You and your boyfriend recently broke up. But something gives you the feeling it’s not the end of your love story. Now you’re hoping he’ll be the one to reach out to you first.
Will he initiate contact again? Look out for these 16 non-obvious signs that say yes (plus 6 powerful ways you can encourage him!).
16 signs that he will initiate contact again
1) You had a good relationship
Having a good relationship is a great sign he will initiate contact again. Actually, it’s a great sign for any kind of move towards reconciliation.
At our core, we are all simple: we gravitate towards what we consider positive. If he has pleasant associations with you, he will see the thought of contacting you again as much more appealing.
If you had trust and open communication in your relationship, he also knows that he doesn’t have to be afraid of coming to talk to you even if things are over.
2) He has done it before
The past can be one of the best predictors of the future. If you have an on-and-off relationship and he’s been the one to reach out first in the past, you can reasonably expect him to do it again.
Consider if this breakup is similar to others you already had with him. Is there something different, or is it following the same patterns?
If you want things to work out this time, something needs to change. See if there is anything different about the way he contacts you. Or, open up a dialogue about unresolved issues.
3) He often takes initiative
What if it’s the first time you broke up? You may be able to tell he will initiate contact again if he takes initiative in other parts of his life.
Does he actively go after what he wants? Is he easily put off by obstacles or setbacks? Does he go up to people to introduce himself or wait to see if they will?
Of course people aren’t always predictable, and especially things like breakups can prod them into taking an action they wouldn’t normally take. But if he has this quality, he’s much more likely to use it to initiate contact again.
4) He’s still in touch with your close friends and family
Mutual friends can be a sticky situation to manage after a breakup.
If your friends are also his friends, there’s no way to completely avoid being around each other.
But maybe he’s putting in special effort to be in contact with people that are close to you specifically. He finds excuses to reach out to them, and tries to keep a positive relationship with them.
He knows what he’s doing — and clearly, it’s not cutting you out of his life. On the contrary, he’s actively trying to stay in yours.
If this is going to continue, at some point, he will have to initiate contact with you directly.
5) He engages on your social media
If he didn’t block you, unfollow you, or whatever else people do to show that they’re unequivocally “done”, he’s open to communication.
And if he’s going a step further and actively engaging with your page, he wants you to know he’s up for talking. He knows very well you can see that he liked your photo or watched your story.
He’s sending you a message (even though he hasn’t actually yet). Chances are he’s trying to gauge your reaction, or bait you into initiating contact first. If you wait a bit longer, he’ll probably get tired of beating around the bush and pop into your inbox.
6) He hangs around places you like
Depending on what happened, it may take a lot of courage to initiate contact again.
If you see him hanging around places he knows you like, he might be hoping to run into you by coincidence so that it feels more natural.
It’s also a sign that he’s missing you. He might be visiting places you used to go together to remember the good times and process his feelings.
Another possibility is that he’s not even doing it on purpose. These might be synchronicities as a result of a strong spiritual connection. For twin flames, for example, this could be the sign of an upcoming reunion.
Obviously, this is only something positive if done in moderation. Make sure to use your judgment.
7) He asks about you
Being in touch with people you know is one thing — after all, they’re in his life too, and a breakup doesn’t have to drag down a host of friendships along with it.
But taking initiative to ask those people about you is another thing.
This means he’s openly showing interest in your life. He’s clearly thinking about you and wondering how you’re doing.
He might be trying to figure out if you’ve moved on, or get an idea if initiating contact with you is a good idea or not. Either way, he’s just a small step away from contacting you directly.
8) He talks about you in a respectful way
Aside from asking about you, he can also talk about you himself. Your friends might mention that he brings you up often, or somehow works you into every topic. It’s apparent you’re on his mind.
Find out what kind of things he’s saying about you. We all know breakups bring a hotpot of emotions. So bitter comments may slip out, or he could have a knee-jerk reaction to a painful trigger.
But he knows full well the people he’s talking to will tell you about the conversation later. If he has the intention of communicating with you again, he’ll remain respectful and recognize your worth.
He might be trying to warm you up to him for when he initiates contact.
9) He’s still single
A good sign that he’ll initiate contact is if he hasn’t moved on, emotionally or physically. His thoughts are not on anyone else — so there’s a good chance they’re still on you.
He might be taking some time before getting back out there. Or he simply isn’t over you yet.
Either way, being single gives him free reign to do whatever he wants, including sliding into your DMs.
10) He seems jealous
Jealousy drives many couples apart, especially if it’s extreme or acted upon unreasonably.
But it’s also a healthy emotion you can’t help but feel when it comes to someone you care about. It can bring to light buried emotions and tell you if you’re really over someone or not.
You might be casually dating someone new, hanging out with them, or just flirting. Whatever the case, if your ex seems jealous, it’s clear he’d love to be in the new fella’s shoes!
This could be the kick he needs to man up and reach out to you again.
11) He has unfinished business with you
Unfinished business means you’ll have to get in touch sooner or later, one way or another. If the unfinished business is his, then the onus is on him to initiate contact.
If he’s trying to stretch it out, it’s more likely than not a good sign for you.
People who want to cut contact and move on get closure as soon as possible. He wouldn’t leave something hanging if that was his goal.
He might want some time to cool off and gain perspective before he reaches out again. When he’s ready, he’ll be able to talk with a clearer mind.
12) You have vivid dreams about it
We are all connected in ways we don’t fully understand yet.
Our intentions and thoughts flow into the universe. As Osho explains in The Pillars of Consciousnes, they can affect the world and people around us. One way this can manifest is through dreams.
Of course there’s not a clear guide to what dreams mean. Some might just be a reflection of our own desires, or a jumble of memories.
13) He sees a positive change in you
Studies show exes are much more likely to get back together if they believe the other person has changed for the better.
If he sees that you’ve been working on yourself, or putting in effort to grow as a person, it will catch his interest. He’ll automatically wonder what a relationship would be like with this new you. This may inspire him to reach out and give it a try again.
If you’ve grown as a person, you’ll also come across as more forgiving as you’re moving on from who you were, and therefore the past. Therefore, this will open up the way for him to strike up a conversation without fear of being shot down.
14) You have a gut feeling about it
Sometimes you don’t need any concrete evidence that something will happen. Your gut can tell you all you need to know.
Do you have a feeling he will initiate contact again? Even if it seems inexplicable, there could be more truth to it than you think.
Should you assume your gut is always right? Probably not. But you should definitely listen to what it’s telling you. As you gain more practice, you’ll become better at telling when to trust it.
15) He’s noticing you a lot
If you hang out in the same spots — around school, work, or home — his acknowledgement of you, or lack thereof, means a lot.
If he’s completely ignoring you, he’s clearly sending you a message — and not a very good one at that. He might become ready to initiate contact in the future, but he definitely isn’t now.
Another possibility is he doesn’t avoid you but doesn’t pay particular attention to you either. In other words, he’s indifferent. In this case, he wouldn’t have a problem initiating contact with you, but he probably also doesn’t have any motivation to do it.
But if he’s noticing you a lot, that’s another story. He might be constantly looking your way, casually hanging around where you are, or acting visibly nervous.
These are all signs he’s thinking about walking over to you. He’s just waiting for a sign that it’s safe to do so.
(Looking for ways to encourage him? Stick around for our 6 power tips further below!)
16) He’s trying to get your attention
As mentioned in the previous sign, if you happen to be in the same place, you might see your ex noticing you more than necessary.
Another sign that he’s close to initiating contact again is if he’s trying to get your attention. This might be laughing excessively, trying to look like he’s having a great time, or making louder than necessary comments about things he wants you to overhear.
This might also happen in the online sphere. He might start to be more active in Facebook groups or chats you’re both a part of. His posts suddenly pop up all the time when before, he barely used to post anything at all.
Wherever it is, he’s trying to be big and bold. A guy like this isn’t shy, so if you just wait a bit longer, he’s very likely to initiate contact with you again.
3 signs he won’t initiate contact
Sometimes it’s easier to rule something out than to tell if it will happen. If you don’t see many of the signs above, consider if you see these 3 signs he won’t initiate contact.
He’s with someone new
Want to know a near certain sign he won’t initiate contact with you? Check his relationship status.
Messaging an ex while in a new relationship is like walking on paper-thin ice. No guy in his right mind would do that, at least if he has any intention of staying in the relationship.
At this point, the best thing for you to do would be to follow his lead and focus on moving on too. If you have something important to discuss with him, you’ll probably have to take the initiative.
Be polite but to the point, and don’t bring up anything that’s not relevant.
He believes you wronged him
Any conflict can be patched up if both people are willing. But usually we expect the person who messed up to come forward and apologize.
In a way, this is both natural and healthy. When someone hurts us, we don’t try to put ourselves back in a vulnerable position unless the person shows honest remorse and gives us reason to believe it won’t happen again.
He has cut off communication channels
In the modern age, blocking someone is like the final blow to a breakup. If he has done this, he is not only not interested in initiating contact — he also wants to make sure you won’t either.
If this is the case, trying to force contact will just make things worse. Respect his wishes and focus on the next exciting phase of your life.
6 things you can do to encourage him to initiate contact again
Thankfully, life is not just about sitting and watching for signs. Your life is yours — seize it! Actively do something to get what you want. Here are 6 powerful tips to encourage him to initiate contact again.
1) Show him you’re working on yourself
As mentioned above, one of the biggest incentives for exes to get back together is believing the other person has changed for the better.
He’ll be able to envision a new, better relationship with you instead of being stuck in the past remembering the problems that drove you apart.
If you’re doing any sort of self improvement, don’t be shy to show it. You can post about professional achievements on LinkedIn, show photos of new experiences on Instagram, or simply talk to people about the effort and progress you’re making.
You might also consider if you can make your growth visually visible in any way. Of course, you don’t have to change your appearance for anyone. But if you feel it’s time for a change, a different look is a great way to represent an internal change as well.
2) Post more on social media
If you want him to initiate contact with you, you should create as many opportunities as possible for him to do so.
If you are still connected on social media, make posts that he would be able to relate to and engage with. The key here is not to manipulate him into being jealous. It’s simply to help spark an interaction based on rapport.
Be careful with what you post, because if you evoke negative feelings in him, he’ll probably react by eliminating their cause — and blocking your posts.
So don’t post anything passive-aggressive, conflictive, or provocative. If he feels you’re just trying to get a reaction from him, he’ll ignore you even harder.
Focus on creating a safe ground for him to engage with you with neutral topics. Share things about interests you had in common, or show personal growth using the first tip above.
3) Trigger his hero instinct
He might want to initiate contact, but hold back if he feels like it won’t lead anywhere.
Overcome this obstacle by triggering his hero instinct.
This is a term coined by relationship expert James Bauer in his bestselling book His Secret Obsession. Basically, it means all men have a deep-seated desire to live meaningful lives and be needed.
You can tap into his hero instinct by using specific texts, actions, and requests. In doing so, you’ll make yourself into a source of fulfillment for him — and make him want to come back for more.
James Bauer explains exactly how to use the hero instinct to get him back in this informative free video.
4) Give him signs you’re receptive to him reaching out
We like to think of men as bold and brave — and many of them are. But as James Bauer says, men will never do something if they see zero chance of being successful.
For him to initiate contact again, he has to see the possibility of a positive outcome.
Playing games like blocking him to “make him work harder to get to you” is counterproductive. If he has any respect for you, he will just fulfill the wishes you’re expressing — which is for him to stay away from you!
Not having him blocked on social media is a start. And if he wants to initiate contact with you, he has definitely checked.
If you make any sort of interaction — however small — you’ll show him the coast is clear. This could be dropping a like on his photo, watching one of his stories, or a quick smile or wave hello in person.
5) Reach out first!
Of course, your hope is that he will initiate contact first.
But do you really want to wait around for this guy to get off his butt and do something?
If you want to have contact with him again, the best thing you can do to achieve that is to initiate it yourself.
This doesn’t mean you’re pulling all the weight from here on out. Try to start a positive interaction, even if it’s short. You’ll show him it’s okay to talk to you, and then give him space to be a man and take things from there.
Make sure you check out the last tip below to supercharge the effectiveness of this first conversation!
6) Have a pleasant conversation and end it abruptly
Imagine you’re watching a great movie and suddenly the TV shuts down right in the most suspenseful scene. You’ll probably be driven crazy and think about the movie non stop until you can finish watching it – which you will at the first opportunity.
This is a secret that any TV show producer knows well. But why leave it entirely to the film industry?
You can use it too and make him feel the same anticipation for a conversation with you. This concept was found by Dr. Bluma Zeigarnik, who said:
“People remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than completed ones.”
In other words, we’re addicted to cliffhangers.
Now, you want to make sure this cliffhanger is positive — otherwise you’ll leave him with a strong bitter impression of your last conversation. Not exactly what will make him want to pick it up again!
The trick is to start up a positive, lighthearted chat. Then, right when you least want it to end, find an excuse to do just that. Your phone died, you have to go, your child is calling you — whatever. Cut it off abruptly and let the Zeigarnik effect work its magic.
That’s the end of our 16 signs he will initiate contact again — and 6 powerful ways to encourage him. Unfortunately, there is no 100% guarantee if your ex will initiate contact again. But the more of these signs you see, the better you can tell if he’s on the right track to do so.
If you’d like to take matters into your own hands, check out other helpful tips on how to get your ex back.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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