Pearl Nash
You’ve got a girlfriend who seems to get angry at you all the time.
She gets upset over the littlest things, and it’s wearing you down.
What gives?
This article will help you figure out exactly why your girlfriend is always mad at you.
1) She’s emotionally immature
This reason comes top because in most situations it’s going to be, at the very least, an underlying factor that is contributing to the problem.
We all get mad from time to time. But when someone often struggles to control their emotions it is often a sign of immaturity.
It’s more common amongst younger girls and women, but plenty of adults also remain emotionally immature as they go through life.
There’s no denying that feelings can be powerful, and all of us will feel overwhelmed by them at some point.
But as we grow, learn and develop as a person, many of us mature so that we don’t unfairly spew our negative emotions all over others.
Unfortunately, not everybody does though.
Immaturity can go hand in hand with a lack of self-awareness. If she doesn’t see her patterns of behavior she cannot self-analyze and hold herself accountable.
So in the moment, she may be “blinded” by the impulses of her feelings, but lacks the maturity and restraint to question her words and actions.
2) She is “testing you”
This reason can perhaps best be explained with the example of a toddler.
Parents often refer to the “terrible twos” to mark this stage, as at this age kids act out and test boundaries.
Some adult relationships encounter something similar. People will see what they can get away with.
They’ll do something or say something to see how far they can push before their partner reacts.
They’re testing the waters to see if they can get away with certain behaviors without consequences.
If they find themselves getting into trouble for their actions, then they know they have gone too far.
The same thing happens when people are dating.
A woman might try to see if she can get away with being mean or cruel towards her boyfriend. She wants to see if he’ll stand up for himself, or if she can walk all over him.
In some ways, you can end up becoming a metaphorical punching bag if she has learned that you will tolerate it.
If you put up with it, it is a way she takes out her frustrations that goes unchecked.
3) She is attention seeking
Attention seeking is doing something in order to get noticed.
Even when from the outside the attention you are creating is negative, for some people the goal is simply to get attention.
If she doesn’t feel like she is getting enough positive attention from you, then in her mind any attention will do.
Maybe she’ll cry, scream, and get mad, just to get your attention.
The irony is that when someone acts up and gets mad, rather than be arrogant or full of themselves, deep down they are often very insecure people.
She may have low self-esteem. And in a weird way, she is trying to feel loved and cared for.
She may just be going about it all in a bad way.
4) She has unrealistic expectations
Does it feel like everything you do isn’t good enough?
Maybe she gets annoyed at you because you haven’t texted her enough, she gets angry if you don’t call her back right away, or she feels upset if you don’t spend every second together.
She expects you to read her mind and know what she wants from you all the time.
A lot of us unconsciously form unspoken expectations from a partner. Then we get really angry when they aren’t met.
The unfortunate problem is that so many of us have false images of love and relationships, which lead to disappointment.
We expect a partner to give us things they can’t.
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with an overly moody and angry girlfriend it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like our partner being constantly mad at us.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to creating a healthy relationship.
If you’re done with frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Click here to watch the free video.
5) She is spoiled
If she is used to getting her own way, then she might fly off the handle whenever she doesn’t.
In this sense, she is using anger as a way of trying to control you and manipulate you into doing what she wants.
The pattern she is trying to establish is:
When I’m not happy, you will be punished.
Anger can be a tactic people use in a relationship to try to get the upper hand. You might give in to try to please her.
Anything for an easy life, right?
But it’s not that dissimilar from the teenager who kicks up a fuss when they don’t get what they want.
It could be that she feels entitled. Rather than take responsibility for her own moods, wants, and needs — she falls into victim mode.
And so she can easily get frustrated and take it out on you whenever she feels like things aren’t going her way.
Essentially, when she feels like certain needs aren’t being met, rather than express that in a constructive way, it pours out negatively.
6) She’s unsure about your relationship
It could be that she isn’t happy in the relationship.
I’ll be honest, in my younger years when I wanted to break up with someone, I started to act horribly towards them.
I didn’t have the maturity to handle the situation. I didn’t know how to tackle problems I felt were in the relationship.
So rather than be honest and communicate what was going on for me, I let my frustrations out in other ways.
If she is having doubts, her uncertainty might manifest by getting mad at you all the time.
This is more likely to be the case if she has recently changed her behavior towards you.
Maybe in the beginning things were good. You got on well and had fun together. But now she is getting angry at you over the dumbest things.
If so, it can be a symptom of a deeper issue that is lurking below the surface.
That doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to split up. But it may mean there are some bigger problems going on that you both need to address.
7) She has anger issues
Anger issues are more than just being immature and acting out when you don’t get your own way or feel like you aren’t getting enough attention.
The truth is that a certain amount of anger is totally normal.
It’s a natural and instinctive response to feeling threatened. We need it to survive as it protects us from harm.
But whilst most people occasionally have a temper, some people struggle to control this.
Instead, their anger issues bubble over. If your girlfriend has anger issues, you may notice that she:
- Says cruel things and is verbally abusive
- Loses it to the extent of being physically threatening (e.g. throws things or is violent)
- Consistently gets mad on a frequent basis
- Seems out of control at times
- Has to constantly apologize to people for her outbursts
- Gets annoyed and angry at even the most trivial and petty things
Different factors can cause and contribute to anger issues.
Things like alcohol or substance abuse, mental health problems, and personality disorders can play a part.
8) Hormones
This isn’t in any way an attempt to justify being unreasonably mad at your boyfriend, but hormones are crazy things.
Whilst men’s hormone levels remain fairly constant throughout the month, women’s fluctuate heavily.
That’s down to biology.
Women are more cyclical as their monthly menstrual cycle is very hormonally regulated. Men on the other hand produce testosterone consistently all year round.
Premenstrual tension is often very misunderstood. For starters, hormone issues don’t only affect women “during that time of the month”.
Their hormones are in constant fluctuation. Depending on her body, this can affect a woman to very different degrees.
Even slight changes in diet, sleep, exercise, and countless other things can impact mood-creating hormones.
9) She has mental health problems
It could be said that the world is facing an epidemic of mental health issues.
A whopping 350 million people worldwide are estimated to suffer from depression.
Mental health problems including anxiety, stress and depression can show up in all sorts of ways.
That can include impatience, overwhelm, being unable to cope, quickly flying off the handle, and getting mad.
This can be temporary and caused by some external pressure she is facing at the moment. But it can also be a deeper issue.
You might also see other signs from her that suggest she struggles with low self-esteem, low confidence, poor social skills, and/or a lack of motivation.
If you suspect your girlfriend could be struggling with her mental health, here’s what to look out for:
- Feeling sad almost every day
- Showing a lack of interest in things she used to enjoy
- Having difficulty sleeping or sleeping all the time
- Exhaustion
- Changes in her appetite
- Being irritable and restless
- Being really down on herself
- Finding it hard to concentrate on anything
10) Get some expert guidance
While this article explores the main reasons why your girlfriend is always mad at you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like communication issues.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
11) She hasn’t learned how to communicate properly
What are your girlfriend’s parents or caregivers like?
I ask because the home environment we are born into goes a long way in shaping the people we become.
Particularly when it comes to family, they become our role models on which we model relationships.
If her folks constantly get angry at each other, she most likely learned that’s how you communicate.
Healthy communication isn’t something that we are born knowing how to do. We learn it. And sometimes we don’t learn it growing up and need to relearn it from other (better) sources.
Our past undeniably shapes us in silent and unseen ways. But that doesn’t mean we can dodge responsibility.
It’s an explanation for why she might always get mad at you and yells at you, not an excuse.
When we are adults we need to learn new ways of handling things.
It could be that you two need to find a more healthy way of communicating with one another and dealing with problems that arise.
12) She feels misunderstood by you
Compatibility issues in a relationship can cause your girlfriend to be mad at you and moody often.
When we’re not on the same wavelength as our partner, it can lead to feeling misunderstood. And that causes a disconnect.
If she feels like you don’t understand her, listen to her, or “get her” this might lead to frustration on her part.
Being very different from your partner isn’t always a bad thing of course. Couples can find that they balance each other out.
For example, if one is more prone to worrying, the other may chill them out with a laid-back attitude.
In this way, differences can complement. But if the differences are more fundamental — it spells relationship problems.
When your styles of communication, your values, love languages, and character traits clash it can create an explosive environment.
13) She has past traumas
Who we are today is shaped by a combination of biological and environmental factors that influence our personality.
The experiences we have, impact us.
If she has had certain traumatic experiences in her past, she may have developed anger as a defense mechanism to cope.
When she feels threatened — whether that threat is real or just imagined— she responds by pushing back.
The way she pushes back could be through getting really mad. Deep down underneath, anger is often a mask we use for sadness and pain.
If you know that your girlfriend has had a lot of troubles in her past, it could be that she needs to work through these issues with a trained professional.
In order to let go of her anger, and not take things out on you, she may need to find better coping mechanisms.
To conclude: What do you do if your girlfriend is always mad at you?
I hope this article helps you figure out what’s going on.
The reasons why your girlfriend is mad at you, as well as how prolific the problem really is will determine what you do about it.
But regardless, you shouldn’t just ignore the issue.
You deserve to be in a respectful, communicative and healthy relationship.
Whilst it’s important to be understanding and supportive (none of us are perfect after all), it’s also important to set clear boundaries.
Talk to her calmly about how you feel, try to find solutions together, ask her what is going on.
If she isn’t willing to face the difficulties in your relationship together and as a team, she may not be the right girl for you.
