Pearl Nash
I was dating a guy for five months until he ghosted me out of nowhere.
I still don’t know why.
All I know is I like him a lot and I want him to come back.
Will he come back after ghosting me?
I want to actually know whether he’ll come back or not.
That’s why this is a list of signs that he will or won’t.
The first eight are signs he will come back.
The second seven signs are the indicators that he’s gone for good.
8 signs he’ll come back
1) He ghosted you by mistake
How can someone ghost you by mistake?
These days anything is possible.
I don’t literally mean by mistake, anyway. What I mean is when a guy basically gets overwhelmed and steps away for a day or two.
That day or two becomes a week.
Then a month.
Then he just pushes down the nauseous feeling and stops contacting you.
Now you think he’s the devil and he lives with a quiet aching guilt inside about the nice girl he f*cked over.
But he never really “meant” to do it. It just kind of…happened.
“What you have to understand is that ghosting is not necessarily intentional. Nobody wakes up thinking ‘I’m going to ghost someone today.’
“If they do, you may be dealing with a pathological case – a psychopath or a sociopath or a sociopathic narcissist, but this isn’t something that normal men think or do.”
If a guy didn’t mean to ghost you and it got out of hand, there’s a high probability he’s going to feel bad and eventually contact you again.
How can you know if he’s this kind of guy or the other kind?
It depends how long you were dating and your impressions of him.
2) He reaches out to you by text or social media
One of the top signs that he will come back after ghosting you is that he sends small signals of interest after disappearing.
Obviously, the whole point of ghosting is that he disappears.
This usually includes online as well.
But if you see him liking your stories on Instagram and leaving cryptic comments on subreddits or places he knows that you go, he’s dropping breadcrumbs for you.
Whether or not you respond to them is on you.
But the idea that he’s done with you becomes very questionable when he starts lurking around online.
That’s a sign, there’s no doubt about that…
He wouldn’t be reestablishing some digital ties and patterns if he was truly gone.
There’s a very high chance he’s back in your life in the next month or two if he’s coming online a lot around you and watching your content.
3) He never really lost interest in you
Did the guy who ghosted you really lost interest in you or was it suddenly cut off in the middle of the best part?
Tell the truth. Think about your real experience, not your idealized version.
If something happened and he lost interest then you know why he ghosted you and there’s not very high odds he’ll be back.
But if nothing really happened and he suddenly just dropped off the face of the earth, your odds are much higher.
That’s because the issue is likely purely on his end.
And he probably really did like you (at least at first).
This means that when he thinks back on what you had there’s high odds he’s going to start missing it and try to reinsert himself into your life.
“If someone gets in touch with you after having ghosted you, the temptation to respond and find out what happened and why they’ve gotten back in touch can be overwhelming.
“But think about whether it’s really worth it.”
That’s exactly it. He might come back.
But do you want him back?
4) He wasn’t in touch with his own emotions
One of the principal reasons that some guys ghost is that they’re disconnected from themselves and repress their own emotions.
Pushing down your feelings can work great for feeling invincible some of the time.
What it doesn’t work so well for is actually accomplishing something in your life and communicating with others.
It tends to lead to broken relationships, shattered expectations and fractured connections.
Candice Jalili and Carina Hsieh talk about this in the case of a ghoster called Anthony. Anthony explains that he felt that he couldn’t express how he really felt and so he just ghosted a girl instead.
“I just really didn’t know what it meant to be actually vulnerable with people or articulate what I want versus just going with the flow and people-pleasing, and I took out my anxiety/frustration on others.
“And I was good at convincing myself I was doing her a favor by ghosting her.”
When a guy lies to himself and ghosts you, he’s eventually going to regret it.
Then, if he really liked you, he’s going to want to come back…
5) He had a bad relationship with himself
Another massive reason that many guys ghost is that they basically have no integrity and feel like sh*t about themselves.
This isn’t just a problem for people who ghost, it’s also a big problem for those of us who get ghosted.
He’s not done the inner work to figure out who he is, or what he wants, so he’s going to trailblaze through life, not thinking of the consequence this has on others.
On the flip side though, this uncertainty means he probably will be back at some point. After all, he’s still trying to figure out what he wants, so don’t give up hope just yet. Just pray he’s improved his inner-relationship when he does show up again.
6) He feels really bad about what he did
Some guys feel genuinely bad about ghosting and want to make up for it.
If they want to use making up as an excuse to get sex or score sympathy then it’s never going to work out.
But if they’re really sorry and they want to tell you about it and have no expectations in return then it can be a promising sign.
This means they’re willing to put themselves on the line and be vulnerable.
That’s a huge step for the type of person who ghosts.
There could be some hope if a guy who ghosts you comes back saying sorry. Just be absolutely sure they’re not still playing a passive-aggressive game with you.
“I do think in 9/10 ghosting situations if the ghost comes back, you should block them and move on with your amazing life.
“There is that very small chance that the ghost genuinely feels bad and wants a second chance.”
7) He starts to see another side of you
One of the biggest problems with relationships is that people get their hopes up too much.
I only dated this guy for four months, but I was practically planning our kitchen drapes already.
I know that sounds like a nightmare zone.
I can see that now.
However there was another thing misfiring in our time dating as well.
What I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t treating him like a man needs to be treated to actually fall in love and want to commit.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger this.
And they’re more likely to give up living life as a player, hopping from one woman to the next.
The best thing you can do now is check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
This is ideal especially if he’s ghosting you – the 12 word text is pretty much guaranteed to pique his interest.
That’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
All of that and more is included in the free video, so make sure to check it out if you want to make him yours for good.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
Signs he’ll never come back
1) You triggered his avoidant behavior
Anxious avoidant behavior patterns are really hard to break out of.
I have the anxious trait: I’m scared of being abandoned.
The guy who ghosted me has the avoidant trait.
When I got clingy, he got gone.
It hurts and it’s awful because this feeds into both of our toxic cycles.
For me it confirms my worst fear that I’m not good enough, while for him it confirms his worse fear that he can only be safe and strong by being alone.
The result is that we both end up lonely and messed up.
My actions in our dating triggered his avoidant behavior.
I can see that now.
Chris Seiter writes about this:
“Once you exhibit that anxious behavior to your ex, they worry about you causing a scene and threatening their independence, so they feel overwhelmed and ghost you.”
I wish he was wrong.
2) He found other girls who turn him on more
One of the top reasons for ghosting is when the guy finds another girl.
He scoots away from you because he found someone else who he wants to scoot under instead.
When a guy is playing a roster of girls he can easily lose interest in one or two of them.
The easiest option when this happens is often to ghost the ones he lost interest in.
It’s a heartless move, but it’s ruthlessly easy to do.
“They are ghosting because they have so many girls with them. However, when there are no other girls to play around they start looking for you,” writes Michelle Devani.
Here’s the truth about this scenario:
When they do find another girl?
Don’t look for them to ever come back.
They’re done with you.
3) He’s deeply messed up
Guys who are sociopathic, emotional manipulators, seriously mentally ill and more, are not the kind who bounce back from ghosting you.
Those who ghost and then reappear are known in dating as zombies.
They are dead, but they still come back to life.
But a guy who is deeply messed up won’t be your love zombie.
He will stay dead to you and disappear forever.
Something in his soul just went wrong somewhere along the way. It’s horrible if you love him and wish he would come back, but when he’s too burdened by his own serious issues then it’s not going to happen.
Examples include severe depression, borderline personality disorder, psychopathy, sociopathy or a history of abuse that has harmed him irrevocably in some way.
4) He found you too clingy
I was too clingy when I dated the guy who ghosted me.
I called him way too much, I texted him like a fiend and I got jealous a few times when he talked to female friends.
I know it was immature and ridiculous. But it happened.
I also know that my clingy behavior is what made him eventually ghost me for good.
When this happens it’s really not a good sign…
“Clingy girls are insecure girls.
“Guys look at that and think I’m going to have to give them so much time and attention and that’s unattractive.”
5) He went back to his ex
There’s a variation on the guy who uses you as part of a roster and tosses you aside when he finds girls he likes more.
There’s also the guy who ghosts you when his ex comes back.
I know in my case that even the ex I miss most wouldn’t make me ghost someone if he came back.
But not all guys are up to this high moral standard.
Many will just jet if the girl they always loved comes back in his life.
When an ex comes back and he ghosts you, that’s often the end of the story.
Sometimes their ex will come back and whatever relationship you shared doesn’t compare to the past and history they shared.
6) He didn’t really like you that much
This one hurts, but let’s be honest.
Sometimes he takes off on you because he never liked you that much to begin with.
Ghosting is his way of doing something really hurtful and ignorant that he more or less hopes will help you get the message.
He wants you to hate him.
He wants you to lose attraction for him.
He wants you to know he never really liked you.
What a sad irony that ghosting often accomplishes the opposite and only makes you even more obsessed with someone.
7) It was his cowardly way of breaking up for good
A breakup is a breakup, even if it’s done by ghosting.
I’d say cheating or ghosting are two of the worst ways you can break up with someone.
You basically totally disrespect the other person and just disappear from their lives while giving them no explanation about what happened.
You may not want to admit it, but this was his way of breaking up for good.
He was too much of a coward to say goodbye, but consider it as if he did exactly that.
Because at the end of the day it’s going to be the same thing.
“Some ghosters perceive that to disappear completely might actually be the easiest and best way to handle the situation for all.
“Others ghost because now that it’s common, it’s an almost a justifiable way to exit a relationship nowadays.”
All I can say there, is it definitely wasn’t justifiable to me!
What kind of person ghosts someone?
Whether he comes back or not be honest with yourself:
What kind of person ghosts someone?
I have an answer for you:
- An insecure person
- A boy in a man’s body
- A damaged person
- An absolute asshole
- A twisted sociopath
- An emotionally manipulative narcissist
- A f*ckboy with no balls
With that said, everyone makes mistakes.
I can’t write off this guy who ghosted you. That’s up to you.
I myself am waiting for a guy who ghosted me to come back. So telling you that you’re stupid for waiting on a ghoster would be hypocritical.
Sometimes I want to smack my own face for doing it.
But the feelings won’t die.
That’s why I’m still here wondering if he’ll come back after ghosting me.
And I have to say that reading through the list above all signs point to: no.
That’s why I’m now on a new path. A path to finding out who I really am and finding te power inside myself.
I don’t have any more time for guys who do things like ghost.
I’m devoting my time and energy to being all I can be.
