“Why is he ignoring me?” – 15 reasons (and what to do about it)

“Why is he ignoring me?”

Are you asking yourself this question?

Look. Guys have ups and downs, just like girls, but what if this isn’t just another mood swing?

What if this guy is ignoring you for another reason?

If you suspect something is off with your guy, you’ve no doubt spend countless nights worried that he is going to up and leave.

The worrying stops now.

In order to prevent yourself from freaking out and wasting any more of your precious time thinking about this, we’re going to give you a fool-proof list of reasons why this might be happening.

And then we’re going to strongly suggest you talk to your guy and find out from the horse’s mouth what’s really going on. It’s honestly the only way to find out.

15 reasons your man is ignoring you

1. You said something that is making him second-guess the relationship.

While it’s not easy to admit, you could have said something that is making him wonder if this relationship is really for him.

Sure, he could have gone about it a little more adult-like, but you win some, you lose some.

Nobody said grown-ass men know how to communicate any better than the rest of us. We just assume that.

Stop assuming. Start talking to him.

2. You did something that made him think twice.

Again, it might not have been what you said, but what you did.

Maybe you were dirty dancing with a long-time friend on the dance floor and he got jealous.

Maybe you were laughing and carrying on with someone and he thought you were flirting.

First, he needs to get his trust issues sorted out, but second, you can imagine what that must have been like for him and suddenly everything makes sense.

3. He’s having a weird day.

Guys are human beings too, no matter how much we like to joke that they come from another planet.

They have feelings and they have good days and bad days like anyone else.

He might be pulling away from you so he doesn’t take whatever this is out on you.

4. He’s not sure what he wants.

He might not know what he wants in a relationship and rather than hurt you, he is trying to keep you at arm’s length.

It’s hard to say for sure why he’s hesitating, but if he is withdrawing, it doesn’t mean he’s got one foot out the door. It could just mean he needs time to process his feelings.

5. He’s cheating on you.

Now for the hard ones: he could be cheating on you.

If he’s hiding things from you and he doesn’t tell you where he is, what he’s doing or who he is with and you only hear from him when he suddenly has time for you, it could be worse than you think.

The hard part is that there’s only one way to know and you have to trust that when you confront him, he’ll be honest.

6. He doesn’t like your friends.

It might not be you at all – and it might not be him – it might be the company you’re both keeping. If you don’t get along with his friends, he might want time to be with them.

He might not know how to tell you that his friends don’t like you or he might not know how to tell his friends you don’t like them!

You all might just need to spend more time together or less time together. He might be trying to keep the peace.

7. He heard something about you.

This is low, but he might have heard something from someone and believed it.

Of course, he should have asked you about it, but you’ve got to understand that not everyone is as woke as you are and as open-minded or frank.

If he’s struggling with something he learned about you, you might never know. Best to just ask him what’s his problem and deal with whatever comes out of his mouth.

8. You’re not who he thought you were.

Love, at first sight, is a romantic notion but that love often doesn’t last longer than the first encounter.

Second encounters are often letdowns and can leave someone feeling like they’ve made a terrible mistake.

If you’re were all hot and bothered in the booth at the bar that night but in the light of day you see he’s not who you thought he was, consider that he might have the same experience and not know how to tell you otherwise.

9. He’s busy.

This is an easy one that most people often forget to think about: he’s just tied up.

People get busy and that’s a common reason they ignore others.

Most of the time when a guy doesn’t text you back right away, it’s simply because he doesn’t have his phone in his hand all the time.

Contrary to popular belief and behavior, humans are not born with cell phones in their hands.

He might be taking a break, in a meeting, or in the bathroom.

Take a breath and give the guy a chance to write you back before you start thinking something is wrong.

However, if he’s just not getting back to you and only texts when he wants or needs something, move on.

10. He doesn’t want to.

Hard truth: he doesn’t want to write you back. Insert sad face here.

It’s hard to hear, but guys who are interested in girls do find the time to talk to them.

Sure, he might not be a texter, but odds are he is and odds are that if he keeps ignoring you, it’s because he doesn’t want to actually talk to you.

Try to take the hint as best you can and then move on. You don’t want to have to chase anyone to beg them to talk to you.

11. He’s with someone else.

Another reason he might not be texting you back is that he’s with someone else. Now before you get getting your panties in a knot about WHO he is with, consider he might be with his mother or sister or a friend.

It doesn’t always mean he’s with another girl.

And so what if he is? You’re secure enough in who you are that you don’t need to freak out if he is hanging out with someone else.

The real question is do you trust him?

12. He is punishing you for something.

While you might not like to admit it, you’re not perfect and you can screw up sometimes too, right?

Well, have you done anything recently to make him mad? Have you said something that crossed a line?

Have you been texting him 30 times a day and getting angrier and angrier with him? Are you actually pushing him away?

Take a minute to consider if he’s taking a break from talking to you because you did something.

Own it. And then wait for him to come around.

If not and you’re being honest with yourself and he’s just not getting back to you, then move on.

13. He doesn’t know what to say.

Sometimes guys just don’t know how to handle all the attention they get from a girl they really like.

This one isn’t all bad: he might just need a few minutes to compose himself or figure out what to say so he doesn’t screw this up.

You might want to ask him if he prefers to speak on the phone instead of texting. It might be hard for him to ensure clear communication via text message.

It might be that he doesn’t want to disappoint you.

14. He’s not that into you.

This is a tough pill to swallow for a lot of girls but the same rule applies: if he wanted to be with you and he wanted to talk to you, he would.

So, as hard as it might be to hear, if he’s ignoring you, it’s because he doesn’t want to get any deeper into this relationship.

15. He just wants you to go away.

Probably the most childish way to go about breaking up with someone – other than breaking up via text – is to just ghost someone until they get the hint.

First, you worry, then you fret, then you get angry, then you just go away: that’s his plan.

If you can’t get a straight answer out of this guy and he keeps coming up short, it’s probably in your best interest to walk away before you hurt yourself even more.

At this point, he’s not doing anything to hurt you. You just keep coming back.

How to Handle things When Your Guy is Ignoring You

If you’re getting the cold shoulder from your guy, you’re no doubt worried about the future of your relationship.

If you’re struggling to figure out what to do about his ignorance, you’re not alone.

This is uncharted territory for a lot of women, especially if your guy is the type to shower you with attention.

What changed? Have his feelings changed? Did you do something to upset him? And most importantly you probably want to know if he’s going to leave you, right?

It’s hard to know, but one thing’s for sure, you can do a lot to mitigate this situation and take control.

If your guy is keeping you at arm’s length or ignoring you to the point of concern, keep reading.

We’ve put together a list of things you can do to handle the situation and move forward.

1. Don’t let it simmer.

Whatever you do, don’t ignore his ignoring you!

Some girls will sit on the sidelines and hope Romeo comes around to his senses, but the truth is that if you don’t tackle this problem head-on, it will only get worse.

He might interpret your ignorance as a lack of caring, even though that’s what you think is going on with him.

Rather than beat around the bush, it’s best to confront this problem head-on and talk to him about it.

Speak up and tell him what you think. He’ll either confirm something is wrong or he won’t, but either way, you’ll have done your part to save your sanity.

2. Try something different.

When it comes to relationships sometimes things change. Your needs can change and so can his.

If he was upfront and open with you when your relationship started but now you feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder all the time, you might try approaching him in a different way.

For example, if you never talk on the phone and only text, but you’re getting nowhere with his texting, try picking up the phone to call him.

It might seem out of the blue but all you can do at this point is let him know how much you care and a phone call accomplishes that pronto.

3. Make your man feel like a hero

If you want your man to stop ignoring you and to fall back in love with you, you must make him feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire.

In other words, you have to make him feel like a hero (not exactly like Thor though).

I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.

Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

And the kicker?

A man won’t fall in love with a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.

He wants to see himself as a provider. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

If you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And your man will lose interest in you over time.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just by giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.


You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.

The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.

The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.

Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.

Top tip:

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct.

4. Tell him what you need.

Rather than let him dictate the parameters around your relationship, get up the gumption to tell him what you need from him.

If he has a hard time communicating or if he’s shy, he needs to step it up to be with you. Plain and simple.

Sometimes guys don’t say much because they don’t realize there’s anything important to say, but to girls, communication is vital for a successful relationship.

Tell him what you need and if he can’t be that for you and insists this is just the way he is, move on.

5. Be vulnerable.

It’s hard to admit that something might be wrong in your relationship but in order to get through what is hopefully just a rough patch, you’re going to have to be mighty honest about what you want and where you think this relationship is going.

If you don’t talk to him about your concerns and risk rejection, you won’t know if there’s anything you can do to make things better.

Of course, there is always the risk that he’s ignoring you because he’s ready to move on himself and is too much of a coward to say it out loud, but for now, give him the benefit of the doubt that whatever is bothering him requires his attention.

6. Let him go.

In order to come out of this in one piece, you have to decide how you feel about the whole thing before you talk to him.

If you’re just going to pick a fight for the sake of picking a fight and you know you’re leaving him anyway, then don’t bother. If you think this relationship is worth saving then do the work to save it.

But whatever you do, don’t leave the decisions in his hands.

Know your bottom line going into the conversations – if you can get him to talk to you, that is – and if you can’t, consider yourself dumped and move on.


Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the Hack Spirit review team. In our reviews, Hack Spirit highlights products and services that you might find interesting. If you buy them, we receive a small commission from that sale. However, we only ever recommend products that we have personally investigated and truly feel could be valuable to you. Read our affiliate disclosure here. We welcome your feedback at reviews@hackspirit.com.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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