Do you want to make a guy fall in love with you?
You’re not alone. And there are definitely things you can do to accelerate the chances of this happening!
But I won’t give you the runaround like so many other dating guides do. This article is all about the counterintuitive truth.
So here you have it:
The truth is that attraction is not a choice.
And love is also not what many of us have been conventionally taught!
Keeping this in mind we can look at how it actually works and how you boost the chances of him falling in love with you for real.
Get him to fall for you by grasping five key behaviors
First I’ll level with you:
There’s no guarantee of getting anyone to fall for you.
But there are ways to increase the odds and make yourself a much more desirable partner and object of affection in his eyes.
1) Be your real self
Far too many dating experts and so-called relationship coaches will tell you to become a hard-to-get beauty queen who inflames his desire.
This might stoke his lust, but it won’t make him fall in love with you, and if by some chance it did you’d be screwed anyway.
What’s the point in being loved for who you’re not? It will eventually fall through and crash and burn even worse.
Be your real self. Don’t emphasize your faults or your scandalous aspects, but don’t consciously manage them either.
Love happens at the rough edges, not in the glossy highlight reels.
Be your real self as much as possible.
Look beautiful, smell nice and take care of yourself, but don’t try to sanitize who you are or where you come from.
Be true to what you really believe, your identity as you see it and your core values. This will ensure that if he does fall for you he’s falling for the real you.
2) Emanate quiet confidence in every way
Secondly, by being your real self you can exhibit the second very attractive behavior which is confidence.
This is often portrayed as a kind of catwalk strut type vibe, but it’s really not.
The kind of confidence that makes a guy fall in love radiates out quietly and is full of passion about who you are.
This doesn’t mean you need to be a corporate boss or an army general, it just means that whoever you are and whatever you do, you are proud of it.
It means you’ve internally grasped your own value and truly know what you bring to the table.
You want love, but you don’t need it. You have the love and respect that you have for yourself already.
Which brings me to the next point:
3) Show interest, but not neediness
The idea of being detached and uninterested in order to win a guy’s love is actually bad advice.
A woman showing interest is sexy, believe me.
It just needs to be shown in the right way.
What is the right way?
It’s basically being flirtatious and open to potentially dating but not being dependent or needy about it.
Knowing your own value and attractiveness, you don’t crave his approval or interest but are open to it if and when it comes.
You show interest in him, but not overly.
Do this by basically mirroring. If he texts, you texts. If he wanes in interest for a few days you focus on other things, too.
You’re not dependent on him or banking on him falling in love.
4) Flip your perspective
Every relationship has a pursuer and a pursued. In a successful relationship these alternate and energies and interest waxes and wanes.
In unrequited love there is only pursuit.
In requited love there is pursuit and acceptance.
What you want to do is stop seeing yourself as the one trying to win his love; you are the selector deciding if he is up to your standards, not the other way around.
When we start to fall for someone we often place them on a pedestal, idealizing their positive qualities and empowering them far beyond what they actually merit.
This must be actively resisted by remembering that you know your own value but you aren’t positive about his…
Proceed accordingly and your confidence and sense of wellbeing will skyrocket.
5) Swim in his sea
Lastly, if you want to boost your chances of him falling in love with you, you need to swim in his sea.
Now, you may have barely any of the same interests as him, but this could be something as simple as jogging in a similar area to him or learning more about what he loves to do.
If you have the opportunity to get to know his friends, make the effort.
At the same time, don’t go out of your way to accommodate him, or follow him around.
You are simply putting yourself into his locale and environment a little bit and inviting him to come on over more into yours.
The next move is up to him.
The crazy truth about attraction
The crazy truth about attraction is that it’s not a choice and that “liking” someone doesn’t equal attraction.
You can think somebody is a wonderful and very likable person and still never dream of sleeping with them or wanting to date them.
You can think somebody is quite annoying or strange but also find yourself having deep emotional and physical attraction for them, and even falling in love with them.
It’s not just physical: attraction happens for many different reasons in addition to the pheromones, appearance and a pleasing body shape.
Attraction isn’t a choice, and it’s often not what we rationally think we want.
It’s either there or it’s not.
As life coach Ayobami Abiodun explains:
“Have you ever been attracted to someone before and you liked absolutely nothing about that person?
“…Or sometimes what we like about that person might not be what we were expecting to like about them, but suddenly that’s what we find the most attractive about them.”
That’s the thing about attraction, it’s often not what we expect and it can overpower us.
It can come out of left field, making us feel these unreasonable and wild desires for someone and to be with them despite knowing intellectually that they may not be the best fit or “logical.”
Love is often a surprise for this reason, and if you want him to fall in love with you then you need to help trigger his deepest instincts, not just his surface “liking” of you.
The idea that men are always rational and won’t fall for you emotionally is false.
Men fall just as hard as women and sometimes harder. It’s all about being the best version of yourself and letting him recognize your value.
Bring me a higher love
If you want him to fall in love with you, you need to trigger his attraction for you on multiple levels.
There’s physical attraction to start with, as well as emotional and intellectual attraction.
You can be in love with someone’s mind but find them physically repulsive, or find someone physically intoxicating but emotionally and intellectually dull.
You want to ping at least two of his attraction categories for him to fall for you in a real and lasting way.
If and when he begins to have deeper feelings for you, the two of you can begin exploring the possibility of a relationship.
But first, let’s look at the dark side of love…
What is love? (Baby don’t hurt me)
Slavoj Žižek is a Slovenian cultural theorist and philosopher who’s known for his controversial takes on politics, identity and world affairs.
His view of love is even more controversial. As Žižek says:
“I don’t care about it. Love, for me, is an extremely violent act.
“Love is not ‘I love you all.’ Love means I pick out something, and it’s, again, this structure of imbalance.
“Even if this something is just a small detail… a fragile individual person… I say ‘I love you more than anything else.’ In this quite formal sense, love is evil.”
What he’s saying here is that love puts expectations and a role on somebody else, demanding that they satisfy you in some way and interrupting their individual human life by imposing your own demands onto it.
Thrice-divorced Žižek undoubtedly has a point about a certain type of love here.
Love can be codependent, toxic and cyclical: more like an addiction than truly caring for another person.
Love can be beautiful…
But love can also be beautiful and voluntary, a commitment based on choice, not on force or expectation.
In this sense I hope the above article has been helpful and clarifying to you.
What I want to emphasize is that although love never has any guarantee of happening, if you focus on being true to yourself and empowering yourself then love will come.
And when it does you will immediately be able to identify whether it is mutually empowering, authentic love or codependent, toxic love.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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