“Why won’t my husband talk to me?”
Are you asking yourself this question?
Let me go out on a limb here and guess that you’re husband isn’t talking with you anymore and your marriage isn’t what it was.
It can be tough to know what to do. After all, communication is one of the most important factors of a successful marriage.
And without it, how are you meant to grow and build your marriage and your life together?
But don’t panic.
What you need to know is that men communicate differently to women and it’s common for men to shut off every once in a while.
So in this article, I’m going to go over 9 reasons why your husband might not be communicating with you anymore, and then we’ll discuss what you can do to get your husband to communicate with you more.
We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.
9 possible reasons your husband won’t talk to you
1) Your relationship is stuck
Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.
It feels miserable to lose that feeling of excitement you had at the start of your marriage.
It gets worse: You try to figure out the cause of the disconnect in the relationship. Are you and your husband growing too far apart? Who is at fault? Can you and your husband regain momentum?
It can get overwhelming when you and your spouse are in a negative rut that you can’t seem to get out of.
Here’s the deal: All marriages go through seasons in which the relationship plateaus.
The important thing to remember is to not let the relationship stall when this happens.
A good step to take in these situations is to humbly tell your husband about your feelings.
Have an honest conversation about this rough patch in your marriage.
Listen to your husband’s side of the story. Figure out how you can address the issue and work on your marriage.
2) He is scared of his feelings
This reason probably only relates to those who are in the early stages of their marriage.
Sometimes it can slowly dawn on a man that he is in a marriage and he has a wife relying on him for the rest of his life.
Of course, he should have thought about this before he got married, but sometimes your mind can take time to twig about the significance of big live events.
When he realizes that it’s up to him to provide for another person and build a family together, he can feel uncertain and doesn’t know how to properly process it.
What if he already had his life figured out?
He had plans in place for what his life will look like.
And then all of a sudden, he is less certain about everything because he realizes that having a family really does change the trajectory of his life.
Those nights out with the boys? The business he always thought he’d start? The backpacking trip he wanted to go on as a teenager?
It all becomes non-existent when you’re in a marriage.
So he might be feeling scared. And he is ignoring you because you’re making him feel scared.
And look, he might take time to come around as he fully processes it all. He’ll just act distant for a period of time until he’s able to get his head around it all.
In situations like this, it’s important not to push him too hard to open up to you. It may have the opposite effect of what you’re looking for.
Instead, keep it cool and calm and be there for him when he is ready to talk.
3) He might not be ready for kids
I’m not sure where you’re at in your marriage, but if you haven’t had kids yet, then he may be feeling that he is not ready to have kids yet.
Starting a family is a big commitment, and while he might be sure that he really loves you, he might feel better about it if it moves slower.
If starting a family is on the horizon, then he’ll start avoiding communication as a technique to put the brakes on things.
There’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, it means that when you have kids, you know that you’ll both be ready for it.
So if you think he might be ignoring you because things are going too fast, take a moment to let him know that you’re okay with going slower.
4) He is completely focused on himself
This could be a warning sign that your husband is a little narcissist and he only cares about what’s important to him.
He’s completely self-centered and rarely considers your feelings or what you’re going through.
Perhaps he doesn’t like you and he is only using you for his own personal gain.
He focuses almost exclusively on doing things that please him more than they please you. He hardly ever compromises.
If he used to be less self-centered and more focused on your needs, then this isn’t a good sign.
Sometimes this can be an emotional issue that forces him to focus on himself more.
But it doesn’t excuse him for totally ignoring your needs and wants.
Relationships are a two-way street and if he is only focused on himself, then it may be that his love has disappeared from the relationship.
5) Your husband doesn’t feel appreciated
Maybe your husband isn’t talking to you because he doesn’t feel like you’re respecting him for who he is.
He doesn’t make an effort because he feels that it’s demeaning to work for the respect of his own wife.
It’s something that should come naturally.
So it becomes a problem that feeds on itself because you both believe that you’re not paying attention to each other.
Worst of all, feeling unappreciated can cause your husband to feel taken for granted.
The thing is, it can be easy to stop showing appreciation for a spouse as a marriage matures.
But here’s the kicker: Your husband needs consistent cheerleading and encouragement.
Recognizing, praising, and validating all the things your husband does for you — big or small — goes a long way.
6) He has other priorities
What stage of life is your fella in?
When a guy is in his late 20s or early 30s, he’s (likely) trying hard to establish himself in his career.
He’s starting to make money and he knows he needs to focus if he is going to be successful.
Maybe he’s ambitious and his boss is asking him to work late and put in extra hours. Or perhaps he has other issues going on in his life.
Life is complex, after all. We all have battles and struggles that we have to overcome.
He may not be communicating with you because these stresses and priorities are taking up his focus.
If you’re only in the early stages of your marriage, then he might find it difficult to be fully open to you.
Maybe he’s scared about how you’ll react so that’s why you’re left in the dark.
3 common differences between how men and women communicate
7) Men keep to themselves more than women
Let’s face it. Men and women are completely different beasts. From time immemorial, men were the hunters and warriors.
Women were the child bearers and housekeepers.
Women love a conversation. Men don’t. Not too much has changed in that department.
I bet that you talk endlessly with your friends. Look at your husband’s friendship group. Does he do the same? I bet he doesn’t.
Men can keep to themselves much more than most females can.
In conversation, men tend to keep it serious and practical.
Sure, they speak and listen, but there isn’t much else going on.
On the other hand, women tend to expand on their feelings and seek resolutions to “work things out.”
Women also have another layer to their communication: non-verbal. They use facial expressions and emotional cues.
8) Feelings vs Factual
For men, conversations serve a purpose. It is a tool to solve problems. That’s why most of their conversations are fact-based.
They tend to avoid small talk or meaningless conversation because it’s simply a waste of time.
Women, in general, prefer to expand in conversations and explore the feelings of the person they’re talking to.
After all, women tend to be more empathic and compassionate. This is why females like talking about emotions. As I’m sure you can attest to, men not so much.
9) Men just want to get a point
As I mentioned above, men have conversations for a purpose, which means that they want to quickly get to the point!
For every conversation, there should be a goal. There is no need for a pointless chat.
For women, though, conversations tend to be much longer. They love getting to know someone and talking about someone’s personal life and interests.
Whereas men can be satisfied with a “yes” or “no” answer, women prefer to find out as much as possible.
How to get your husband to communicate with you: 6 important tips
1) Find a time when there are no distractions
This an obvious one, but if you want to have a good discussion with your husband, then you need a quiet space where you can both relax and engage in the conversation.
This might an issue if you have young children. You could wait until they have gone to bed for the night and then make a request with your husband to have some time to speak to him.
In the end, you just don’t want interruptions when you engage in your conversation.
You could go out to a restaurant, but you need to make sure it is a quiet area where you can have your own private space without distractions.
2) Be the change you wish to see in your marriage
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about marriage, it’s this: Change starts with you.
Instead of trying to change your husband, earn back his trust by showing him that you can be a better partner.
If you don’t know where to start, I’d recommend taking this course called Mend the Marriage.
It’s by leading relationship expert Brad Browning.
You see, I sought Brad’s advice when I was going through a rough time in my relationship.
He showed me this free video, which reveals simple yet effective strategies to reconnect with my spouse in more meaningful ways.
Slowly but surely, Brad’s method helped me transform how I interact with my partner. And ever since, we’ve felt much more connected to each other than we’ve ever been before.
Try it for yourself. Check out Brad’s excellent video now.
3) Don’t attack their character
If they’re doing something wrong in the relationship, then make sure you don’t attach their character to their actions.
You may not know their true intentions. After all, sometimes when we’re doing something wrong, we don’t actually know we’re doing it.
But when you start attacking their character and you get personal, it turns into an argument and nothing gets solved.
It will only result in an unproductive conversation and your husband might shut off even more.
Remember, if your relationship is to continue and most importantly, grow, then you need to have a productive discussion that addresses why he isn’t communicating with you as much as you’d like.
Leave personal insults out of it.
4) Stop thinking in terms of who causes more issues in the relationship
Whenever there is a problem such as a lack of communication in the relationship, there are almost always 2 sides to the story.
Yes, your husband might be more responsible for his lack of communication, but pointing it out in that way just makes it seem like you’re trying to win points.
In the same vein, don’t bring up previous issues to show who has caused more problems in the relationship.
Stick to the current issue. Focus on what’s important. Leave ego out of it.
Now if you’ve discovered the real issue of why he isn’t communicating with you, and you’ve communicated together in an honest, clear, and mature way, that’s great.
If you’ve both agreed to work on communication in the relationship, then it’s important to stick with it and see how it goes.
But if over time you find that he is not really changing in any way (nor even making an effort), then it could be time for more drastic steps.
Can people change? Yes, of course, they can. But they have to not only be willing to change, but they’ve got to show it with their actions.
As the old saying goes, it’s easier said than done. So always look to their actions when you decide whether the issues in the marriage have been solved.
5) Make time to do fun things together
When you’re getting deeper into your marriage, it’s easy to forget to have fun.
The more you mesh your lives together, the more time you seem to spend on chores and just generally mooching about them, rather than going on exciting dates and adventures.
This is, in part, an inevitable consequence of being in a marriage.
Being able to do boring stuff together as well as partying all night and swinging from the chandeliers is just part of creating a strong, long-term bond.
But unfortunately, this “boredom” can be a significant reason a husband can fall out of love.
So keep this in mind:
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that the fun’s over.
It’s vital that you don’t allow your relationship to end up being just about sensible nights in and saving for the future. This isn’t an either/or kind of choice at all.
You know that famous breakup phrase “I love you but I’m not in love with you?” What that often really means is “we don’t do fun stuff together anymore.”
Having fun together is part of the fabric of a relationship. It is a big part of what binds you together.
In the beginning, fun was what it was all about. Now, it can’t be anything. But you can make sure it’s still a pretty big feature.
The way you do this? It’s boring but schedule some fun time.
If it’s not happening naturally, then you need to take action to make sure it starts happening.
Maybe a regular Saturday night date, a Sunday movie, or just a hot night once in a while. Whatever works for you and your husband.
6) Try the 10-minute rule
Ever heard of the 10-minute rule?
It’s a term coined by relationship expert Terri Orbuch.
In fact, in her book 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great, she says that the 10-minute is the single greatest routine a couple can get themselves into.
So, I bet you’re wondering: What the hell is this 10-minute rule?!
According to Orbuch, the rule is “a daily briefing in which you and your spouse make time to talk about anything under the sun – except kids, work, and household tasks or responsibilities.”
Of course, to engage in this activity you’ll want to have some pre-planned questions you can ask.
Here are some ideas:
– What is the one thing you want to be remembered for?
– What do you feel is your strongest trait?
– What do you think is the best song of all time?
– If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
The idea here is to chat about something that isn’t routine. Have a talk about something interesting!
You might think that you know what each other thinks about everything, but I bet you’d be wrong. There’s more to learn about everybody.
Heck, you could even chat about the past and all the good times you’ve had together.
That will guarantee to get his mind wandering on all the passionate and fun times you’ve had together.
How to save your marriage
If you’re feeling that things aren’t on track with your marriage, I encourage you to act now before matters get any worse.
First things first: Learn more about the three mistakes that can easily ruin your chances of building a passionate, loving marriage that stands the test of time.
Do yourself a favor by checking out Brad Browning’s excellent video. I mentioned him above.
Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
The unique strategies that Brad reveals in this video are extremely powerful in solving a marriage crisis.
Begin righting the wrongs and turn your marriage into a relationship that stands the test of time.
Here’s a link to the video again.
FREE eBook: The Marriage Repair Handbook
Just because a marriage has issues doesn’t mean you’re headed for divorce.
The key is to act now to turn things around before matters get any worse.
If you want practical strategies to dramatically improve your marriage, check out our FREE eBook here.
We have one goal with this book: to help you mend your marriage.
Here’s a link to the free eBook again
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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