Overthinking every choice? Use this 3-question Buddhist filter to make decisions with calm and confidence

I still remember standing in a bustling Chiang Mai market, long before I stumbled across mindfulness on the floor of a Melbourne warehouse. I was frozen in front of fifty nearly identical mango stalls, my mind spinning through every possible variable: Which one was cheapest? Ripest? Sweetest? Would buying two be too much? Would it make me “that tourist” who wastes food?

A nearby tuk-tuk driver chuckled. “Just pick one, mate—mango is mango.”

And in that moment, I realized something uncomfortable: the paralysis wasn’t about mangoes. It was about my obsession with getting every choice exactly right. Psychologists have a name for this mindset—maximizing—the exhausting pursuit of the perfect option, even in situations that don’t warrant it. The irony is that this constant mental overdrive often clouds the very clarity we’re striving for.

Sure, modern self-help throws us tools—pro-con lists, decision matrices, timeboxes. But what helped me most wasn’t anything new. It was something ancient: a practice from Buddhist psychology known as the Three Gates of Right Speech. Monks use it to decide whether to speak, but I discovered it works just as well for cutting through decision fatigue.

The 3‑question Buddhist filter

1. Is it true?

“Of course it’s true—I’ve got the screenshots!”

That was my knee-jerk reaction when a team member questioned a change I wanted to make to one of our dashboards. But after a second look, the dramatic traffic dip I’d seen turned out to be nothing more than a weekend blip. If I’d acted on that assumption, I would’ve wasted hours—and probably annoyed a few people in the process.

That moment reminded me how easy it is to confuse anxiety with accuracy. In Buddhism, Right View starts with seeing things as they really are—not through the lens of fear or urgency. The Satipatthāna Sutta teaches us to treat thoughts as “just thoughts”—mental events, not facts.

In psychology, there’s a similar practice: learning to slow down and check the story we’re telling ourselves. Because often, it’s not the situation—it’s the narrative that gets us stuck.

Try this quick reset:

• Name the story: “If I don’t fix this now, I’ll lose readers.”

• Name the data: “Traffic returned to normal within 12 hours.”

• Run it by someone neutral: They’ll often catch leaps of logic we’re too close to see.

When the story doesn’t survive the first gate, the whole decision often melts away with it.

2. Is it necessary?

A while back, I got caught up debating whether to launch another Facebook group for one of our niche sites. I spent hours sketching plans and making mockups—until my wife casually asked, “Wait… is the current funnel even broken?”

It wasn’t. I just wanted to tinker.

This is where non-attachment comes in. Buddhism doesn’t ask us to suppress ambition—it asks us to loosen our grip. Even the dharma, the Buddha said, is like a raft: once it’s helped you cross the river, you don’t strap it to your back and keep carrying it.

The same goes for shiny ideas. Not every opportunity is worth pursuing.

Try this check-in:

• Deadline check: Is there a real cut-off, or am I inventing one?

• Opportunity cost: What will I not do if I decide this today?

If the urgency shrinks under gentle scrutiny, you’ve probably just saved yourself a pile of unnecessary stress—and protected your energy for the things that truly matter.

3. Is it kind—or skillful?

Years ago, I almost signed a lucrative ad deal that would’ve filled our mindfulness content with weight-loss teas. The money looked great. But something didn’t sit right.

That’s where Gate 3 came in.

In Buddhism, ahimsa—non-harming—isn’t about being “nice.” It’s about choosing actions that reduce suffering and ripple outward with integrity. It’s about skillful means, not moral grandstanding.

In practice, this gate often reveals itself in the body before the mind catches up. A tight chest. A sinking gut. A nagging feeling that something’s off, even if the numbers look good.

A few cues:

• Ripple check: Who might be burdened by this choice in six months?

• Body scan: Do I feel grounded or twisted in knots?

When the answer leaves you uneasy, it’s often wiser to revise the plan—or walk away entirely.

Stitching the filter into real life (5-minute drill)

• Breathe and label: Two slow breaths. Silently name the thought: “planning,” “worrying,” “rushing.”

• Run the gates: Is it true? Necessary? Kind?

• Choose or schedule: If all three gates open—go. If one sticks, set a micro-task and revisit later.

I’ve used this drill daily for years now, and it’s transformed not just how I make decisions—but how I relate to them. When I’ve shared it with friends and teammates, many have told me it helped cut through their “decision clutter” almost immediately—sometimes within days.

Personal note: what changed for me

The funny thing? When I started using this filter regularly, everything in my life felt a little lighter. Not because the chaos disappeared—but because I wasn’t feeding it as much.

I stopped ending workdays mentally fried. I had enough clarity left to chat in Vietnamese with my wife’s family over dinner (I still butcher the tones—but at least I’m present).

This filter didn’t make me perfect. It just gave me space to breathe, reassess, and act from a steadier place.

If you’ve found this helpful, I unpack more decision tools like this in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How to Live with Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. It’s a guide for bringing ancient insight into modern noise—without needing a monastery or a meditation cushion.

Common objections (and gentle replies)

When the filter doesn’t work

• Addiction loops: If the decision is being driven by dopamine (scrolling, gambling, etc.), the gates might be bypassed. That’s where external support—accountability or professional help—can make a difference.

• Emotional flooding: When you’re triggered or overwhelmed, the rational gates are offline. In those cases, grounding comes first—breathwork, movement, or simply time.

• Unsafe teams: If your group can’t speak openly, truth-testing fails. Before you implement the filter at scale, invest in trust.

Scaling the gates

• Team meetings: We now begin Monday stand-ups with 60 seconds of silence, then filter big proposals through the three gates. Meetings got shorter—and calmer.

• Ad partners: Every offer gets screened through Gate 3. Revenue stayed strong, and reader complaints dropped.

• At home: My wife and I now run baby purchases through the filter too. It turns out Gate 2 is great at saying no to $900 smart cribs.

Final thought

Overthinking is natural. The mind thinks worry = control. But Buddhism offers a softer truth: clear intention beats endless analysis.

The Three Gates don’t guarantee perfect outcomes. They simply help you move with clarity, integrity, and peace of mind—even when things are uncertain.

Try it for a week. Just one week. And the next time you’re standing in front of fifty mango stalls—or fifty business decisions—remember the tuk-tuk driver’s advice:

“Just pick one, mate. Mango is mango.”