Women who were raised by a narcissistic mother usually develop these 8 traits later in life

Growing up with a narcissistic mother isn’t easy. It’s a unique kind of challenge that leaves a lasting impact on your life and personality.

It’s not just about dealing with the constant need for approval or living under the shadow of their inflated self-importance.

No, it’s much more complex and profound than that. It seeps into your everyday life, shaping who you become as an adult.

As someone who has walked this path, I can tell you that there are certain traits common among us women who were raised by narcissistic mothers.

In this piece, I’m going to lay bare 8 of these traits that often surface in adulthood.

This isn’t written to blame or point fingers, but rather to shed light on the often unnoticed consequences of being raised in such an environment.

1) You have a tendency towards self-doubt

Growing up with a narcissistic mother often revolves around navigating her inflated ego and constant need for admiration. Over time, this can instill a deep-seated sense of self-doubt in the child.

Does this sound familiar to you?

You might be questioning your worth or capabilities more often than not. You might find it difficult to trust your own judgment, constantly second-guessing your decisions.

This isn’t about being humble or modest. It’s about having a skewed perception of one’s self-worth, where you’re always doubting if you’re good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough.

The root of this self-doubt often lies in the years spent trying to meet the unattainable standards set by a narcissistic parent.

It’s a silent echo of an upbringing where your achievements were constantly downplayed and your mistakes were amplified.

2) You’re a people-pleaser

Does the thought of disappointing others make you anxious? Do you often find yourself going out of your way to accommodate others, even at the cost of your own well-being?

If that’s a yes, you might be a classic people-pleaser.

People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice or helpful. It’s about an excessive need to keep others satisfied, often sidelining your own needs and desires in the process.

Growing up with a narcissistic mother can often lead to this trait.

Why?

Because pleasing such a parent often becomes a survival strategy for the child. By keeping the parent happy, the child hopes to avoid conflict and earn their approval.

As Children of Narcissists.org puts it, “This suppression of the self has to be done to appease the narcissistic parent, otherwise there will be severe consequences which are intolerable for a child. Appeasing a critical parent by being submissive is a defense mechanism.”

So, it’s no surprise that this behavior can carry into adulthood, turning you into someone who constantly seeks validation from others. 

3) You struggle with setting boundaries

Following on from that, while you might be adept at making others happy, drawing the line can be a struggle for you. This is especially true if you’ve grown up with a narcissistic mother.

One might think that being a people-pleaser would make it easy to set boundaries since you’re so in tune with others’ needs and emotions. However, this often isn’t the case.

You see, in a narcissistic household, boundaries are frequently blurred.

As psychologist Mark Travers explains, “Narcissistic parents often view their children as extensions of themselves, failing to recognize their autonomy.”

So, a narcissistic mother may disregard her child’s personal space, privacy, or feelings in her quest for control and admiration. This can leave the child confused about their rights and personal boundaries.

Consequently, as an adult, you might find it hard to assert your own boundaries. This could manifest as difficulty in saying ‘no’, tolerating disrespectful behavior, or continuously sacrificing your needs for others.

4) You might have a high sensitivity to criticism

Have you ever noticed an instinctive defensive reaction when someone critiques you, even if it’s constructive?

This hypersensitivity to criticism is another common trait among those raised by narcissistic mothers.

You see, in a narcissistic family dynamic, criticism often isn’t about constructive feedback. Instead, it’s used as a form of control or manipulation. The child learns to associate criticism with shame, guilt, or fear.

As an adult, this can translate into an exaggerated response to any form of criticism. You might find yourself feeling overly defensive or anxious at the slightest hint of critique.

It’s as if a small criticism is an echo of the harsh judgments you faced in your childhood.

So, if you find yourself often bristling at criticism, it might be a reflection of your upbringing. Understanding this can pave the way for learning healthier ways to handle critique and feedback.

5) You display signs of perfectionism

Perfectionism is another trait that’s common among women raised by narcissistic mothers.

You might feel an overwhelming pressure to be perfect in every aspect of your life. Anything less can seem like a failure.

This isn’t just about striving for excellence. It’s about an intense fear of making mistakes and the relentless pursuit of perfection.

Here are some signs of perfectionism you might relate to:

• Procrastinating because you fear not doing a task perfectly.
• Having excessively high standards for yourself and others.
• Being overly critical of your own mistakes.
• Feeling stressed and anxious when things are not in order.

These behaviors often stem from growing up in an environment where love and approval are conditional on your performance.

It’s as if you’re still trying to meet the impossible standards set by your narcissistic mother, a race with no finish line. 

6) You might have a strong sense of empathy

This might come as a surprise, but many of us who have been raised by narcissistic mothers develop a heightened sense of empathy. I know it seems counter-intuitive, doesn’t it?

But let’s think about it.

Growing up, we had to constantly attune ourselves to our mother’s emotions and needs. We learned to read between the lines and to pick up on subtle cues. It was our way of navigating the tumultuous waters of their moods and demands.

As we grow older, this acute awareness of others’ feelings doesn’t just go away. It sticks with us, turning us into empathetic adults.

However, while empathy is a beautiful trait to possess, it can also make us more susceptible to emotional exhaustion. It’s important for us to recognize this and ensure we’re taking care of our own emotional health too.

7) You may wrestle with guilt and self-blame

Imagine this: You’re late for a meeting because of a traffic jam. Instead of attributing the delay to unforeseen circumstances, you blame yourself. You believe that if you’d left home earlier or taken a different route, you wouldn’t have been late.

Does this ring a bell? Do you often find yourself shouldering blame for things beyond your control?

This propensity towards self-blame and guilt is another trait that many women raised by narcissistic mothers share.

In a narcissistic parenting dynamic, children often bear the brunt of their parent’s frustrations and failures. They are taught to believe that they are the problem, leading to a deep-rooted sense of guilt and self-blame.

Essentially, shaming and guilt-tripping are tactics that narcissistic mothers use to exert control of their children. 

So, if you’re someone who often wrestles with guilt or blames yourself for things not in your control, it might be a lingering effect of your upbringing. 

8) You might struggle with trust issues

Growing up, my mother’s promises were like sandcastles built too close to the shore. They’d disappear with the first wave of inconvenience, leaving me disappointed and confused.

I learned early on that promises were fragile and trust was a luxury.

If you’ve had a similar upbringing with a narcissistic mother, you might also be familiar with this trust struggle.

You see, in a healthy parent-child relationship, trust is as fundamental as love.

But narcissistic parents often break promises and distort truths to suit their narrative. This inconsistency can lay the groundwork for trust issues in their children.

As an adult, this could manifest in various ways – you might find it hard to trust others, fear betrayal, or constantly anticipate disappointment.

This lack of trust is not a character flaw, but rather a survival mechanism developed in response to an unstable childhood environment. 

What’s the path forward?

Recognizing these traits in yourself can bring a mix of emotions – validation, relief, and perhaps a sense of sadness or anger.

It’s important to remember that while your past has shaped you, it doesn’t define you. Acknowledging these traits is the first step towards healing and growth.

Moving forward, consider these steps:

• Seek professional help: Therapists trained in dealing with narcissistic abuse can provide invaluable guidance and support.
• Join support groups: Connecting with others who have had similar experiences can provide a sense of community and understanding.
• Practice self-care: Prioritize your mental and physical health. Remember, it’s okay to put yourself first.

This journey is not about erasing your past but about learning from it to build a healthier and happier future. The road might be rocky, but you’ve already proved that you have the resilience to navigate it.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. And most importantly, you’re stronger than you think.