Becoming more positive without losing touch with reality

I used to think being a positive person meant pretending to be happy all the time.

I thought it was about keeping things “light,” brushing off discomfort, looking on the bright side no matter what.

And for a while, I pulled it off. I smiled. I said all the right things. I tried to make everyone around me feel okay.

But underneath it, I felt hollow.

Because what I was really doing wasn’t positivity — it was performance. I wasn’t being emotionally strong. I was bypassing what I actually felt.

If you’ve ever tried to “just be more positive” when your inner world was falling apart, you know exactly what I mean.

Real positivity — the kind that’s actually useful — looks and feels very different. It’s quieter. More honest. And far more powerful than the toxic cheerfulness we often mistake it for.

Here’s what I’ve learned it actually takes to be a genuinely positive person—and what it absolutely doesn’t.

Why the performance of positivity can backfire

There’s a subtle pressure in our culture to be upbeat all the time.

We’re told to “stay high vibe,” “manifest good energy,” “don’t dwell,” “raise our frequency,” and “protect our peace” like it’s a game of emotional dodgeball.

But here’s the problem: when we treat positivity as the absence of struggle, we create shame around very normal human emotions.

You end up feeling guilty not just for being anxious, or sad, or angry—but for not being able to “snap out of it.”

You start repressing how you feel in order to protect an image of how you think you should feel.

That’s not growth. That’s avoidance dressed up as enlightenment.

True positivity doesn’t reject discomfort. It includes it. It just doesn’t build an identity around it.

What real positivity is made of

Over time, I started redefining what positivity meant for me.

It stopped being about projecting a polished version of myself. It started being about trust.

Trust in my ability to stay with life — even when it’s hard.
Trust that this moment, however uncomfortable, isn’t the whole story.
Trust that I could respond with awareness, instead of reaction.

Real positivity isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about choosing to see possibility even when things aren’t.

And that kind of optimism is earned.

It’s built by sitting with pain, making it through, and realizing you’re still here — more whole, not less.

What being a positive person doesn’t require

Let’s get something out of the way.

Being positive doesn’t require:

• Ignoring your feelings

• Always being cheerful

• Having everything figured out

• Keeping everyone else happy

• Faking gratitude when you feel numb

• Forcing silver linings onto real grief

• Smiling when your body wants to cry

You’re allowed to have bad days. You’re allowed to feel negative emotion. You’re allowed to not always be the “uplifting” one in the room.

A truly positive person isn’t one who never struggles.

It’s someone who meets struggle with courage, honesty, and hope.

Even if it’s quiet. Even if it’s messy.

The key habits that actually help

So, what does it take to become a more positive person?

In my experience, it comes down to a few deeply unsexy, but powerful habits:

• Emotional honesty – letting yourself feel the full range of human emotion without judgment

• Presence – staying connected to what’s actually happening, not the story in your head

• Gratitude – not forced, but practiced; looking for what’s still good, even on the bad days

• Curiosity – asking “what’s here for me to learn?” instead of “why is this happening to me?”

• Boundaries – protecting your peace not by avoiding life, but by choosing who and what gets your energy

• Resilience – returning to yourself after being knocked down, again and again

These aren’t traits you’re born with. They’re choices. Made over time. In real life. With real discomfort.

Why positivity isn’t about being “high vibe” all the time

I’ve seen this term thrown around so much: high vibration. And while I get where it comes from — emotion does have energy — it can easily become a form of spiritual pressure.

You start thinking that if your vibe isn’t high enough, you’re doing something wrong. Or worse, that you’re attracting bad things just by feeling low.

But here’s what I’ve learned from Eastern philosophy, and what I talk about often at Hack Spirit:

Your energy is less about your emotional state and more about your relationship to your emotional state.

Meaning: you can be sad and still grounded.
You can be anxious and still kind.
You can be disappointed and still hopeful.

You don’t have to chase positivity.

You just have to stop fighting yourself every time you’re not happy.

What I learned from trying to “fake it till I make it”

There was a season in my life when I faked it pretty hard.

I said all the right things. Gave advice I wasn’t following. Wrote about peace while grinding my teeth at night.

Eventually, I burned out.

Not because life was so overwhelming — but because pretending it wasn’t took so much energy.

That’s when I realized: the more honest I was about what I felt, the more I made space for real positivity to return.

I didn’t need to chase good vibes. I just needed to stop covering up the real ones.

Letting yourself be where you are is the bridge to something lighter.

Why mindfulness matters more than motivation

If you want to be a more positive person, start here: Learn to observe your mind instead of believing everything it says.

Motivation will come and go. So will mood.

But presence?

That’s something you can build.

When you can sit with discomfort without being consumed by it, you reclaim your power. You stop riding the highs and lows like a passenger. You start navigating life with a deeper center.

Mindfulness taught me this. Not as a buzzword — but as a lived practice.

Even now, I’ll sit for a few minutes and just notice my breath.

Not to calm down. Not to “fix” myself. But to remind myself that this moment is enough.

And often, that reminder is where the most authentic positivity begins.

What positivity feels like when it’s real

Here’s what I’ve noticed about genuinely positive people: They don’t glow with forced happiness. They radiate steadiness.

They’re the ones who stay grounded when things go sideways.
They’re honest, but not hopeless.
They feel deeply—but they don’t drown.

Their positivity isn’t loud. It’s calming. It’s not about mood. It’s about perspective.

And it usually comes from having walked through some real darkness—and chosen to stay open anyway.

That’s what I aspire to.

Not to “be positive” all the time—but to live in a way that reflects trust in life, even when it’s hard.

To finish

Being a positive person isn’t about avoiding pain.

It’s about facing it with courage, presence, and a quiet belief that light will come again.

You don’t have to smile your way through grief.
You don’t have to fake cheerfulness when you’re burnt out.
You don’t have to love every moment to love your life.

You just have to keep choosing honesty over performance.

Openness over control.

Presence over perfection.

That’s the kind of positivity that actually changes lives—starting with your own.

And it begins right here, in the messy, imperfect, fully human place you already are.