Pearl Nash
It’s not easy going no-contact on an ex you still love.
However, it can actually trigger your ex to come back— if done right, that is. But as with most things in life, you can never be 100% sure of the result.
So, how do you know he’s still coming back after you ignore him? Well, in this article, I will show you 14 signs that he will.
1) He starts to slowly break your “no contact rule”.
It’s crazy, really.
Just when you’re about to move on completely, he reaches out to you.
He might wish you a good morning, ask you what’s up, send you funny memes on social media, and talk about how your day went.
This means that he definitely misses you and that he didn’t resent you for the no-contact. In fact, he might have thought it was mature of you to set that rule, making you more attractive to his eyes.
It might not be enough to tell you that he’ll actually try to get back with you (nope, not even if he misses you), but it means that he’s still interested in you. And that if things go just right ,then the door is open for you to start over with him.
It’s quite possible that he actually wants to get back together with you, but he’s taking it slowly—he’s trying to refresh his understanding of you, setting aside his preconceptions from the past relationship.
And instead of wanting to resume your old relationship, he wants to start something new with you.
2) He has told you that he regretted the break-up.
One sure sign that he’s going to come back to you after no-contact is him telling you that he regretted the break-up.
He might even acknowledge why it was necessary, like telling you that the dynamic between the two of you had become too toxic, but now he believes you’ve both changed.
The good thing with having a no-contact period is that both of you are forced to look into yourselves and ask why things didn’t work, as well as give you the space to fix yourselves.
And now that your no-contact phase is over, you can start again with the lessons you’ve learned from the past and free of the burden that had been weighing down on your relationship.
3) You’ve been in an on-off relationship for ages.
The best way to know the future is to look back to your history.
If the two of you have been on and off each other for a while now, then chances are that he’ll come back to you.
This means that no matter how imperfect your relationship may be, he still sees something special between the two of you.
Maybe it’s just that something keeps pulling you apart. It could be that one or both of you needs to grow up a bit more before you can actually have a healthy relationship.
It could be that your circumstances in real life aren’t quite there yet but they really see a future with you.
He came back to you before, and he’s going to come back to you now.
There’s a chance that he won’t, but it’s more likely that he will if he does the other things in this list.
But it’s also possible that he won’t this time around. The more times you’ve been on and off, the more likely it is that he’ll get sick and—as much as he loves you—move on.
So that’s why it’s a good idea to fix yourself up as much as possible before you come back together again.
4) He follows you around on social media.
Even if he doesn’t talk to you much in person or in private, it says A LOT if he stalks your social media.
He would view your daily stories, share and like your posts, and even drop comments here and there when he feels bold.
The thing is that he is probably intimidated at the prospect of talking to you directly. After all, who knows how much you’ve changed from the person he once knew?
So for now he’s just going around reading, liking, and sharing your posts in hopes that not only will he gain insight into the person you are now, but also hopefully catch your attention and make YOU message him first.
Being the first to contact you is indeed intimidating.
He’ll have to face the prospect of you ignoring or blocking him if he ever says something wrong or approaches you at the wrong time.
By letting you reach out first, he’s making you interact with him on your own terms, which just shows he respects you and your boundaries.
5) Your friend circles still intersect.
Despite your breakup, your ex sees no issue with him hanging around your friends, and neither does he think that there’s anything wrong with you hanging out with his friends.
If he isn’t willing to get back together with you, then he would have made steps to separate your friend groups. He would basically “dump” your friends, too. But he didn’t, and not only because he’s a nice guy.
There are many reasons why.
He might be uncomfortable being so close to you socially, or be afraid that you’d turn his friends against him. Talking to your friends carries the risk that they’d talk smack about him.
But your friend circles still intersect, and this means he’s comfortable with you and your presence.
And…he might be using them as “bridges” to reconnect the two of you.
If one throws a party, surely they’d invite both of you, for example. Or your common friend could say good things about him to you so you’ll miss him.
6) He gets jealous (but he tries hard to hide it).
You can expect him to act jealous—to an almost ridiculous degree, even—whenever he catches you talking to another man.
Maybe you’re out on a trip with a childhood friend, or maybe a random person decided to compliment you on social media. Just the sight of another man interacting with you triggers something inside of him.
He might start being suspiciously quiet when you’re hanging out together with your friends.
Maybe he’ll get a little passive-aggressive, defensive, or even do the whole “Woe is me! Obviously I’m not good enough for you” routine.
If he’s especially forward, he might ask you straight away who that guy was.
This is an obvious sign that he still wants you in his life. In fact, it’s a sign that, as far as he’s concerned, you still belong to him.
He’s afraid of losing you. And even if you’re still in the middle of no-contact, he can’t help but contact you.
7) He is curious about how much you’ve changed.
It’s only natural for people to change and grow over time.
Sometimes, those changes can be alarming to the people around us. What was once familiar might suddenly become unfamiliar.
Perhaps you learned something about yourself that completely changed your outlook on your body and your identity. Perhaps your political and religious beliefs changed.
Most people have a hard time grappling with changes such as these, and might even decide to alienate you because of it. So it’s a definite sign of interest if your ex decides to approach you and ask about your growth instead of whining about you being no longer the person he knew.
In fact, he might even go out of his way to congratulate you on your personal growth.
If you’re a painter and you got lazy while you were together, but then when you broke up, you devoted your time in creating art, he’ll be happy for you.
He might even show up on your exhibit to give you flowers.
8) He blasts you with drunken calls.
He might act like nothing’s up.
He might even pretend like he’s totally over you, and that he’s dating someone new. But you get the feeling that something’s not quite right… until he finally gets drunk.
Alcohol is well known for loosening the lips of the people who deign to consume it.
He might not remember it in the morning, and he might regret it when he sobers up, but a man who’s interested in you is going to throw a few calls your way when he’s hammered.
That is, of course, if he hadn’t figured out a way to keep his phone out of reach or had previously deleted your contact.
But just because he can’t contact you doesn’t mean he isn’t wailing his heart out for you. Another way you might know of his drunken honesty is when his friends—or yours—let you know that he’s been talking about you while swimming in the bottle.
9) He hasn’t been seeing anyone else.
Your ex hasn’t really been dating anyone seriously.
Maybe he flirted with a few girls here and there, and maybe he had a few one-off dates while you were doing no-contact, but none of them really became something more.
If you’ve made it a habit to assume the worst, you might try to make up excuses why he hasn’t been in a serious relationship since you broke up.
It could be that he’s a player. It could also be because he’s just trying to find that one special person, and he just hasn’t found it yet—not in you or anyone else.
While not necessarily false—these could be valid reasons, after all—sometimes the answer can be quite simple. He simply hasn’t found anyone like you, and he’s holding out for you to be available again.
10) Your breakup was due to external factors.
You didn’t break up because you don’t love or like each other anymore.
Maybe the two of you had to go your separate ways, and couldn’t handle a long-distance relationship. Or maybe he had to break up with you to focus on his education.
But you still loved each other, and simply stayed away from each other to keep your emotions from making things more complicated than they should.
Perhaps you aren’t able to get back together right away just because you both respect your no-contact rule.
Besides, those factors that drove you apart aren’t going to disappear just because you started talking to each other again, after all.
But it does mean that, if the two of you could somehow hold out until things get better for both of you, that you can get back together again because both of you are still CLEARLY in love.
11) He takes your side and defends you.
Nothing says “he still loves me” more than a man coming in to defend you.
Maybe you got into a fight online, or maybe he caught one of his friends talking smack about you.
But instead of siding with them like any bitter ex would, or staying out of it like he doesn’t care, he instead joins in and takes your side.
Sure, people might insult him for it, call him things like “chump” or “simp” for defending someone he’s no longer in a relationship with. Even taunt him with phrases like “she’s not going to come back bro”, but he doesn’t care.
As far as he’s concerned, your dignity is worth defending.
That’s because he truly cares about you and that you triggered his hero instinct. “Hero Instinct” was coined by relationship expert James Bauer. This fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships.
This is something very primal.
Once triggered, they make men into the heroes of their woman’s life. They feel better, love harder, and would go through great lengths just to “save” their girl from the harsh world.
How do you do this exactly?
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started.
12) He’s doing his best to make it up to you.
A sure sign that your ex is still interested in you is that he’ll do his best to be a better man.
He would think about the reasons why your relationship failed, recall what you said you wanted him to do, and try to change for the better—for himself but mainly FOR YOU!
For example, if he was a bit too aggressive or domineering in your past relationship, he might try to find ways to be calmer and to listen to whatever you have to say.
If you told him he had been neglecting you during your relationship, he’ll try to make up for it and give you the time and attention that he hadn’t given you back then. If you’re still doing no-contact, he just might do this by making a poem about you (that he’s sure you will read) or bringing your favorite food to a party you’re both invited to.
His attempts won’t necessarily be perfect, and he might slip up every now and then. But what’s important is that he’s making an active effort to be better for your sake.
13) He tries to keep up with your interests.
Did you find a new hobby? He’ll try to learn more about it, and see if he can talk to you about it. Or that YOU’LL talk to him about it.
Maybe you decided to start fishing—and surprise! Your friends tell you he’s into fishing these days!
Of course, you might doubt whether he’s doing this to get to know you better. Maybe it was just by chance that he picked up these hobbies too.
But if he’s adopting similar hobbies one after the other, that’s cause for suspicion—he might be deliberately trying to get your attention.
14) He says good things about you, even when you aren’t there.
Without being asked to, and even when you’re not around to see him, he happily says good things about you.
Your friends can even attest his eyes twinkle when he mentions your name!
Perhaps he’d talk about your impeccable sense of passion, or perhaps he’d praise the sharpness of your intelligence and your integrity towards your values.
He not only thinks that you’re an amazing person despite everything, he perceives you as a paragon and appreciates your virtues.
This doesn’t mean that he’s blind to your flaws. Maybe you’re lazy, or maybe you don’t really have a good sense of humor. But he doesn’t care, and he doesn’t make a special effort to bring up your bad points.
Don’t be surprised if he’ll break no-contact anytime soon. If he’s this in love with you, he will go down to his knees and ask you to be together again.
What to do if you want your ex back
1) Don’t play around.
If you want your ex back, playing around is probably the last thing you want to do at this point.
You have already gone through a no-contact period, and as much as you like each other there’s already space between the two of you.
So if you still like him, don’t try to act like you are not interested! Trust me, it won’t encourage him to come after you harder.
Other games, such as trying to make him jealous on purpose would also harm your chances. Either he’ll think that you’ve moved on and accept your decision, or he’ll catch on to the fact that you’re playing games and drop you like a hot potato.
That is to say, be genuine and candid in your interactions with him.
Don’t make things any more complicated than they need to be.
2) Talk to a relationship coach for guidance.
While this article explores the main signs about whether your ex will come back to you after your no-contact rule has ended, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your relationship.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like figuring out if your ex is still interested in you. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
3) Apologize for any mistakes you might have made.
Nobody is ever flawless in a relationship.
Chances are that both of you made mistakes that had either ruined or at least damaged the relationship you had. This is true even when it feels like only one of you was at fault—dig a bit deeper and you’ll see that’s not quite so.
Bringing up his mistakes is a bad look, and is unproductive. It’s up to him whether he’ll do so or not.
What you can do, however, is to bring up your mistakes and apologize for them. In other words, swallow your pride. It’s not easy but if you love him, this step is a must.
Whether it’s something big like emotional cheating or small like not walking the dog when it’s your turn, it helps to bring up and clear the air around these issues.
4) Don’t rush things.
You might both agree that you love each other, and that you want to get back together.
But hold your horses—just because you can get back together now doesn’t mean you should. Just because you miss each other, doesn’t mean you should. Just because you think your relationship was the best, doesn’t mean you should.
It might be tempting to just resume your old relationship as if nothing happened, but that would be like flushing your time apart down the drain.
Sure, you might have learnt how to be better for one another, but your relationship will still be haunted by the issues that haunted you in the past and it’s easier to slip back into old patterns and assumptions.
It’s much better to take your time, get to know each other all over again, and start a brand new relationship (maybe as friends).
You might want to have an agreement that you won’t see other people for and then you talk about your relationship again after a few months.
It’s romantic to get back together while you’re emotionally high, but it’s wiser to do it when you’re both sane and sober.
5) Don’t be shy to take the wheel.
Be proactive with how you feel by communicating well.
This might seem obvious at a first glance. After all, how are you supposed to let him know that you want him back except by communicating?
But there’s more to it. Communicating isn’t just about talking—anyone can string together words—it’s also about making sure that you’re sharing what needs to be shared with one another.
If you like him, tell him that you still like him. If you want to get back together with him, tell him so.
If you feel like there’s something that needs to be talked about, for example, then instead of staying quiet about it hoping that it’ll fix itself, try to find a good time to talk to him about it.
Communication isn’t all about the negatives either. If you think that your relationship’s been going splendidly, and that he’s been doing all the right things, then praise him about it.
Don’t be afraid to “be the man”. Pursue him and work things out if you still love him!
