15 possible reasons he is mean to you but nice to everyone else

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It’s tough when the one you love most is nice to everyone else except yourself.

It saddens me knowing that this dark reality in a woman’s life exists – and when I hear a woman say, “He treats me like crap!”

I know how confusing and heartbreaking it is for you. Your life was once filled with love and affection, but now, you can’t help but wonder what went wrong.

If you’re bothered about why your partner treats you differently and what you can do about it, I encourage you to read on.

Why is he mean to me but nice to everyone else? 15 possible reasons

There are several underlying reasons why your partner is not only cold and emotionally distant but also rude to you.

As a heads up, be strong enough as there are painful truths that would be hard for you to accept.

1) He’s cheating on you

This is harsh, but this is the most common reason why men treat their partners differently.

There’s a high chance that he’s not being nice to you as he’s covering up his infidelity.

Instead of having the balls to admit that he’s wrong, you’re becoming the victim.

I’m telling you that this isn’t okay, and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.

2) He feels out of love

It’s such a painful feeling when the person you loved most has changed.

But this is one of the likely reasons why men treat women poorly.

You get caught in a tumultuous cycle of thought, wondering over and over again, whether your partner still cares for you.

When you get weary and break things off, it takes the guilt off him. But in fact, he was the one sabotaging your relationship so he can walk away.

3) He’s going through difficult times

Some men find it hard to handle difficult moments in their life.

Instead of facing those problems head-on, they may treat the people they love with aggression.

This could be a reason why he’s acting mean towards you as he’s venting all his frustrations on you.

4) He can’t get over something you did

Can you recall if you did something that hurt me too much?

Sometimes, men easily pick offense at the slightest turn especially if it damages their ego.

Could it be that you provoked him unknowingly or spoke rudely of him in the presence of his friends?

If you can’t quite figure it out, maybe some outside perspective can help. 

This self-love quiz can help you find the reason why he’s being mean to you lately. It will ask you questions about how you feel about him, how he makes you feel, and about what’s going on in your relationship currently.

As you answer each question, you will be able to see things more and more clearly until you get to the results which can give you the answers you seek.

So if you think you’re the problem — if you feel you’ve done something wrong, but don’t know what — maybe this quiz can point you to the right direction.

Click here for the free quiz.

5) He may have anger management issues

It’s completely normal to get angry. But those who frequently get angry and can’t control their rage have anger issues.

This takes a toll on your mental and physical health because of the way he is treating you.

In the meantime, avoid fighting with your hot-tempered man.

No one wants to be at the receiving end of nasty or mean comments. Still, it’s best to remain calm and try not to last out.

While it’s important to encourage him to seek professional help, it’s equally important for you to take steps to protect yourself.

6) He has narcissistic tendencies

Is he charming and fed you with compliments when you first met – but all these have changed?

There’s a possibility that your partner is narcissistic and that he demeans you without any sense of guilt or remorse.

It’s also the reason why he would gaslight you and pick on you for he doesn’t care about your feelings at all.

Here are some signs to tell that he is narcissistic:

  • He has a grandiose sense of self-importance
  • He thinks he is always better than you and everyone else
  • He intimidates other people
  • He has a sense of entitlement
  • He exploits people without shame or guilt
  • He seeks excessive praise and admiration
  • He lacks compassion and empathy

Now take this as a red flag for you to reevaluate your relationship and check whether you’re thriving or not.

7) He wants you to notice him

Perhaps you’ve been so busy that you rarely notice him. You could get carried away with your career, raising the kids, family matters, or anything else.

He could be treating everyone nicely except you so you will pay extra attention to him.

This isn’t a bad thing as getting attention is closely linked with our desires to be loved and appreciated.

If this is the case, be mindful of his needs and wants so he doesn’t feel left out.

8) He experienced abuse in the past

While growing up, he may have suffered physical and psychological waves of abuse from other people in the past.

He’s still carrying the pain and hasn’t healed from that past yet.

Maybe he’s even fallen into the trap of codependency with an ex-partner.

It’s something I’ve learned in renowned shaman Ruda Iande’s masterclass on Love and Intimacy where he discussed codependency in romantic relationships. 

It’s where the two of you plays the role of ‘savior’ and ‘needy,’ and you can’t get out of this vicious cycle because you don’t see your purpose beyond this role.

Perhaps he’s scared of falling into the same trap with you. It’s also possible that he’s still recovering from the aftermath of it, even if the relationship with his ex-partner has already ended.

If you want to know for sure, click here for the free masterclass.

9) He’s suffering from hormonal fluctuations

Men who have low testosterone levels experience varied emotions ranging from irritability to depression.

At the slightest opportunity, they tend to transfer their aggression to their partners and kids.

This is probably one reason why he’s not being nice to you.

If you can support and embrace him through these trying times, while letting him figure out if he needs medical or psychological help, then do it.

Your connection is off, even if you think it’s on

Another possible reason why he is mean to you but nice to everyone else is because of the way you connect.

He might feel that you’re growing apart, aren’t spending as much time together, and you don’t seem to care about each other as much as you used to.

There are other signs that you’re connection is off:

  • You don’t make-up after disagreements
  • You’re getting on each other’s nerves
  • You prefer leading separate lives
  • You aren’t being intimate
  • You’d rather do other things with others than be with him
  • You don’t feel like putting in an effort anymore

So if you care and love your partner, put in more time and effort to build up your relationship.

10) He’s self-centered and self-absorbed

You may be having a relationship with someone who cares more about his needs than yours. He’s uninterested in meeting your needs.

He might even feel insecure and threatened by you. And that’s the reason why he has no regard for how you feel.

He sees you as nothing more than an object that is in place to feed him emotionally.

You don’t have to change him, but you don’t have to play his game either.

But if he shows no care or concern for you, he’s not worth keeping around.

11) He has low self-esteem

He may appear and project that he’s strong, but deep down his facade is a weak man.

The thing is, he’s putting up a charade in front of everyone, especially his male counterparts.

He’s being nice to everyone around him to appear as being in charge and be well-liked. But to boost his true fragile ego, he would lash out at you.

More often than not, he would criticize you and bring you down even when you succeed.

This is a difficult situation to deal with, but your patience, sincerity, and empathy can take you a long way.

12) It has become part of him

Another reason why he’s mean to you but nice to everyone else is somewhat hinged on his experiences.

His upbringing, cultural beliefs, background, and even what he learned from his formative years affected his personality.

He might still be trapped in the loop of unhealthy behavior. It could be from what he experienced in the past or what he witnessed from people he knows.

This is quite sad but true.

While you cannot force him to change, you can encourage him to be a better person than he is.

13) He’s filled with insecurities

Your partner might be being nice to everyone but you because he feels insecure.

Probably, he’s insecure about your life, your success, and your achievements. He knows that you can achieve your dreams, goals, and ambitions if you want to.

He even tends to compare himself with your past boyfriends. This seems like an attack on his masculinity as he feels inferior toward you.

This becomes a problem as this triggers unhealthy behavior that affects your connection.

It can be exhausting to deal with an insecure partner. But doing something can improve the long-term outlook of your relationship.

Here’s how you can cope with his insecurities:

  • Supporting him so he will feel secured
  • Spend quality time together
  • Remind him of his importance in your life
  • Value everything that he’s doing for you
  • Include him in your plans
  • Create healthy boundaries for yourself

14) He sees you as an option

Have you also found yourself in situations where you have to make excuses regarding how he treats you?

You also feel like you’re always sacrificing your time, your life, and your dreams for him.

This emotional manipulation indicates that your partner has no regard or respect for your feelings. And it could take a toll on your self-esteem.

It’s best that you decide what is important to you and set some clear, firm boundaries.

Value yourself as you don’t deserve to be treated like a doormat.

15) You have changed

It’s also likely that you failed to see your part in this problem.

Take time to see what has changed in you or what you have not been doing.

Probably, he’s not comfortable when you’re always drinking with your friends. Or maybe you’ve forgotten to pay attention to your looks.

Here’s the thing,

Change is inevitable. Being in a relationship can change you for the better, but sometimes, for the worst.

It’s vital to pay attention to the person you’ve already become.

Ask yourself, “Where am I falling short?”

Here’s what to do when he’s becoming mean to you

Let’s be honest here.

It’s not exactly easy dealing with a partner who is being mean to you but nice to everyone else.

This is challenging as your sense of self-worth gets locked up in the relationship. It creates a constant search for love amidst all that’s been happening.

But then, no matter what the reasons could be – try not to blame yourself for this.

And if you want to put in more effort to fix your relationship, here are some ways you can react and respond to your partner:

  • Look at where you’re falling short
  • Get help mending your relationship
  • Be the woman he used to love
  • Have clear boundaries, but be willing to walk out the door
  • Communicate and let things out in the open
  • Remind yourself that you can’t control how he behaves
  • Protect your mental health and emotional well-being

You can cope with this, but you don’t have to stay in a relationship that no longer brings you joy.

If you’ve already communicated your needs – and he continues to treat you poorly, you know that the way out is to move on.

And I know how hard it can be to find your purpose when a relationship — one with someone you truly love — ends.

You’ve lived your whole life with them, and now you feel like you’re all alone, purposeless, without the love of your life.

But it’s not the end of the world. You have a purpose outside of them, and you know it — you just need a little help.

This purpose masterclass with co-creator of The Vessel, Justin Brown, can help you do just that.

In it, he will teach you how to find your purpose again — and it’s without meditation, visualization, or other typical self-help techniques that you might have already been sick of hearing.

So if you feel you need help finding your purpose, I’m sure there’s no harm in trying Justin’s masterclass.

Click here for the free masterclass.

Czaroma Roman

Czaroma is a content strategist and copywriter with a purposeful mindset. She finds fulfillment in crafting content for entrepreneurs and life coaches. In a place of love and growth, she's raising a tribe of three with her husband - and writes to inspire people to create impactful relationships.

Connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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