Ryan Frawley
We live in a fake world.
Whether it’s the airbrushed influencers or the ecstatic and beautiful families picking out paint colors on adverts, we are surrounded every day by the unreal.
And the people around us can be just as fake as any advert.
It’s not always easy to tell that you’re dealing with a fake person. After all, some people spend their whole lives mastering the art of pretending. Even the wariest of us can sometimes be taken in.
Nevertheless, there are some words and phrases that can give away whether a person is being less than genuine.
Often, being fake comes out of deep insecurity, and fake people use these expressions to try and hide what they don’t like about themselves.
If you hear someone using these phrases, it’s a good sign they may be a fake person.
1) “That doesn’t bother me.”
Often, fake people hide how they really feel.
That’s because they may be insecure about their feelings, or about what it reveals about their character.
Here’s the thing: none of us are perfect. We all get angry, frustrated, sad, or jealous from time to time. And labeling these feelings as negative or as something we don’t want to admit only makes them more powerful.
As psychologist Carl Jung used to say, what you resist persists.
Real friendship means being open and vulnerable with one another, especially about the feelings you would rather ignore.
Of course, some people are stoic and just prefer not to share their feelings. But if someone routinely pretends they don’t feel emotions that they clearly do, or they act unbothered by stuff that really should bother them, it’s a good indication that they are a fake person.
And they are putting on an act to hide feelings they don’t want to express.
2) “I can’t make it.”
Life gets busy. No one can keep every plan they make. And you shouldn’t hold your friends to an unrealistic schedule of always being available for everything you want to do.
However, fake people are masters of flaking.
Fake people are often the first and most eager to make plans with you. But when the time comes to do what you plan, they are nowhere to be found.
Sometimes, they will make elaborate excuses for why they couldn’t meet you somewhere. Other times, they will avoid the question completely.
But if this becomes a regular pattern of behavior, you know you have a fake person on your hands.
Real people can’t always make it to everything. But when they don’t, they will have a good reason for it, and ideally will let you know in advance.
On the other hand, fake people constantly make plans they have no intention of keeping. That’s because they want to be seen as fun and outgoing and want you to like them. But they may not like you enough to actually respect the commitments they’ve made.
3) “You’ll never believe what she said/did!”
Gossip is human nature. In fact, it may even have performed an important role in the development of human language.
At the same time, gossip can be extremely destructive. It can cause immense damage to people’s reputations and can cause division between people who used to be close.
However, fake people love gossip. That’s because talking behind other people’s backs helps to deflect attention from their own failures and insecurities. Fake people often think that by talking smack about other people, no one will notice the parts of themselves they are most eager to hide from the world.
And that’s also why you often hear people say things like…
4) “Things are so crazy for me right now.”
Fake people love drama.
Think about it: what better way for a person whose life is built on lies to hide their true nature than by participating in a drama where they can be the main character?
That’s why fake people often gossip, and it’s also why they will create drama in their own work and personal lives.
Fake people often like to talk about how crazy and dramatic their lives are because it distracts them from the parts of themselves they are insecure about.
Not only will they lie about the dramatic circumstances of their lives, but they may even intentionally create drama so that they have something to be dramatic about.
Pretending to have this crazy life that is beyond their control is a classic strategy fake people use to make themselves seem more interesting and to justify some of their bad behavior.
Don’t get sucked into the drama. That’s exactly what your fake so-called friends want.
5) “You shouldn’t do that/say that/wear that…”
To a fake person, image is everything. So maybe it shouldn’t be surprising that they want to control not just their own image, but yours too.
Fake people can be very controlling, especially when they think they’ve got their hooks into you. A fake friend may start trying to control how you act, what you say, what you wear, or other aspects of your life.
Now, that doesn’t mean they will necessarily tell you what to do. Instead, this control may take the form of constant criticism.
That’s because fake people are generally very negative and critical people. If they are insecure about themselves, they often seek to feel better by putting other people down. And that includes their supposed friends.
Fake people often reveal their deepest insecurities by what they are most critical of. So a person who is insecure about their looks may criticize yours. A person who doubts their own intelligence may try to convince you that you’re not very smart.
Fake people are masters of projection. The faults they find in others, including you, are usually what they most dislike about themselves.
6) “I’ve done that before.”
I’m sure you’ve met someone like this before. Someone who always has to one-up any story you tell.
No matter what you may have done in life, they have done it bigger, better, and grander.
This is a common strategy for fake people to project a false image of themselves. That’s especially true when they are insecure about their own achievements.
Now, you may be thinking there have been times when you’ve done that yourself. But there’s a difference between telling a relevant story in a conversation and always trying to one-up everybody else.
Fake people aren’t telling stories to relate better to others. Instead, they are making conversation into a competition. They may even lie and make up fake stories just to try and seem like they are better than you.
If you know someone who always has a story to top any of yours, maybe it’s because they are a big ol’ phony.
Watch out for fakes
Life is too short for fake friends. We only have limited time on this earth, and it’s best spent with the people who genuinely care about us.
So if you have someone in your circle that regularly uses these phrases, it might be time to ask yourself if they are worth keeping around.
After all, the last thing you want is a fake friend who lets their own insecurities make them treat you and others badly.
