Doubt begins where self-trust ends—and these habits are the bridge

I used to second-guess just about everything: what I should eat for dinner, whether I was doing enough at work, and even if I’d locked the front door before leaving (only to rush back home to check).

If you can relate, you know how exhausting it is to question yourself at every turn. The pressure to “get it right” can be paralyzing. It certainly wore me down.

Over time, I realized that constantly doubting myself wasn’t just about wanting to be perfect or avoid mistakes. It was also a way of protecting my ego—because if I didn’t decide, I couldn’t fail, right?

But that habit ended up hurting me more than any failure ever did. I was stuck, never really moving forward.

I know it’s not easy to break out of this cycle, but it’s possible. The first step is identifying the behaviors that feed your self-doubt. And once you start working on these, things get a whole lot easier.

Here are the behaviors that I had to let go of—and that might be keeping you from trusting yourself, too:

Overthinking every decision

You’re sitting at a restaurant, the server comes to take your order, and you freeze. Do you go for the spicy noodles or the healthier quinoa bowl? Twenty minutes later, you’re still on the fence.

Sound familiar? I’ve been there too many times to count. My mind would jump to the worst possible outcomes: “What if the noodles are too spicy? What if I hate quinoa?”

But here’s the thing: most decisions aren’t life-or-death scenarios. When I realized I was spending more energy fretting about minor choices than actually enjoying my meals (and my life), I decided enough was enough.

Psychologists often talk about “analysis paralysis”—when overthinking prevents action.

A study even found that overanalyzing details leads to less satisfaction with the eventual choice. In simpler terms, the more we obsess, the less happy we end up.

So, how did I stop overthinking? I gave myself deadlines. For small decisions, I allow myself a set amount of time—say one minute—to come up with a choice. Then I stick to it. It sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly powerful.

Seeking everyone’s approval

When I was younger, I wanted everyone to like me. Friends, colleagues, even strangers on the internet. I’d ask for their opinions on what I should do, wear, or even believe.

Don’t get me wrong, feedback is helpful. But using it as a crutch to avoid owning your decisions? That’s where things go downhill.

I realized that searching for external validation is actually a way to shift responsibility. If things go well, great. If not, you can blame whoever gave you that advice. But in reality, your life is your responsibility.

As the self-help guru Tony Robbins once said, “The only thing that keeps you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.” And for a long time, the story I told myself was that I needed others to guide my choices.

Learning to trust my gut was liberating. Sure, I still listen to people I respect, but I see feedback as input—not a final verdict on what I should do.

Apologizing for everything

There was a time when “sorry” was my default answer to just about anything. Sorry for speaking up. Sorry for asking a question. Sorry for existing (slight exaggeration, but that’s how it felt).

I noticed that constantly apologizing was chipping away at my self-worth. It’s like I was placing myself in a perpetual state of wrongdoing.

Of course, there are times when a genuine apology is necessary. But if you’re saying sorry every time you open your mouth, it’s worth asking why. Are you apologizing out of politeness or out of deeply-rooted doubt?

I started replacing my “sorry” with “thank you” when possible. Instead of “Sorry for being late,” I’ll say “Thank you for waiting for me.” This simple shift made a big difference in my mindset—because it focused on gratitude and respect rather than guilt.

Letting fear of failure dictate everything

I’ve talked about this before but it’s worth emphasizing: fear of failure can feel like a boulder weighing you down. Sometimes, I wouldn’t even start a project because I was so convinced I’d fail. Then I’d berate myself for not trying. Talk about a lose-lose situation.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe: failing at something is often less painful than endlessly wondering what could have been. I remember the first time I tried to launch a side business in my 20s. It didn’t work out, and I lost a fair chunk of savings.

But that experience taught me the ropes of entrepreneurship in a way no book or class ever could. Not trying at all? I would’ve learned nothing.

Fear is natural; we’re human. But letting it override your potential is a huge disservice to yourself. Look at it like an experiment: even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped, you walk away with valuable lessons.

Comparing yourself to everyone

Ever scroll through social media and feel like everyone’s life is on fast-forward while you’re stuck in pause? I used to compare my day-to-day struggles to someone else’s curated highlight reel. The result? More self-doubt, less motivation.

Here’s a truth bomb: every single person is on their own timeline. Comparing your path to someone else’s is like comparing apples to bicycles—completely different categories. This idea aligns with what Buddhist philosophy teaches about detachment.

Much of our suffering, according to Buddhism, comes from clinging to expectations and comparisons. Letting go of these mental habits frees us to walk our own path with more peace and clarity.

If you want to dig deeper, I highly recommend checking out Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. She explores how comparing ourselves to others kills vulnerability and courage—two things we need if we ever hope to trust ourselves.

Over-personalizing mistakes

When something went wrong, I’d assume it was because of me. Someone cut me off in traffic? Must be my fault for driving too slow. A coworker was moody? Clearly my presentation was a flop. I over-personalized everything.

This habit can come from low self-esteem or a learned pattern of blame. But it sets up a toxic cycle where you become hypercritical of yourself. Eventually, it erodes your confidence in making decisions because you believe anything that goes wrong is a reflection of your worth.

I had to remind myself that not everything is about me—and that’s a good thing. People have their own issues, their own bad days. Sometimes, things go sideways simply because that’s life.

Practicing mindfulness helped me step back and assess situations more objectively. Instead of internalizing every mishap, I began to ask, “Is this really my fault, or is this just life happening?”

Putting your needs last

For the longest time, I thought self-care was selfish. If I took time for myself, it meant I was neglecting someone or something else. But running on empty doesn’t help anyone.

When you keep giving and never refuel, your decision-making power deteriorates. You start to question your capability because you’re mentally and physically drained.

In mindfulness circles, there’s a common saying: you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re exhausted, how can you trust your instincts? How can you show up fully for the people who need you?

I started small by setting a daily 10-minute mindfulness practice, and it’s now a non-negotiable part of my morning routine. It’s amazing how carving out even a short window can refill your energy and restore your sense of self.

Dwelling on “what ifs”

Ever catch yourself saying, “What if I fail?”, “What if they don’t like me?”, “What if this is a huge waste of time?” Anxiety thrives on hypotheticals. I used to dwell on them like they were unstoppable forces. But dwelling on “what ifs” keeps you stuck in a loop of inaction.

What changed for me was flipping the script: “What if it works out?” “What if I learn something incredible?” This simple reframing can inject optimism into your thought process.

It doesn’t magically eliminate doubts, but it balances them with the possibility of success or growth. Plus, focusing on potential positives often creates momentum for actually taking a step forward.

Distrusting your own intuition

I used to ignore my intuition, often telling myself I was just being paranoid or overly emotional. Yet, whenever I went against my gut feeling—especially in relationships or career decisions—I’d regret it later.

This doesn’t mean the gut is always right, but there’s merit in paying attention to those instincts. According to some psychological research, intuition can be a form of rapid subconscious assessment based on experience and knowledge.

In simpler terms, it’s not just “magic.” It’s your brain connecting dots faster than your conscious mind can keep up with.

If your intuition is telling you something feels off, at least take a moment to explore why. Sit with the feeling instead of pushing it away. You might discover an insight you would’ve otherwise missed.

Embracing trust in yourself

Letting go of these behaviors was a gradual process for me. Sometimes I still catch myself overthinking or slipping back into approval-seeking. But the difference now is awareness.

I’ve learned that self-trust isn’t built overnight; it’s formed through small, consistent acts of courage. It’s also something I dive deeper into in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.

In a way, building trust in yourself is like exercising a muscle. The more you practice, the stronger it gets. With each action you take—even if it’s not perfect—you learn that you can rely on your own judgment.

Final words

Doubting yourself doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you lack ability. It just means you’ve developed certain habits to cope with uncertainty. But those habits can hold you back more than the potential failures you’re trying to avoid.

If you’re ready to move forward, start by identifying which of these behaviors resonate with you the most. Then tackle them one by one. You don’t need to ditch everything at once.

Small steps add up. And as you build faith in yourself, you’ll discover that life feels more expansive, more exciting, and—most importantly—more yours to shape.

Trust me, stepping out of your comfort zone will feel a bit scary at first. But that discomfort is a sign you’re growing. And in the end, you’ll wonder why you ever let self-doubt steal the driver’s seat in the first place.

Take a breath, make a choice—no matter how small—and see where it takes you. You might be pleasantly surprised by what happens when you finally trust yourself to decide.