Women who are intimidating on the surface but kind underneath usually display these 7 behaviors

Being assertive can often be mistaken for being intimidating. It’s an easy misconception to fall into, particularly with women who project a strong and confident exterior.

But, let me tell you something; just because a woman might appear intimidating at first glance, it doesn’t mean she isn’t brimming with kindness underneath.

In fact, many of these seemingly tough women are some of the most compassionate and caring individuals you’ll ever meet.

In this article, we’ll delve into the key behaviors that point to a woman who may seem intimidating on the surface, but is deeply kind at heart.

These are the traits that make these women so special and unique, and understanding them will help you appreciate their complex personalities.

From my years of connecting hearts and fostering relationships, I’ve seen countless examples of these incredible women myself. So let’s dive in and discover what makes them tick!

1) They are assertive

Assertiveness is often mistaken for intimidation. But let’s clear the air here, there’s a substantial difference between the two.

Assertive women know their worth, they’re clear about their boundaries, and they’re not afraid to express their thoughts and feelings. They have the courage to stand up for themselves and others, which, yes – can sometimes be perceived as intimidating.

But underneath this assertive exterior, these women possess a heart of gold. They’re kind because they deeply respect and value others, just as they do themselves.

They believe in fairness and equality, and they strive to ensure that everyone is treated with the dignity they deserve.

2) They don’t shy away from conflict

This might seem counterintuitive, right? We often associate kindness with peacekeeping, avoiding conflict at all costs. But the thing is, women who are kind in their core don’t shy away from conflict.

Why? Because they understand that conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can lead to growth, change, and better understanding between individuals.

These women aren’t looking for fights or arguments, far from it. However, they’re not afraid to address issues that arise head-on. They believe in open communication and honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable.

They engage in constructive conflict because they care about the relationship and the people involved. They’re willing to step into uncomfortable territory if it means resolving issues and maintaining healthy relationships.

3) They are self-reliant

One of the key attributes of these seemingly intimidating but kind-hearted women is their self-reliance. They value their independence and don’t rely on others for their happiness or fulfillment.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk extensively about the importance of self-reliance in maintaining healthy relationships.

These women, with their independent spirit, exemplify this principle perfectly. They know that they are responsible for their own lives and happiness. This doesn’t mean they shun help or support, but rather they don’t depend on others to fulfill their needs.

And this trait really is born out of kindness and respect. These women understand the importance of personal boundaries and respect them in others as well.

They don’t want to burden others with their problems or responsibilities, hence they take charge of their own lives.

4) They aren’t afraid to show vulnerability

We often associate vulnerability with weakness, not strength – and that’s what truly intimidating people live by, always presenting an impenetrable exterior.

But women who are actually genuinely kind underneath their intimidating image do it differently. Because they know that showing vulnerability is actually a sign of strength and courage. It takes guts to let your guard down and show your true self, warts and all.

I recall a quote from the esteemed Brene Brown who said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

These women live by this ethos. They aren’t afraid to show their emotions or admit when they’re wrong. This is because they want to have genuine connections with people, and they know that authenticity is key to achieving this.

5) They place a high value on honesty

Honesty is a trait highly valued among women who come off as intimidating but are genuinely kind at heart. They believe in being straightforward and telling the truth, even when it’s not the easiest thing to do.

In my years of relationship consultancy, I’ve noticed that these women have an innate sense of integrity. They would rather be honest and risk offending someone temporarily than be insincere to maintain a facade.

And we can all imagine – or perhaps you have experienced first hand – how this honesty can be perceived as harsh. But in the big picture, it’s one of the kindest things these women can do for us. They believe in treating people with respect, and part of that respect is being honest.

6) They prioritize self-care

There’s a quote I love by Audre Lorde, which goes, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

And it’s completely perfect for this topic, because women who may seem intimidating but are actually kind always live by this principle.

Some might think this is selfish, or intimidating if these women refuse to put others’ needs before their own – but dig deeper, and you’ll realize how kind it is. Because nobody can pour from an empty cup, and these women can’t be there for others if they don’t take care of themselves first. 

They understand that by prioritizing their own well-being, they are better equipped to help others. And truth be told, we can all take a leaf out of their book to be kinder to everyone around us, starting with ourselves. 

7) They’ve been hurt before

Let’s get real here. Many women who appear intimidating on the surface have built these walls for a reason. Behind the tough exterior, there’s often a history of hurt and disappointment.

These women have likely been through experiences that have taught them to protect themselves. They’ve learned to be strong, assertive, and perhaps even a little guarded.

However, this doesn’t mean they lack kindness. Quite the opposite. Often, those who have experienced pain are the ones who understand the importance of kindness the most.

Their intimidating exterior is not meant to push people away, but rather to protect their sensitive hearts. They’ve been hurt before and don’t want to be hurt again.

So if you encounter a woman who seems tough on the outside, remember that it might be because she’s been through a lot. But don’t let that intimidate you. Instead, try to understand and appreciate the kindness that lies beneath her strong exterior.

Final thoughts

Understanding human behavior is a complex endeavor. It’s easy to judge a book by its cover and make assumptions based on initial impressions, but that’s often not the full story.

As we’ve explored here, women who might appear intimidating on the surface often have a deep well of kindness and compassion underneath.

It requires patience, open-mindedness, and understanding to see past the surface and appreciate these women for who they truly are.

And it’s important to remember that their seemingly tough exterior is often born out of a desire to protect their own hearts and respect the feelings of others.

To delve deeper into the intricacies of human behavior and relationships, I recommend you watch this insightful video by Justin Brown where he discusses the complexities of finding a life partner.

His reflections on shared values, mutual support, and personal growth provide valuable insights that can help in your journey of understanding relationships.

Remember, everyone has their own struggles and experiences that shape their behavior. Instead of making hasty judgments, let’s strive to understand and appreciate the unique complexities each person brings.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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