When you’re waiting to hear from a guy, hours can feel like days.
You find yourself constantly checking your phone for that elusive contact you’re craving.
Maybe you’re wondering ‘why is he ignoring me all of a sudden?’, and questioning if you’ve done something wrong to put him off.
Or perhaps if you’ve had a fight or a breakup, and in the midst of all that pain, you’re thinking ‘will he ignore me forever?’
This article will help you to get inside his head to figure out what’s going on and what you can do next.
Why being ignored by a guy is so painful
If being ignored by a man you like (or love) feels like torture, then you won’t be surprised to hear that rejection and physical pain are the same to your brain.
Your brain may not process your emotional pain in exactly the same way, but science has shown the reactions are really similar, with a natural chemical painkiller released by your body during both.
If being ignored by a guy leaves you feeling like you can’t even think straight, it’s with good reason. One study showed that feeling rejected led to an immediate drop in reasoning by 30% and in IQ by 25%.
Research has also found that being ignored hurts more than being argued with. Psychologists think this is because we get stressed out when we feel like we’re left out.
Basically, rejection messes with our minds. This is why waiting for that text from him could have you climbing the walls.
Why would a guy ignore you completely?
Of course, there could be thousands of slightly different reasons, depending on the situation, why a guy would choose to ignore you.
Having said that, most situations can be pretty much categorized into one of two themes:
If he is feeling hurt then he could be ignoring you to either sulk and punish you in some way, or because he genuinely needs some space to process his emotions.
If he’s lost interest in you then ignoring you is his way of sending you the message without having to explain himself.
This can be incredibly confusing, especially when it feels like it has come out of nowhere. But sadly some men are cowards and they would rather take the easy way out than face the discomfort of being honest and communicating how they are feeling.
The rise of social media and texting as one of our main methods of staying in touch seems to make this easier to do. There is a screen in between us that shields us from the awkwardness of treating someone poorly face to face.
Despite how painful it is to be on the receiving end, ghosting feels like the softest option for the person doing it.
Signs he’s ignoring you because you hurt him
1) He’s voiced a problem before
If he’s flagged up a certain behavior or issue that’s an issue for him quite recently, then this could be a likely source of tension that is causing him to ignore you now.
Think back over your recent communication before he started to ignore you for clues. For example, he doesn’t like you keeping in touch with your ex, he says you don’t reply quickly enough to his messages or he thinks you get jealous too easily.
Even if you’ve not had a specific argument, if he has raised something with you and then starts to act strangely and ignore you — it’s a safe bet he’s hurt or annoyed.
2) You know you’ve done something wrong
More often than not, when someone is mad at us, we know why.
If this is the case then you won’t need to rack your brain looking for the reason, it’ll be obvious.
Whether it was intentional or not, if you’ve messed up he is now pulling away because you’ve hurt him.
3) You’ve had a fight
It may not feel like it, but actually, him ignoring you because you’ve had an argument is probably one of the more favorable reasons.
That’s because the situation is charged with extreme emotion right now, but as soon as he cools off (if he genuinely cares about you) he’s likely to come around.
Rather than ignore you forever, when the anger starts to fade, he’ll start speaking to you again. The upside of anger is that if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be mad.
4) A gifted advisor confirms it
The signs above and below in this article will give you a good idea of why he’s ignoring you.
Even so, it can be very worthwhile to speak to a highly intuitive person and get guidance from them.
They can answer all sorts of relationship questions and take away your doubts and worries.
Like, what’s the reason behind his silence? Are you meant to be with him in the long run?
I recently spoke to someone from Psychic Source after going through a rough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into where my life was going, including who I was meant to be with.
I was actually blown away by how kind, compassionate and knowledgeable they were.
In this love reading, a gifted advisor can tell you why he’s giving you the cold shoulder, when it’ll end, and most importantly empower you to make the right decisions when it comes to love.
5) He’s your ex
If it’s your ex that is ignoring you, then it could be that he is trying to move on from the relationship.
Breakups are messy and you can feel confused about whether you want to or should get back together with an ex.
As conflicting emotions swirl around, ignoring you might be his way of dealing with it.
Signs that he’s ignoring you because he isn’t interested
1) He has gone hot and cold in the past
His past behavior is always one of the best ways to understand his current behavior.
If he has disappeared before and eventually popped back up again, then this is a classic player move.
It sucks to hear, but this type of guy isn’t really interested in you and he only slides back into your DM’s when he’s bored and there’s no one else around.
This is the kind of guy who has you scratching your head wondering why ‘he ignored me for a month and now wants to talk’.
2) He’s already got what he wanted
If a guy goes AWOL soon after you start having sex, then it’s a safe bet he only wanted you for your body.
If someone is truly into you then having sex should strengthen your bond and they would be even more interested afterward, not less.
3) You’ve always had to do most of the work
If you’ve always been the one sending the first message or putting in the majority of the effort, the truth is that his interest has always been lacking. You just hid it by making up for it on your side.
He may have been responsive at first but less and less so that now he hasn’t even replied to your most recent message.
4) His behavior has changed towards you
One of the most confusing things to deal with is when a guy comes on strong at first, seemingly doing everything right, but then at some point, things change.
At first, you can’t work out whether you are paranoid or if you are seeing the signs he is pulling away from you.
Listen to your intuition. In most cases, you feel insecure because his behavior is giving you a sense that something is up.
So-called “soft ghosting”, which is this slow fade out of interest, leaves you questioning where you stand, but is sadly an increasing fixture of modern dating.
If his interest was slowly fading before he ignored you altogether, then you probably noticed he was less responsive to your messages, he sent fewer messages to you, he took longer to reply, he stopped asking you questions, and his replies became shorter.
5) He’s canceled plans with you
Things come up that means we have to cancel every now and then.
But if he has recently canceled a date before ignoring you, then these two things combined are a clear signal that he isn’t interested in pursuing anything with you.
6) He’s told you he’s not looking for a relationship
I can’t tell you how many times a guy has told me and shown me that he isn’t in the market for a girlfriend right now, but I’ve blindly ignored this.
It’s naive, but we all hope we are special enough to somehow change this mind.
But if a man tells you he doesn’t want anything serious, he often senses when you do and will start to give you the cold shoulder so that he can avoid getting into a complicated situation.
7) He says he’s really busy
Let’s clear this up. Being super busy is potentially a legitimate excuse for not hearing from someone for a few days max. Longer than that and it’s just a “polite” excuse.
It’s natural to think, is he busy or ignoring me? But even if something extraordinary is happening in his life, if he really does care, he will let you know.
Nobody is so busy that they can’t find two minutes to send a text unless they don’t really want to. It’s not that he is busy, it is that you are not one of his priorities.
The truth is that we prioritize the people and things that are important to us, and everything else takes a back seat. Even if he is busy, if he’s ignoring a message you sent, then it suggests you are low on his priority list.
8) You’ve let him know what you want from him
Sometimes guys like the chase in the beginning but as soon as they can tell you’re interested they lose interest.
Not because of you, but because they’re not actually available.
Similarly, if you show them you are a high-value woman, and they’re not going to be able to play games with you, they may realize there’s no point in carrying on and so cut things off.
Can a man like you and ignore you?
Whenever we are desperate to know what he is thinking, it’s tempting to come up with excuses for his behavior when he seems to ignore you for no good reason.
Do guys test you by ignoring you? No, they don’t (unless there is something seriously up with them). Why do guys ignore you if they like you? Again, the short answer is that they don’t (not for very long anyway).
Sadly, other than when you have genuinely hurt a guy, the reality is that if he ignores you, he probably just doesn’t like you enough.
This is the tough love we maybe all need to hear to move on, but understandably never want to hear.
That means if he shows you he is losing interest in you, he is NOT ignoring you because:
1) He is “scared” of his feelings for you
The number one lie we probably tell ourselves as women is that maybe he likes us too much and just got scared.
This simplest explanation to him ignoring you is not that his feelings are too great, it is the opposite — he doesn’t care enough.
Deep down in your heart, you will know which applies to this particular guy.
The trouble is we don’t like this explanation, and we understandably want to find another more appealing one. But it isn’t doing us any favor in the long run.
Generally speaking, if he has feelings for you, he won’t play games, he won’t want to lose you, and he won’t ignore you.
2) You’ve don’t something wrong to “scare him off”
Another common occurrence when we get silent treatment from a guy we like is the self-blame game.
We can drive ourselves crazy wondering what happened and could I have done something differently?
But know this, you don’t scare someone off so easily who is genuinely into you.
There may have been the tiniest thing you did that put him off, but the fact remains if he is so easily deterred, then he wasn’t that into you in the first place.
So do yourself a favor and don’t overanalyze every little thing you said or did. Because the truth is that him ignoring you is about him and not you.
3) His hero instinct hasn’t been triggered
If he’s ignoring you (even though he secretly likes you), it could be that his inner-hero is yet to be released.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger this.
And if he’s playing silly games and giving you the cold shoulder, triggering his hero instinct will force him to come out of his shell and give things between you a chance.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”?
Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel locked in the tower to make him finally break the silence and get in touch.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want to make him yours for good.
4) There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation
If he has not replied to your last message, or answered your last call and it’s been a long time, then don’t be tempted to go looking for excuses for him.
When we like a guy we might try to justify bad behavior, telling ourselves he’s super busy, he’s had an emergency, he’s been in an accident, he maybe doesn’t realize you like him, etc.
His goldfish isn’t sick, a seagull didn’t eat his phone, he hasn’t had a blackout at home for the last 5 days.
If he wants to speak to you, he will. If he misses you, he will reach out. If he wants to see you, he will ask.
When a guy ignores you what should you do?
When answering the question ‘How long should I let him ignore me?’ then it depends on the reason he is ignoring you.
If you’re pretty sure he’s ignoring you because he’s hurt or angry at you, it’s only fair to give him some time to work through his thoughts and emotions.
That doesn’t mean you should wait around indefinitely for him, letting him ghost you. But if he’s ignoring you for no good reason, then all you can do is move on.
1) Give him space
If he’s angry, he will probably need some time to cool down. You constantly reaching out may make things worse. Everybody deals with upset differently. Some people will prefer to talk it through straight away, whilst others need time to work things out in their own head first.
If he’s ignoring you because he’s suddenly gone cold, then do not invest more energy in him than he invests in you. It’s not about point scoring, it’s about self-respect. If he has stepped back, you should do the same.
2) Apologize if necessary
This only applies if he’s hurt. He may be trying to hurt you back by ignoring you. If you are in the wrong and you know it, make sure you apologize to him.
That doesn’t mean you should keep saying sorry over and over again, as this can actually just feed into a cycle of him sulking and getting more attention and guilt from you. Give one heart-felt apology and then wait for a response.
3) Make it clear where you stand
If you know he is ignoring you because he is hurt, and you want to work things out then send a message to him, letting him know that you are giving him some space but that you are ready to talk whenever he is.
Just send one message. Don’t be tempted to flood his inbox trying to get him to stop ignoring you.
If he’s just lost interest, then when (or if) he ever gets in touch again, you have a couple of options. But make sure you don’t end up getting sucked into playing his games.
If you’re already over it by then you may decide it’s best to ignore his contact. You don’t owe him anything, and if you’re past caring it can be better to just leave it.
You can also politely let him know that he hurt your feelings and perhaps you aren’t looking for the same thing.
Calmly and concisely telling him his behavior has fallen below your standards is a good way of standing up for yourself without sinking to his level.
4) Leave it
I know it’s easier said than done, but once you have said sorry and let him know you’re ready to speak when he is, you cannot do anything else.
Don’t keep apologizing and don’t keep chasing.
If he is hurt but he genuinely cares and wants to work it out, he will eventually come back to you to do that.
If he doesn’t then he is just sulking which is passive-aggressive behavior. Pandering to it is going to keep feeding the vicious cycle where you are wrong and he is right.
Similarly, if he has started ignoring you when you have done nothing wrong then do not reach out, no matter how tempted you feel. It’s very painful and it’s going to take real self-restraint. But ultimately you getting in touch again won’t help.
He knows where you are if he wants to talk to you, and rest assured he would reach out if that were the case.
If you can’t stop thinking about how to get his attention when he ignores you, then know that ignoring him back is actually still the best “strategy”.
Anything else will only reinforce just how much you care. He is withdrawing because he has lost interest in you, you chasing him is only going to put him off even more.
Will he ignore me forever?
Nobody should be under the illusion that true love is when he ignores you.
At best, ignoring someone in a relationship is an unhealthy way to deal with conflict.
At worst it’s a cruel and selfish way of letting someone know you aren’t interested in them.
You deserve to be treated with respect. It’s a simple but effective rule to look for someone who will treat you the way you treat others.
The best way to make a guy regret ghosting you is actually to move on with your head held high.
At the end of the day, in the words of Marianne Williamson:
“If a train doesn’t stop at your station, then it’s not your train.”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.