If a woman is nervous around you, there’s usually an underlying reason behind it.
In this article, I’ll share 10 reasons why she’s acting nervously, and how to make her feel more relaxed and at ease!
Let’s jump straight in:
Here are 10 reasons why she’s nervous around you:
1) She likes you
You can’t always assume that a woman is interested in you based on body language alone. However, it’s one of the most common reasons why a woman is nervous around you.
When a woman likes you, she’s more conscious of what she’ll say and how she’ll behave around. She’s nervous because she doesn’t want to do something that might make you run away.
There are times that a woman gets nervous because there’s a chance that things can lead to being physically intimate with her. The thought of it can throw off her game.
2) It’s her first date with you
First dates for a woman can be very exciting. They take an extra couple of hours to dress up and look good to impress you.
At the same time, first dates make her nervous. Moments before she sees you, her mind flips through multiple scenarios of how your date will turn out, and she starts to freak out.
The last thing she wants is to say something wrong to sway you from having negative feelings towards her. She simply wants to say all the right things to please you.
3) It’s her first date ever
Do you remember the very first date you went on?
It may have been years ago, and you probably don’t remember the person, what you wore, or if you hand a second date, but you pretty sure remember what it felt like to be asked out.
Firsts are often times memorable. And for an adult woman who’s going on her first date, it can be nerve-wracking. It’s like this rite of passage as she enters this new world — even if she’s a little too late in the game.
4) She’s intimidated by you
Are you particularly intelligent/popular/skilled/big and strong/fill in the blank?
A woman can be intimidated by a competent, capable man because she’s afraid she won’t live up to preconceived expectations you might have of her.
Being on a date with someone popular also makes a difference. You’re “google-able” and your reputation precedes you.
You know how some Hollywood stars get reported on dating a non-showbiz girlfriend and raving fans start to investigate and scrutinize her?
It can put a lot of pressure to live up to the standards these folks have set for “that woman.”
5) She’s socially awkward
It can be hard to recognize if a woman is socially awkward if you’ve only met her. Her behavior may be the same, but it may come across like she’s just nervous to be around you.
As a matter of fact, she may not even be aware that she’s socially awkward. You may just notice that she seems uncomfortable and has the urge to get away as soon as possible.
6) She’s afraid of rejection
A woman can have several reasons why she’s scared.
One is that she’s been rejected and hurt too many times. She’s afraid that this time around won’t be any different.
Another reason why she’s scared is that she went through attachment issues when she was young. She’s used to being independent and when a man tries to get close, she feels uncomfortable.
Women who go through these kinds of experiences tend to push people away.
7) She was in an abusive relationship
It can be hard for a woman to get over toxic relationships that cause emotional, mental, and physical abuse. Experiences like these can change her outlook on romantic relationships.
More importantly, they can change her perception of herself and her self-worth. An example of this is she might think she’s the cause of the abuse and very well she deserves it.
So when there’s an opportunity to romantically connect with a man, she goes through this internal conflict.
She wants to meet and connect with a good guy, but she’s afraid that he might be like those who treated her badly. She would never want the abuse to happen again.
8) She feels insecure
You would think that with all the modern campaigns on beauty, brains, and body image, women gained and maintained a higher level of confidence.
That’s not the case.
In this day and age, social media still puts a lot of pressure on women to have this perfect image of themselves.
But her insecurities still get the best of her. When they kick in, she loses all confidence and doubts her social abilities.
When a woman feels insecure, she doesn’t feel she’s good enough for anyone until she gets that external validation from other people. And even then, she may not be totally convinced.
9) You’re doing something that makes her feel uncomfortable
Are you a little loud when you talk to a woman? Do you come off strong? How do you look at her? Are you flirtatious? Maybe too flirtatious?
It may or may not be intended, but sometimes, when you assert yourself to try to see if a woman is interested in you, it can rub her the wrong way.
When a woman isn’t sure of how to respond, she usually resorts to non-verbal signs that show she feels uncomfortable.
10) She’s distracted by personal problems
Personal problems such as family issues, occupational hazards, and financial setbacks, are normal. And as much as a woman doesn’t want to dwell on them, especially on a date night, sometimes, it can’t be helped.
When you’re on a date with a woman whose mind is elsewhere because of unsettling problems, she cannot focus her attention on you.
At times, her body follows suit with the stress, and the negative energy is showed through her posture, tone of voice, and facial expressions.
The physiological aspect of nervousness
Being nervous is a natural response to situations that are stressful and outside our comfort zones.
But did you know that our bodies respond the same way when we feel excited or nervous?
The manifestations of both emotions may be similar, and while the feeling of excitement is triggered by positive thoughts, nervousness is triggered by negative ones.
When we feel nervous, this energy builds up inside of us — also known as tension — that’s waiting to be released. What happens then?
Our heart rate increases, breathing is faster, our palms are perspiring, and our heads are covered in beads of sweat.
So regardless of the reason why a woman is nervous around you, her body will respond the same way.
Actions speak louder than words
It’s not enough to listen to what a woman says when she feels nervous around you.
Now that you have an idea of how her body responds to nervousness, it’s important that you acquaint yourself with how a woman generally behaves if she feels uncomfortable.
Here are some of the common nervous tics and signs to look out for:
1) Her posture changes
Posture may be a little tricky to determine if a woman feels nervous. Slouching or sitting up straight may not necessarily indicate nervousness, but merely a postural habit.
It’s good to observe this with the other nervous tics that you might notice.
2) She talks too much or not at all
In some situations, a woman who feels nervous around you tends to curl up and die. There are other times, however, when she starts to chatter away.
Talking becomes a defense mechanism to mask, and hopefully, release whatever tension she’s feeling. If you think about it, she can distract people by talking non-stop. It’s not so much about what she’s talking about, but how fast she’s talking. She talks so fast that she ends up eating her words.
On the other end of the spectrum is a woman who’s generally quiet when she feels nervous. She’ll respond with short sentences. Sometimes, even with just one-word answers.
3) Her hands are tense
When a woman is tense and nervous, she builds up energy that’s just waiting to be released. And her hands are one of the first body parts that she uses to release this energy.
She can clench her hands or fists, and even a part of her clothes.
She gets fidgety, tapping her fingers on her armrest, or playing with her bracelet
She can also rapidly shake her hands when you’re not looking.
4) Avoiding eye contact
It’s true what they say: the eyes are the windows to one’s soul. It can be very disarming because the eyes can reveal so many things about a person’s inner disposition.
Making eye contact is a powerful social skill that can make a person feel good and connected during a conversation. And when a woman does this, she’s perceived to be confident and more personable.
However, when she’s nervous, she looks away. She avoids meeting your eyes when you’re together, glancing down as you talk.
5) Reactive to touch
We are hard-wired for touch. It can bring about a variety of emotions, both positive and negative, as we physically connect with other people.
That’s why it’s such a sensitive thing.
When a woman allows you to touch her, may it be a nudge on her shoulder, a slight brush of your hands, or a simple high five, she welcomes the invasion of her personal space.
However, when a woman feels nervous around you, more often than not, she will avoid any type of physical contact. She pulls away, steps back, and crosses her arms. That’s an indication of her closing off and protecting herself.
She tries to make it clear that any form of touching is unwanted.
6) Shaking legs and feet
Just like her hands and fingers, a woman can resort to using her legs and feet to release her pent-up energy when she feels nervous.
Leg bouncing or foot shaking can be a good way to soothe herself in times of tension, so she can feel more relaxed while around you.
It may not be too obvious especially when you’re seated, but it’s something to look out for.
What can you do?
How would you feel if you’re having dinner, sitting across the table, watching how your date looks so uncomfortable? It feels very awkward, isn’t it?
Now, you could say, sometimes, you probably like watching somebody suffer. But not this time.
This woman could be the love of your life. If you don’t do anything to make her feel comfortable around you, you may lose your chance at any relationship with her.
What do you do? You sit there, nod and smile, or you disengage. And to your date, watching you disengage doesn’t help at all.
So how do you make a woman feel less nervous around you? You can control the situation and help make the nervousness go away.
Work your body language
One way you can make a woman feel more comfortable around you is through mirroring her body language.
Match her breathing pattern, hand gestures, and energy levels.
Use some of the same expressions as her, and copy some of the motions she makes throughout the conversation. It’s a non-verbal way to tell her that you understand her and that you’re on the same page.
Smiling is another way to make a woman feel less nervous. It’s a contagious gesture her brain positively responds to, which helps her feel more relaxed.
It’s important, though, to maintain eye contact to show that your focus is still on her, and you’re not distracted at all with her behavior.
Watch your words
Words can be very comforting to a woman who feels awkward in a social setting.
When you’re together, be more conversational. You can even show her your sense of humor.
Ask questions to keep the conversation going, but balance it out with your own stories. It can get tricky for a woman who feels nervous to make the conversation all about her but keep in mind to avoid using certain language that can be distancing.
Try not to fill up every silence in the conversation. These can work to your advantage to observe how she’s responding to you.
Of course, you may not pinpoint the real reason why she’s nervous around you right away, but if you create an atmosphere where she can relax, she might end up opening up to you.
For extra relief, after your date, consider sending her a text message. Send something like, “I’ll be honest. I felt a little anxious before meeting up with you tonight. But tonight was fun!”
Be kind to her. It doesn’t matter how you might feel about her. Show her that you’re a decent, trustworthy person, and like any other person, she might come around and not be nervous around you anymore.
At the end of the day, you want to make sure she has a good time.
Feeling nervous is a perfectly natural response for a woman when she’s getting into something new. It’s also normal for her to feel that way when she’s outside of her comfort zone.
Remember to always seek to understand.
Several reasons attribute to feeling this way when she’s around you. It may be about you, about her, or her past.
You could have done or said something that made her feel uncomfortable.
Or she’s distracted by thoughts because she’s going through some personal problems.
Another reason is that she’s awkward in most social functions, with several insecurities and self-image issues about herself.
Moreover, it could be that she’s been in abusive and toxic relationships that have led her to believe that she will never find her happy ending.
On the other hand, there are more positive reasons why a woman feels nervous around you.
Maybe it’s because it’s your first date together. Or she could be going on a date for the first time in her life.
Perhaps she’s intimidated by your reputation, stature, and accomplishments. Or maybe she simply likes you.
Remember to put yourself in her shoes and think about the situation from her side.
Pay more attention to her body language and observe how she responds to you.
Try behavior mirroring and see if it can help with the tension. Also, be consciously selective with physical contact so you don’t make any improper advances.
When talking to a woman, don’t make it all about her. Strike a balance between sharing your own stories and listening to hers. Keep your eyes on hers and don’t forget to smile.
Bring out your charming and funny self. You could never go wrong with that.
Give a woman time to get comfortable and open up.
Who knows? You might open up a new and exciting chapter of your life when you get to connect with and build that interest with her.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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