Mia Zhang
They’re leaders, entrepreneurs, and girl bosses.
That’s why socialization is always part of their job—whether they’re in or out of the office.
You see them laughing and being chatty and you might think they’re an extrovert…
Don’t be fooled!
Many of these confident women are actually introverts. They’re just good at pretending they’re social butterflies when they have to.
Wondering if the confident woman you know is actually deeply introverted underneath?
Pay attention if they display these behaviors:
1) They’re the last one to arrive, first one to leave
Unless they really have to arrive on time at an event or party, they usually arrive late.
It’s not because they want to be “fashionably late”.
It’s not because they don’t respect other people’s time.
As long as they don’t have to arrive on time, they won’t.
And you know why?
It’s probably because they’re still recovering from their previous social interactions.
You see, introverts are not shy, unconfident people. They simply get winded down easily when they’re spending so much time socializing.
And so to make sure they have energy to appear “confident” again, they need to rest and recover.
2) They listen more than they talk
Another way that introverts preserve their social battery is by talking less—literally.
But when you’re with them, you won’t even notice it because they’re always engaged and enthusiastic.
What do they do instead?
They listen and ask questions.
You often hear them say “Wow, tell me more” or “And so what happened?”
And since introverts are naturally empathetic and curious, they’re actually genuinely interested in others.
Confident introverts are smart. They have acknowledged their introversion and found ways to manage their social battery so it won’t run out fast.
3) They double down on body language and facial expressions
They’re probably just like your regular introvert except that they appear “confident” because they’re more expressive and animated when they’re talking with others.
They usually:
- Have an open body language
- Use their hands while explaining things
- Lean a bit closer especially while they’re listening
- Have good eye contact
- Smile and nod more
All of these things create an impression that one is extroverted.
And so even if they’re indeed an introvert, they fool people into thinking they’re not.
4) They stare out the window to daydream
They’re poised and smiling and they know how to hold a conversation—basically, they’re a classy woman.
And so you’d think they’re an extrovert who loves being around people 24/7.
But then you catch them zoning out and daydreaming when they think no one’s watching.
They stare out the window to look for shapes in the clouds.
Or they pay attention to how the trees dance with the wind.
Or they simply stare at nothing in particular but then you know that their mind is somewhere else because they smile or smirk for no reason.
They sometimes even mumble or hum.
But then they snap back to reality and go back to socializing again.
5) They keep interactions short but sweet
They’re fun to talk with. Very bubbly and full of life.
But here’s a secret they would never tell you: they’re that way because they know that they’ll only be doing it for a short while.
They’re willing to give their best performance as long as it’s only for 30 minutes and not three hours.
And so they’d give their social interactions all they’ve got—they might even become the liveliest person in the room—but they’ll excuse themselves before their social battery significantly drops.
By keeping interactions short and sweet, they leave an impression that they’re confident.
6) They find legit reasons to excuse themselves
Confident introverts have, over the years, mastered how to exit gracefully.
They always find legit reasons to excuse themselves from even the most important conversations.
While at a party, they’d say “Hey, I’m gonna get more wine” when they need a break from the person they’re talking to.
While at a dinner, they’d say “Guys, it’s nice catching up with you again. I have to leave in an hour because my daughter’s waiting for me. Let’s schedule another meet-up please!”
And because of this, people have the impression that they’re very social when they’re in fact introverts who just need more alone time than the average person.
7) They love to drink
I’m an introvert and I survive social interactions by drinking.
I know, I know. It’s not the best solution to shyness.
But, for me, it’s one of the easiest ways to get more “confident” and at ease around people.
I always make sure I don’t get drunk, though.
So if you notice a confident woman who loves pouring herself a drink—but only during social gatherings—then they’re probably doing it to let loose because they’re an introvert.
It’s not easy to act sociable when all you really want to do is go home and take a warm bath while you listen to your favorite podcasts.
8) They love doing activities where they don’t have to talk
As I’ve said, these confident but introverted women are strategic with their social interactions.
Instead of having lunch dates where they have to force themselves to talk, they’d opt for something that doesn’t need a lot of talking.
They’d recommend doing activities like going to a museum or watching a movie or listening to a jazz band.
What makes these activities even more beneficial for them is that they’re sure they’d have things to talk about afterwards. Brilliant.
9) They’re totally comfortable with silence
Confident introverted women don’t find it necessary to fill the dead air.
Once upon a time, when they still cared what people think, even five minutes of silence makes them anxious and apologetic—like it’s their fault that they have nothing to talk about.
But now?
They’re fine with silence.
And they’re not afraid to show others just how fine they are with it, either.
This makes people think that they’re indeed confident.
And it’s true. They’re now more confident of their introversion.
10) They get extremely quiet after socializing
I have a successful aunt who holds meetings every single day. She talks with 10-20 people a day without getting tired.
And I often thought “Wow, how does she do it? It’s just too many people!”
But when everyone leaves, she’s extremely quiet.
She’s quiet while she prepares to leave the office.
She’s quiet when she drives home.
She’s even quiet for the first few hours while she’s at home.
When I got uncomfortable with her silence, she told me “Please don’t take my silence personally. I just really need to recharge after talking with people all day.”
Final thoughts
Do you know a woman who’s exactly like this?
Then don’t be too intimidated by her if you’re an introvert yourself.
Trust me—she won’t think you lack self-confidence because genuine confidence has nothing to do with one’s capacity to not get tired of social interactions.
She’ll likely relate to your introversion more than you think!
And expect her to be relieved when you show your introversion. She might say “Phew. Finally, I can just be at ease and quiet with you.”
Now if you’re this woman, then congrats!
You’re able to appear classy and confident even if it’s an exhausting thing to do. This is definitely not something everyone can do well.
