Eliza Hartley
People come and go in life.
But have you ever noticed that as we get older, some of us seem to lose friends more frequently than others?
It’s a harsh reality.
Yet here’s an interesting tidbit. The reason for this may not be as simple as people moving away or life getting in the way.
It could actually be due to certain subtle behaviors.
This might sound a bit surprising, but bear with me.
If you’re a woman who’s been wondering, “Why do I keep losing friends as I age?” or if you’re just curious about the subject, it’s time to take a closer look at these seven behaviors.
1) Lack of empathy
It’s a simple truth.
Empathy is one of the cornerstones of any successful relationship.
But here’s the rub.
As we age, some of us may unknowingly become less empathetic.
Our life experiences may harden us, or we might simply get caught up in our own worlds.
But remember this.
When a friend is going through a tough time, and you’re too absorbed in your own issues to offer a listening ear, it can create distance.
The friend might feel uncared for or undervalued.
And over time, this can lead to the weakening, and eventual loss, of that friendship.
Being more mindful of this behavior is the first step in preventing it from sabotaging your friendships.
2) Being overly critical
This one hits close to home.
In my younger years, I had a habit of being overly critical.
I thought I was helping my friends by pointing out their flaws and areas they could improve.
But you know what?
It did more harm than good. My friends began to perceive me as judgemental and unsupportive, even though I had the best intentions at heart.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with giving constructive criticism.
But it’s vital to strike a balance.
Too much criticism can make friends feel judged and uncomfortable, potentially pushing them away.
It took me losing a close friend to realize the impact of my behavior.
Since then, I’ve learned to offer advice more delicately and only when asked.
And trust me, it’s made a world of difference in my relationships.
3) Neglecting to reciprocate
Friendship isn’t a one-way street.
A lesson that, admittedly, I learned the hard way.
I was always on the receiving end – the friend who needed advice, the one who needed a shoulder to cry on, the one who needed help.
But when it came time for me to step up and offer support in return, I was often too preoccupied or too drained from my own happenings.
The result?
An imbalance in the relationship. My friends felt like they were constantly giving, and I was constantly taking. It wasn’t intentional.
It wasn’t malicious. But it was there, and it was real.
It’s essential to remember: friendships are about give and take.
If you’re always on the receiving end, it might be time to check in with yourself and see if you can give a little more.
Because ultimately, no one wants to feel like they’re taken for granted.
4) Being non-communicative
Communication is key.
It’s a phrase we hear time and again, and yet, it’s often easier said than done.
For instance, I used to assume my friends could read my mind. If I was upset or needed something, I thought they should just know.
But that’s not how it works.
In reality, no one is a mind reader.
If you’re upset with a friend or something they did, express it.
If you need help, ask for it. If you appreciate them, tell them.
Silence can lead to misunderstanding and resentment over time.
So remember, clear and open communication can go a long way in maintaining and strengthening friendships.
Don’t assume – communicate. It could make all the difference.
5) Not adapting to change
Change is the only constant in life.
This might sound cliché, but it’s backed by a profound truth. As we age, we change, and so do our friends.
Our interests evolve, our life situations shift, and what we want from our friendships can also change.
Yet, some of us resist this natural evolution.
We want things to stay the same as they were in the good old days.
This resistance can strain friendships, as you may appear unwilling to grow with your friends and respect their changes.
So, being open to change and adapting with your friends can keep your relationships healthy and strong over time.
6) Forgetting to celebrate their successes
Life is a journey, filled with ups and downs.
When a friend is experiencing one of those ups – a promotion at work, a new relationship, or any personal victory – it’s crucial to celebrate with them.
I know from experience. A friend of mine landed her dream job, and I was so caught up in my own problems that I didn’t take the time to celebrate her achievement.
She felt hurt and unimportant. And looking back, I don’t blame her.
Celebrating your friends’ successes shows them that you value their happiness as much as your own. It fosters a deeper connection and creates shared joy.
The next time a friend has something to celebrate, be there with bells on.
Show them that their happiness matters to you.
7) Letting pride get in the way
Pride is a strange thing.
It can push us to achieve great things, but it can also hinder our relationships, particularly when it prevents us from admitting our mistakes and saying those two little yet powerful words – “I’m sorry.”
When we hurt a friend, intentionally or not, an apology can go a long way. It shows that we value the relationship more than our ego.
Don’t let pride rob you of meaningful friendships.
Be humble, admit your mistakes, and apologize. It’s not a sign of weakness; quite the contrary, it’s a sign of strength and maturity.
If you recognize some of these behaviors in yourself, don’t be disheartened. Awareness is the first step towards change.
Take this as an opportunity for self-improvement.
Reflect on your actions and consider how they might impact your friendships.
Learn to adapt, to express, to celebrate, and to apologize.
And most importantly, be kind to yourself throughout this process.
Change takes time, and it’s the small steps that eventually lead to big transformations.
