Paul Brian
Have you ever dated a zombie?
You might have without realizing it.
Zombies are guys who are all over you and then suddenly disappear.
You think they’re gone, but weeks or months later they reappear and they’re all over you waving their arms and grunting about how much they love and need you.
Let’s cut to the chase here:
Why do some guys do this?
18 reasons why men come back weeks or months later
1) They’re just cruising for sex and your number came up
One of the most common reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they are just looking for sex.
They hooked up with you or dated for a few weeks and now you’re back on the radar because they’re feeling frisky.
I’d love to say that’s an over-simplification or very rare, but we all know that it’s far from rare.
If you’re dealing with a man who became a ghost and is now back in full zombie form, keep in mind that it may be nothing more than skin deep.
He wants to use you more and he already texted “hey, what’s up?” to the rest of his potential contacts.
If you feel disgusted, I don’t blame you…
If you’re wondering if something more serious can come up with a player who’s just looking for adventure, I can tell you that the answer is most likely no.
But then again, anything is possible…
2) They realized they like you more than they thought
The second of the top reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they realized they like you more than they first thought.
This is generally a best-case scenario option, but it certainly happens.
Sometimes it isn’t even that he knows he feels more for you than he formerly thought; it’s more so that he wonders if he might feel more for you and wants to see what you’re up to.
This is not overly flattering, of course, but it is certainly better than just being treated as a booty call.
If this guy is wondering whether his feelings go further for you than he thought when he first ditched you, maybe there is still potential…
This depends a lot on the strength of the connection you had and where you felt things could be going at the time that you discontinued the relationship.
You have to go with your heart and gut instinct on this one, because it can feel like he’s pressuring you to doubt yourself and rethink everything you used to think.
On the other hand, the ball is essentially in your court here and there’s no reason you have to accept his advances or receive them in a welcoming way.
3) They can’t find anyone better so they’re back on you
This relates back to point one, but with a twist.
One of the top reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they dropped you in order to play the field but didn’t find anyone better.
Now they’re back with cap in hand asking for another chance.
The truth is very simple and brutal: they are treating you as insurance.
You are absolutely their backup plan and that’s why they are now back asking you if you think there’s something worth exploring together.
What they really mean is they thought your time together was “meh” and went to find more only to discover that the big wide world of dating is less wonderful than they imagined.
Now they’re back hoping you’ll like them enough to ignore how massively they disrespected you.
4) They like you but they have commitment issues
Some men really do have commitment issues. It’s not just a line, for some of us it is a reality.
One of the unfortunate reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they are dead scared of commitment even though they truly like you on a deep level.
So what are you supposed to do about it?
Well, at times like this, it could be helpful to speak to a relationship expert.
Ever heard of Relationship Hero?
It’s a popular website with dozens of highly trained relationship coaches to choose from.
They’ll help you figure out if this guy really has commitment issues and if he does, they’ll tell you how you can help him work through them.
I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s not gonna be easy.
Fear of commitment often stems from negative childhood experiences – such as watching your parents fight every day. It’s a good thing that a lot of the folks at Relationship Hero have a background in psychology. With their help and some patience, you’ll get this guy to finally stop running.
5) They feel bad about treating you like dirt
One of the reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they sometimes feel bad about dropping you.
If treating you dismissively and leaving you is weighing on his conscience, then he may reinitiate contact in order to try to expiate his guilty soul.
This is more or less self-serving, but in rare cases it can lead to him actually seeing how the way he treated you was not only unfair but also uncalled for.
He may realize that you are deserving of much more respect and that he’s much more attracted to you than he first thought.
If this happens then take cheer, but don’t remember that his initial discarding of you could speak to a future pattern of being emotionally absent or uncaring once again.
6) They genuinely miss being around you
In some cases the reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they miss being around you and want to see you more.
It can be nothing more than the fact that he realizes he genuinely enjoyed your company and wants to enjoy more of it.
This doesn’t always have a sexual or primarily sexual component.
He may genuinely like who you are as a person and want to spend more time around you.
And if that is the case then he’s going to make contact once again in order to see what you’re up to and whether you’re open to going out again.
Whether you are or not is, of course, up to you.
But the point is that there is not always a cynical or ulterior motive to a man who disappears and comes back.
Sometimes he’s just not that dependable of a fellow and he dropped off the map, but now he’s back wishing he could spend time with you again.
7) They have an avoidant attachment style
Relationship psychologists often use various categories for people who have particular relationship styles. They sometimes divide these into anxious, avoidant, secure and anxious-avoidant.
These “styles” often originate in early childhood trauma and experiences.
The anxious individual craves validation and always feels inadequate.
The avoidant individual feels stifled and uncomfortable with receiving affection and withdraws and shuts down.
Secure individuals can handle both anxious and avoidant folks because they feel comfortable enough with themselves not to be intimidated by the avoidant’s lack of affection or the anxious person’s need for affection.
One of the main reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they have an avoidant attachment style.
As the Zac Brown band sings in their song “Knee Deep:”
“Had sweet love but I lost it/
She got too close so I fought her/
Now I’m lost in the world trying to find me a better way.”
8) They had a personal tragedy that set them back
Another one of the less common (but possible) reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they really did have a huge personal setback.
Something happened in their life apart from you that really shook their foundations.
They didn’t want to hurt you, but they needed to pull away while they dealt with a very tough situation.
Now they’re back and looking to rediscover what you had together.
Whether or not you decide that’s a good idea is ultimately up to you.
But if this person really did suffer a loss in their family or a personal crisis that took them out of commission then it’s certainly worth thinking about giving them another go.
9) He’s chasing an unobtainable dream
I have been in this exact place as a man and it’s not good.
You break up and are done seeing someone. They no longer have an interest in you and likely are the one who dumped you. But you can’t accept it and still have feelings for them.
If this guy is in a similar position and you’ve rejected him or made it clear you only want friendship, he can often pop up a few weeks or months later trying again.
And when I say trying, I’m not referring to pleasantries or being friends.
His agenda is clear as day.
He wants another chance to date you and win your heart.
But you don’t want that and are sure you don’t have feelings for him, at least not any longer.
So you try to be nice and respond now and then, but any response at all kindles cruel hope in his chest and makes him pursue you like a mad dog.
It’s a pretty vicious cycle that can lead to you hitting a lot of block buttons.
10) They were too busy with work but now they have more time
Another one of the less common (but possible) reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they genuinely got slammed by work.
Talking about getting extremely busy is usually an excuse, but not always.
There are times when work deadlines and commitments legitimately take over somebody’s life and he’s forced to place everything else on the backburner.
This may have been one of those times.
So how can you know for sure?
That will take time to get to know him better and see if he has a pattern of dishonesty or whether you have every reason to believe he’s telling the truth here.
11) They weren’t very into you the first time but want to try again
Another one of the top reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they want to see if their first impressions of you were wrong.
It may be that he’s really rethought the way he let you go so carelessly, but it can also often be a case of him hedging his bets.
Your guy may be a real rock, and if so that’s awesome.
But far too many guys who leave and then come back are basically playing the field and not really committed.
So how can you know if he’s serious about giving your relationship try?
It’s a tough one… too tough for me. That’s why I think you should get in touch with a pro. Yup, I’m talking about a relationship coach.
Look, that’s their job, they have insight into how guys and girls think and what drives them. You’ll tell them all about your situation and about this guy and they’ll be able to tell you whether he’s for real or not.
Get in touch with someone at Relationship Hero and stop wasting time.
12) They changed their mind about your value
Another one of the big reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they changed their mind about your value.
This doesn’t always mean that they tried dating around and got disappointed.
It can also mean that they thought and reflected on their time with you and realized that you’re actually a lot better of a potential partner than they might have thought at first.
If they changed their mind about your value, the obvious question would be what made them change.
It could be things their friends or peers advised them…
It could be photos and posts they saw from (or about) you on social media…
Or it could just be the result of a process of mulling things over…
But either way, you’re certainly entitled to wonder what wasn’t “good enough” about you the first time around and why that has supposedly now changed in his eyes…
13) They see new potential in dating you
This guy may have been long gone and reappeared because he didn’t feel that you “got” him in the right way.
He’s really attracted to you, but feels unsure if a relationship will really happen.
So how do you push it over the line?
This can sometimes require you to give him a bit of a “nudge” to show him that he is indeed still a much-valued and much-needed part of your life.
This is not so much about showing him you’re “worth it,” as you should never have to prove this to a man.
It is simply about showing him that you are interested in something real if he is, too.
14) They’re back in your geographical neck of the woods
Another one of the common reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they have been traveling or away and they’re now back in your area.
This is basically “a girl in every port” and that type of idea.
It’s not very flattering, but now and then it can lead to something real.
Just keep in mind that if he left the first time due to work or life commitments, he’s probably going to leave again.
And with that in mind, be cautious about who you give your heart away to and who you give a second chance.
15) They had a fight with their current girlfriend
Another one of the very real reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they’re dating someone new but they’ve had a fight.
They’re feeling angry and sad and they go back through their old messages.
Who do they see smiling brightly, but little old you…
Then they think: Why not?
So they shoot you a message and see what you’re up to. Even if nothing happens, at the very least they can have a break from the drama central they’re currently embroiled in with their new partner.
They’re just hoping that you can provide some distraction and comfort during this distressing time.
And what happens when their current girlfriend wants to make up?
They’ll go running back to her, that’s what.
16) They’re simply feeling lonely at this time
At the risk of being too simplistic, you should take care not to overthink things.
Many times, one of the real reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they lost interest in you but they’re now feeling lonely and bored.
There’s nothing deeper to it than a simple feeling of being alone.
They reach out and contact you or show up at your doorstep out of sheer human neediness and isolation.
There’s no grand script, no huge meaning, no majestic destiny at work.
There’s just a guy who’s feeling kind of down and hoping you’ll provide some entertainment, warmth and distraction to his life.
Are you willing to play that role or are you looking for more?
Because if you’re looking for more, it’s crucial to be crystal clear about that and not cede any ground to him when he shows back up.
17) They want you to validate their self-esteem
Another one of the possible reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they’re looking for a self-esteem boost.
Life has got them down, and they think of you as someone who’s supportive and kind.
They’re coming back around to get you to build them up and make them feel good about themselves.
Think of yourself as an unpaid coach or cheerleader.
If you’re into that kind of thing, feel free (to do it for free).
But unless this guy is making some real promises about the future and talking on your level about what you’re interested in, then it’s just playing games.
It’s a codependent and juvenile exercise in him using you as his own cheerleader until he feels warm and fuzzy again.
Meanwhile you’re fixing to be left cold again and wondering what you did wrong (which is nothing, apart from take in a guy who’s an insecure emotional manipulator).
18) They just broke up with someone else
Last but not least, one of the biggest reasons why men come back weeks or months later is that they tried to date someone else and it didn’t work.
They broke up and now they’re back on the market and hungry like the wolf.
They’re back looking for love, sex and everything in between, and they wondered if you are too.
Should you be flattered or insulted here?
They think of you because they can’t stand to be alone, so they message, call or make contact, hoping that they’re still somewhere near your good books.
Are they?
Loving a zombie…
Are you in love with a zombie?
Don’t worry, I’m not judging.
Maybe he’s pretty good looking, too, and he’s got his biting and bloodlust under control.
Nobody’s perfect, and sometimes a good guy does make a mistake.
But should you forgive him and take him back?
Well… That’s up to you.
Now that you have a good idea of why men come back weeks or months later, I know that you’ll be able to make the right decision.
