If he still likes me, why is he still online dating? 15 common reasons (and what to do about it)

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You have no doubt that he’s still into you.

In fact, you have a strong feeling that things are moving in the right direction.

But then one day, you check your dating app and lo and behold, he’s still very much active. A friend even told you they matched!

What is going on?

In this article, I will tell you twelve possible reasons why he’s still online dating even if he still likes you, and what you can do about it.

1) He’s not yet ready to (re) commit.

If a man likes you, it means just that—that he LIKES you.

It doesn’t automatically mean that he wants you in his life or that he’s ready to commit to you.

This, of course, applies to exes, too. Yes, even if you’ve been together for a decade.

Maybe the two of you are on a break and even if he still likes you, he’s having second thoughts of getting back together.

It could be because he thinks you’ll still encounter the same kinds of problems and he’s not sure that’s what he wants in a relationship. It could be because he is worried he’d hurt you the second time.

Or if you’re never been officially together, it’s possible he’s worried that he has nothing much to offer you.

There are many reasons why a man is not ready to commit.

To figure out this guy, you have to know exactly why, so you’ll know what steps to take.

The thing is…sometimes, men don’t even know why they aren’t ready to commit. They simply know they aren’t. So you should know how to not take it too personally.

2) He just forgot to deactivate.

Before you have a change of heart and go completely cold on him, consider the possibility that it’s really just nothing—that the guy simply forgot to deactivate his account!

It happens to a lot of us.

We fall in love, we get serious…but we forget to deactivate the dating apps because we’re simply not anal about what apps to delete or keep on our phones.

If you were on a break, then it’s completely understandable that he uses dating apps.

It’s possible that that one time you saw him active on the dating app, he’s just logged in because there’s a notification. Or he just got bored.

In other words, it’s probably no biggie and you’re just overreading it.

3) He’s curious if you’re still active, too!

You found out he’s active because you logged in your dating apps.

What’s funny is that he’s probably doing the same thing, too—he’s checking you out if you’re still active! Basically, he’s doing exactly the same thing you’re doing to him right now.

You keep seeing that he has his green dot but that’s possibly because he’s monitoring you, too.

If you’ve known him for a while and you’re sure he’s not a player or he’s not really into dating apps, then this could definitely be the reason why he’s still active.

It would be funny if you ask him about it and he says “but you too!”

4) He’s managing his expectations.

So let’s say you’ve been on a break and he told you he still likes you, or you’ve been hanging out for a bit and you feel that things are going really well

But then a part of him thinks “What if it won’t turn out well”, and that’s why he’d keep talking to others online. It’s a “just in case” move that’s usually done by those who are afraid of rejection—usually insecure men who’ve been hurt many times before.

Be compassionate. Try not to paint him as a player right away.

But at the same time, don’t see it as a reflection of who you are. Before you start wondering what’s wrong with you, take a hard look at this guy.

Based on what you know about him, can you see signs that he’s sensitive, scared, or jaded? Did he ever tell you that he got hurt badly in the past?

Then chances are he’s not really being a prick. It’s his way to protect his heart.

5) He’s addicted to the easy thrill of online dating.

Think of it like smoking or any kind of addiction. Some people find it hard to quit online dating. And it’s easy to see why.

It’s fun getting to know someone and flirting with them through words. Everything is still exciting and this gives you a certain rush comparable to getting high on drugs.

Maybe he’s one of those people who just can’t quit, and that it’s become part of him.

He might think it’s just harmless, or that he just can’t help it. Either way, the point is that he’s probably not in love with someone else, he just has a habit that he finds difficult to let go of.

6) He’s still looking for that special something.

If a man truly wants to commit, he will do so with all his heart. But first he needs to be convinced that the relationship is worth committing to.

In a way, many men can be considered hopeless romantics. They might think that they need to find that special someone who fulfills every single thing on their checklist.

But that’s not how it works. As dating and relationship coach Clayton Max says, you can’t “convince” man to want to be with you.

Instead you need to bypass his mind and strike at his heart. Make him feel a sense of excitement when he’s with you. Get him infatuated.

And you can easily do this by reading his mood and knowing what words to text him.

If you want to know the secret to that, then you should watch Clayton Max’s quick video here where he shows you how to make a man infatuated with you.

It’s easier than you probably thought!.

Infatuation is triggered by a primal drive deep within the male brain. And although it sounds crazy, there are a combination of words you can say to generate feelings of red-hot passion for you.

To learn exactly what these texts are, watch Clayton’s excellent video now.

7) It’s no biggie for him.

So he’s always on the dating apps, but he doesn’t take online dating seriously.

For him, words are just words and as long as he’s not holding another girl’s hand or kissing another girl’s lips, he’s not “cheating” on you.

He sees nothing wrong with it because for him, it’s just one way to connect with people. He probably has made new friends from these dating apps.

What’s important to note is that he’s not lying when he said he likes you, it’s just that you aren’t official yet so he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing.

Especially because he sees dating apps as just a harmless pastime—something to do while he’s waiting for his shift to end or while he’s lining up for coffee.

8) He’s actually a player.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…it’s probably a duck, right?

This shouldn’t come as a surprise.

A guy who says he likes you but is still very active in online dating is probably a player.

It doesn’t mean that he lied to your face when he said he likes you. Yes, he (still) likes you…but he probably likes a hundred other women, too.

Maybe it’s not his fault. Maybe he’s just a confused soul who can’t make up his mind. Maybe that’s how he’s built, or maybe he just really doesn’t take dating seriously.

I know it sounds like crazy advice…but don’t cut him off from your life just yet. Players are simply romantics that have become jaded. Once upon a time, they were idealistic and loyal, but got hurt along the way in their quest for true love.

There are ways to make a player choose you for good. And I will reveal them later in this article.

9) He enjoys playful flirtation.

Perhaps “player” is too strong a word.

Maybe he just really enjoys getting to know women and flirting with them a little bit. For some men, it’s part of their nature.

To him, flirting is just a regular part of day-to-day interactions. And as long as he’s not hurting anyone and he’s not falling in love with any one of them, he’s not doing anything bad or immoral.

It’s possible he is really blind that it could break your heart.

But the good thing about these types is that they usually know when to stop…because they also don’t take flirting seriously.

However, if it bothers you to the core (which is very much understandable if he told you he likes you), then you should confront him about it and be honest about what you feel when he does it. You can’t bend too much or you’ll break.

10) He likes the feeling of having many possibilities.

Some men are not really out there to do evil things to women. Some just like to feel free, whatever that means to them.

Maybe they had a relationship where they felt trapped, controlled, and suffocated (maybe it was your relationship with them!). And because of this, they made a vow to themself to not be in the same position again.

Or maybe they fell in love so hard only to end up hurt in the end.

So he talks to other women even if he’s still in love with you. He doesn’t want to feel he’s “stuck” with just one option. He thinks it’s too risky.

He’s been there before and he doesn’t want to experience being in chains again.

11) He’s trying to make you jealous.

He’s on dating apps to trigger you.

He knows you’re the jealous type. It may be the reason the two of you broke up or didn’t become a couple.

So now he’s testing you before he’d even consider pursuing you seriously.

He’s taking a big risk but if jealousy was a big problem to you back then, he’s willing to take a big risk just so he finds out if you’ve changed.

He wants to see if you’ve matured when something like this happens. He wants to see if you’re going to deal with it in a healthy, constructive way…or lash out like you used to do.

If you don’t attack him for it, it might be the sign that he’s been waiting for. He might be impressed by how mature you’ve become, making him want to (re)commit to you.

12) He wants to know how much you like him.

This is similar to #8, except he’s doing it to test how much you like him.

You see him being active on dating apps precisely because he wants you to. After all, he could just go by a different identity if he doesn’t want to be found out.

The idea is that if you really like him that much, then seeing him on dating sites will make you possessive and claim him for good. And if you never liked him that much in the first place? You’d leave.

This is especially likely if both of you are too proud to take the first step without this kind of incentive.

So instead of walking up to you and asking you out, he’d rather trigger you to make the first move… even if it means he might lose you.

13) You’ve reached a plateau.

So let’s say the two of you are getting along well again. But you didn’t talk about becoming a couple. You’ve reached a state where you’re not just friends but you’re not lovers either. And it’s been a while.

Well then, he probably thinks that you’re not that into him, so he tries online dating again. After all, if you’re really into him, you’d show some clear signs. And maybe you weren’t giving him those.

In other words, he’s waited for so long for things to move forward, but he’s gotten impatient…or bored…or he’s starting to lose his interest in you. So he goes to the dating apps.

14) He wants to move on.

He likes you. He really does. But that isn’t enough to make him want to come to your side.

There’s some emotional baggage that makes him want to move on. Perhaps you’re exes and your last relationship was disastrous for him.

Or perhaps you were never together, but one of you has hurt the other so much that he would rather leave than to entertain a future with you.

His heart desires one thing —you— but his mind has deemed that it isn’t in his best interests. So he tries to move on… and the fastest way he can do that is by seeing someone else.

It’s often said that you never stop loving someone. You simply find someone you love more. He wants to find that someone so that he can finally leave you behind.

15) He’s always on the search for “the one”

Modern-day dating is hard.

Yes, it’s easy to swipe right and have small talk through dating apps, but it’s also precisely because of this that it’s hard. People have now become more concerned about finding that perfect someone.

They’re never content with just an 85% match. What if they settled for that, only to find a 99.9% match a few days later?

Maybe your guy is one of those people. So even if you two are already good together, he would still want to keep dating online.

So what you want to do is to make yourself completely indispensable and irreplaceable.

Even if you can’t become a 100% match for him, offer him something that he isn’t going to get from any other girl.

This is how you get him so hooked that he’s never going to give you up.

But if he still lets you down and it just isn’t going to work, then there’s nothing to it but to say goodbye and move on.

What to do

It can be unsettling and heartbreaking to find out that the man who expressed his interest in you is still dating online.

But this is a normal part of modern-day dating.

Here are some things you can do if you’re in this situation.

Make him want you more than anything.

Many of the biggest reasons why he’s still dating others online is because he isn’t fully sold on the idea of chasing after you… yet.

So what you need to do is to make him want you above everything else.

What you need to do:

  • Get on his level by understanding and enjoying his interests together with him.
  • Make him feel heard and approach him with an open mind.
  • Don’t be fake—always be your genuine self around him.
  • Show him that you’re independent and self-sufficient.
  • Don’t be too possessive or clingy and show him you respect his time.

Show him you’re ready to commit.

You also need to show him that he’s not going to be wasting his time in going after you—that you’re not going to leave him waiting around while you make up your mind.

This is something that you can’t just act out, of course.

You actually do need to be ready to commit if you are to try. He would just see through you otherwise.

What you need to do:

  • Make sure you have your life sorted out. You can’t maintain a good relationship if you’re too busy to tend to him!
  • Be open with him, and show that you’re not afraid to be intimate. Don’t talk about your exes.
  • Be stable and dependable. Make him feel like he can rely on you when he needs someone to lean on.

Get guidance from a relationship coach

While this article explores the main reasons why a guy who likes you is still online dating, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like [topic of article in different words]. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

Have an honest conversation.

Proper communication is important in relationships, and it’s important for you to start with it from the very beginning.

So try to find a time and place where you can talk to him about your thoughts and feelings, as well as to plan your future.

For starters, you might want to address the following:

  • How you feel towards one another.
  • The reasons why he’s trying to find a date online.
  • What you feel about him being actively dating online.
  • What he’s willing to do about it.
  • If you should try to date each other.

This is by no means exhaustive, of course.

Consider it a general list you can adjust to suit your specific relationship together with him.

Focus on yourself.

Sure, try to win him over…but you have to ask yourself “Do I really, really, really like this?” and “Is this what love feels like?”

If you feel that yes, he indeed loves you (despite him still online dating) and you’re sure that he’s the one you really want, go make it work. Do the necessary steps mentioned above. Don’t be afraid to be the chaser. Just make sure he’s worth it.

However, if you have doubts and you’re not willing to risk dating someone who might cheat on you, then it might be better for you to move on.

Conclusion

It can be hard to see someone you like being out there looking for a date, especially when you know that he likes you back.

You will be plagued by thoughts like “what am I missing? Am I not enough?”

Honestly, most of the time it’s just benign…or the problem isn’t you, but him.

But that doesn’t mean you’re powerless either.

With the right words you can chain his heart to yours and make him so obsessed with you that he’ll never look at anyone else.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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