Tina Fey
There’s a stark contrast between appearing lonely and actually feeling it deep inside.
The disparity lies in the camouflage. Women who are profoundly lonely often excel at disguising it, presenting a completely different image to the world.
Loneliness isn’t always obvious, especially when it’s masked by a radiant smile or hidden behind a boisterous laugh. But if you look closely, you might just see the subtle behaviors that hint at an underlying solitude.
As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and relationship expert, I’ve seen my fair share of hidden loneliness. And over time, I’ve identified 8 subtle behaviors that these women often display.
In this article, I’ll share these subtle signs with you, in the hopes that we can reach out and connect with those who might be feeling deeply lonely but are doing a remarkable job of hiding it.
Let’s get started.
1) She’s constantly busy
Busyness can often be a mask for loneliness.
Lonely women might take on more tasks than they can handle, just to fill their time and distract themselves from their feelings.
They might be involved in multiple projects, working late hours, or always seem to be running from one place to another.
It’s easy to admire their energy and dedication, but beneath the surface, this constant flurry of activity could be a sign of deep-seated solitude.
When there’s always something to do, the quiet moments that might bring feelings of loneliness are effectively kept at bay.
The key here is not in the busyness itself, but in the inability to slow down or enjoy some alone time.
If you notice a woman who always seems to be ‘on the go’ but never seems to relax or take time for herself, it might be worth reaching out and offering your companionship.
2) She’s always the listener
Being a good listener is a beautiful trait, but for some, it can be a method of deflecting attention away from themselves.
When a woman is feeling isolated, she may become the ‘go-to’ person for advice or a comforting ear. It’s easier to focus on other people’s problems than to confront her own loneliness.
In my experience, these women often feel that their problems, including their loneliness, are less important or valid than those of others. It’s a heartbreaking realization when you see it.
As famed psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.”
Remember to check in on your friends who seem strong and always ready to lend an ear. They might be the ones who need someone to listen to them the most.
3) She’s overly independent
Independence is empowering, but sometimes, it’s a guise women use to hide their loneliness.
Women who are feeling isolated may go out of their way to prove they can do everything by themselves. They might refuse help even when they need it, just to show that they’re self-sufficient.
I’ve encountered many such women in my career as a relationship expert. It’s a coping mechanism, a way to avoid admitting that they feel alone and could use some help or companionship.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss the importance of understanding our needs for connection and how to balance independence with interdependence.
If you see a woman who insists on doing everything on her own, though she seems stretched thin, she might be dealing with hidden loneliness. Encourage her to lean on others and remind her that needing help doesn’t make her any less strong or capable.
4) She’s the life of the party
Sounds strange, right? But here’s the thing: loneliness doesn’t always look like what we expect it to.
Women who are deeply lonely might overcompensate by being overly social and outgoing. They become the life of the party, always laughing, making jokes, and keeping everyone entertained.
But when the music stops, and everyone goes home, they’re left with their solitude once again. It’s a stark contrast that can be tough to navigate, but it’s a common coping mechanism for those dealing with hidden loneliness.
When you see a woman who’s always the center of attention at social gatherings, remember that her outward vivacity might be masking an inner solitude. It’s not always the quiet ones who are lonely; sometimes, it’s those in the middle of the dance floor too.
5) She’s a perfectionist
Perfectionism can be a sign of hidden loneliness. I’ve seen it time and time again.
Women dealing with deep solitude often hold themselves to impossibly high standards. They believe they need to be perfect in every aspect of their lives, from their appearance to their career, to their relationships.
It’s as if they’re trying to prove their worth and distract themselves from the loneliness they feel inside. But no matter how perfect they make everything around them, it never quite fills the void.
In my own life, I’ve experienced moments where striving for perfection was easier than confronting my feelings of loneliness. It’s a difficult cycle to break out of, but recognizing it is the first step towards healing.
If you know a woman who is constantly striving for perfection, remember that it could be her way of coping with hidden loneliness. Reach out and remind her that she is enough just as she is.
6) She avoids talking about her feelings
Now, this is a tough one. Some women who are deeply lonely have mastered the art of evading their own emotions.
They might laugh off serious conversations or change the subject if it gets too personal. They’d rather keep the conversation light and breezy than delve into the depths of their loneliness.
But beneath the surface, these women are yearning to express their feelings. They want to share their loneliness, but fear of judgment or misunderstanding holds them back.
It’s a silent struggle, one that many of us aren’t aware of. But I promise you, acknowledging their loneliness and offering a safe space to express their feelings can make all the difference for these women. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
7) She’s always helping others
There’s something about loneliness that often makes women turn into caretakers.
They’re always there for others, always ready to lend a hand or offer support. But when it comes to their own needs, they tend to neglect them.
It’s a pattern I’ve noticed in many women, including myself at times. We become so focused on caring for others that we forget to take care of ourselves.
As renowned author and poet Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.”
If you know a woman who’s always helping others but seldom asks for help herself, she might be using this as a way to mask her own loneliness. Be there for her, remind her that it’s okay to ask for help, and most importantly, help her understand that her feelings of loneliness are valid and important too.
8) She struggles with sleep
This one might surprise you, but it’s true. Women who are deeply lonely often struggle with sleep.
The quiet solitude of the night can amplify feelings of loneliness, turning what should be a restful time into a period of anxiety and restlessness. They may stay up late to avoid going to bed or wake up frequently throughout the night.
It’s a brutal cycle. The lack of sleep intensifies their loneliness, and their loneliness disrupts their sleep.
Offering a listening ear or just some comforting words can make a world of difference in her life.
Final Thoughts
Loneliness isn’t always as clear as we’d like to think. It’s often hidden behind smiles, busyness, and a facade of strength. But once you learn to recognize these subtle behaviors, you can reach out and offer support to the women in your life who may be silently struggling with loneliness.
It’s okay to feel lonely and it’s okay to ask for help. As I discuss in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, understanding our feelings is the first step towards healing.
Let’s break the silence around hidden loneliness. Let’s start conversations, build connections, and remind each other that we’re never truly alone.
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