Women who are only nice to you when they need something usually display these 7 behaviors

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Navigating the social world can often feel like a complex dance. We encounter a rich tapestry of personalities, each displaying unique patterns of behavior. One such pattern can be found in individuals who are particularly nice when they need something.

This isn’t necessarily manipulative, but it can sometimes blur the lines of authentic interaction. It’s about recognizing that there might be an underlying motive behind their sudden burst of kindness.

This pattern is not exclusive to women, but in this article, we are focusing on this particular demographic. Understanding these behaviors can provide clarity in your relationships and help you make informed decisions.

So let’s delve into the seven behaviors typically displayed by women who are only nice to you when they need something.

1) Unusual friendliness

In the dance of social interactions, an unusual burst of friendliness can sometimes be a red flag. Women who are only nice when they need something often employ this behavior.

This doesn’t mean that every friendly approach is a sign of ulterior motives. Far from it. Authentic kindness is indeed a beautiful trait. However, when the friendliness is out of the ordinary or inconsistent with previous behavior, it’s worth taking note.

It’s almost as if there’s a sudden switch that gets flipped on, bringing a wave of compliments, warmth, and attention your way. You might find yourself bathed in their approval and positive energy, which can feel quite flattering and enjoyable.

But amidst this sudden surge of amiability, it’s essential to maintain a level of self-awareness. Notice if this friendliness is linked to them needing a favor or help with something. If it is, this could be a sign that their niceness is driven more by their needs than genuine affection or respect.

2) They become overly inquisitive

It’s natural and healthy in any relationship to show interest in each other’s lives. However, when someone suddenly becomes overly inquisitive about specific aspects of your life or work, it might be a signal that they need something.

For instance, if a colleague who typically keeps to herself suddenly starts asking detailed questions about your project, it might be more than just friendly curiosity.

I’ve experienced this myself – a sudden barrage of questions, a keen interest in my work that hadn’t been there before. It felt good initially, but I quickly realized this was not about genuine interest, but more likely about needing help with a similar project.

It’s important not to jump to conclusions but to stay aware of these shifts in behavior. As philosopher and writer Albert Camus once said, “Truth, like light, blinds. Falsehood, on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.”

So while we should always seek truth in our relationships, it’s equally important to be mindful of the shadows.

3) They shower you with praises

There’s no denying that compliments can brighten our day. But when praises come in an overwhelming wave, especially from someone who typically doesn’t notice your achievements, it can be a sign they need something.

The reason behind this could be that they’re trying to butter you up or manipulate you into doing something for them. It’s a subtle tactic to gain your favor and increase the likelihood of you fulfilling their needs or desires.

Or, they might feel guilty about something they’ve done or are planning to do, and they’re trying to alleviate their guilt by showering you with compliments.

4) They avoid you unless they need you

One of the most revealing behaviors of individuals who are only nice when they need something is their tendency to stay distant unless they require your assistance. You may notice that their communication or interaction with you is sporadic and often tied to their needs.

This behavior often stems from a transactional approach to relationships, where individuals only engage with others when they have something to gain. They may view relationships as a means to an end, seeking assistance or favors without genuinely investing in the connection.

Now, some people use intermittent niceness as a manipulative tactic to achieve their goals. By keeping their distance until they require assistance, they avoid investing time or effort in the relationship while still benefiting from it when needed.

It’s also worth mentioning that staying distant allows these individuals to avoid committing to deeper relationships or obligations. They may prefer to keep their interactions superficial to maintain control and independence.

5) They use guilt to get what they want

Guilt can be a powerful motivator. Some individuals, particularly those who are only nice when they need something, may use guilt as a tool to influence your actions or decisions. They might make you feel responsible for their problems or imply that you owe them a favor.

I believe strongly in the dignity and worth of every individual. No one should feel coerced into doing something out of guilt or obligation. This does not promote a healthy, respectful relationship.

Instead, it’s crucial to remember that true empowerment comes from taking full responsibility for our lives – our attitudes, actions, and responses.

When faced with guilt-driven demands, consider whether the request aligns with your values. If it doesn’t, it’s okay to say no.


In my video on the imposter syndrome, I discuss the importance of embracing our vulnerabilities and recognizing our worth without external validation. While the focus is on professional capabilities, the principles apply to personal situations as well.

You can watch it here.

6) They are surprisingly generous

Being generous is generally viewed as a positive quality. However, when generosity arises suddenly or seems excessive, it could signal an underlying motive.

This behavior often emerges in individuals who are only kind when they have an agenda. They might lavish you with gifts or offer unexpected assistance. While receiving such generosity is pleasant, it’s important to remain vigilant as it could precede a request or favor.

It’s essential to keep in mind that true prosperity involves aligning our financial choices with our core values. Just as we use money to enact positive change, we should also be mindful of how we receive and respond to generosity from others.

7) They display inconsistent behavior

Inconsistency often speaks volumes. When someone’s behavior towards you swings drastically – from overly friendly to cold or indifferent – it could suggest that their kindness is conditional.

This inconsistency can be unsettling, creating an unpredictable dynamic. One moment, you’re enjoying their warmth and attention; the next, you’re left puzzled by their sudden change.

Through my journey of self-discovery, I’ve come to see these situations as opportunities to confront fears and challenge limiting beliefs. Uncomfortable as they may be, they help us establish boundaries and nurture self-compassion.

Here’s the reality: You aren’t accountable for someone else’s inconsistency. Your role is in how you react to it. The key is staying genuine and steadfast in your values, regardless of others’ actions.

Unraveling the tapestry of human behavior

When it comes to women who suddenly turn on the charm only when they want something, untangling these patterns can provide valuable insights into their motives and actions. Understanding these behaviors marks the first step toward cultivating healthier, more genuine connections.

Keep in mind, every interaction is a chance to tap into our creativity and find inventive solutions—such as navigating these tricky situations while staying true to ourselves and our worth.

As we delve deeper into the complexities of human behavior, it’s crucial to continuously ask ourselves: Are we nurturing relationships built on mutual respect and empathy? Or are we falling prey to manipulative tactics?

If you’re interested in this exploration and wish to delve deeper into understanding human behavior, consider subscribing to my YouTube channel. Here, we journey together towards living life with more freedom, authenticity, and self-awareness.

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Justin Brown

Justin Brown is an entrepreneur and thought leader in personal development and digital media, with a foundation in education from The London School of Economics and The Australian National University. As the co-founder of Ideapod, The Vessel, and a director at Brown Brothers Media, Justin has spearheaded platforms that significantly contribute to personal and collective growth. His deep insights are shared on his YouTube channel, JustinBrownVids, offering a rich blend of guidance on living a meaningful and purposeful life.

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