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Why men push away their perfect girl

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Four years ago I met the perfect girl.

I don’t mean she was perfect, I mean she was the perfect girl for me.

We just clicked so hard in every imaginable way:

  • Physical attraction? Check
  • Personality attraction? Check
  • Shared values? Check
  • At a similar point in life? Check
  • Enough differences and clashes to still be interesting? Check, check, check.

We were both hoping to settle down and have kids, and after six months of dating I was definitely starting to wonder if she might be the one. She told me directly she was falling in love with me and could see me as an amazing dad and husband.

I found her amazing and I liked her a hell of a lot.

But to be fully honest with you I wasn’t 100% sure if I was in love. I just knew that what she was saying sounded pretty damn good and I should probably take a chance.

This girl was perfect for me, and together we could build such an incredible future. I just knew it.

Oh God, it was finally happening. I felt so euphoric, but there was also something else hiding there…

A dark emotion like when you want to cry but you can’t quite do it. A repressed, buried blockage strangling my words and making me feel like an actor in a cheap play.

Who was I to marry this girl? What the hell was I actually doing?

I panicked. I completely fucking panicked. And I ended things a week later.

I really wish I could tell you I was joking, but I’m not…

She was absolutely devastated. She was beyond the point of crying or anger. I’d broken her heart brutally and left her struggling to find any hope.

We communicated after that, and I tried hard to change my mind, but I couldn’t push myself to restart the relationship and I didn’t even really know why.

This had happened to me once before with a girl I wasn’t as serious about but it had still hurt. By now I was getting fixated on it and I wanted to find out what had made me pull the plug.

After over a year of soul-searching, research, breathwork and meditation I figured it out.

My perfect girl is now the one who got away and is with somebody new. I see now that she wasn’t actually the perfect girl, but I also see what she did – and didn’t do – that made me run.

Let me share what I learned with you about what drives a man to commit or run away…

But first, if you’ve ever had your heart broken or been lied to by a man, you need to watch this amazing video right now. It’s by nationally known relationship expert Michael Fiore and it exposes a simple, horrible truth about men. What Michael says in this video might make you MAD at first… but it could change your life and your relationship with men forever. Click here to watch the video

5 things I wish I’d been able to tell the perfect girl

1) Me and many guys are scared as hell of commitment

It’s commonly said that men are more logic-based than women.

Whether or not that’s true, I can promise you that I didn’t leave the perfect girl because of logic or practical reasons.

I left her because I got scared to take things to the next level and fully commit.

I left her because even though she was perfect for me in every way and satisfied every one of my “requirements,” I knew deep down that something was missing.

Love, attraction level, special connection? Some X factor that took me a long time to put my finger on until I realized exactly what it was and why it was missing.

I knew from past experience that commitment scares me, but I also knew that I really was ready to go all-in when I was 100% sure it was right.

And with the perfect girl, something held me back.

2) She tried too hard to convince me until I talked myself out of it

For one thing, the pressure I was feeling was kind of intense. It got me to question the whole foundation of our relationship and be fully honest about what I felt.

And the truth was I liked her a lot, but I didn’t love her.

Even though she was outwardly perfect for me and aligned in so many ways, I felt suffocated by expectations.

All the ways in which she was perfect for me started to seem so…boring.

I felt like an absolute jerk for not appreciating her more: how she listened to me, understood me, never made me jealous and was so passionate intimately and with her affection for me.

What the hell was missing?

Part of it was that I could see she was trying so hard to get me into it that I began to back away instinctively.

Why the hard sell?

I started to feel like I was being fit-out for a “husband suit” before I’d even had time to rub my eyes and wake up to the new reality. It scared me.

3) I wasn’t as in love with her as I’d thought at first

All of my hesitations and reaction to the pressure I was under made me realize the simple truth:

I wasn’t as in love with her as I’d thought at first.

I was very fond of her. I’d come close to saying I loved her. But deep in my soul, I wasn’t.

Her beauty, dedication, and patience were all completely evident to me, and I knew that there was nothing really wrong.

But I could still feel deep in my bones that things weren’t completely “right” either.

This girl was amazing and perfect for me, but there was something about the time I spent with her and the connection between us that just didn’t fully capture my attention.

And that had caused me to panic and head for the hills, breaking her heart in the process.

Why men lie and how to make every man tell you the truth — CLICK HERE.

4) I couldn’t force my heart to love her even though I wanted to

You can lead a heart to love, but you can’t make it fall.

God knows I tried with her.

But in the final showdown, I turned and ran the other direction.

She put no pressure on me at all. I put the pressure on myself through thinking we would be a perfect couple. But reality started falling so short of those expectations, and I started getting depressed and anxious.

The more I tried to push myself to feel what I knew I “should,” the more I felt myself backing off.

It was a sad situation.

But at least I learned something, right?

5) The “X Factor” she was missing…

The X Factor that the perfect girl was missing is that I wasn’t looking for my perfect girl.

I was looking for the girl I couldn’t stop thinking about at night and who my heart beat out of my chest for.

Her nice behavior towards me was just that: nice.

It didn’t excite me to write romantic poems or to dream of her at night.

I thought back to a girl I’d been in love with in my 20s and realized the X-Factor that was missing.

Not sex, not personality, and not even “hard to get…” Something much harder to define but even more important.

And once I found it later with the right girl (not the “perfect girl”) my whole life changed…

Here’s the point:

It doesn’t matter if you meet someone who’s right on paper: they have to be right in person.

And without that X-Factor, even a girl who checks all the boxes and catches your eye isn’t going to stand a chance.

In retrospect, I’m actually glad that I didn’t end up with my perfect girl because I genuinely believe it would have ended in divorce.

I’m deeply sorry I hurt her, but it was a massive learning experience, that’s for sure.

Want to read men’s minds?

My friend Michael Fiore recently asked over 20,000 men…

“What’s the one thing you desperately wish the woman in your life understood about men but could NEVER tell her?”

The results were juicy, devastating and dangerous…

Guys opened up…

About how they FEEL about women…

About what they WANT from women…

About what makes them MAD about women…

Watch this video and you’ll feel like you suddenly have a “super power” to gaze into
any man’s mind so he opens up to you like a book and so you understand him better than
anyone else in the world.

It’s really freaking cool.

Go watch this amazing video to find out more:

Click here to watch this amazing video

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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