Anna Scheucher
Getting dumped is one of the worst experiences this life has to offer, and more often than not, feelings for the ex remain for a long time, accompanied by a hope of them coming back and getting back together.
If you’re in the same shoes right now and would love to get back together with your ex, don’t despair! There are ways to get your ex-girlfriend back and I will teach you how!
Along with the things you can actively do to get her back, I will also give you a list of signs that she might be thinking of getting back together, as well, so that you know right off the bat if there is hope!
4 things you can do to get your girlfriend back after she dumped you:
1) Analyze your relationship
The first thing you can do to get your girlfriend back after she dumped you, is take a break, pause, and reflect. Pinpoint what went wrong in your relationship and in what ways these things could be resolved.
No matter what the issue in a relationship is, most of the time both partners have something to do with it not working.
After getting dumped it’s easy to say “I am the victim, they were just an a**hole.” As comforting as this might be, there are two problematic things happening here:
First, you are closing yourself off to any chance of growing and evolving from this experience. If you didn’t do anything wrong, there is nothing to learn, right? Wrong. Regardless of the relationship, there are always things we can learn and could have done better.
The second problem with the victim mentality is that you are giving all your power away. You were the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, and they just dumped you out of the blue?
This scenario makes you powerless and that is not a good mindset to be in, either when getting back together or when being in a new relationship. Instead, take your power back by learning what you could have done better.
This does not mean you should blame yourself for anything and everything, by the way. Simply acknowledging what role you might have played in the downfall of your relationship and learning how you could move toward a more healthy dynamic in the future (with them or someone else).
Doing this work will pay off either way. Your ex-partner will have a reason to try again (as you’ve been actively working on the issues that made the relationship fail in the first place), or a future relationship will be happier, healthier, and stronger.
2) Restore self-confidence
In order to inspire your ex-girlfriend to come back to you, moping around and feeling sorry for yourself won’t do the trick, sorry.
Think about who you are attracted to – it’s usually the people radiating confidence and self-love. You will not feel confident unless you remember what you bring to the table in the relationship.
To restore self-confidence, taking care of yourself is the first and most important step. Everything else will follow naturally.
This should be done on a physical, mental, and spiritual level. It’s not too complicated, start eating foods that make you feel good and healthy, if you haven’t already, start a workout routine you love, maybe even trying out a new sport!
To take care of your mental health, go to therapy, start researching psychology a bit, and educate yourself. Good keywords to start with are inner-child healing, shadow work, and limiting core beliefs. Working on these three will change your life, seriously.
On a spiritual level, you can start a meditation practice, or immerse yourself deeper into whatever it is you believe in! Nurturing this inner connection will make you happier and more grounded, as well.
These things will make you look and feel better, resulting in boosted confidence. Yes, you might be more attractive physically, but more importantly, you will also feel confidence on a deep level that isn’t superficial.
3) Pursue personal and professional goals
Oftentimes, people lose track of their personal or professional goals while in a relationship. It’s not necessarily that the partner is preventing it, it’s just that other things tend to be more important, and so pursuing goals lands on the backburner for a while.
Well, guess what? Now is your time to finally go after your dreams and aspirations again! The reason this is important when trying to get your girlfriend back is that you will show her that you are ambitious and not letting this break-up get the best of you.
Similar to what I mentioned above, who is gonna be more attractive, someone throwing their life away after a break-up and losing all motivation for success, or someone who strives to reach their goals regardless, setting themselves up for a successful future (whatever that might mean for you)?
Of course, it’s the latter. Now is the time you don’t have to prioritize your partner over all else and you can focus on what YOU want.
This can sometimes be a scary question, after all, you might not be sure anymore what you want, you had a future planned together with your ex, and plans now have obviously changed. Regardless of whether the two of you get back together or not, it is important that you take some time to reflect on what you actually want out of life.
What is it you want to achieve? What does a happy you look like in the future? This can be anything from wanting a family, publishing a book, career goals, athletic goals, artistic goals, whatever you have always dreamed of doing. Identify these values for yourself and then make a plan to slowly work towards them, step by step.
When your ex notices how driven you are, she will realize that a future with you means being with someone ambitious who has a vision and focuses on their goals. Nothing is more attractive than that, believe me.
4) Introduce new activities
It is no secret that break-ups often leave us with a gaping hole in our lives. After all, you spent a lot of time with that person and now that they are not here, you probably have a lot of time on your hands.
Instead of drowning in despair, I want you to see this as an opportunity to introduce new activities into your life you didn’t have the time for in the past.
What have you always wanted to do? Maybe it’s learning a new language, trying a new sport, learning an instrument, practicing a craft,… The options are endless.
What this will do is keep you busy and also help you meet new people. Finding a new activity you love (or maybe rediscovering something you neglected during your relationship) will bring back your passion for life.
The way this helps you with getting your ex back, is that she will notice this new passion and that will ultimately pique her interest – How come your life seems so amazing now? How come you reach so many goals now that you’re not with her?
She probably expected you to be moping around, and here you are – living your best life! This will spark thoughts of wanting to be a part of this amazing new life you’re building for yourself. On top of that, this passion you radiate will remind her of the person she fell in love with.
The focus is on you
As you probably noticed, all these things you can do to get her back are focused solely on yourself, and not on her.
Even though this might seem counterintuitive at first, because you will have the urge to call her and chase her until she comes back to you, this is really the only way to ensure a healthy and happy new relationship together.
Something wasn’t working the first time around, and if you change nothing about the equation, the end result will be the same if repeated. And in reality, the only thing we can change is ourselves, never our partners. This is why working on yourself is the only way to really have a fair shot at a second chance!
Now, to not lose motivation, there are signs you can look out for while working on yourself that indicate that she wants you back.
10 signs she wants you back:
1) She makes an effort to stay close to you
Does your ex-girlfriend make an effort to stay close to you? This could mean texting you to check up on you, asking you for advice that literally anyone could have helped her with, making excuses to stay in touch with you,… you get the picture.
If your ex contacts you and stays in touch, chances are very good that deep within, she wants you back.
2) She is nostalgic
When you are in contact with your ex and she keeps talking about the past and bringing up happy memories, this could be a sign that she thinks the relationship still has a chance.
Reminiscing on the beautiful times together means that a part of her misses how it was, and would love to get those happy memories back.
3) She asks about your love life
If your ex-girlfriend is interested in whether or not you are dating anyone new, this can be a sign she would like to give the relationship another chance. Asking about your love life can be a reassurance for her that she isn’t losing you.
This is especially accurate when she isn’t seeing anyone new, either.
4) She asks others about you
When your ex-girlfriend starts asking others about you, a part of them has not let go of the relationship just yet.
She might not ask you directly and instead reaches out to mutual friends, inquiring whether you are happy, what you’ve been up to, if you’re still single, whether you’re asking about her, too, and so on.
Someone who is completely over a relationship does not usually do this, so if your mutual friends inform you about this, take it as a really good sign that you still have a chance with her!
5) She didn’t block or unfollow
If the girl you used to date did not block or unfollow you on any social media, this can be a very good sign.
Oftentimes, people who are over a relationship will unfollow or even block their ex-partner in order to fully move on. If she hasn’t done that, she is still interested in your life and all hope is not lost!
This is especially true if she still likes all your posts!
6) She says she is unhappy
If your ex is telling you that she is unhappy since the break-up, it is a telltale sign that she is overthinking her decision and realizing she made a mistake. When that is the case, the chances of you getting back together soon are looking really good!
7) She calls you when she is drunk
There is a saying that when we’re drunk, our real selves come to the surface, without a filter. To a degree, this is very true, so if your ex-partner calls you up when she’s drunk, it means you are still deeply rooted in her subconscious.
She might still have feelings for you and the hope of being together again is all but dead!
8) She says she wants to be friends
Your partner tells you she wants to be friends after breaking up. This can be a very good thing, believe it or not! It is a sign that she is still holding on to you, and doesn’t want to let go.
It also means that she still loves you as a friend, so now it is time to get the romantic spark back. If you want to know exactly how to do that, read how being friends with an ex can lead back into a relationship!
9) You had an on/off relationship, or this has happened before
If you and your ex-partner were in an on/off relationship before the break-up, or she has broken up with you in the past, chances are that the past might repeat itself and the two of you will get back together.
10) They broke up in the heat of the moment
How was your break-up? Was it a calm talk, where your girlfriend seemed like she had decided on breaking up before sitting down with you and letting you know, or did she break up in the heat of the moment, during a passionate fight or argument?
If the latter is the case, there is a good chance that she might want you back!
We often make decisions in the heat of the moment that we regret later on. If that was the case for your girlfriend, she might be thinking about getting back together after having calmed down.
Time to put things into practice
If one or more of the signs that she wants to get back together apply to you and your ex-girlfriend, chances are that she might consider getting back into a relationship with you.
Now is your time to do the work, however. Follow the steps listed above to ensure that if and when the two of you do get back together, it will be as different, healthier individuals who will have a more beautiful, grounded relationship.
At this point, I want to mention that this is a very important time of reflection for you, too. I know that right after a break-up all we want is to be with the other person, and we’d do anything to get back together.
HOWEVER, try to use this phase of your life to reflect on the relationship you had with your ex-partner. Do you want them back because they genuinely made you a better person and made your life happier, or do you just love the idea of them and don’t want to be alone?
It’s important to be brutally honest with yourself here. If you genuinely love them and believe that they improve your life, by all means, pursue them and try to get back together.
But if there is just a tiny part of you that says “Maybe this is for the better” because the relationship just wasn’t great, to begin with, then it might also be a good time to let go and make room for someone else who will actually be the love of your life.
No matter what is the case, you can implement the 4 steps mentioned above and it will help with either objective!
This is a hard time, but thankfully, the only constant in life is change, so better times are bound to come soon, don’t worry! Stay strong and above anything else, stay true to yourself!
