Why the world needs less “nice guys” and more good men

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What’s the difference between a nice guy and a good man?

Well, for starters, everything.

While many women might proclaim that they want to meet a nice guy, what they really mean is that they want a good man.

Nice guys aren’t the kind of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, or even have a long-term relationship with.

Why?

Because they work really hard to see the world through rose-colored glasses, and grown ass women want a man who can tell it like it is and stand up for himself.

A nice guy will avoid uncomfortable conversations and situations, and even go so far as to tell lies to avoid engaging in the tough conversations.

Does that sound like someone who wants to share your life with?

Probably not.

While it may be hard to have difficult conversations, a good man will sit through the discomfort with you and take responsibility for his part in the situation.

Nice guys just want to make sure everyone is happy and carry on with life.

That sounds great, but it makes being an actual adult with actual responsibilities a bit tough for most people.

Another reason why nice guys aren’t all they’re cracked up to be is that they need constant reassurance that everything is okay and that they are okay.

They’ll need a lot of hand-holding and won’t be able to stand on their own.

Because they work to “keep the peace,” they’ll need others to hold them up when things get tough.

A good man is capable of being independent and doesn’t seek validation from those around him

Nice guys tend to bend the rules to be seen as someone who is likable and easy to get along with – even if it means crossing boundaries at work, in friendships, and even relationships.

A good man, on the other hand, knows that rules are in place for a reason and he doesn’t sway from the norm just to impress someone.

His ability to stand ground and be constant is what has earned him the respect he deserves in all areas of his life.

What’s more, nice guys want you to like them so they will tell you anything you want to hear.

This leads to unkept promises or disappointment when he can’t do the things he said he would do.

A good man will tell you honestly what he is capable of taking on so that his intentions are clear.

While this is obviously helpful in the workplace, it is even more admired in a relationship because a woman who is dating a good man knows what he is capable of and doesn’t place unrealistic expectations on him.

A good man will stand by your side, and he’ll swoop in to rescue you if things fall apart

A good man will be there to support you and help you get through the tough times in work and life.

A nice guy says he’ll be there for you, but when things get hairy, he conveniently can’t be found.

It’s hard to understand why guys who think of themselves as nice turn out to be jerks when the shit hits the fan, but that’s usually how it happens.

Nice guys often talk a good game but can’t walk the walk when the time comes. They often go after things in life for the thrill of the chase and then discard it when it is no longer shiny and new.

This goes for relationships and jobs.

Nice guys will work tirelessly to get promoted and then sit back and relax into their new role without regard for what it takes to keep that job.

The same is true in relationships: a nice guy will all but stalk you to get him to be his girlfriend, but then he won’t put in the effort to make the relationship last.

Good men know what they want and are smart enough to put in the effort on both sides of the chase: they’ll blow the competition away in a job hunt, and they’ll continue to impress long after they have been hired.

So what’s the difference between “nice guys” and “good men?”

It comes down to one word really. That word is integrity. Nice guys do what is good for them in the moment, and while they say all the right things and do all the right things, they aren’t capable of keeping up appearances.

This usually leads them to disappoint people in their lives. Good men, on the other hand, don’t strive for trophies in life and don’t over promise things.

They are honest and forthright and have a level of integrity that lets people know they can be trusted.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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