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18 reasons why men come back weeks or months later

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Have you ever dated a zombie?

You might have without realizing it.

Zombies are guys who are all over you and then suddenly disappear.

You think they’re gone, but weeks or months later they reappear and they’re all over you waving their arms and grunting about how much they love and need you.

Let’s cut to the chase here:

Why do some guys do this?

18 reasons why men come back weeks or months later

1) They’re just cruising for sex and your number came up

One of the most common reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they are just looking for sex.

They hooked up with you or dated for a few weeks and now you’re back on the radar because they’re feeling frisky.

I’d love to say that’s an over-simplification or very rare, but we all know that it’s far from rare.

If you’re dealing with a man who became a ghost and is now back in full zombie form, keep in mind that it may be nothing more than skin deep.

He wants to use you more and he already texted “hey, what’s up?” to the rest of his potential contacts.

If you feel disgusted, I don’t blame you…

If you’re wondering if something more serious can come up with a player who’s just looking for adventure, I can tell you that the answer is most likely no.

But then again, anything is possible…

2) They realized they like you more than they thought

The second of the top reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they realized they like you more than they first thought.

This is generally a best-case scenario option, but it certainly happens.

Sometimes it isn’t even that he knows he feels more for you than he formerly thought; it’s more so that he wonders if he might feel more for you and wants to see what you’re up to.

This is not overly flattering, of course, but it is certainly better than just being treated as a booty call.

If this guy is wondering whether his feelings go further for you than he thought when he first ditched you, maybe there is still potential…

This depends a lot on the strength of the connection you had and where you felt things could be going at the time that you discontinued the relationship.

You have to go with your heart and gut instinct on this one, because it can feel like he’s pressuring you to doubt yourself and rethink everything you used to think.

On the other hand, the ball is essentially in your court here and there’s no reason you have to accept his advances or receive them in a welcoming way.

3) They can’t find anyone better so they’re back on you

This relates back to point one, but with a twist.

One of the top reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they dropped you in order to play the field but didn’t find anyone better.

Now they’re back with cap in hand asking for another chance.

The truth is very simple and brutal: they are treating you as insurance.

You are absolutely their backup plan and that’s why they are now back asking you if you think there’s something worth exploring together.

What they really mean is they thought your time together was “meh” and went to find more only to discover that the big wide world of dating is less wonderful than they imagined.

Now they’re back hoping you’ll like them enough to ignore how massively they disrespected you.

4) They like you but they have commitment issues

Some men really do have commitment issues. It’s not just a line, for some of us it is a reality.

One of the unfortunate reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they are dead-scared of commitment even though they truly like you on a deep level.

So what are you supposed to do about it?

It can be at times like these that you can really use the insights of a relationship expert.

Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article explores the main reasons guys have commitment issues and disappear before reappearing months later, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your specific situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like how to know exactly why this guy went away and came back and what to do about it.

They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship.

After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track and doing better than ever.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

5) He feels bad about treating you like dirt

One of the reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they sometimes feel bad about dropping you.

If treating you dismissively and leaving you is weighing on his conscience, then he may reinitiate contact in order to try to expiate his guilty soul.

This is more or less self-serving, but in rare cases it can lead to him actually seeing how the way he treated you was not only unfair but also uncalled for.

He may realize that you are deserving of much more respect and that he’s much more attracted to you than he first thought.

If this happens then take cheer, but don’t remember that his initial discarding of you could speak to a future pattern of being emotionally absent or uncaring once again.

6) He genuinely misses you and being around you

In some cases the reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they miss being around you and want to see you more.

It can be nothing more than the fact that he realizes he genuinely enjoyed your company and wants to enjoy more of it.

This doesn’t always have a sexual or primarily sexual component.

He may genuinely like who you are as a person and want to spend more time around you.

And if that is the case then he’s going to make contact once again in order to see what you’re up to and whether you’re open to going out again.

Whether you are or not is, of course, up to you.

But the point is that there is not always a cynical or ulterior motive to a man who disappears and comes back.

Sometimes he’s just not that dependable of a fellow and he dropped off the map, but now he’s back wishing he could spend time with you again.

7) They have an avoidant attachment style

Relationship psychologists often use various categories for people who have particular relationship styles. They sometimes divide these into anxious, avoidant, secure and anxious-avoidant.

These “styles” often originate in early childhood trauma and experiences.

The anxious individual craves validation and always feels inadequate.

The avoidant individual feels stifled and uncomfortable with receiving affection and withdraws and shuts down.

Secure individuals can handle both anxious and avoidant folks because they feel comfortable enough with themselves not to be intimidated by the avoidant’s lack of affection or the anxious person’s need for affection.

One of the main reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they have an avoidant attachment style.

As the Zac Brown band sings in their song “Knee Deep:”

“Had sweet love but I lost it/

She got too close so I fought her/

Now I’m lost in the world trying to find me a better way.”

8) They had a personal tragedy that set them back

Another one of the less common (but possible) reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they really did have a huge personal setback.

Something happened in their life apart from you that really shook their foundations.

They didn’t want to hurt you, but they needed to pull away while they dealt with a very tough situation.

Now they’re back and looking to rediscover what you had together.

Whether or not you decide that’s a good idea is ultimately up to you.

But if this person really did suffer a loss in their family or a personal crisis that took them out of commission then it’s certainly worth thinking about giving them another go.

9) He’s chasing an unobtainable dream

I have been in this exact place as a man and it’s not good.

You break up and are done seeing someone. They no longer have an interest in you and likely are the one who dumped you. But you can’t accept it and still have feelings for them.

If this guy is in a similar position and you’ve rejected him or made it clear you only want friendship, he can often pop up a few weeks or months later trying again.

And when I say trying, I’m not referring to pleasantries or being friends.

His agenda is clear as day.

He wants another chance to date you and win your heart.

But you don’t want that and are sure you don’t have feelings for him, at least not any longer.

So you try to be nice and respond now and then, but any response at all kindles cruel hope in his chest and makes him pursue you like a mad dog.

It’s a pretty vicious cycle that can lead to you hitting a lot of block buttons.

10) They were too busy with work but now they have more time

Another one of the less common (but possible) reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they genuinely got slammed by work.

Talking about getting extremely busy is usually an excuse, but not always.

There are times when work deadlines and commitments legitimately take over somebody’s life and he’s forced to place everything else on the backburner.

This may have been one of those times.

So how can you know for sure?

That will take time to get to know him better and see if he has a pattern of dishonesty or whether you have every reason to believe he’s telling the truth here.

11) They weren’t very into you the first time but want to try again

Another one of the top reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they want to see if their first impressions of you were wrong.

It may be that he’s really rethought the way he let you go so carelessly, but it can also often be a case of him hedging his bets.

Your guy may be a real rock, and if so that’s awesome.

But far too many guys who leave and then come back are basically playing the field and not really committed.

One key to find out what’s going on is to ask yourself the following question:

Does he ever offer to help you out or ask what you need?

And if so, with what?

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you and that getting off the couch will actually make his life a lot better!

Click here to watch the free video.

12) They changed their mind about your value

Another one of the big reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they changed their mind about your value.

This doesn’t always mean that they tried dating around and got disappointed.

It can also mean that they thought and reflected on their time with you and realized that you’re actually a lot better of a potential partner than they might have thought at first.

If they changed their mind about your value, the obvious question would be what made them change.

It could be things their friends or peers advised them…

It could be photos and posts they saw from (or about) you on social media…

Or it could just be the result of a process of mulling things over…

But either way, you’re certainly entitled to wonder what wasn’t “good enough” about you the first time around and why that has supposedly now changed in his eyes…

13) They see new potential in dating you

This guy may have been long gone and reappeared because he didn’t feel that you “got” him in the right way.

He’s really attracted to you, but feels unsure if a relationship will really happen.

So how do you push it over the line?

This can sometimes require you to give him a bit of a “nudge” to show him that he is indeed still a much-valued and much-needed part of your life.

This is not so much about showing him you’re “worth it,” as you should never have to prove this to a man.

It is simply about showing him that you are interested in something real if he is, too.

As I talked about earlier, men’s desire to commit is closely linked to an evolutionary drive which relationship psychologist James Bauer calls the hero instinct.

When a man is truly in it for the long haul, he’s not scared off by a little drama.

He loves you for who you are, and wants to do everything he can to help you out.

Your side of the equation is to show him that not only is his help, advice and solidarity appreciated, it’s actively needed.

Because here’s the thing:

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to get a strong urge to commit and stop taking you for granted or ignoring you.

And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.

You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

14) They’re back in your geographical neck of the woods

Another one of the common reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they have been traveling or away and they’re now back in your area.

This is basically “a girl in every port” and that type of idea.

It’s not very flattering, but now and then it can lead to something real.

Just keep in mind that if he left the first time due to work or life commitments, he’s probably going to leave again.

And with that in mind, be cautious about who you give your heart away to and who you give a second chance.

15) They had a fight with their current girlfriend

Another one of the very real reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they’re dating someone new but they’ve had a fight.

They’re feeling angry and sad and they go back through their old messages…

Who do they see smiling brightly, but little old you…

Then they think: why not?

So they shoot you a message and see what you’re up to. Even if nothing happens, at the very least they can have a break from the drama central they’re currently embroiled in with their new partner.

They’re just hoping that you can provide some distraction and comfort in a weird and distressing time.

But are they really serious and open to the possibility of something real with you, or would they be far too scared to leave their current relationship?

This is exactly the type of situation where I’d recommend the relationship coaches at Relationship Hero that I mentioned earlier.

16) They’re simply feeling lonely at this time

At the risk of being too simplistic, you should take care not to overthink things.

Many times, one of the real  reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they lost interest in you but they’re now feeling lonely and bored.

There’s nothing deeper to it than a simple feeling of being alone.

They reach out and contact you or show up at your doorstep out of sheer human neediness and isolation.

There’s no grand script, no huge meaning, no majestic destiny at work.

There’s just a guy who’s feeling kind of down and hoping you’ll provide some entertainment, warmth and distraction to his life.

Are you willing to play that role or are you looking for more?

Because if you’re looking for more, it’s crucial to be crystal clear about that and not cede any ground to him when he shows back up.

17) They want you to validate their self-esteem

Another one of the possible reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they’re looking for a self-esteem boost.

Life has got them down, and they think of you as someone who’s supportive and kind.

They’re coming back around to get you to build them up and make them feel good about themselves.

Think of yourself as an unpaid coach or cheerleader.

If you’re into that kind of thing, feel free (to do it for free).

But unless this guy is making some real promises about the future and talking on your level about what you’re interested in, then it’s just playing games.

It’s a codependent and juvenile exercise in him using you as his own cheerleader until he feels warm and fuzzy again.

Meanwhile you’re fixing to be left cold again and wondering what you did wrong (which is nothing, apart from take in a guy who’s an insecure emotional manipulator).

18) They just broke up with someone else

Last but not least, one of the biggest reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they tried to date someone else and it didn’t work.

They broke up and now they’re back on the market and hungry like the wolf.

They’re back looking for love, sex and everything in between, and they wondered if you are too.

Should you be flattered or insulted here?

They think of you because they can’t stand to be alone, so they message, call or make contact, hoping that they’re still somewhere near your good books.

Are they?

Loving a zombie…

Are you in love with a zombie?

Don’t worry, I’m not judging.

Maybe he’s pretty good looking, too, and he’s got his biting and bloodlust under control.

Nobody’s perfect, and sometimes a good guy does make a mistake.

But should you forgive him and take him back?

Well…

By now you should have a better idea of why  men come back weeks or months later.

So the key now is what to do about it!

Do you want to bury this relationship in the dirt, or give it another chance to rise again?

If you answered the latter, then it’s crucial that you get through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge and win his heart back, be sure to check out the video now.

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Paul Brian

I’m a multimedia journalist with experience in print, photography, video, and online. My passion is reporting on individuals, faiths, nations, and situations that impact us all on the journey of life.

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