Paul Brian
I know how it feels to lose someone you love.
If that’s you right now, I know you’re in pain, confused and running out of hope.
And I also know that you have one burning question that you really want an answer to…
Will she ever come back? 16 ways to tell
1) She tells you she regrets the breakup
The top sign that she’ll come back is that she tells you she regrets the breakup.
In some cases she may not say it but her behavior and distress will make it obvious that she hasn’t found closure with your relationship ending.
If she’s saying she feels bad about the breakup…
And regrets it or wishes it had turned out differently…
Then there’s definitely a chance she’ll be back.
As Adrian from Back With My Ex Again puts it:
“The biggest indicator is when an ex flat out tells you they miss you and that they think that the breakup was a mistake.
“You can see that they clearly regret what happened and that they don’t want to be without you.”
On the flip side, if she hasn’t contacted you since the split and doesn’t seem to regret it at all, then the chances that she’ll be back again are very low.
2) You’ve been down this road before with her
One of the other indicators of whether she’ll be back again is whether this is the first time this has happened or not.
If you’ve been down this road before and she ended up coming back, then there’s a solid chance that you’ll end up back together again.
If this is the first time she’s broken up with you or you’ve broken up with her, however, then it’s a different story.
When there’s a pattern of on-again-off-again in the past then there’s a trend of her rethinking things and returning.
If there’s not this kind of pattern in the past then the trend is more likely to lean toward her staying gone for good.
3) Ask a relationship coach
Will she ever come back? It’s not a question that’s easy to answer, and only time will tell.
But there is another option.
Asking a relationship coach.
I know you might be skeptical about getting outside help, but there’s no harm in trying.
Relationship Hero is the best site for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like losing someone you love.
Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.
My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) Her friends tell you she misses you
Never underestimate the power of human networks and word-of-mouth.
If your ex’s friends tell you she’s missing you then it means there’s a high probability she’d be open to seeing if you could give it another shot.
This information isn’t always forthcoming of course.
And she may have specifically told her friends and family not to talk to you.
But do what you can.
If you share mutual friends, see what they have to say. If they’re overly vague or evasive, try to use your intuition to read the room.
Is she gone for good or still pining over you?
5) The breakup was spontaneous and sudden
What was the breakup like? This is another clue about whether she’ll be back again.
Were there months of fights, misunderstandings and frustrations leading up to it? Or did it come out of nowhere and blow up like a volcano?
If there was a lot of lead up, then it’s likely there was a considerable amount of thought put into the separation on her part.
If it came out of the blue in a big emotional blow up then it sounds more spontaneous and volatile.
If your relationship ended with a big fight or clash that neither of you saw coming, that means that you both might end up seeing it was a mistake.
On her part:
This increases the chances that she’ll “cool down” in the weeks and months following the breakup and think better of it.
It doesn’t guarantee she’ll be back by any means, but it certainly increases the chances that she will end up feeling more regret about the big fight that ended everything and want to come back.
In the heat of the moment we often do things we regret.
Even things as drastic as ending a relationship.
If that’s you and her, then there may well be a chapter 2 coming.
6) She stays in touch with those close to you
There’s one thing a woman does when she wants to stay away forever:
She cuts off contact.
That includes contact with your friends and family, online contact, personal contact, telephone contact and any other kind such as groups you’re both part of.
It can even extend to her moving geographically away from where you live to get away from you and escape your memory.
There’s another thing a woman almost never does if she’s really done with you:
Staying in touch with those close to you.
If she’s still chatting with your mom and having dinner with your sister on Thursdays after work, that’s the behavior of a woman who’s not ready to fully let go yet.
Will she patch things up with you? This is one of the signs that she has it in mind.
7) The relationship had more good times than bad times
Look back on your relationship and ask yourself this:
Were there more good times than bad times?
Or was it more or less a wash?
If there were more good times than bad times, then her mind and heart are going to be filled with pleasant recollections.
This, in turn, is far more likely to lead to her longing for a return to the more enjoyable times in the past and your shared intimacy.
It’s not easy to find and share love in this world.
And if you both found love then she’s going to think back on that and miss it with all her heart and soul.
8) She’s still in touch with you
If your ex is still in touch with you, it’s one of the strongest signs that you will see her again.
As I said, one of the first things that a woman does when she’s well and truly finished with a relationship is cut off contact.
If she’s still in touch with you in some way it’s a very good sign. Even if it’s just social media likes and the rare text, that’s much better than nothing.
Trust me.
There are basically two options for what it means if she’s getting in touch with you now and then:
The first is that she wishes to form a friendship with you and be on good terms despite moving on with her life.
The second is that she wishes to go back to what you once had and is dipping a toe in the water to see what it feels like.
9) She’s all over your social media
One alternative to her being in touch with you is that she’s not contacting you, but her fingerprints are all over your social media.
She’s liking, commenting and interacting: or at least she’s watching your “stories” and clearly paying attention.
The question is:
Is that just her nostalgia at the breakup?
Or is that her wishing she could just have one more chance?
Because the brutal truth is this:
Someone who is truly over you and ready to move on may be broken up beyond belief…
But they will not pine and focus on you if they’re truly done.
They will move on and stay gone.
If she’s still lurking around your social media, she isn’t done with you.
10) She’s not seeing someone new
Whether or not your ex is over you, one big thing is going to get in the way of her coming back to you:
Someone new.
If she’s with a new guy it will be much less likely and much more difficult for you to still have a chance with her.
But if she’s single and still looking, you have a very good shot.
The reason is threefold:
The first is that it’s actually much harder to meet someone you have a strong connection with than our popular media and hookup apps would like you to believe.
The second is that loneliness is far more difficult to deal with than many people think who haven’t been single for a long time. Just a few months of it is going to affect her pretty heavily.
The third aspect here is that she’s also wondering whether you’re still single, too. If you haven’t been closely in touch then she might wonder what you’ve been up to and whether you’re dating someone new.
This all goes in your favor.
11) How proactive are you being?
One of the common mistakes many men make in terms of hoping for their ex to come back is being overly passive.
They sit around and drink.
Or complain to friends.
They wait like an anxious gambler hoping that the craps table isn’t total crap just this one time…
But this is really the wrong approach.
“You don’t just wait for your ex to come back. You can do things that will increase the chances of getting back in a healthy relationship with your ex.
“And if they don’t come back, you can do things to move on from them and find someone who appreciates you and loves you the way you deserve to be loved,” advises Kevin Thompson.
If you want her to come back, you need to stop basing your life on her coming back.
And you need to start focusing on yourself and your own life.
A major part of getting better is learning to clear your mind of toxic ideas that are keeping you trapped in useless passivity and the victim mindset.
I especially recommend the Free Your Mind Masterclass, which is an amazing journey to clear your mind of toxic spirituality and disempowering beliefs about who you are.
It’s led by the shaman Rudá Iandê and it’s really got me feeling empowered about my life.
I’m no longer waiting for life to happen, I’m living it.
The difference couldn’t be any more massive.
And if you’re struggling in the aftermath of a breakup, nothing could be better for you than to free your mind, too!
12) How’s your outcome independence?
Outcome independence refers to the ability to act without being attached to a particular outcome.
In other words, you don’t let one failure knock you down, and you don’t base everything you do on external things which are out of your control.
Ultimately the brutal truth is this:
Whether she comes back to you is not in your control!
There is actually a lot you can do – and avoid doing – that will increase your chances.
As Coach Jack writes at Men’s Breakup:
“For example, if she dumped you because you were too needy, you need to figure out why you were needy, and then fix it.
“That might mean getting therapy or dating other women to build up your outcome independence.”
Nonetheless, there’s not ultimately some button you can press.
Whether she comes back or not is up to her!
The point is that while you take actions to improve yourself and find your personal power, you should not be attached to the potential outcome of her coming back.
Embrace outcome independence:
Do it because you can.
13) She didn’t want to break up
Who broke up with who? If you were the one who ended things at the time, you’re inherently in a more advantageous position.
If she didn’t want to break up at the time…
There’s a very good chance she still doesn’t like the break up.
In this scenario, it really comes down to you and what you’re feeling or not feeling with regard to her.
If she’s still in love with you and it’s you who put a stop to the relationship, then you have a very good shot of getting back together.
Love dies hard.
And if she’s the one who didn’t want it to end before, there’s a very high probability that she’s still the one who doesn’t want it to end.
14) She makes excuses to see you in public
If your ex is making excuses to bump into you in public, then you can bet that it’s more than a coincidence.
One time in line at your favorite cafe could just be chance, for sure…
But the next day at the outdoor store, and the day after that when you’re taking your dog for a walk?
That looks a lot more like her keeping track of you and making excuses to bump into you.
Some might call it stalking.
But if you still have feelings for her, it could be a nice experience.
This doesn’t mean she’s a sure thing, of course.
But it definitely means that she hasn’t quenched her thirst yet and that the flame is still burning in her heart.
She wants you back, or at least she wants to see if that old chemistry is still there.
So, is it?
15) Why are you asking this question?
Another important aspect to consider here, is why you’re asking if she’ll come back?
Obviously you still have feelings for her and want her back.
But what I mean is why are you asking it in this way?
Doing so is actually quite disempowering and likely to increase your suffering after the breakup.
What you should be doing instead, is focusing on what’s in your control.
You.
As Coach Natalie with Love Advice says, this is actually not really the most important question you should be asking yourself!
Instead, as she points out, you should be asking yourself whether you’ve evolved as a person and changed your approach to yourself and to relationships.
Becoming a more evolved person doesn’t guarantee she’ll be coming back by any means, of course.
But that’s why I brought up outcome independence.
To become a truly stronger, more attractive person, you have to embrace the idea of improving yourself and setting goals because you can.
I spent years waiting for life to “happen” and to “give me what I want.”
Basically:
Nothing happened, at least nothing that I felt satisfied by.
Nothing began shifting in a more useful direction until I dropped my dependency on outside forces going my way and began acting out of my own power and volition.
It’s the same with whether or not she’ll come back.
Maybe she will, maybe she won’t.
Do your best to become the guy she would love to be with.
But don’t ever hinge your wellbeing or future on it.
At all times you need to be crystal clear with yourself on the following question:
16) Are you truly willing to walk away?
This relates right back to outcome independence.
Ironically, the only real shot you have of getting your ex back is if you’re truly willing to lose her.
If there’s still that part of yourself that simply refuses to face the reality of life without her, it creates a needy and miserable energy that consumes you.
But when you make a clean break and accept that it really could be over, you gain back your power and stop depending on something out of your control.
One of the most attractive things in the world is a man who accepts what’s not in his control.
When you truly start moving on with your life.
You provide a container in which a relationship can be rebuilt.
But when you cling to what you had in the past, it creates a lot of codependency, expectations and pressures.
This is much more likely to keep her away.
How long gone is she gonna be?
If your girlfriend or wife is gone and you just want to know when she’ll be back, the truth is that only she knows that.
The best you can do is optimize yourself and take steps to live the life of your dreams.
Become the kind of person you would want to meet, rather than waiting for someone to come who will complete you, or waiting for your ex to come back.
The thing is that many of us miss what’s right in front of us:
The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
