Can’t get a guy out of your head? Don’t know what to do about it?
It can be incredibly inconvenient to have a guy stuck in your mind, especially when you’d rather focus on other things.
After all, if you can’t stop thinking about him, then it can be tough to move on with your life and keep your head in the game.
You might find it hard to remain engaged in the present moment and focus on what you want to do.
But don’t worry, you’re in the right place.
I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and I’ve spent countless hours researching psychology and the science of attraction, and in this article, I’m going to talk about everything I’ve learned to help you to stop thinking about this guy.
First, I’m going to cover the reasons why you might be obsessing over this guy. After that, we’ll discuss what you can do about it.
We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.
11 reasons why you can’t get this guy out of your mind
1. You’re in love
First things first, it might be because you’re in love.
Simple, I know.
This isn’t always the case, but for most people, when you can’t stop thinking about a guy, it means that you’ve got all the feely feels for him.
Perhaps you get along great. You know you like him. You think that he likes you, and you can’t stop thinking about him and what a relationship will look like.
On the other hand, perhaps you like him, but unfortunately, your love is unrequited.
Either way, if he is stuck in your head, then it is because of love.
Why does love do this to us?
Well, when you’re first in love, your brain chemistry and hormones go crazy.
Dopamine (the happy chemical) is released whenever you see your man, touch him, or even think about him.
When you believe you’ve finally found “the one” dopamine is activated in droves.
Dopamine is basically responsible for the head-over-heels, elated part of love.
According to University Health News, dopamine is associated with feelings of euphoria, bliss, motivation, and concentration.
So if you’ve found your love, you might feel extremely happy and blessed to be with them. You’ll also be motivated to keep the bond alive.
Also, it’s important to note that phenylethylamine or PEA is a chemical in the brain that causes the release of dopamine.
This chemical is also released when you begin falling in love in the early stages. It is a stimulant and can give you a pounding heart and sweaty palms.
Also, these chemicals (dopamine and PEA) can make you feel great in the early stages of love, but according to Thought Co, they can also make you feel anxious and obsessive.
2. You’re infatuated
Maybe it’s not true love. It might be more about infatuation.
This means that you’re interested in this man and you’re extremely curious about his life and what he is like.
Perhaps you’re even dreaming of him. Maybe you know that a relationship would never actually work between the two of you, and you’re not really taking him seriously.
But still, you can’t help but be interested, curious, and attracted to him all at the same time.
He’s at the center of your mind, but deep down, you know that this feeling will pass and a relationship between the two of you would never actually work.
QUIZ: “Does he like me?” Every woman has asked this question at least once about a guy. I’ve put together a fun quiz to help you figure out whether he likes you. Take my quiz here.
3. You’re sexually attracted to him
You’re lusting after him. You can’t help but think about doing the dirty-dirty with him.
Maybe you’ve had sex with him and it was so unbelievably good that you want to do it again.
Or maybe you haven’t had sex with him yet, but you’ve just got this undeniable attraction to him that your mind and your body want him bad.
Whatever it is, this is completely normal. We’re all human. And we all feel attraction, sometimes for a guy, we didn’t expect.
For example, a lot of the time it can be a guy that really gets on your nerves. He might be a little rude, or he might constantly tease you and disagree with you.
But there’s something about this bad boy that makes you constantly think about him.
4. You might be horny
Sounds crass, but we get straight to the point on the Hack Spirit blog.
It might not be anything particularly special about this guy, but you’ve been spending some time with him recently, and to be frank, you’re just horny for anyone.
Look, we all go through periods in life where we are sexually charged, and perhaps you’re just going through one of those moments right now.
It doesn’t mean you should act on it (it’s up to you!) but know that your sexual energies go up and down and this feeling of intense attraction will pass.
5. He’s a really confusing guy
Perhaps you’re simply confused by the signals he is giving you.
You have no idea whether he likes you or whether he isn’t attracted to you.
And because you’re fishing for an answer, you can’t help but think about him and what he feels about you.
He’s hot and cold, and you’re analyzing every little thing he does because you need an answer.
If the guy you’re thinking about is confusing you, then perhaps you’re not giving him what he really wants.
Did you know that men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex?
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him the sense of meaning and purpose he craves?
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
6. You’re addicted to daydreaming
Look, there’s no getting around it. Romance is a fantastic way to daydream and distract your mind.
You can escape from reality and do things that you never thought you’d do.
Maybe you know a relationship with this guy wouldn’t work out, but gee wiz, doing the dirty-dirty in with him in your mind sure is fun!
But what I’m trying to get at here is that the reason he has got stuck n your mind may not be much about him after all.
You’re really just using it as a way of escaping reality. After all, daydreaming is a great way to escape reality.
Maybe you’ve got some issues in your personal or professional life and you’re trying to avoid facing them head-on.
We’ve all been there. Humans don’t like uncomfortable situations. And many of us avoid our problems in an effort to avoid feeling uncomfortable.
Or perhaps you’re just a little bored at the moment. Life is routine and you haven’t got much going on.
And this guy is providing the escapism that you desperately need in your mind.
7. Your mind is making him seem better than he really is
You might be thinking about a guy that doesn’t actually exist.
Confused? Let me explain.
You see, I’m willing to bet that maybe you don’t know him that well, and you’ve formed this image in your mind of the perfect guy.
And because he’s totally perfect, your mind can’t stop thinking about him and making up even more perfect scenarios.
Look, maybe he is a good guy, but let me abundantly clear:
No one is perfect. And building this guy up as perfect in your mind is incredibly naive.
What’s more, you’re probably setting yourself up for disappointment when you do eventually get to know him more.
So you’re becoming obsessed with the idea you’ve created about him, but you’re making a lot of guesses and you don’t know how accurate those guesses are.
8. You can’t stop thinking about a hypothetical future with this guy
This ties into the daydreaming point above.
We all enjoy thinking about a hypothetical future where the world is better than what it is now.
Humans do this all the time, particularly as a way to relax and fall asleep.
Perhaps you’re addicted to thinking about a future with this guy and what things could look like.
You’re not actually engaging in the present moment and wondering whether things could work out right now between the two of you.
9. You’re in a relationship with him and you don’t know where it’s headed
This is a common issue for many folks out there.
When you’re casually dating someone, or even in a relationship with someone, sometimes you experience what is referred to as “relationship anxiety“.
This means that you’re second-guessing the relationship and whether or not they truly have genuine feelings for you.
You might know that you definitely like him, but you’re just not sure if he feels the same way.
In fact, it might not even be about yours or his feelings.
Perhaps you’re just worried that a relationship won’t work out between the two of you.
Whatever it is, it’s normal to experience relationship anxiety, but if it’s getting the point where it’s interrupting your daily life, then it might be a wise idea to speak to the guy and work out your feelings and where your relationship is headed.
10. You’re undecided whether this guy is worth it or not
Guys are curious creatures, and despite how simple they appear on the surface, they can be incredibly tricky to figure out.
What are his intentions? Is he a good guy? Or is he just a player that knows how to play the game?
You’re just not sure how you feel about him, and whether or not a relationship would actually work.
As a consequence, you can’t help but think about him because you’ve got a big decision to make.
Should you give him a chance? Or should you kick him to the curb?
11. He isn’t attracted to you
Humans obsess over things we can’t have.
Why do you think people “play hard to get?”
Because it works!
You know he is out of our league and you know he isn’t attracted to you.
In fact, he may have made that abundantly clear. But that just makes you want him more.
And that’s why you can’t stop thinking about him.
Now that we’ve spoken about why you’re thinking about this guy, let’s talk about what you can do to stop thinking about this guy. After all, that is probably the main reason you’re reading this article!
“DOES HE LIKE ME” QUIZ: If you don’t know whether a guy likes you, you need real and honest advice. My new quiz will help you figure it out. Take the quiz here.
8 ways to stop thinking about this guy
1. Don’t try to not think about him
I know, I know. It sounds strange.
Surely if you want to stop thinking about this guy, then you need to, you know, actually, try to stop thinking about him.
However, when it comes to your mind, the more you try to forcibly push thoughts out of your head, the more you’ll think about those thoughts.
Have you ever tried meditating?
Did you find that despite your efforts in trying to silence your mind, your mind couldn’t relax because distracting thoughts just kept bubbling up?
This is a common experience for many meditation beginners.
Because by trying to control your mind into not thinking anything, you’re actually giving more energy to your mind and your thoughts.
You’re essentially fighting fire with fire.
So if you get angry every time you think about this guy, you’re just going to think about him more.
Instead, try to not give energy to it. Don’t get annoyed with yourself for thinking about this guy.
Simply accept that you’re thinking about him and then move on to do and think about something else.
Don’t get angry. Don’t “try” to not think about him.
Once you accept that you are thinking about this guy, you can focus on other thoughts and actions.
And when you begin to not be annoyed with yourself for thinking about him, the energy you’re giving your thoughts will slowly disperse.
2. Take time away from him
Are you seeing this guy regularly?
The truth is, if you’re constantly in contact with this guy, then you’re going to find it difficult to get him out of your mind.
If it is annoying you that you’re thinking about him so much, then it might be time to take a break from him.
Don’t be so responsive on social media. Don’t be at his whim for whenever he wants to hang out.
Get busy seeing other people and doing other things.
Now if you’ve just broken up with him, and you can’t stop thinking about him, then it might be a good idea to block him on social media and your messaging apps.
It’s imperative that you put some space between the two of you.
Now if you’ve just started dating this guy, and you’re absolutely infatuated with him, then you need to set some ground rules for yourself.
Make a pact with yourself to only see him once or twice a week.
This is a great way to cool yourself down and just take a step back from getting ahead of yourself.
Recommended reading: How to ignore a man and make him want you: 10 important tips
3. Have an honest talk with him
This is going to depend on what situation you’re in, but if you’re experiencing something like relationship anxiety, then an honest talk with him can do you and your relationship wonders.
To be honest, communication is important in any relationship.
And if you can make it known that you’re feeling a little insecure and anxious about his behavior and where your relationship is heading, then you’ll get clarity on the relationship and your future.
4. Less phone time
Can you believe that there was once a time in the not so distant past…just 30 years ago or so…
Partners left the house in the morning to go to work, and they were not in contact at all until they returned home at night!
At that time there were no (or very few) mobile phones. Workplaces generally forbid personal calls during work time unless, of course, there was an emergency.
This meant that for 8-10 hours every day, partners did not see, speak to, or chat with each other.
As a result, they got a break from one another…and had something to talk about during dinner—the classic: “How was your day?”
How often are you in touch by phone in your relationship? Is it excessive?
This could be a significant reason for why you can’t stop thinking about him.
Check it out by choosing a 24-hour period. Keep track of ALL the times you are in touch with the other in a proactive way (not reactive such as replying with a short comment or emoji).
This includes not only voice and chat but also sending images, forwarding things, and posting links.
For the same 24-hour period, keep track of ALL the times he was in touch with you in a proactive way.
Let’s look at the proactive contact numbers for your 24-hour period. How much difference is there between the two numbers? In other words, how much MORE is he in touch with you than you are with him?
If the difference is more than 5, then you might be messaging him too much.
Don’t text back as much. Take time to respond. Let him know that you’re busy.
The more you limit contact, the less you’ll have to think about him.
5. Start to do more things in your life
Often when we become obsessed with something, it’s a good idea to take a step back and analyze your life from a whole perspective.
Do you have a balance in life? Do you have other hobbies? Passion projects to focus on? Friends to hang out with?
Now is the perfect time to focus on other things in your life.
And to be honest, a person that is living a balanced life tends to live a happy one.
It’s usually not very healthy to be obsessed over one thing.
It will be a bonus for your love life as well. Those who have more things going on in their life are more attractive.
Getting involved in hobbies and things to do will take your mind off this guy and you never know, you might meet someone new if you get out more!
6. Show yourself some love
There’s no doubt that you’re probably falling for this guy pretty hard if you can’t stop thinking about him.
So instead of showering this guy with love, why not show yourself some appreciation?
Self-love is crucial to living a fulfilled life and boosting your self-confidence.
Oftentimes, when we know that we value ourselves, and we enjoy spending time alone, we don’t look elsewhere to find fulfillment in life.
After all, true happiness and inner peace come from within.
But if you’re constantly thinking about this guy, then it’s pretty obvious that you’re trying to find happiness and fulfillment outside of yourself.
Maybe you’re lonely. Perhaps you’re looking to fill some sort of void in your life.
Whatever it is, if you can learn to love yourself, and be happy spending time with yourself, then you’ll have less of a void to fill.
So take time for yourself. Get involved in passions and projects that you love.
Live a healthy life. Get fit. Look after your body. Whatever it is, just make sure you’re showing yourself appreciation.
And realize that you don’t need a guy to make you feel whole and happy.
7. Sort out the other problems in your life
If you think that there are aspects of your life that you’re not happy with, then it’s time to face up to those problems and work through a solution.
You may be distracting yourself from these problems by thinking about this guy. After all, daydreaming is a way of escaping reality.
I obviously can’t speak specifically about what those problems might be, but I do know that if you can go through the pain of feeling uncomfortable to sort through whatever issues you’re facing, you’ll be a lot happier in the long run.
Avoidance tends to make issues bigger over the long run because problems don’t magically disappear.
This is especially the case with negative emotions.
As humans, we don’t like experiencing negative emotions like anxiety and sadness.
But the more you avoid them, the worse they get in the long run.
But learning to accept them and acknowledge them, will give you greater peace overall as life goes on.
8. Forgive the guy
If you’ve gone through a breakup, and you can’t stop thinking about your ex, then it’s time to forgive him and let it go.
I know. it’s tough.
But no matter what happened between the two of you, it’s now done.
The sooner you acknowledge the fact that it is done, the quicker you’ll be able to get over him and move on with your life.
And look, maybe he has genuinely hurt you. Perhaps he did something awful.
But by holding onto that anger and resentment towards your ex, you’re doing yourself a disservice.
You’re just a bitter person who can’t move on.
Don’t be like that. You need to move on with your life. And the best way to do that is to forgive the guy.
He’s not your boyfriend anymore. He might be an asshole.
But let it be known:
An asshole doesn’t deserve space in your mind, so acknowledge that the relationship is done and forgive the guy.
Another issue could be that you’re the cause of the breakup, and perhaps you can’t let go of what you did.
Maybe it’s playing over and over in your mind. What could you have done differently?
But just like the fact that you need to forgive an asshole for actions they did, you also need to forgive yourself.
We all make mistakes. We’re all human after all.
But what’s done is done. You can’t change it.
But what you can do is learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move onto be a better, stronger human being.
9. Meet some other guys
If you’re thinking about a guy you can never have or about a guy where the relationship is over, then it might be time to go out and meet new people.
If you can meet some new guys, you’ll realize that there is plenty of fish in the sea, and the obsession you have with this one particular guy is really not needed.
There are other guys like him. And what’s more, they’re actually available, too!
I can absolutely guarantee to you that your guy isn’t special, or perfect. Nope, nobody is perfect. It’s just your mind that has painted this unrealistic picture of him.
And the best way for you to see that he isn’t unique or special is to meet other guys.
Use a dating app. Go out on Saturday nights. Whatever it is, they’re plenty of ways to meet new people and date new guys.
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