say things we don’t mean, or behave in ways we later regret.

When this happens, it’s important to swallow your pride and apologize.

It might seem like a small thing, but saying “I’m sorry” can go a long way in maintaining the respect of your adult children.

Refusing to apologize can create resentment and damage the relationship. It also sets a poor example of how to handle mistakes.

Apologizing when you’re wrong shows your adult children that you value their feelings and respect them. It also shows that you’re humble and mature enough to acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them.

5) Holding onto grudges

I had a falling out with my daughter a few years back.

We disagreed on something minor, but I let it blow out of proportion.

For weeks, we barely spoke. I held onto my anger, refusing to let go of the grudge.

Finally, I realized that holding onto this grudge was only hurting our relationship and my respect in her eyes. I decided to let it go, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Holding onto grudges against your adult children doesn’t do anyone any good. It creates a hostile environment and prevents healthy communication.

Letting go of grudges doesn’t mean forgetting or accepting what happened. It’s about choosing to focus on the present and future, rather than dwelling on past disagreements.

It shows maturity and your willingness to move forward for the sake of your relationship.

6) Failing to respect their privacy

As your children grow into adults, their need for privacy increases.

They have their own lives, relationships, and possibly even families.

It’s crucial to respect this privacy.

Prying into their personal affairs, checking up on them constantly, or insisting on knowing every detail of their lives can be seen as intrusive and disrespectful.

Remember, they’re adults now. They have the right to keep certain aspects of their lives private if they choose to.

7) Not celebrating their accomplishments

Your adult children still need your support and recognition.

When they achieve something, no matter how big or small, celebrate it.

Ignoring or downplaying their accomplishments can make them feel unappreciated and undervalued.

On the other hand, celebrating their achievements shows you’re proud of them and respect their efforts. It’s a clear sign of your support and can significantly boost their confidence.

Yes, they might be adults now, but your opinion still matters to them. Your support and recognition can go a long way in maintaining their respect for you.

It’s about mutual respect

In the end, it all boils down to one simple concept: mutual respect.

This may seem obvious, but it’s a point worth emphasizing. Respect is a two-way street. You can’t expect to receive it if you’re not willing to give it.

Harvard psychologist, Dr. Richard Weissbourd, in his study on moral development, pointed out that adults often forget that respect isn’t just something children owe parents, but something parents owe children as well.

Whether it’s respecting their boundaries, acknowledging their accomplishments, or simply apologizing when you’re wrong, each of these actions communicates a powerful message to your adult children – that you see them as independent adults and value their individuality.

So as you navigate this complex yet rewarding relationship with your adult children, remember that your actions and words can significantly influence the respect they have for you.

Because at the end of the day, our relationships with our adult children are not just about guiding them but also learning from them and growing with them.

Eliza Hartley

Eliza Hartley, a London-based writer, is passionate about helping others discover the power of self-improvement. Her approach combines everyday wisdom with practical strategies, shaped by her own journey overcoming personal challenges. Eliza's articles resonate with those seeking to navigate life's complexities with grace and strength.

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