Why is your ex suddenly acting really friendly towards you? Is he or she trying to get back together or are they just being polite?
The trouble is that it can be so hard to read people’s intentions.
If you want to know why your ex is suddenly behaving differently, then read on.
You’ll discover there are many potential reasons why your ex acts nice, even if they were the one to break up with you.
10 reasons your ex is being suddenly nice to you
1) They regret the breakup
Let’s start with perhaps one of the first reasons that might spring to mind.
Who hasn’t hoped at some point hoped their ex would be miserable without them and eventually come crawling back after seeing the error of their ways.
Regardless of whether you’d take your ex back or not, it’s a common fantasy to want them to want you back.
After all, our pride takes a dent after a breakup. And feelings of loss can also get our hopes up.
But some exes certainly do have doubts after a split. You know what they say, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.
That’s why your ex might start being nice to you if it dawns on them exactly what they’ve lost.
If your ex is being nice because they want you back then they are actually less likely to be excessively nice to you. As strange as that may sound, it’s because there’s a lot more invested if they want you back.
And he or she is probably going to feel pretty insecure about it all. They won’t want to look desperate or super keen. So in that sense, being nice but not too nice is a better strategy. That way they still keep their dignity whilst simultaneously testing the water.
Rather than just being nice, your ex might be generally more responsive and communicative than normal if they are looking to get back together.
2) They feel guilty
One reason why we often ramp up the charm is when we’re feeling an attack of guilt.
It reminds me of when I did something naughty to my siblings when I was a kid. Afterward, I’d always suck up in order to make amends.
That might include being almost creepily nice and helpful.
When an ex is looking for forgiveness, you might find that they are extra nice to you.
Sure, it can be about trying to make you feel better and be motivated by a genuine attempt at redemption.
But it can also be a way of trying to ease their own conscience.
If they recognize that they have behaved badly during your relationship or when it came to the breakup itself, being nice could be their way of trying to make it up to you.
Maybe they feel awkward about moving on until they know that you are ok. And so they are suddenly being nice to you so that they have permission to move on without feeling bad about it.
3) They want to be friends
One of the most confusing times after a breakup is when one person in the former couple wants to be friends.
It’s not that it’s not ever possible. But it’s definitely difficult when one of you still has feelings that the other no longer does.
Knowing whether your ex is being friendly or flirty is so hard. And it can seriously mess with your head after a split.
Your ex might have no ulterior motive for suddenly being nice to you other than a genuine desire to try to cultivate a friendship.
Particularly if they feel like you two got on well and there are parts of the relationship that are worth salvaging and taking into a friendship.
In their mind, the relationship is over and so they find it easier to separate a new friendship from any previous romantic feelings they once felt.
4) You’ve triggered his hero instinct
This one is specifically for the ladies whose ex has suddenly started being nice. And it comes down to the biological drives that make men tick.
According to a psychological theory from relationship expert James Bauer, a man’s hero instinct is genetic programming written inside his DNA.
It says that when guys feel respected, needed, and challenged they’re more likely to be drawn toward a woman. When they don’t, they pull away and don’t commit.
It could be that whilst you were in a relationship with your ex, you weren’t triggering this instinct within him. But since the split, even if it’s inadvertent, you have been doing or saying things that make a guy more likely to want you.
There are even certain phrases and texts alongside certain behaviors that can trigger a guy’s hero instinct.
If you feel in the dark about whether you may have been triggering your ex’s hero instinct, the easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s free video here.
It’ll explain all about how exactly the hero instinct works. That way you can discover if since your breakup you’ve been saying all the right things to make your ex realize that he wants you and only you.
5) They’ve lost your attention and now they want it back
Human beings can be pretty fickle creatures. And sometimes our ego gets the better of us.
Once upon a time, it’s likely that your ex was a big priority in your life. And with that, they got a lot of your time, attention, and energy.
Even when we don’t want someone, it’s not always so easy to let go of the attention we’re used to getting from them.
Your ex might miss that validation. And so being nice to you is a strategy to get some of it back again.
Have you recently withdrawn your attention?
Have you shown some signs that you’re trying to move on with your life?
Have you stepped back from your ex?
If so then your ex might not like it, and the timing of their newfound niceness towards you isn’t just a coincidence.
Deep down they like the idea that you’re still obsessing over them. The thought that you might not be anymore makes them feel insecure. And so they come running back for that validation once again.
6) They miss you
Feeling lost after a breakup is totally normal, regardless of whether you were the one to call things off or not.
Heartbreak is a form of grief, as highlighted by Psyche:
“You have lost someone significant, and that loss has a powerful impact, even when that person is still alive. The loss triggers a stress response, and in the initial aftermath of a breakup, you can be left reeling from the impact of this shock.”
When we lose an ex from our life often we still feel attached to them. We cannot instantly cut off those feelings and emotions.
And that’s why sometimes an ex may be nice to you, simply because they miss you.
They don’t necessarily want to get back together. But they are trying to deal with the trauma of separation.
They are looking for relief from their own grief. But unfortunately, they are not thinking about the potential mixed messages that might send to you.
7) They sense competition and they don’t like it
We’ve probably all had the following experience in some form or another:
You like someone, but they don’t seem to like you.
Maybe they don’t put in that much effort. Perhaps you were an item but their feelings weren’t as strong as yours and they broke up with you.
One day they have competition. They discover that someone else wants you or they see you with someone new. And wham bam, now they want you again.
Jealousy can be powerful and when someone seems in demand, we are more likely to want them.
8) They want to hook up
Once the dust has settled, your ex might start being nice to you again when they want something from you.
And that something might be a friends-with-benefits situation.
It can seem an easier option to go looking for sex with an ex. You’ve already been there and done that, so to speak.
It’s pretty common for exes to hook up after breaking up. And your ex might have this on their mind.
So if you haven’t heard from your ex in a while, and they all of a sudden reach out maybe this is why.
9) They’ve moved on and dealt with any negative feelings from the breakup
What if your ex wasn’t being nice — perhaps they were cruel or pretty cold — but now they suddenly are?
One explanation for a change of heart could simply be that they’ve processed the breakup and are in a better head space now.
In the heat of the moment after a breakup, we feel a whole lot of extreme emotions.
But you know what they say, time is a healer, right?
Once your ex has cooled down and is seeing things more clearly, any hostility they may have once felt could naturally begin to melt away.
Instead, logic has room to grow. As it does they realize that it takes two to tango and no one person is to blame for a breakup.
Being nice can be a sign your ex is feeling happier and in a better place now, so it’s easier for them to forgive and forget any past dramas.
10) Life isn’t going so well for them
Of course, the opposite could also be true.
It could be that your ex has discovered that single life isn’t the wonderful world of opportunities that they had hoped for. And if this dry spell continues then they want to have a backup plan.
Stringing people along is pretty cruel. It’s also weak and oh-so selfish. But for some people keeping their options open makes the most sense.
It could also be that life sucks for them right now.
They’re facing some sort of difficulty and looking for a shoulder to cry on or emotional support to lean on. And you seem like the best bet.
Could they have started being nice, because you’ve let your ex back in again?
As well as the potential motivations that come from your ex, there’s a chance that one reason your ex is suddenly being nice to you has to do with you.
Perhaps they’re suddenly being nice because you’ve let down your defenses?
For example, straight after the breakup, you blocked them, but now you’ve unblocked them. Or they sent a text saying “hey” and this time, you actually replied.
There is a chance that your ex noticed a shift in your behavior towards them, and this is their response to it.
In essence, you gave them the green light that reassured them that it was safe to be nice.
How do you figure out why your ex is suddenly being nice?
At the end of the day, you know your ex better than anyone.
One reason may stand out as more plausible than some of the others. So to a certain extent, you will need to go with your gut.
A word of warning though:
As tricky as it may be, don’t let wishful thinking cloud your judgment.
We can cling to hope after a breakup that our ex will come back. And when they’re nice to us, it gets our hopes up even more.
But unfortunately, reconciliation is only one of many potential explanations.
Past behavior is often the best indicator of what is driving your ex to be nice to you now. So if they’ve messed you around before, don’t be so quick to let them back in.
Rather than getting too hung up on why your ex is behaving the way they are, it’s better to turn that attention back onto yourself.
We’re all seeking happy, healthy, and successful relationships, but sadly it doesn’t seem to work out that way for many of us.
Heartbreak, disappointment, rejection, and thwarted love are all too common occurrences.
According to world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, the answers (and solutions) don’t lie with our exes, they lie within us.
In his free video, he explains how the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
He also shares the three key ingredients to finally pin down that elusive love we’re all seeking in life.
So if you want to break the spell of unsatisfying romances and failed relationships, check out his inspiring words to take back your power in love.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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