Do you know what the worst mistake is? Marrying the wrong person.
The lines of the famous song It’s Sad to Belong will tell you how costly it is:
…it’s sad to belong to someone else When the right one comes along
Marriage should be taken seriously. That’s why you need to know a person very well before committing a lifetime with him or her.
To avoid that, here are 276 questions to ask before marriage. Use it now or regret it later.
Work-related questions to ask before marriage
1. Are you working on your chosen field?
2. How many hours a week do you work? Would you consider yourself a workaholic?
3. What does your job entail?
4. What is your dream job?
5. Have you ever been called a workaholic?
6. What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working?
7. Have you ever been fired?
8. Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot?
9. Do you consider your work a career or just a job?
10. Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Marriage-related questions to ask before marriage
11. How many kids do you want?
12. What values do you want to install in your children?
13. How do you want to discipline your kids?
14. What would you do if one of your children said he was homosexual?
15. What if our children didn’t want to go to college?
16. How much say do children have in a family?
17. How comfortable are you around children?
18. Would you be opposed to having our parents watch the children so we can spend time alone together?
19. Would you put your children in a private or public school?
20. What are your thoughts on homeschooling?
21. Would you be willing to adopt if we couldn’t have kids?
22 Would you be willing to seek medical treatment if we couldn’t have kids naturally?
23. Do you believe it’s OK to discipline your child in public?
24. How do you feel about paying for your kid’s college education?
25. How far apart do you want kids?
26. Would you want someone to stay home with the kids or use daycare?
27. Do you gamble?
28. How would you feel if our kids wanted to join the military rather than go to college?
29. How involved do you want grandparents to be in our parenting?
30. How will we handle parental decisions?
31. Do you believe in spanking your kids?
32. Do you prefer a or a girl as a firstborn?
Questions about previous relationships
33. Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship?
34. When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person?
35. What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one?
36. Have you ever been married?
37. If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviors that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you’re not proud of?
36. Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship?
39. Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?
40. Have you ever sought marriage counseling?
41. Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships?
42. Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn’t go through with the wedding?
43. Have you ever had a live-in partner?
44. Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?
Sex-related questions to ask before marriage
45. What sexual activities do you enjoy the most?
46. Do you feel comfortable initiating sex?
47. What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex?
48. Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted?
48. What was the attitude toward sex in your family?
50. Do you use sex to self-medicate?
51. Have you ever felt forced to have sex to keep the peace?
52. Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage?
53. Do you enjoy viewing pornography?
54. How often do you need or expect sex?
55. Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex?
56. Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Questions about health
57. How would you describe the current state of your health?
58. Have you ever had a serious illness? Have you ever had surgery?
58. Do you believe it is a sacred responsibility to take care of yourself?
60. Are there genetic diseases in your family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness?
61. Do you have health insurance?
62. Do you belong to a gym? If so, how much time do you spend at the gym every week?
63. Do you play sports or take exercise classes?
64. Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship?
65. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?
66. Have you ever been in a serious accident?
67. Do you take medication?
68. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?
P.. Have you ever been treated for a mental disorder?
70. Do you see a therapist?
71. Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?
72. Do you consider yourself an addictive personality, and have you ever suffered from an addiction?
73. How much alcohol do you drink every week?
74. Do you use recreational drugs?
75. Do you have a medical problem that impacts your ability to have a satisfying sex life?
76. Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Questions about the importance of appearance
77. How important is it that you always look your best?
78. How important is your spouse’s appearance?
70. Are there cosmetic procedures that you regularly undergo?
80. Is weight control important to you?
81. How much money do you spend on clothing every year?
82. Do you worry about getting old?
83. What do you like and dislike about your appearance?
84. What would your reaction be if your spouse lost a limb?
85. Do you feel that you can have good chemistry with someone who is moderately physically attractive to you, or is a strong physical attraction necessary?
Parenting-related questions to ask before marriage
86. Do you want children and when?
87. Would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children?
88. Who is responsible for birth control?
88. What is your view about fertility treatments?
90. What is your view about abortion?
91. Have you ever given birth to a child or fathered a child who was put up for adoption?
92. How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family?
93. Do you believe that a good mother will want to breast-feed her baby?
94. What type of discipline do you believe in?
95. Do you believe that children have rights?
96. Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation?
97. Should boys be treated the same as girls?
96. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?
97. How would you handle it if you didn’t like your child’s friends?
98. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?
99. How would you handle it if you didn’t like your child’s friends?
100. In a blended family; should birth parents be in charge of making decisions for their own children?
101. Would you ever consider getting a vasectomy or having your tubes tied?
102. Have differences concerning conception or child-raising ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Questions about extended family
103. Are you close to your family?
104. How often would you want to visit your family?
105. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family?
106. How often will your family visit us?
107. Do you have a family history of diseases or genetic abnormalities?
106. What if one of your family members said he disliked me?
109. How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions?
110. If your parents became ill, would you take them in?
Friendship-related questions to ask before marriage
111. Do you have a best friend?
112. Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week?
113. Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is?
114. If your friends need you, are you there for them?
115. Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends?
116. Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common?
117. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends?
118. Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship?
Questions about pets
119. Are you an animal lover?
120. Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet?
121. How many pets do you want?
122. Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal?
123. Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship?
124. Do you consider pets members of your family?
125. Have you ever been jealous of a partner’s relationship with a pet?
126. Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Politics-related questions to ask before marriage
127. Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels?
128. Do you belong to a political party?
128. Did you vote in the last presidential election?
130. Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage?
131. Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of color, poor people, and the disenfranchised?
132. Which political issues do you care about?
133. Has politics ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
134. Is it important for you to be involved in your local community?
135. Do you like having a close relationship with your neighbors?
136. Do you regularly participate in community projects?
137. Do you believe that good fences make good neighbors?
138. Have you ever had a serious dispute with a neighbor?
139. Do you take pains to be considerate of your neighbors?
Charity-related questions to ask before marriage
140. How important is it to you to contribute time or money to charity?
141. Which kind of charities do you like to support?
142. Do you feel that it is the responsibility of the “haves” of the world to help the “have-nots”?
143. Have attitudes about charitable contributions ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Military-related questions to ask before marriage
144. Have you served in the military?
145. Have your parents or other relatives served in the military?
146. Would you want your children to serve in the military?
147. Do you personally identify more with a nonviolent approach, or with making change through military force and action?
148. Has military service or attitudes about military service ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
149. Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person?
150. Have you ever committed a crime?
151. Have you ever been arrested?
152. Have you ever been in jail?
153. Have you ever been involved in a legal action or lawsuit?
154. Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime?
156. Do you believe it’s important to be rigorously honest when you pay taxes?
156. Have you ever failed to pay child support?
157. Have legal or criminal issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Media-related questions to ask before marriage
158. Where do you get your news from?
159. Do you believe what you read and see in the news?
100. Do you seek out media with diverse perspectives on the news?
161. Have media differences ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Religion-related questions to ask before marriage
162. Do you believe in God?
163. Do you have a current religious affiliation?
164. When you were growing up, did your family belong to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque?
185. Do you currently practice a different religion from the one in which you were raised?
166. Do you believe in life after death?
167. Does your religion impose any behavioral restrictions?
168. Do you consider yourself a religious person?
169. Do you engage in spiritual practices outside of organized religion?
170. How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs?
171. How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion?
172. Is spirituality a part of your daily life and practice?
173. Has religion or spiritual practice ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Culture-related questions to ask before marriage
174. Does popular culture have an important impact on your life?
175. Do you spend time reading about, watching, or discussing actors, musicians, models, or other celebrities?
176. Do you think most celebrities have a better, more exciting life than you do?
177. Do you regularly go to the movies, or do you prefer to rent movies and watch them at home?
178. What is your favorite style of music?
179. Do you attend concerts featuring your favorite musicians?
180. Do you enjoy going to museums or art shows?
181. Do you like to dance?
182. Do you like to watch TV for entertainment?
183. Have attitudes or behaviors around popular culture ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Leisure-related questions to ask before marriage
184. What is your idea of a fun day?
185. Do you have a hobby that’s important to you?
186. Do you enjoy spectator sports?
187. Are certain seasons off-limits for other activities because of football, baseball, basketball, or other sports?
168. What activities do you enjoy that don’t involve your partner?
189. How much money do you regularly spend on leisure activities?
190. Do you enjoy activities that might make your partner uncomfortable?
191. Have leisure time issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
192. Do you enjoy entertaining, or do you worry that you’ll do something wrong or people won’t have a good time?
193. Is it important for you to attend social events regularly?
194. Do you look forward to at least one night out every week, or do you prefer to enjoy yourself at home?
195. Does your work involve attending social functions?
196. Do you socialize with a diverse mix of people?
197. Are you usually the “life of the party”, or do you dislike being singled out for attention?
198. Have you or a partner ever had an argument caused by one or the other’s behavior at a social function?
199. Have differences about socializing ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Personal questions to ask before marriage
286. Which (if any holidays do you believe are the most important to celebrate?
201. Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays?
202. How important are birthday celebrations for you?
203. Have differences about holidays/birthdays ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?
Travel-related questions to ask before marriage
204. Do you enjoy traveling, or are you a homebody?
205. Are vacation getaways an important part of your yearly planning?
206. How much of your annual income do you designate for vacation and travel expenses?
207. Do you have favorite vacation destinations?
206. Do you think it’s important to have a passport?
209. Have disputes about travel and vacation ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Education-related questions to ask before marriage
210. What is your level of formal education?
211. Do you regularly sign up for courses that interest you?
212. Do you think that college graduates are smarter than people who didn’t attend college?
213. How do you feel about private school education for children?
214. Have education levels or priorities ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Transportation-related questions to ask before marriage
215. Do you own or lease a car? Would you ever consider not having a car?
216. Is the year, make, and model of the car you drive important to you?
217. Are fuel efficiency and environmental protection factors when you choose a car?
218. Given the availability of reliable public transportation, would you prefer not to drive a car at all?
219. How much time do you spend maintaining and caring for your vehicle?
220. How long is your daily commute? Is it by bus, train, car, or carpool?
221. Do you consider yourself a good driver? Have you ever received a speeding ticket?
222. Have cars or driving ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Communication-related questions to ask before marriage
223. How much time do you spend on the phone every day?
224. Do you have a cell phone?
225. Do you belong to any Internet chat groups?
226. Do you have an unlisted telephone number?
227. Do you consider yourself a communicator or a private person?
228. What are the circumstances under which you would not answer the telephone, cell phone, or BlackBerry?
229. Has modem communication ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Food-related questions to ask before marriage
230. Do you like to eat most of your meals sitting at the table, or do you tend to eat on the run?
231. Do you love to cook?
232. When you were growing up, was it important that everybody be present for dinner?
233. Do you follow a specific diet regimen that limits your food choices?
234. In your family is food ever used as a bribe or a proof of love?
235. Has eating ever been a source of shame for you?
236. Have eating and food ever been a source of tension and stress in a relationship?
Gender-related questions to ask before marriage
237. Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman?
238. Do you believe that marriages are stronger if a woman defers to her husband in most areas?
239. How important is equality in a marriage?
340. Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?
341. How did your family view the roles of girls and boys, men and women?
242. Have different ideas about gender roles ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship or the cause of a breakup?
Racial difference questions
243. What did you learn about race and ethnic differences as a child?
244. Which of those beliefs from childhood do you still carry; and which have you shed?
245. Does your work environment look more like the United Nations, or as a mirror of yourself?
246. How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity?
247. Are you aware of your own biases regarding race and ethnicity?
248. Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship?
249. What were your family’s views of race, ethnicity, and difference?
250. Is it important to you that your partner shares your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference?
251. Have different ideas about race, ethnicity~ and difference ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
Life-related questions to ask before marriage
252. Would you consider yourself a morning person or a night person?
253. Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you?
254 Are you a physically affectionate person?
255. What is your favorite season of the year?
256. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw?
257. What is your idea of a fair division of labor in your household?
258. Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or are you most comfortable with a firm plan of action?
256. How much sleep do you need every night?
260. Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, even on weekends or vacations?
261. What is your idea of perfect relaxation?
262. What makes you really angry? What do you do when you’re really angry?
263. What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are joyful?
264. What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities?
265. What makes you most secure?
266. Do you fight fair? How do you know?
267. How do you celebrate when something great happens? How do you mourn when something tragic happens?
268. What is your greatest limitation?
269. What is your greatest strength?
270. What most stands in the way of your creating a passionate and caring marriage?
271. What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality?
272. What makes you most afraid?
273. What drains you of your joy and passion?
274. What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit?
275. What makes your heart smile in tough times?
276. What makes you feel the most alive?
Conflict-related questions to ask before marriage.
277. Make sure you’re going to have a healthy relationship by dealing with these pre-marriage questions.
278. Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling if we were having marital problems?
279. If there is a disagreement between me and your family, whose side do you choose?
280. How do you handle disagreements?
281. Would you ever consider divorce?
282. Would you rather discuss issues as they arise or wait until you have a few problems?
283. How would you communicate you aren’t satisfied sexually?
284. What is the best way to handle disagreements in a marriage?
285. How can I be better at communicating with you?
if you don’t ask enough questions, you may find yourself wondering how you got yourself into such a mess and how to get out of it.
FREE eBook: The Marriage Repair Handbook
Just because a marriage has issues doesn’t mean you’re headed for divorce.
The key is to act now to turn things around before matters get any worse.
If you want practical strategies to dramatically improve your marriage, check out our FREE eBook here.
We have one goal with this book: to help you mend your marriage.
Here’s a link to the free eBook again
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.
Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.
Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Hack Spirit review team. In our reviews, Hack Spirit highlights products and services that you might find interesting. If you buy them, we receive a small commission from that sale. However, we only ever recommend products that we have personally investigated and truly feel could be valuable to you. Read our affiliate disclosure here. We welcome your feedback at [email protected].