Women who are deeply insecure but pretend they’re confident often display these 8 behaviors

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Confidence is a tricky thing. It’s often assumed that those who project it are the epitome of self-assuredness. However, as I’ve learned over the years, this isn’t always the case.

Indeed, some women who appear outwardly confident are hiding deep-seated insecurities. The facade they present to the world is more a shield than a reflection of genuine self-esteem.

These women exhibit certain behaviors that, if you pay close attention, reveal the insecurity beneath their assured exterior. Here, we will delve into eight such behaviors that may indicate a deeply insecure woman who is pretending to be confident.

1) Overcompensation through dominance

Confidence is often associated with leadership and assertiveness. However, insecure women who are pretending to be confident may take this to an extreme, attempting to control and dominate every situation they’re in.

This overcompensation is a way of masking their deep-seated insecurities. By asserting control, they’re able to create an illusion of confidence, and it gives them a sense of security.

They feel that if they can dictate the outcomes, they can prevent anything from exposing their vulnerabilities.

But genuine confidence isn’t about controlling everything and everyone around you. It’s about trusting oneself to handle the uncertainties of life, knowing that you’re capable of managing challenges and embracing opportunities for growth.

This behavior of overcompensation through dominance can be quite revealing if you’re observant. It’s a red flag indicating that beneath the facade of assertiveness is a woman who is deeply insecure but pretending to be confident.

2) Seeking constant validation

In my experience, individuals who exude genuine confidence don’t constantly seek external validation. They prioritize their self-perception over the opinions of others. On the flip side, women who harbor insecurities often seek frequent validation from external sources.

They might repeatedly seek reassurance regarding their looks, opinions, or choices, as they struggle to recognize their own worth and seek external affirmation to fill that void.

As Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman who embodied strength and authenticity, beautifully put it, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” True confidence comes from within and is not dependent on external validation.

3) Creating a perfect image

You know what’s interesting? Among women who may be insecure but put on a confident front, there’s often this obsession with keeping up a perfect image.

They’ll bend over backwards to seem flawless in every area of life, from how they look to their career and personal stuff.

Why is that? This whole quest for perfection usually comes from a deep fear of being judged or feeling inadequate. They figure if they can just present this flawless image, it’ll hide their insecurities and boost their confidence.

But here’s the thing: Chasing perfection is like chasing a unicorn. It’s exhausting and, honestly, pretty unsatisfying. Plus, it stops them from embracing who they really are, flaws and all.

In my video, I take a deep dive into this concept and unpack why clinging to the notion of always being a “good person” might actually be holding us back. I get into how this belief can set off a chain reaction of internal criticism, not to mention fueling judgment toward others.


If this resonates with you and you’re interested in exploring living a life with more purpose and freedom, feel free to join over 20,000 others who have subscribed to my YouTube channel. Click here to subscribe.

4) Fear of vulnerability

Being vulnerable—it’s like baring your soul to the world, flaws and all. But for women who are grappling with deep-seated insecurities, putting on that brave face can feel like trying to scale Mount Everest.

They’re scared stiff that if they let their guard down, they’ll be judged or seen as less-than. So instead, they slap on this facade of confidence, hoping nobody sees through the act. It’s like they’re building this fortress around themselves, keeping everyone at arm’s length.

But here’s the thing: embracing those vulnerabilities is where the real magic happens. It’s where we forge those genuine connections and find the strength to grow.

Because let me tell you, there’s nothing more liberating than letting down those walls and letting the world see the real you.

5) Reluctance to form deep connections

Deep connections and authentic relationships expose us to risk. They require vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to be seen in our entirety – strengths, weaknesses, triumphs, and failures.

The thought of such exposure can be terrifying for women who are deeply insecure but pretending to be confident.

They may avoid forming deep connections with others, sticking instead to shallow interactions. They fear that deeper connections could lead to them being ‘found out’ or rejected for their insecurities.

However, it’s through these deep connections that we often find the courage to face our fears and insecurities. It’s in the support and empathy of others that we can find strength and resilience.

6) Avoidance of self-reflection

Self-reflection is a powerful tool for personal growth. It helps us confront our fears, challenge limiting beliefs, and cultivate self-compassion. However, women who are deeply insecure but pretending to be confident often avoid self-reflection.

On the surface, it might seem like these women are confident because they don’t spend time dwelling on their fears or insecurities. Their avoidance of self-reflection can be mistaken for a sign of confidence and strength.

However, the truth is that this avoidance is a defense mechanism. They fear that self-reflection will reveal their insecurities and make them feel more vulnerable.

7) Over-reliance on material possessions

When it comes to women who struggle with insecurity but put on a brave face, there’s often this tendency to lean heavily on material things. It’s like they believe that the more stuff they have, the more ‘put together’ they’ll seem.

So, they might splurge on designer threads, flashy cars, or fancy digs—all in the name of projecting confidence. But deep down, it’s like they’re trying to fill a void, using these possessions as a shield for their lack of self-belief.

But let me tell you something: real prosperity isn’t about the bling or the bank balance. It’s about making financial choices that align with your core values and using your resources to make a positive impact.

Because true confidence? It’s all about knowing your true worth, beyond what’s in your closet or garage.

8) Avoidance of personal growth opportunities

Personal growth? It’s all about taking those leaps out of our cozy comfort zones and staring down our fears and insecurities head-on. But for women who may be hiding their insecurities under a facade of confidence, this leap can feel downright terrifying.

They tend to shy away from opportunities that could push their growth because they’re scared it’ll shine a spotlight on their vulnerabilities. So, they stick to what’s safe and familiar, even if it means missing out on chances to learn and evolve.

But here’s the kicker: Embracing personal growth is like a secret sauce for authentic confidence. It’s by challenging ourselves, stretching those boundaries, that we truly flex our resilience muscles.  

9) Aggressive defense mechanisms

When their facade of confidence is threatened, women who are deeply insecure may resort to aggressive defense mechanisms.

They could become defensive or argumentative when faced with criticism or feedback, seeing it as a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth.

This aggressive defense is a sign of their underlying insecurity. They’re protecting their facade at all costs because they fear being exposed as less than confident.

Listen up: true confidence means being open to feedback and criticism, knowing it’s a chance to learn and grow. As I always say, every setback is an opportunity for growth and learning.

The journey towards authentic confidence

Understanding the behaviors of women who are deeply insecure but pretend they’re confident is not just about recognizing signs. It’s about acknowledging the larger spectrum of human emotions and the struggle we all face to some degree in embracing our authentic selves.

These behaviors are shields, erected out of fear and insecurity. But beneath them, there’s a longing for acceptance, love, and genuine confidence.

True confidence emerges from within. It’s about embracing our imperfections, celebrating our uniqueness, and cultivating self-compassion. It’s about aligning our actions with our values and taking responsibility for our lives.

In my journey, I’ve found that sharing insights and experiences can be a powerful tool for personal growth.

If you’re interested in exploring these ideas further and joining a community centered on living with more purpose and authenticity, consider subscribing to my YouTube channel, here.

As you reflect on these behaviors and what they might reveal, consider this question: How can acknowledging our insecurities lead us closer to authentic confidence?

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Justin Brown

Justin Brown is an entrepreneur and thought leader in personal development and digital media, with a foundation in education from The London School of Economics and The Australian National University. As the co-founder of Ideapod, The Vessel, and a director at Brown Brothers Media, Justin has spearheaded platforms that significantly contribute to personal and collective growth. His deep insights are shared on his YouTube channel, JustinBrownVids, offering a rich blend of guidance on living a meaningful and purposeful life.

If you don’t want to become isolated as you grow old, say goodbye to these 27 behaviors

People who grew up with unhappy parents often display these 8 behaviors in relationships