in ,

How to stop thinking about someone: 20 steps to move on with your life

Image credit: Shutterstock - By Marcos Mesa Sam Wordley

Can’t stop thinking about someone? A new love interest that won’t reciprocate? An ex you can’t get over?

Whoever it is, it can be tough to get them out of your brain. The worst part is that the more you try to stop thinking about someone, the more you think about them!

It’s a cycle that’s tough to break. But while you can’t exactly control your mind and what it thinks, there are several actions you can take to get over this person so you can get on with your life.

So if you are ready to get over your ex or your unrequited love and stop thinking about them once and for all, we can help.

Do these 20 things to stop thinking about them, get over them and get on with your with life.

1) Decide and then do.

The first step in moving on with your life is to decide that you are ready, even if you are not.

Some of the best decisions you can make are the ones you are not ready to make. Do things before you are ready, including getting over your ex.

2) Get closure.

Do what you have to do to let them go and get on with your life. If you need to talk through things or send a letter, do it.

But then get on with the next thing. Dedicate time to mourning the relationship and then commit to focusing on something else.

3) Miss them and then stop.

Let yourself feeling and then celebrate how you’ve been adult about the whole thing and get going to the next great thing in your life.

Remember that you were great before you met your ex and you’ll be great again on your own.

(Are you pushing him away? Find out the three HUGE mistakes women make that push men away here).

4) Think about something else.

If you need to replace one face with another to get through the day, do it. Whatever you need to do at this point is acceptable.

This is one of those situations where “fake it til you make it” is real and applicable.

5) Don’t go looking for them.

Don’t hang out where they hang out. Don’t go to your mutual friend’s party. Don’t stop by their work or eat at their favorite restaurant.

You’re just asking for trouble when you do that. Plus, it messes with your mojo.

6) Don’t let yourself feel bad.

If you feel guilty for whatever went down, stop right now. It takes two people to be in a relationship, and there’s no need of you carrying all the guilt, or any of the blame for that matter.

What good does it do for you to walk around feeling sad about how things ended?

7) Stay offline.

Block them on social media, or at least stop following them for a while. If you find that seeing them or what they are doing sends you into a tailspin, stop seeing them altogether.

It’s okay to keep some distance between you, and even if you need to keep that distance forever, do what’s best for you first.

8) Don’t beat yourself up.

Nothing good comes from feeling poorly about the relationship. So what if things ended badly?

Relationships end all the time. The world keeps on spinning. Give yourself the room you need to feel it and then get going with your life.

9) Get out of town.

If you need a physical break from things, take some time off work and hit the road with a good friend and a plan for some great fun.

If you need to don’t have a lot of cash on hand but need to get away, crash on a friend’s couch for a few days. A change of scenery can help a lot.

10) Hang out with friends.

Be around people who make you glad to be a live. Find your friends whom you’ve probably been melting since hooking up with your ex and revive those relationships.

(Related: If you want to discover the six deadly relationship sins and learn how to “re-attract” your ex-boyfriend, check out my new article here).

11) Smile on the outside and inside.

Even if you feel like dying inside, it’s essential that you remind yourself that life will go on and you will be happy again.

Simply smiling to yourself – and the outside world – can make you feel better. Do it more often.

12) Have fun. You are allowed.

Don’t feel like you need to sit on the couch sulking for the rest of your life. If you feel like you want to have a good time, let ‘er happen!

13) Don’t believe your thoughts.

If you think you aren’t over your ex, but everything points to the fact that you are, question where your thoughts are coming from and recognize that you are probably just afraid of what’s to come.

Be excited by the changes instead of afraid.

14) Be ruthless.

Nobody is going to live your life for you, and when you realize that you can tap into your badass self and get on with the life you once had, you’ll be better for it.

Be ruthless in your approach to getting over your ex-partner or your new crush who won’t reciprocate. No matter how great they were at one time, you decided to end it for one reason or another.

So rather than focus on the good or the bad times and caught up in the drama of it all, just get on with what you want to do and focus on that.

But you need to be in charge of making yourself feel better. Nobody can make that happen for you.

15) Be fearless.

Remember that you were fine before you met your ex and you’ll be fine again in short order.

So many people make the mistake of putting all their eggs in that one basket only to find that the person wasn’t as they thought and it leaves people reeling.

Rather than put all your worth in a relationship with someone else, find value in your own life, on your own.

Do things that scare you and remind you how fun it is to be alive and meet new people. Nobody said you have to be torn apart and sad over a break-up, but if that’s the route you found yourself on, it’s time to get off and get on your way.

16) Block like your life depends on it.

Whatever you do, don’t pretend you can still be friends with this person. Remove all evidence of them from your life, so you don’t have to look at them.

This isn’t about being in denial about your relationship. It’s about opening your eyes to the relationship you have with yourself instead.

So do yourself a favor and block them from your social media.

You don’t want messages, photos, funny quotes or anything else from them while you are getting back on the horse.

If you decide later that you can be around them or see their posts without it derailing you and your remarkable life, that’s fine, but give yourself this space at first.

17) Bet on you.

Make sure you spend some time getting to know yourself again. Remember what you liked about yourself before you put all your faith in someone else to remind you.

We tend to put a lot of responsibility on our partners to show us our value and to give meaning to our lives. That’s not fair to anyone and certainly, put a lot of pressure on a relationship that might already be under fire.

If you found yourself engaging in that kind of behavior, do yourself a favor and get back to focusing on your stuff.

Journal about your thoughts and feeling sand explore what all that means to you.

18) Be bold.

Go out and take a class, sign up for a new hobby, spend money you don’t have, meet someone new, take a trip, sell some stuff, take a road trip with a good friend, eat new food, wear fun clothes.

Do things that make you feel like you are reborn.

Being bold is an important part of getting over someone after a bad break-up because you need to rediscover what you like and be open to new possibilities that you might have been missing while you were too busy with your head down checking his or her Instagram every five minutes.

Don’t let life pass you by any longer.

19) Be a good friend.

If you can’t be good to yourself, be good to someone else. Sometimes, getting over someone after a bad break-up wreaks havoc on your life, and it can be especially challenging to get back to your normal self when things come to an end.

If this is the case for you, try being kind to someone else to take the edge off and focus on someone else’s needs as a way to redirect your pain into someone else’s happiness.

20) Appreciate yourself 

Sometimes when you can’t stop thinking of someone, you believe that if you started dating them, they would make you happy.

But isn’t healthy to look to outside attachments to make you happy. You need to be satisfied with yourself. Happiness comes from inside.

So you need to remember the positive traits about yourself.

What can help you is to write a list of your top 10 traits you like about yourself.

Understanding your strengths will help you appreciate yourself and most importantly, make you realize that you don’t need to search outside yourself for happiness. You can be perfectly happy by yourself.

Introducing my new book

To dive further into what I’ve discussed in this blog post, check out my book The Art of Breaking Up: How to Let Go of Someone You Loved.

In this book, I’ll show you exactly how to get over someone you loved as quickly and as successfully as possible.

First I’ll take you through the 5 different types of breakups – this gives you the chance to better understand why your relationship came to an end, and how the fallout is impacting you now.

Next, I’ll provide a path to help you figure out exactly why you’re feeling the way you are about your breakup. I’ll show you how to truly see those feelings for what they really are, so you can accept them, and ultimately move on from them.

In the last stage of the book, I show you how to embrace being single, rediscover the profound meaning and simple joys in life, and ultimately find love again.

Now, this book is NOT a magic pill.

It’s a valuable tool to help you become one of those unique people who can accept, process and move on.

By implementing these practical tips and insights, you’ll not just free yourself from the mental chains of a distressing breakup, but you’ll most likely become a stronger, healthier, and happier person than ever before.

Check out my new book here.

You may also like reading:

Sign up to Hack Spirit's daily emails

Learn how to reduce stress, cultivate healthy relationships, handle people you don't like and find your place in the world.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit
Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

These 20 brutal truths about life will help you get your sh*t together

12 tips for a perfect morning routine (according to science)