Women who fear commitment but don’t realize it usually display these 7 subtle behaviors

We often talk about fear of commitment in relation to men, but what about women? Yes, they can be just as fearful, and often they don’t even realize it.

You see, it’s not always about avoiding wedding bells and long-term plans. Sometimes, it’s the subtle behaviors that give it away.

As a relationship expert and founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve noticed these quirks in several clients. And guess what? They were all subconsciously steering away from commitment.

In this piece, we’re going to delve into those little signs that indicate a hidden fear of commitment. Stick around, because you might be surprised by what you discover about yourself or someone you know. After all, understanding is the first step to overcoming.

1) They keep things surface level

You know those deep, heart-to-heart talks that most couples eventually have? Well, for some women, these meaningful conversations feel like stepping into a minefield.

They might subtly steer the conversation away from anything too raw or emotional, replacing depth with casual chatter.

Why is this? It’s simple – talking about emotions and future plans can feel like a ticket to commitment. To them, keeping things light and breezy is an unconscious tactic to avoid getting too attached.

So if you notice a pattern of avoiding intimate conversations, it could be a sign of an underlying fear of commitment.

However, keep in mind that this isn’t always the case – some people are just naturally more reserved. It’s all about recognizing patterns and putting the pieces together.

2) They’re super reliable

Now, you might think that being reliable is a sign of commitment. But here’s where things get a little tricky.

Sometimes, women who fear commitment overcompensate by being ultra-dependable. They’ll always show up when they say they will, and they’re the first ones to lend a helping hand.

They do this in an attempt to maintain control over the relationship. By being so reliable, they can avoid the vulnerability that comes with needing someone else. It’s a subtle way of keeping their emotional distance while appearing completely invested.

While reliability is generally a great quality, when it’s taken to the extreme, it might actually point to a hidden fear of commitment.

3) They have a history of short-term relationships

Does she often talk about her past relationships? And more importantly, are they all relatively short-term? If so, it could be a sign that she’s subconsciously keeping commitment at arm’s length.

In my experience, many women with a fear of commitment tend to bounce from one relationship to another. It’s not because they’re fickle or indecisive, but rather because the idea of a long-term, committed relationship can seem daunting.

It’s something I’ve delved deeper into in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It explores how fear of commitment can manifest in various behaviors, including this pattern of short-term relationships.

But remember, it’s not about placing blame. It’s about understanding these behaviors and where they come from, so women can gain insight into their own fears and anxieties.

4) They’re fiercely independent

Independence is a fantastic quality to have. But sometimes, it can also be a mask for a fear of commitment. Women who are extremely independent might resist relying on others to the point where it hampers the growth of the relationship.

In my own journey, I’ve seen how this independent streak can act as a protective shield. It’s like saying, “I don’t need anyone else,” even when deep down, you might crave that emotional connection.

It reminds me of a quote by Audrey Hepburn: “People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”

It’s a gentle reminder that relationships aren’t about losing our independence but about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with someone else.

5) They’re always on the move

Does she seem to have a perpetual case of wanderlust? Is she constantly planning the next adventure, with no signs of wanting to settle down? This could be another clue.

From my own observations, women who fear commitment often crave change and novelty.

They might struggle with the idea of being tied down to one place – or one person – for too long. It’s not about being dissatisfied; it’s more about an underlying restlessness that keeps them from embracing stability.

It’s almost as if, by always being on the move, they can outrun the fear of commitment. And while travel and adventure are exhilarating, it’s equally important to find joy in stability and routine. 

6) They’re masters of deflection

Do you find that she often changes the subject when you try to talk about the future? Does she laugh off any serious discussions about commitment? This could be deflection in action.

In my own experiences, I’ve seen how deflection can be a clever tool for those who fear commitment. It’s a way to avoid confronting the issue head-on, keeping the relationship in a comfortable and commitment-free zone.

As the wise Maya Angelou once said, “We need much less than we think we need.” Sometimes, we use deflection as a shield, not realizing that confronting our fears can lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

If you want to continue exploring these insights and join in on more conversations about love and relationships, consider following me on Facebook. You’ll get my latest articles right in your feed. But for now, let’s keep uncovering these subtle signs of commitment fear.

7) They struggle with the “L” word

Saying “I love you” can be a huge step in a relationship. It’s a declaration of deep feelings and often, an implicit commitment. For some women who fear commitment, these three little words can feel heavy and frightening.

This doesn’t mean they don’t feel love; rather, they might struggle to express it for fear of the expectations that come with it. They might worry that saying “I love you” will push the relationship into a realm of commitment they’re not ready for.

This raw honesty might be hard to digest. But remember, these behaviors are often driven by fear and uncertainty. Recognizing them is the first step towards understanding and addressing this hidden fear of commitment.

Understanding the fear

As we peel back the layers of these subtle behaviors, it’s essential to remember that fear of commitment isn’t a character flaw.

It’s a protective mechanism, often rooted in past experiences and deeply ingrained beliefs. Recognizing these signs is the first step to understanding, acceptance, and potential growth.

In my journey as a relationship expert, I’ve found that self-awareness is a powerful tool. When we understand our fears and behaviors, we can work towards healthier patterns and more fulfilling relationships.

As the great Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Bringing these subtle behaviors to light means taking control, challenging the ‘fate’ that seems to govern our relationships.

To delve deeper into this topic and gain a more profound understanding, I highly recommend watching this insightful video by Justin Brown. It beautifully explores the complexities of finding a life partner and the importance of shared values and mutual growth.

And don’t forget: understanding these subtle signs is not about blaming or judging yourself or others. It’s about gaining insight into our own fears and anxieties. And with understanding comes the power to change.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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