Women who received very little affection growing up usually develop these 7 traits later in life

Growing up without much affection leaves marks that can be hard to see but impossible to ignore.

If you’ve ever felt like your reactions or behaviors don’t quite fit the moment—or like there’s something about the way you connect with others that feels different—you’re not imagining it.

I’ve seen this countless times, both in my work and in personal stories people have shared.

When emotional warmth is scarce during childhood, we adapt in ways that help us survive back then, but those same adaptations can shape who we are today—sometimes in ways we don’t expect.

Through my research, I’ve uncovered seven traits that tend to show up in women who grew up with little affection.

These traits aren’t good or bad; they’re simply part of how we’ve learned to navigate the world.

This isn’t about blame or shame.

It’s about understanding.

Understanding where these patterns come from so we can recognize them, own them, and decide how we want to move forward. 

1) Struggle with emotional intimacy

We start on a sensitive note, but it’s one that’s often true.

Women who had a lack of affection while growing up might find it challenging to form deep emotional connections in their adult relationships.

This trait isn’t about being cold or distant, far from it.

These women can be incredibly loving and caring.

However, when it comes to sharing their deepest emotions, fears, and dreams, they might find themselves holding back.

Why?

Because in their formative years, they didn’t have that safe space to express themselves freely or the validation that their feelings mattered.

This emotional disconnect can sometimes lead to misunderstandings in relationships.

It can also leave these women feeling isolated and misunderstood themselves.

The important thing to remember here is that this trait isn’t about intentional emotional withholding but more about self-protection.

2) Exceptional independence

Contrary to what many might believe, women who received little affection growing up often develop an exceptional level of independence.

It’s a trait that may seem counterintuitive but is actually quite common.

Having grown up in an environment where they couldn’t rely on others for emotional support, these women learn to fend for themselves.

They become self-reliant and strong, often going above and beyond to prove to themselves and others that they can handle whatever life throws at them.

Based on a research, individuals who experienced childhood emotional neglect may develop an avoidant attachment style, leading them to prioritize independence and self-reliance as coping mechanisms.

While this independence can certainly be seen as a strength, it can also present challenges.

Sometimes, it can create a barrier preventing them from asking for help when they need it or accepting it when offered, out of fear of being perceived as weak or vulnerable. 

3) Tendency towards codependency

In my years of research and counseling, I’ve noticed a pattern among women who grew up with little affection: a tendency towards codependency in their relationships.

It’s a complex trait, which can be challenging to recognize and even harder to break.

Codependency often stems from the need to feel loved and validated, something they may have missed out on during childhood.

These women might find themselves prioritizing their partner’s needs and emotions above their own, almost losing their identity in the process.

The irony here is that this trait can sometimes lead to the very rejection they fear, as the pressure and emotional dependency can push others away.

In my book, Breaking the Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this trait and provide practical steps on how to recognize and overcome it.

But here’s the thing: understanding this tendency is the first step towards breaking the cycle.

It’s about learning to maintain your individuality and meet your own needs while still being part of a healthy, balanced relationship.

4) Perfectionism

Another trait I’ve observed in women who had less affectionate upbringings is perfectionism.

It’s as if they are constantly trying to prove their worth, whether to themselves or others, through their accomplishments.

This drive for perfection can manifest in various areas of their life – from their careers to their relationships, even their appearance.

But the truth is, no one is perfect.

We all have flaws and make mistakes – it’s a part of being human.

The great Leonardo da Vinci once said, “Art is never finished, only abandoned.”

It’s a quote I often share with my clients, encouraging them to see that striving for perfection can sometimes hold them back from completing projects, expressing themselves authentically, or simply enjoying life.

Perfectionism can be a tough trait to overcome, but with self-awareness and acceptance, it’s absolutely possible to channel this drive into healthy ambition instead.

5) Hyper-vigilance

A trait that can be quite draining for women who grew up with little affection is hypervigilance.

This is an increased state of awareness, often stemming from a need for self-protection.

Growing up, they may have had to be constantly on guard, anticipating their environment’s emotional dynamics.

This can lead to a heightened sensitivity to the moods and behaviors of others.

While it can make them very empathetic and understanding, it can also be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

In fact, research indicates that children exposed to abuse and domestic violence exhibit heightened brain reactivity to angry faces, suggesting that neglect can have a similar impact.

I’ve seen this trait in many of my clients, and I often remind them that it’s okay to relax their guard.

It’s okay to trust that not every situation requires an emotional defense strategy.

Offering yourself the same compassion and understanding you extend to others is key here. It’s a journey, but one worth embarking on.

6) Difficulty accepting compliments

Women who grew up with minimal affection often have a hard time accepting compliments.

It’s as if they are wired to believe they are not deserving of praise or positive attention.

It’s a trait that can seem trivial but can actually have a significant impact on one’s self-esteem and overall wellbeing.

As the renowned author, Maya Angelou, once said, “You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

Accepting compliments graciously is about acknowledging your worth and allowing yourself to believe in your value.

It’s about understanding that you’re deserving of praise, simply because you exist and contribute to the world in your unique way.

I’ve found that with practice, it’s possible to shift this pattern and start accepting compliments with grace and gratitude.

For more insights like these, consider following me on Facebook.

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7) Fear of abandonment

Lastly, and possibly most poignantly, women who received little affection growing up often harbor a deep-seated fear of abandonment.

This fear can persist into adulthood and influence their relationships in profound ways.

From an early age, they may have felt emotionally abandoned by those who were supposed to care for them.

This can lead to a lingering worry that those they love in their adult life will also leave them.

A research suggests that childhood emotional neglect can result in an anxious attachment style, characterized by a heightened fear of abandonment and difficulty trusting others.

This fear can make them clingy or overly anxious in relationships, constantly seeking reassurance that they are loved and wanted.

It’s a raw and vulnerable place to be, but it’s important to remember that it’s a fear rooted in past experiences, not a reflection of their worth or lovability.

The journey of healing this fear is not an easy one, but it’s definitely worthwhile.

It involves building self-worth, fostering secure attachments, and learning to trust in the reliability of love.

Embracing the journey

Understanding these traits and their origins is not about dwelling in the past, but about fostering self-awareness, self-compassion, and personal growth.

It’s about acknowledging where we come from, the challenges we’ve faced, and how they’ve shaped us into who we are today.

Remember, these traits are not something to be ashamed of or to hide.

They are part of your story and your resilience.

They prove that you’ve faced hardships and you’re still standing strong.

In the words of the renowned American author and poet, Maya Angelou: “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

This quote perfectly encapsulates the strength and resilience found in women who didn’t receive enough affection growing up.

While it’s important to acknowledge these traits, it’s equally important to not let them define you or limit your potential for happiness and fulfillment.

Use them as stepping stones towards understanding yourself better and building healthier relationships.

As a relationship expert, I encourage you to explore this topic further, not just through my writings but also through videos that delve deeper into these complex issues.

One such video is by Justin Brown, who shares his insights on the complexities of finding a life partner and the importance of shared values and mutual growth in a relationship.

The journey towards self-understanding and healing is a marathon, not a sprint.

Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this path.

You’re not alone in your journey, and every step you take forward is a victory worth celebrating.