We all want to be attractive to potential mates.
But the truth is that many of us go about it in totally the wrong way, trying our best to appeal to those we’re interested in.
…And it backfires almost every time!
It sounds paradoxical, but the more you care the less attractive you become.
9 surprising reasons why not caring is attractive
1) Not caring shows value
All of us have an inner dialog and an inner perspective about ourselves as a sexual and romantic candidate.
At the most basic level:
We consider ourselves either the selector or the selectee.
In other words, deep down we see ourselves as the one who chooses a partner, or who is chosen by a partner.
When you don’t care about appealing and demonstrating your value to a potential partner you’re making it crystal clear which POV you have.
You see yourself as the one who selects a partner.
You will decide who catches your interest and appeals to you.
You know your value and have no need to demonstrate it to others or win their approval.
You’re not asking the crowd what you’re worth:
You know it.
And you’re not waiting for somebody to come along and tap you on the shoulder.
You’re the one who sets the pace!
2) Not caring takes the pressure off
Another one of the surprising reasons why not caring is attractive is that it takes the pressure off.
Even when you meet someone you’re very interested in, if they put a lot of pressure on you or try to move too fast it can be a huge turn off.
The person who doesn’t care does the opposite.
He or she gives you the time and the space to come to your own conclusions about how you feel.
They accept rejection without taking it personally and move on to someone who wants them.
This makes them much more attractive to potential mates.
When there’s less pressure and no rush, you can really take your time to see if something serious can develop or not, instead of feeling like someone’s breathing down your neck the whole time.
3) Not caring is genuine
Another one of the surprising reasons why not caring is attractive is that it’s authentic.
Many “nice guys” can’t figure out for the life of them why women react poorly to them.
But it’s simple:
They’re not being true to themselves or expressing how they really feel, and that energy radiates out from a mile away.
Someone who doesn’t care nor depend on the validation of others, is being authentic.
They’re being themselves and not waiting on anybody else to give them a stamp of approval.
That’s very attractive, because they aren’t just pretending to be nice or pretending to find you interesting.
4) Not caring gives you leverage
Not caring is attractive, because it’s smart.
The truth is that most people who get invested too quickly in someone else are deeply insecure.
People who don’t care avoid this by trashing the fantasy that others will “complete” them or somehow save them.
They aren’t looking to be saved, they’re just open to love if and when it comes.
Because of that, they don’t fully invest unless and until they are sure it’s a meaningful and worthwhile connection.
This gives them leverage to pursue various people and find the right person, instead of wasting time leading anyone on.
Like I said:
5) Not caring lets you drop the labels
One of the other surprising reasons why not caring is attractive is that it gets rid of many of the unattractive labels that separate and confuse people.
A high-value man or woman who doesn’t hang on to labels like being “good,” is able to accept and meet their dark side…
Without the shame…
Without the judgment…
Without buying into the various social narratives we’ve constructed.
A man or woman who doesn’t care about labels anymore becomes much more attractive, because he or she has made the most major shift any of us can make.
He or she has made the shift:
From beliefs and labels, to action and results.
This is very attractive to those around this person, because they see someone who’s no longer living in their head and is living in the real world instead.
6) Not caring shows your place in the tribe
One of the surprising reasons why not caring is attractive is that it demonstrates extremely high social validation.
Think about it:
In a group of people, who cares the most about getting attention, approval, rewards and permission?
Those on the bottom.
Those who are respected by everyone and already know and are satisfied with their role aren’t hungry for scraps.
They’re walking confidently.
They’re sure of their mission.
They say their name proudly and without caring how you react.
And that’s extremely attractive.
7) Not caring makes your words more powerful
It may seem bizarre, but another of the surprising reasons why not caring is attractive is that it makes your words more powerful.
When you aren’t invested in a person or situation, your words become weighted with the authority of someone who’s neutral.
By showing that you don’t have a dog in the fight, you’re essentially saying that your words are genuine and not tainted by self-interest or ulterior motives.
If you laugh at someone’s joke…
…It’s because it’s funny.
If you chat to a girl by the bar…
…It’s because you felt like doing it at that moment.
You don’t have some grand design or master plan. You’re just out here living your best life and being you.
And that’s hot!
8) Not caring doesn’t mean being heartless
Another of the surprising reasons why not caring is attractive is that it’s often misunderstood.
Not caring whether others are attracted to you or not is attractive because it’s confident.
But it doesn’t mean that you’re a jerk or that you make cruel comments and jokes.
It simply means that you know your own value and you go about your own life without expecting others to hop on board and validate and praise you.
You still help out if you can.
You still say a kind word to someone who’s struggling or discuss the issues of our world with a heart.
Not caring doesn’t mean not caring about anything! Nihilism is actually deeply unattractive and apathetic.
No, not caring in the best sense means not waiting or expecting anyone else to make your life good.
And that’s sizzling hot to those around you.
9) Not caring makes caring so much more special
Last but not least…
One of the most surprising reasons why not caring is attractive is that it makes caring so much more special.
If you are dating someone who falls deeply in love after a week with every second person he or she meets…
It’s just not very special!
Somebody who doesn’t usually care has a lot more impact when he or she becomes truly interested and gives love and affection.
It’s really supply and demand:
The kisses, caresses and validation given out by someone who doesn’t generally care mean so much more!
Because they’re coming to you and nobody else!
And that’s special, rather than just run of the mill and feeling like you’re being lavished with love by someone who gives it to everyone.
Women don’t like jerks…
And men don’t like high-maintenance chicks…
The idea that men like women who are high maintenance and women are into jerks isn’t quite right.
Sometimes it just looks that way from the outside.
But the truth is:
Men and women like someone they know is potentially interested but not weakly dependent.
They like a challenge to gain the love and interest of a high value individual.
They want a chance with someone they’re attracted to, not a red carpet…
And that’s the thing:
Not caring is attractive because it demonstrates high self-worth.
Those who are dependent on others can often give off a strong energy of neediness and weakness.
They want someone to tell them they’re “good enough,” good-looking, or worthy of attention…
It’s simply very unattractive.
Not caring shows that you know what you’re worth and you don’t need anyone else to validate or approve of you.
When you know your own worth and express it through real action, your neediness begins to fade.
You realize just how much you have to give.
And you let others come to you!
Putting yourself first
Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.
What’s your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.
And even then…plans fail.
But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…
No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.
I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.
Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.
She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.
So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.
How much do you want it?
Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?
If so, check out the workshop here.
If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!
All the best,