You broke up, you became the “good ex” hoping they’d come back, but that didn’t work.
But when you ignored them? They slowly came crawling back to you.
It’s not rocket science. There’s actually a lot of things ignoring your ex will do you good, and them wanting you back is one of them.
But whether you want them back or not, here are 22 reasons why ignoring your ex after a breakup is powerful (and overall good for you).
1) Time heals all wounds, but space helps you heal faster.
Everyone knows the timeless saying that “time heals all wounds.” What people don’t talk about is that you need some space, too.
It doesn’t matter whether you wanted it or not, because breakups will leave scars nonetheless.
And when you keep contact with your ex, you are exposing yourself to the source of your wounds and reliving the pain.
Ignoring them will stop you from reopening hurtful memories that you’ve already decided to bury in the deep recesses of your past. And it will help you heal properly.
2) It forces you to process the breakup.
Being constantly exposed to or having your ex in reach also makes it harder for you to process your break-up.
You would be so haunted by your own regrets and desire to make him come back—or, on the flip-side, their attempts at getting you back—that you just can’t have the peace of mind to settle down and think.
And there’s a lot to think about regarding breakups.
Shutting them completely out of your life can do wonders to help you focus on yourself and your own mental state.
When they’re no longer an “option” or are no longer in reach, it becomes easier to get your mind off of them.
It’s like being addicted to candy, and having a bag of candy in the room as opposed to knowing the candy shop is a day’s ride away.
3) It helps you focus on your own well-being.
People who have just gone through a breakup are often stereotyped as being very messy—no baths for a month straight, alcohol all over their bedroom, and dirty clothing.
While obviously an exaggeration, there’s a truth in this.
The emotional turmoil people that breakups put people through often lead them to neglecting their own physical health.
This would only make it harder for you to get over your ex. Just as the mind affects the body, the body also affects the mind.
Shutting your ex out gives you more time and energy that you can instead dedicate to caring for your body.
4) You spare yourself the pain of witnessing your ex moving on.
One of the dangers of being in contact with your ex or seeing them all the time is that if they ever move on and start dating someone else, you’ll be there to see it.
Few things can match that soul-crushing despair you feel from your ex moving on while you’re still in love with them.
It’s even worse if they have already found someone new!
You will think things like “am I that easy to forget?” or “what is wrong with me?” and absolutely crush your own self-worth.
Sure, it pays to stop and think about what you did wrong in your relationship, but it’s best to do so without all that pain and self-doubt.
By shutting your ex out completely, you aren’t exposed to these potentially painful updates to their love life.
Even if they found someone new in the meantime, by the time the no-contact rule ends… you’ll have moved on too, so it won’t hurt you as much.
5) You become the ungettable.
People go crazy over the things they can’t have. And this is probably the reason your ex crawled back to you when you started ignoring them.
It doesn’t matter what it is.
It could be a simple drawing any kid can make, but if it has a sense of exclusivity attached to it (meaning, you can’t easily have it), people will go crazy trying to get it.
There’s just some satisfaction about being able to have something that nobody else could ever have…and this is what men (and even women) want!
We all know they love the chase!
I learned this from relationship expert Carlos Cavallo. He’s one of the world’s leading experts on relationship psychology and what people want from a relationship.
As Carlos explains in his free video, most people can be unnecessarily fussy when it comes to the people they date with.
Thankfully if you know exactly what they want, you can use it to your advantage—and having a sense of exclusivity is one of them.
Carlos Cavallo knows exactly what you need to do to make yourself irresistible and “ungettable” without pushing them away.
You can learn more about it from his course.
6) There is strength in silence.
It’s always a good idea to keep your distance when things get messy.
Your ex will want to blame you for why things went the way they did, even when you know it was out of your control. Or worse, it was their fault.
You don’t need this crap, especially not immediately after your break-up.
But on the other hand, trying to argue with them will only help your ex. You’d be giving them ammunition they can twist and use against you.
The solution to this is to simply say nothing. Stay quiet, and simply quietly report any posts they make against you on social media.
By staying quiet, you’re not putting more wood to the fire…and that will give you peace.
7) It’s the best way to deal with narcissists.
In the chance that your ex is a narcissist or egoist, ignoring them is the best thing you can do to shut them down.
Engaging with them—and that includes getting into fights with them—will only make them feel better about themselves. Any insults you throw at them might as well be compliments.
On the other hand, shutting them out and refusing them the attention they crave is denying them their lifeblood.
They will wither, and if they really can’t get anything out of you, they’ll leave and look for another.
Word of advice: If you finally realized they’re narcissistic, stay away! Your break-up was definitely a good thing.
8) It will give you perspective.
Everyone is flawed, but love has always had a way in making us feel like the people we love are flawless.
Perhaps your ex was actually a horrible person, but you had loved them and perhaps even pitied them for so long that you never realized it until you had left them.
Perhaps they were boring, but you convinced yourself they were interesting.
Putting a lot of space between the two of you does a lot to help you question the way you perceive your ex, and it will help you re-define the kind of person you want in the future.
9) It makes them miss you more.
Nothing like the good old “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” to make them pine for you.
It’s an age-old trick but there’s a reason why people have been saying it for centuries!
Your ex was probably taking you for granted. Or they’ve gotten used to you so much that they see you no more than some sort of furniture around the house.
Your sudden absence is like dumping ice-cold water on them to wake them up— that you were actually an indispensable part of their life.
Now, they will really feel what life without you is really like…and they don’t like it one bit.
10) It showcases your maturity (and that’s sexy!).
Some say that the no-contact rule is just you playing games with your ex. But that’s not necessarily the case.
Playing hard to get specifically so that he’ll come back to you might be considered mind games, but It’s totally within reason to take a step back and let all the dust settle while you think things through.
As is always the case with relationships, be they ongoing or ending, communication is key. Inform them that you want to establish a no-contact rule so that both of you can get your heads on straight.
And by sticking to the agreed upon rule, you prove your own maturity and sense of self-control. In other words, you’re a person with dignity.
11) It makes them see you in a brand new light.
With no constant reminder of how things were in the past, the undesirable things can fade away and only good memories will transcend time.
This is an especially good way to change their mind.
Arguing with them will only make them want to come up with and throw counter-arguments back at you.
Instead, it’s better to focus on changing the way they feel about you.
You have to change the emotions they associate with you, to make them want to have a new relationship with you.
How can you do this?
In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger something deep inside them.
Because once you paint a new picture about what your life together could be like, their emotional walls won’t stand a chance.
12) They need a taste of their own medicine.
It’s funny how people think they still have a right to demand so much of your time even after the two of you had broken up.
They need to be reminded of just where they stand, and cutting them off is the key. It might be tempting to be particularly harsh. To retaliate. But it’s better for you to hold back.
You’re not at their beck and call to wait on them to do their bidding. You’re certainly not someone whose life can be interrupted willy nilly and will drop everything just because they want to say something.
If they want a slot in your schedule, they have to earn it back. They have to prove that they’re worth it.
13) It shows them you’re not their “toy” anymore.
Ignoring your ex actually determines that you’re on top of the situation.
You have to convey that you’re not as easy as they thought you were. If you’re always the one bowing down to them, now is the time to show them you’re not someone they can just toy with!
Treating them like they don’t exist can push them to despair, especially if the break-up was because they wanted to play games with you.
It will make them think that they can’t do anything without you. But you have to keep your hands off, make them come to that conclusion themselves.
14) No more blame games.
Your ex might vent their frustrations and anger towards you, but you need to put your foot down and let everyone know that you’re no punching bag or doormat.
You cannot just absorb all the negativity emanating from your ex. And you certainly don’t have to take it lying down.
But as has been said several times already, arguing with them isn’t the best way to deal with it. The best way to handle an abusive ex is to simply ignore them.
If they keep posting stuff on social media, block them so they don’t get the satisfaction that you read their posts.
If they try to “befriend” you only to call you at 3am to tell you how much of an awful person you are, change numbers.
Unsubscribe to an abusive ex no matter how much you love them. Your future self will thank you for it.
15) It shakes them to the core.
Disregarding your ex can make them think twice about your feelings for them, and that’s because all of a sudden their sense of worth is put into question.
It might not be exactly the case, but you make it seem like it’s easy for you to just wipe them out of your life.
They can’t help but wonder why they were so easily forgotten. Were they that unremarkable? Did you truly love them in the first place?
This unease will torment them and consume them for days. You’ll get into their head and linger there—they can’t stop thinking about you and doubting their place in your life.
16) You don’t need to fake anything anymore.
You are finally free to do whatever you want!
Now that you’re no longer a couple, you can be more honest with your feelings. And more important, you don’t need to act around your ex under false pretenses just to keep up.
Paying no mind to your ex will be a gentle reminder for you that you don’t need to please them all the time…you don’t even have to be polite or nice.
You can just be you!
17) It sets healthy boundaries.
You could totally choose not to remain friends. And this is perfectly fine.
The reason they probably want you around is because they can’t own up to the breakup completely. They think you can still be handy at some point so they’ll want to keep in contact.
You should set things straight—you are not a booty call, you are not their “in case of emergency” contact. You are not some backup plan that they can whip out every time they’re in a pinch and want to get back to a familiar place.
By ignoring them, it sends a clear message that you’re taking your breakup seriously.
18) It gives them time to reflect on their mistakes.
Ignoring someone is not always about getting the upper hand, showing them who’s boss and being mean.
By keeping your distance, you are giving them space to contemplate on their own behaviors as well.
There is this popular song by Bruno Mars where he laments about the things he should have done. “I should have bought you flowers, should have held your hand”.
It is this kind of epiphany your ex could learn, and they can only realize it when you leave them alone. Maybe next time, they will know how to treat you, or someone else, better.
19) It gives you time to go back to what makes you happy.
Another good thing to come out of imposing a no-contact rule between you and your ex is that you can focus on the things that make you happy.
Chances are that you might have made a compromise here and there to keep your ex happy during the relationship.
For example, they might have asked you to give your cat up for adoption and focus on them instead. You might have agreed with your ex then, simply because you loved them so much.
But now that your ex is no longer part of your life, perhaps you can instead begin to focus on reconnecting with and standing firm by the things that gave you joy.
Perhaps you may adopt another cat again, and to say no when someone asks you to give your pet up.
20) It’s the perfect time to reinvent yourself.
You can also do more than just get in touch with who you were, and reclaim the things you lost. You can —and should— use this opportunity to reinvent yourself!
Think of the things that had been holding you back in the course of the relationship—the habits, the thought patterns, or beliefs that didn’t serve you too well.
Were you too submissive to your partner? Did you perhaps ignore signs that something was wrong, afraid that talking about them will ruin things? Or were you perhaps too demanding?
There’s so much that you can do to change yourself for the better at this time.
21) It tells them that they’re not worth the trouble.
You don’t have to tell them anything to get a point across. Shutting them out communicates a lot, especially if they try to immediately get back into your life.
It tells them that they just aren’t that important. That they’re not worth your time. Some of them might grumble and call you petty or mean, but that’s on them.
This is in sharp contrast to the impression that they would get if you immediately start reaching out to them—do that, and you’ll seem needy, desperate, and even dependent.
So shutting them out, you’re making it clear that you’re quite capable of standing on your own.
22) You will feel better about your decisions.
People might tell you you are being weak or childish playing this game of no-contact.
But it is more than that!
When you shut out your ex, you’re not just simply blocking unwanted noise.
You will be able to hear your inner thoughts more, and make your actions leading to this moment—and in the future—more resolute than ever.
Don’t think of it as a sign of weakness by retracting into your own shell. You are reaching into a more private space where you can reflect with no external forces to cloud your judgment.
Now is a good time to focus on yourself and if your ex comes back, you have to think twice or a hundred times if YOU really want them back.
There are a multitude of reasons why it can be so rewarding to pay no mind to your ex.
There’s no telling the exact specifics of how your ex is going to react, but there will be a reaction. Trust me on this.
Even if your ex was the one who ended things, if you ignore them fully, they will feel the stages of grief. And not only that, you’ll become attractive to their eyes again!
Through all of that, you can hold your head up high knowing that you’re taking full control of your emotions and the direction of your life.
And with that, you can have a fresh start with them, or you can proudly say, “Thank you, next!”