Your boyfriend says he loves you, but you’re starting to doubt it, because hey if you truly love a person, you wouldn’t be mad at them all the time, right?
Well, getting mad at someone doesn’t mean you’re losing feelings for them, but even so, you definitely still have a problem you need to resolve.
Here are 15 possible reasons why your boyfriend gets mad at you for everything.
1) The honeymoon phase is over.
The honeymoon phase usually lasts 6 -18 months. It’s when the love chemicals wear off and you now show your true colors to each other.
Maybe that phase is over in your relationship…which isn’t actually a bad thing.
It doesn’t mean the relationship will soon be over. It’s just that you’re now both being real to each other.
Your boyfriend getting mad at you all the time may be who he’s always been since birth and it has nothing to do with you and what you do.
Basically, you’re seeing the real him now—plain and simple.
2) He has bad role models growing up.
We might try our best to become the opposite of our toxic father or mother or uncle, but we will still get some parts of them in us.
He may have anger management issues because of genetics or because he sees it as something normal in a relationship. And he has no control over it—he has the tendency to mirror them!
It’s not easy to unlearn and change habits, especially if they’re ingrained in us since childhood.
If you found out he grew up in a toxic household, have a little patience. But he should be able to acknowledge his behavior when it happens. That’s how one can break the cycle.
3) He’s not happy with his life right now.
One rather obvious reason that your boyfriend is always mad at you is that he’s just not happy. It could be from anything like unfulfilling work, annoying parents, or he’s simply “off” for no reason at all.
You see, if a person is happy, it’s difficult to always be grumpy. In fact, it’s almost impossible.
Tell a person their toilet is broken after they just received an award or won the lottery and they would not give a damn.
But tell that same thing to someone who’s generally not happy with his life and it would trigger all kinds of emotions, mostly anger and frustration.
4) He feels like he’s doing the heavy lifting in the relationship.
He does the driving, he does the cleaning, he plans the dates and most of your expenses come from his pocket.
Because of this, he might have grown some resentment towards you even if he doesn’t explicitly tell you about it.
This resentment will surface in other things like when he gets mad at you for not closing the door properly or for not answering his messages when you’re online.
A part of him hates it that he feels this way and sometimes he doesn’t even know the root of it, but he can’t help himself from feeling this way.
He feels he’s doing everything and you’re doing nothing, which makes his blood boil.
5) He wants everything to go his way.
He wants you to become a submissive girlfriend—someone agreeable, someone who lets him take control.
But you aren’t this kind of woman.
Some immature men feel offended when their girlfriend “questions” their opinions and decisions. And maybe this is the reason he barks at you the moment he feels you’re about to disagree with him.
If you feel this is your boyfriend, then you better ask yourself if it’s worth it.
Some couples are able to adjust—some men do actually change for the better!—so you have to ask yourself if you love him enough to be able to work through his behavior.
6) You’ve been fighting over the same things.
Your boyfriend’s patience (and yours too) might be running thin because you argue about the same things over and over again.
This could happen early in the relationship but it usually happens in long-term relationships when you already know each other’s quirks to the core.
If you don’t turn off the lights when you leave the bathroom even if he repeatedly told you to do so, then it’s understandable that he gets mad.
You’d feel the same way if you’ve been telling your boyfriend to not do something and he does it like he doesn’t care about you.
And if you might think that those are the only things that would trigger him, you’re mistaken.
He will get easily mad at you for other things because of his growing resentment towards you.
7) You’re together 24/7.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Too much togetherness causes boredom.
Seriously, it’s not healthy to be together all the darn time!
These are hard truths that every couple should know. If you’re always around each other, it’s impossible for you not to get annoyed with each other. This is the reason there are too many divorces during the pandemic.
Just the sound of their breath on your ear or the way they brush their teeth could set you off.
It’s normal. And the remedy is easy. Stay out of each other’s company from time to time.
8) He’s naturally ungrateful.
There are just some people who are ungrateful. They’re also usually cynical about life and are massive complainers of everything.
Again, he’s just this way.
At the start of the relationship, you didn’t notice this because he’s sweet and loving to you. But there were signs, for sure! Maybe he’s impatient with the taxi driver, or the people in front of him in the grocery line.
Maybe he also complains a lot about how his parents suck, how his friends suck, and how the world sucks.
Now that he is more comfortable in your relationship, he starts to complain about you too.
It’s just his personality.
I’d like to keep your hopes high by saying “you can change him” but I prefer to manage your expectations by saying he’s more or less like that and if you love him, you gotta accept this part of him.
And of course, there’s therapy. Maybe suggest it to him in a loving manner (and just pray he won’t be mad at you for suggesting it).
9) He’s comfortable dumping negative feelings on you.
Alain de Botton made a video about why we hurt the people we love.
He said it’s not usually malicious, but it’s because we’re secure enough in the relationship that we get confident that they’ll not leave us if we’re not too nice.
Your boyfriend may fake niceness to his boss because he has to, but then this bottled-up anger might be unloaded on you.
Well, this is unfair. You have to show him you’re not a garbage can for negative feelings.
When you’re dealing with a grumpy boyfriend, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught how to love ourselves first.
So, if you want to solve your toxic dynamic, I’d recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rudá’s incredible advice.
Here’s a link to the free video once again.
10) He’s confident you won’t leave him.
In every relationship, there’s one that holds more power.
Maybe he’s confident you’ll not leave him because he knows how obsessed you are over him.
Or maybe because he knows you have no place to stay because you’re broke.
Or because he knows you’re insecure and you don’t think someone else will like you.
Show a man—or any person really—that they have the power over you and they’ll be tempted to abuse it. And even the ones who don’t directly abuse you, they’ll not hold back their bad behavior because they know you will never leave them.
11) He thinks you’re annoying him on purpose.
Some couples always bicker and fight—even shout insults at each other—but they still love each other deep down.
They’re just like that.
Maybe your boyfriend thinks you’re annoying him on purpose, and that’s why he gets mad at you.
He thinks you’re always trying to push his buttons for your own pleasure because you know he has a short fuse.
He thinks you’re doing this for your own enjoyment, and this makes him mad at you in return.
12) He’s deeply insecure.
If you’re living with an insecure boyfriend, anything you say could be taken as an “attack” to his being.
You joke about his hobbies (in the most loving way possible), and he snaps at you. He thinks you’re insulting his capability as a person—as a man!
You comment about how you love his steak but it’s a bit salty, and he’d say “Alright, then cook your own food.”
You’re always walking on eggshells when you have an insecure boyfriend. He always feels like you’re disrespecting him.
Before you gaslight yourself, let me assure you this: It’s not you, it’s him!
13) He’s starting to lose feelings for you.
This isn’t usually the case, so don’t panic!
But in some cases, when a partner starts to get grumpy when they used to be very patient and sweet, it’s because they’re starting to fall out of love.
They don’t know how to handle the feeling of “not feeling anything” towards their significant other so they’d rather stir up emotions by starting fights. At least, there’s something.
They think passion = love, even the toxic kind.
If you see other signs that he’s starting to fall out of love with you, address it calmly before it’s too late.
14) Your values don’t align.
It could be as simple as your values and beliefs not aligning—or even clashing—with each other.
For example, if you’re a feminist and he’s an anti-feminist, then he’s going to be on a hair-trigger around you. He might feel a need to fight for his side the moment you say something to defend yours.
While ideally conflicts like these are best exposed when you are still getting to know each other, there are times when they don’t pop up until you’re dating or even married.
And by that point, he’ll be torn on whether to stay for your sake and try to set his beliefs aside or to break up with you. This puts even more stress on him, which would explain why he’s always mad.
15) You allow him to treat you badly.
I know you shouldn’t be blamed for this because it’s your boyfriend who’s getting mad all the time, after all.
But you have a contribution to this behavior, too—even if only a little.
If you allow your boyfriend to just get mad at you all the time (that means you act normal and cool as if it’s a natural thing), then don’t expect him to change. In fact, expect him to behave even more badly.
How to make things better
1) Get proper guidance.
While this article explores the main reasons why your boyfriend is always mad at you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
Relationships are full of emotional tension, and that tension can make it hard for you to see things as objectively as you might want.
I’ve always been skeptical about outside help—it’s my relationship after all, not theirs—but after I consulted a professional, I changed my mind. They’re the reason my relationship improved dramatically.
Relationship Hero is the best resource I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talking. They’ve actually seen it all, and know exactly how to help you with difficult questions, like why your boyfriend is mad at you.
I gave them a try last year while I was going through a crisis in my own love life. I got a coach who was kind, took the time to listen and understand my situation, and gave me advice that had my personal circumstances in mind.
You can’t get personalized advice like that from articles like these—without knowing your specific circumstances the best I can do is paint in relatively broad strokes.
Click here to check them out. It takes you but a few minutes to connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
2) Be patient but firm that you won’t allow this kind of treatment anymore.
You can listen for advice for days on end, but it’ll be worth nothing if you don’t actually confront your boyfriend about it.
So try to set aside time to talk the issue over with your boyfriend. He’s going to be stubborn, he’ll resist. So that’s why you should try to be patient, calm, and firm.
Describe to him what he’s been doing to you, and then ask him to stop treating you like that.
Make sure that there are consequences if he doesn’t do as you ask—such as breaking up with him—and that you’re willing to see through those consequences.
3) Work on the root causes.
Simply asking him to stop being mad at you all the time isn’t everything. He can try to keep it down, for sure. But unless you deal with the root causes of his anger then it’s a guarantee that he’ll eventually get mad at you again.
So you should also ask him what’s up, and what had caused him to treat you that way. Acknowledge that you might not be entirely blameless yourself. But at the same time, don’t debase yourself just to please him.
For example, if you have been neglecting him then you could do better and try to pay more attention to him when you can.
But if his anger is simply because he wants to be the “master” of the relationship and doesn’t like it when his girl isn’t submissive, it’s him who needs to work on his issues.
It’s not easy to be in a relationship with someone who’s always mad at you, or always so on the edge that it feels like the wrong step is going to set off a landmine.
But where there’s smoke, there’s fire—and you can always try to pour water on that fire.
You might need help sometimes, and there are also times when the problems are just too much and you have no choice but to leave. But most of the time, the issue can be easily worked out with proper guidance and open communication. No relationship is without its troubles, after all.