Why you’re still single, based on your personality type

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Being single can be a great blessing, but it can also be confusing and difficult. 

If you’re finding it hard to meet a person you want to get serious with, here’s a look at how it connects up to your personality type. 

I hope this article helps shed light on why you’re still single and the path forward. 

Who are you? 

The question of why we’re different is a deep one and has engaged many brilliant minds since the earliest days of humanity. 

In this article I’ll be using the theory of 16 primary personality types proposed by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality test. 

The MBTI was first developed in the early 1940s by Katharine Briggs and her daughter Isabel Myer, who were inspired by the work of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung to develop a questionnaire that led to defining your personality type. 

You can take the MBTI test for free here.

The eight main categories of the MBTI are: 

  • Introversion (I) versus Extroversion (E)
  • Intuition (N) versus Sensing (S)
  • Feeling (F) versus Thinking (T)
  • Perceiving (P) versus Judging (J). 

The 16 personality types that emerge from this are below, along with their characteristics and main struggles in finding and keeping love. 

1) ENTJ: The Commander 

The commander is a born leader who takes charge in a crisis and can sort through challenges and problems rapidly. They tend to have strong willpower and like to lead and have a full grasp of every situation they’re in, both personal or professional.

Why you’re still single as an ENTJ: The biggest challenge for an ENTJ is surrendering control. You may find that many partners are either too passive or too competitive. You are looking for a copilot who can rise to your level and truly earn your respect, but you’re not for somebody who wants to knock you off your perch or be bossed around.

Love tip for the ENTJ: Learn to let go and let love happen without judging your partner too fast. 

2) INTP: The Logician

The INTP lives in his or her head and is very interested in studying, research and living a quieter and more relaxed life. They tend to be reserved and are able to focus very deeply on the task at hand and analyze issues and life situations deeply. 

Why you’re still single as an INTP: If you are an INTP then your biggest challenge in love is overthinking. You live so much in your head and in a rational and logical worldview that love and dating can be very hard because emotions are so unpredictable and volatile. 

Love tip for the INTP: Get in touch with your feelings and body. The next time you find yourself overthinking dating and love, take a chance with someone. 

3) ENTP: The Debater 

The ENTP is a quick thinker who loves to consider new ideas and come up with solutions for problems on the go. He or she tends to have high emotional intelligence but can get bored easily if life becomes too routine. 

Why you’re still single as an ENTP: If you’re an ENTP, you likely get bored easily in relationships and find many of your dating experiences highly disappointing. Furthermore, you find that so many people are hooked on their routine and just aren’t willing to live out of the box the way you want to.

Love tip for the ENTP: Look for somebody who shares your love of engaging conversation and looking at life in new and exciting ways. Be more patient with dating people you disagree with at first and try to focus on whether you feel a connection more than just whether you think they are “right” in their opinions or an exciting person. 

4) INTJ: The Architect 

The INTJ is a unique person who is organized and approaches every situation in life with diligence and dedication. He or she likes to be independent and expects a lot from themselves and those around them in their public and private life. 

Why you’re still single as an INTJ: As an INTJ, you tend to be quite skeptical of people and their intentions. You also don’t want to get your heart broken or fall for someone who later turns out not to be who you thought they are. 

Love tip for the INTJ: Do your best to get a bit out of your comfort zone and spend time with more extroverted friends and colleagues. Respect yourself and your need for alone time and space, but also push yourself a bit to meet people you normally might not and be open to extroverted and fun partners you normally wouldn’t consider.

5) ENFJ: The Protagonist

The ENFJ individual is highly loyal and principled. He or she has core values that never shift and lives life according to an ethical standard. The ENFJ person loves to help others and is willing to shift their approach as long as their core values and goals aren’t being betrayed. 

Why you’re still single as an ENFJ: Love can be hard for ENFJs because they fall in love so often and so strongly. Nonetheless, the ENFJ is one of the strongest types for having healthy long relationships, the issue is just that as an ENFJ you may have been burned or let down to the extent you now find it hard to trust others. 

Love tip for the ENFJ: Try your best to be a bit more cautious about falling in love and vet your potential partner more before getting serious. Do your best to keep expectations moderate and not soaring above the clouds right away. Also note when you’re getting caught up in idealism or daydreaming: sometimes those we fall for really don’t deserve the devotion we give them!

6) ENFP: The Campaigner 

The ENFP is a definite people person and tends to be optimistic, kind and group-centered. The downside of an ENFP is that they tend to want a lot of outside validation, the upside is that they are great with communication and appreciating others. 

Why you’re still single as an ENFP: As an ENFP you may be a little too open and eager for love. Your desire to know you’re good enough for someone and appreciated by them can end up backfiring as you become seen as “needy” by your partner. 

Love tip for the ENFP: As an ENFP, try to also keep your idealism moderate and give your potential partner enough space to miss you. If you’re always available and always around they might end up feeling a bit stifled, especially depending what personality type they are. 

7) INFP: The Mediator 

The INFP is introverted and holds to lofty principles and ideals. He or she loves thinking about deep ideas and finding people who appreciate them as well as getting different sides to work together and negotiate. The INFP individual has high hopes for others, but often finds that people are less curious, engaged and idealistic than them, leading to disappointment. 

Why you’re still single as an INFP: INFP’s find it very hard to meet someone as deep as them. When they do really hit it off with someone, it’s so rare that the INFP tends to fall in love too fast and sometimes get their heart badly broken. 

Love tip for the INFP: Try your best to get in touch with your feelings and be willing to talk about them with those you date. Try to bring your feelings down to earth and be clear on what you’re looking for in a relationship and clarifying it to yourself in pragmatic terms. 

8) INFJ: The Advocate

The INFJ individual wants to make the world a better place through organization, rationality and working with others who share their love of justice and order. The INFJ feels deeply, but puts this behind their desire to help create a more rational, fair world. 

Why you’re still single as an INFJ: As an INFJ, you notice every detail in life and want to put it all together in a meaningful and worthwhile whole. The same comes to love, where you may often find potential partners moving too fast or asking for trust before you’re actually ready to give it. 

Love tip for the INFJ: Embrace your pickiness, but also try to dig into any past trauma that may be making it even more difficult to trust potential partners. Make sure to look after yourself as well and take enough alone time, and never push yourself to go faster in a relationship than you are ready for. If your partner doesn’t respect your need to move slowly, they’re not the one for you! 

9) ESTJ: The Executive

The ESTJ individual wants results and efficiency. They like the routine of everyday life and have a clearly-defined and firm worldview that they follow. The ESTJ has a strong willpower and chases their objectives with all their energy. 

Why you’re still single as an ESTJ: The most likely reason you’re still single as an ESTJ is that you haven’t found someone who’s up to your standards or takes relationships seriously enough the way you hope them to. You’re not interested in wasting time or getting half-serious, so unless you find what you really are looking for, you’re unlikely to commit. 

Love tip for the ESTJ: Try to know yourself as well as possible before getting serious in a relationship. You deserve a partner with as high as standards as you who also always puts honesty first and isn’t afraid of direct communication. 

10) ESFJ: The Consul

The ESFJ individual just wants everyone to get along. They loving working together and always try to follow through on what they promise to do. They love to be appreciated and also give others the advice and recognition they deserve. 

Why you’re still single as an ESFJ: The most likely reason you’re still single as an ESFJ is that you sometimes feel potential partners don’t appreciate you enough. It feels like you give yourself to others and try to help and be there for them and celebrate your love, but they don’t return the favor and often become a drag on your time and energy. 

Love tip for the ESFJ: Try to keep your dating life fairly low-key unless and until your partner also wants to make it very public and celebrated. It’s OK for you to want appreciation and reciprocity, but have patience and affection for partners who may be a little more shy or reserved. 

11) ISFJ: The Defender

The ISFJ individual is responsible, detail-oriented and generous. They have a great memory and keep track of how people are doing around them. They want to keep everything working in the best possible way in their professional and private life and look after those they care about with unstinting loyalty and care. 

Why you’re still single as an ISFJ: The most likely reason you’re single as an ISFJ is that you’re very cautious about opening your heart to someone and getting badly hurt. You tend to prefer it if the other person takes the lead and tells you how they feel first, which doesn’t always happen, leading to some painful misunderstandings and lost chances. 

Love tip for the ISFJ: While respecting your own cautiousness and reserved nature, it’s important as an ISFJ to get more comfortable with expressing how you feel to a potential love interest. It doesn’t have to be right away, but once you know how you feel let your love interest know.

12) ISTJ: The Logistician

The ISTJ individual is very dependable and reserved. He or she is a hard worker who is goal-oriented and able to focus completely. The ISTJ loves tradition and order and values those who also care about doing what’s right and working hard. 

Why you’re still single as an ISTJ: The most likely reason you’re still single as an ISTJ is that it takes you a long time to really fall for someone and give them your heart. You don’t want to get too serious too fast, but when you do get serious you give your whole self. 

Love tip for the ISTJ: Take some free time for yourself and remember that hard work isn’t everything. You deserve to love and be loved in return. Take some time alone and look after yourself and go out with people you find interesting. It’s worth it!

13) ISFP: The Adventurer

The ISFP individual is adventurous and bold. They prefer to be alone and have solitude and enjoy life and test limits on their own. They don’t like to argue or have stress and often avoid tense situations. They prefer to be out starting an entrepreneurial venture, rock climbing or white water rafting. 

Why you’re still single as an ISFP: In all probability the reason you’re still single as an ISFP is that you’re able to tell right away if somebody is a potential match or not. For that reason, you tend to “call the game” very early and decide right away whether or not to date someone. This leads to a lot of time being single and not taking chances beyond the first date. 

Love tip for the ISFP: Give your emotions a bit more space to grow and change. Don’t immediately decide whether or not you like someone, give them a bit more of a chance. When you do fall in love, hold back a little bit so you don’t fall too hard, too fast. 

14) ISTP: The Virtuoso

The ISTP is a unique and dynamic individual who values getting things done as quickly and as well as possible. They tend to be spontaneous, highly talented and wear their hearts on their sleeve. 

Why you’re still single as an ISTP: The main reason you may be having love trouble as an ISTP is that you find yourself torn between your impulsive and rational side. You are very spontaneous and may be prone to cheating or rapidly gaining and losing interest in a new person without ever quite knowing why. 

Love tip for the ISTP: Try to accept your need for spontaneity and strong emotions while also holding yourself in check. If you’re dating someone, give it some time before jumping for the nearest new opportunity that comes up. 

15) ESTP: The Entrepreneur

The ESTP person is very practical and doesn’t like to get lost in their mind. They prefer real world action and results. It’s the same in life: they want real concrete commitment and attraction, not just idealization or ideas and dreams. 

Why you’re still single as an ESTP: As an ESTP, you find many people are just too wishy-washy and boring for you. They don’t seem to have strong goals or an action-oriented mindset, and it’s hard for you to fall in love with someone you can’t respect.

Love tip for the ESTP: Do your best to not judge too harshly. Keep yourself open to what comes and maintain balance in your life. Even if you find yourself falling fast, don’t turn your date into your new job! 

16) ESFP: The Entertainer

The ESFP is a very friendly and sociable individual who loves making others laugh and enjoy life. They love to work together and have fun on the job, while in their personal life they love people who challenge them and also like to live life to the fullest. 

Why you’re still single as an ESFP: As an ESFP, you may find that you fall in love intensely and head over heels before you know it. Then you often feel let down when others require more alone time or are less sociable and extroverted than you. You get bored and look for someone more fun and dynamic: rinse, repeat.

Love tip for the ESFP: Look for love that’s not all about instant gratification and pace yourself. You can find what you need if you put off your desire for immediate pleasure and fun and get to know someone on a deeper level without needing to have fun all the time.

The single scene 

The above 16 personality types help explain why you’re still single based on your MBTI personality type. 

Embracing being single is a healthy and mature response, but wanting a partner can also be a healthy and empowering desire. 

Learning more about your personality type and your struggles in love and intimacy is a great benefit in becoming more conscious about your behavior and what you will or won’t tolerate in a partner. 

Knowing who you are and what makes you tick is the key to unlocking the door to overcoming romantic challenges and finding love that’s right for you

How to develop introspection: Actionable tips and exercises

11 qualities of women who command respect